Becoming Indigo

by Tara Taylor

  “This is Judy. She is going to help you. She is a Reiki healer. She will know what to do with you.”

  Judy was a heavyset woman, and she wore these massive gemstone rings. Unlike Annabelle, she looked like a psychic. I stared at Judy for a second before I turned to Annabelle. “I’m sorry.” The words barely escaped my lips. And I really was sorry.

  “I don’t want to hear you say that again,” said Annabelle with such tenderness that I wanted to crawl in a hole and cover myself with dirt. “We’ll fix this.”

  She didn’t move toward me. “I can’t be near you right now. I’m sorry. But I just can’t.”

  Judy led me to the room where Annabelle had taken me the first day I came to see her, and she had me lie down on my back on a massage table. She placed her hands over my heart. “From what Annabelle tells me, you have some blockages. I’m going to run my hands over your body in an effort to release whatever it is that is attached to you. I will be concentrating on your chakras to see if any of them are blocked. You can close your eyes if you want. It might help you relax.”

  I did as she said and closed my eyes, and although Judy wasn’t touching my skin, I could feel her hands above me. She placed them above my stomach. It was the weirdest feeling ever, like a huge leech was stuck inside me and wouldn’t come off.

  “Oh, wow,” she said. “You are really blocked.”

  Then out of the blue, she burped this really loud, belching sound. Normally, that would have made me laugh, but the sound almost came from me, and it made me feel relieved. Above me, Judy made a sound, almost a whooshing, like someone was being sucked through a straw. Involuntarily, my body twitched, and suddenly I felt lighter than I had for a long time.

  As Judy moved her hands up my body toward my heart, I gasped. Again, she let out this really gross burp, then the sucking sound started, and this time it was deafening. My body almost levitated off the table because the pull was so intense.

  “That one was huge,” said Judy. “Incredible. I’ve never seen anything like this. Working on you like this is something out of this world. And I mean that literally.”

  She continued to clear all my chakras, and every time the whooshing sound began, a feeling of relief would wash over me. I have no idea how long I lay there and let her work her magic.

  Finally, she broke the silence. “How do you feel?”

  I opened my eyes and stared up at her. “Better. But woozy.”

  “That’s to be expected,” she replied. “You have been through a thorough cleansing. You need to breathe—inhale and exhale—to clear your body. Keep doing that until you feel that you are steady enough to walk. I don’t want you leaving this room until then.”

  I sat on the end of the table, just sitting there and breathing. After a few minutes, I felt almost normal. Almost normal? That was a joke. I just had spirits sucked out of my body. That was not even close to normal.

  And that was the reality of my life.

  “You also need to drink a lot of water today.” Judy interrupted my thoughts. “And avoid coffee, cigarettes, and alcohol. I would actually do that for a good month.”

  I lowered my head.

  She stroked my back. “Take it easy.” Then she stepped back from me and looked at me with a quizzical expression.

  “You know you have someone beside you.”

  “I do?” I looked to my left then to my right but didn’t see anyone. But I could smell something really familiar. A pipe.

  She nodded her head. “Frank is with you.”

  “That’s my papa,” I said. “My grandfather.”

  She nodded. Then she squinted. “Someone else is with you, too.”

  Isaiah. “Who is he?” I blurted out.

  She smiled. “He says he’s your guide and part of your divine team. He’s chosen you, honey.” She paused. “He’s got a few angels with him, too, so … you’ve got quite the team, girl.” She winked and left the room, her long, flowing dress trailing behind her.

  I slid off the table, and my legs almost gave out they were so rubbery.

  Judy had made me feel better. The nervous vibrations were gone.

  When I went out to the front of the store, Annabelle immediately embraced me in a huge hug. “Come hell or high water, girl, you are going to learn to protect yourself.”

  “I did something really stupid over the weekend.” I hung my head just thinking about John. Why? Why had I comforted him that way? But more to the point, why had I wanted him?

  “I know,” said Annabelle. “But we all do stupid things. It’s how we deal with them later that matters.”

  “Of course you know.” I kept staring at the ground, unable to lift my head to look at Annabelle. I wished I were a turtle and could hide my entire head.

  “You can’t take it back, so move forward and learn from it,” continued Annabelle. “We all have to learn from our mistakes.”

  I blew out some air. Finally, I looked at her. “I have this voice in my head, and it won’t go away. Sometimes it helps me, and other times … it tells me I’m no good or to do the wrong thing.”

  “Ah. We all have that little voice that tells us how crappy we are at things.”

  “I guess so.” I rubbed my temples. She had just said I was a fuck-up, though. That was pretty harsh. “Sometimes she uses words that are a lot worse than crappy,” I said, shaking my head. “It’s so loud in my head. How do I get rid of her?”

  “Good question. Because you don’t want to all the time. Tell me, has the voice ever been helpful?”

  I nodded. “With this boss I had at my last job. He was creepy and wanted me … sexually. The voice told me to ‘beat him at his own game.’”

  “Did you?”

  “Yup. I kicked him where it hurts.”

  Annabelle laughed. “Okay, that’s good. So, believe it or not, that voice can be used sometimes.” Annabelle held me by the shoulders. She looked me directly in the eyes. “You just need to control her and use your own intuition to guide you as to when she is right and wrong. She is your ego talking to you.”

  “How do I do that? Control her?”

  “You have two voices. You have your intuitive voice and your ego voice. Your intuitive speaks first. Ego second. The ego will try to make you see what isn’t true but will also help you have confidence.”

  “I think I get that.” I turned away from Annabelle. When I was in John’s motel room, my gut instinct was to leave. Annabelle was right. It had spoken to me first. But then that ego voice had come in and told me to be a friend.

  “Lately,” I mumbled, “the ego voice has been really strong, though.”

  Annabelle gently touched my arm. “Indie, it’s okay. You have to move on from whatever happened this weekend. Now, this might be hard to understand, but we all need our egos to be successful. If you let her take over, though, you won’t have any success.”

  “Okay.” I lowered my head.

  “You’ve had a lot of lower energy spirits inside you so she took advantage of you. But now that you have been totally cleaned up inside, she can help you. She can get you through a door for an interview or give you the confidence to push forward with something you want to do. You just can’t let her control you. That’s what has been happening.”

  “But sometimes she tells me to do the wrong things.”

  “She’s overpowering your intuitive voice. Don’t let her do that. Listen carefully to the two voices because your intuitive voice will speak first. That is the one you listen to.”

  The day passed quicker than I thought it would, and by closing, I had some of my energy back. Sleep was on my agenda, but I definitely felt as if all the creepy-crawly things were gone.

  At four o’clock, I heard the bell tinkle. My body turned cold. I knew who it was.

  “Hey, Indie,” said Paul. “How was your weekend?”

  John crashed through my mind. Wafts of the cheap hotel room hit my nostrils. What would Paul think of me?

  “Um,” I said, knowing he was waiti
ng for an answer. “It was okay.” My voice went up an octave, even though I was desperately trying to sound normal.

  “How was Natalie’s debut?” His eyes shone like bright blue water.

  “She was amazing.” I smiled, nodding my head. Now this was something I could talk about with passion. “Absolutely amazing,” I repeated. “She sang a song she wrote.”

  “Wow,” he said. “That’s impressive.” He stepped toward me. “You still up for the movie tonight?”

  I stepped back from him. I had totally forgotten that I had agreed to go out with him. “I’m pretty tired.” I placed a strand of my hair behind my ear.

  “Oh, okay. No problem.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and shrugged. “I’ll go alone, then.” He furrowed his eyebrows at me for a moment before he nodded, once, as if he knew something.

  “Sorry,” I said. I genuinely meant it.

  He gave me a sad little smile before he turned and walked toward the door. He was almost outside when I said, “Paul.”

  He glanced over his shoulder at me, his hand still on the doorknob.

  “Thanks for asking.” I didn’t want him to go. And I wanted to go to the movie with him, but if he knew what I had done, he wouldn’t want to go with me. Why was I pushing away the only good thing in my life? “Maybe another time, though.”

  “Sure. Call me anytime.” He mimicked calling on the telephone. I smiled and gave him a little wave.

  “See yah later, Indie.”

  And then before I could blink, he was gone.

  I locked up and walked out into the sunshine. It was a beautiful day, and I put on my sunglasses as I waited for the bus. Paul. He was the nicest guy. And I liked him, I really did. But he wouldn’t want me if he knew what had happened. I didn’t want him to know, and if we were together, I would have to tell him. He was someone I couldn’t lie to.

  The bus jerked to a stop in front of me, and I climbed the steps and tossed my money down the little drain. I found a seat at the back of the bus and sat down.

  A black man sat across from me, and he smiled at me, his eyes crinkling in the corners of his face, showing his weathered lines.

  “Hi, Indie,” he said.

  Confused, I looked over. His voice sounded familiar, but I was sure I had never seen him before. How did he know my name?

  I lowered my head and tried to stare at him out of the corner of my eye. Was he a friend of my parents? His face was lit with a perma-grin, and he had these amazing white teeth that seemed to shine and gleam. Everything about this man oozed kindness, and although I knew I should be afraid of him, a stranger on the bus talking to me, I wasn’t.

  He met my gaze again and smiled. This time I smiled back before I looked forward. Suddenly, my body was encased in a blanket of warm, comforting air. I didn’t look at him again until it was time to get off. I rang the cord, and when the bus stopped, I walked to the door. He got up, too.

  Was he following me?

  Weirdly, I felt no fear. I felt calm and completely at ease. I stepped down and outside, and the bus doors shut. Then I turned. “You’re Isaiah,” I said.

  He nodded. “Yes, Indie. I am.”

  “Where did you come from?”

  “We were friends in a past life. And still are.”

  “If you’re my friend, why didn’t you help me?”

  “Well, sometimes we’re not allowed to help. If we do, we will stop your growth as a spiritual being.” He winked at me. “And sometimes you are one stubborn Taurus and you don’t ask for help. You need to learn to ask.”

  I reached out to touch him, but he disappeared.

  I’ll show you the way.

  When I got back to the apartment I saw the light on in George’s store and through the window I saw him, packing boxes. I wanted to say good-bye.

  “Hi, George,” I said as I entered the store. Immediately, I felt the clear energy in the room. Green Lady was gone.

  “Indie!” he said with a smile. He put a book in a box and the dust flew in front of him. He waved a hand in front of his face and laughed.

  “When do you actually move?” I asked.

  “Two weeks.” He placed another book in the box.

  “You’re going to love Florida,” I said.

  “I hope so—it’s a good place for a crazy old geezer like me,” he chuckled.

  “George, you’re not crazy. You don’t have dementia.”

  He turned to look at me. “Now how would you know that?”

  I clenched my hands together. “There was a ghost in the store,” I blurted out the words. “The English woman who owned the house, whose son died.”

  “Mrs. Schmidt?”

  “Yes, her. She was moving things on you.”

  “So I’m okay?”

  I laughed. “You’re more than okay. I’m going to miss you.”

  “C’mere, you.”

  I stepped toward George and hugged him like I would hug my grandpa. I would miss him, but I knew Florida was going to add years to his life.

  That night, I sat in my bedroom and thought about what Isaiah had said to me about asking for help. I put my head in my hands. What should I do? Should I talk to Paul about what had happened?

  “Help me.” I said out loud.

  Don’t tell him. You weren’t exclusive.

  “Shut up,” I said with authority. Then I sat on my bed with my arms crossed and waited. Nothing came. Nothing. This was stupid. Both Isaiah and Annabelle had told me to listen. And here I was listening, and all I heard was white noise.

  I sat on my bed and kept sitting there.

  There was a knock on my door, and I almost jumped out of my skin. I’d been sitting on my bed for more than an hour waiting for a sign. Enough waiting around.

  I got off my bed. “What’s up?”

  Natalie opened my door. “Phone for you.”

  I hadn’t heard the phone. “Thanks,” I said and went to the kitchen and picked up the receiver.

  “Hello.”

  “Hi, Indie.”

  “Paul,” I said. “I thought you were going to the movie.”

  “I did. It’s over. I caught the early show.”

  I glanced up at the clock George had given me, and sure enough, it was 9:30 already. “What did you see?” I played with the telephone cord.

  “Rush Hour. It was awesome.”

  “Are you home already?”

  “Nah. I’m calling from the pay phone at the theater.”

  “You called to tell me about the movie?”

  “Yeah. And to hear your voice.”

  This was my sign. Thank you, Isaiah.

  “Did you want to pop by?” I asked.

  “Sure. But I thought you were tired.”

  “I want to see you,” I said.

  After I hung up the phone, I sighed. I wanted to see him, but would he still like me after what I had done? I had to tell him the truth. I had asked and listened, and now I had to follow through. Paul had called for a reason.

  I waited for Paul downstairs, and when I saw Mable, I waved. “Let’s go to a coffee shop,” I said. We needed privacy.

  We went to a little coffee shop around the corner. It had quiet tables and cushy seats. I ordered an herbal tea, and Paul got an iced coffee and a huge cookie.

  “You want some?” He broke off a hunk.

  “I’m good,” I said. I twirled my mug. Speak, Indie, speak.

  “The movie was so great,” said Paul. “Jackie Chan is so funny.”

  “Yeah, he is,” I replied.

  “There was one part in the movie that was so hilarious—”

  “Paul.” I put my hand on top of his. If I let him continue, he would talk about the movie, and I would lose my nerve. “I have something to tell you.”

  His face dropped, and he pulled his hand away. The look on his face said he knew what I had to say wasn’t good. His intuition had kicked in. “What?” he asked.

  “Over the weekend,” I said. “I, uh, I ran into John.”

 
Paul leaned back in his seat, moving away from me. “And,” he said.

  “He told me his mother was dying of cancer.”

  “That’s terrible. I’m so sorry.”

  “I ended up back at his hotel room.”

  He narrowed his eyes and stared intently at me. “Is this going where I think it’s going? ’Cause if it is, I don’t want to hear the rest.”

  Tears pooled behind my eyes. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

  “You’re sorry?” He shook his head at me. “That’s all you can say?” Paul crumpled his wrapper and stood. “We should go.”

  Part Three

  Chapter Seventeen

  December 1998

  Large, fluffy snowflakes were falling from a gray sky, and all I wanted to do was run outside and lift my face so I could taste the fresh and pure snow. Instead, I flipped the Ottawa Citizen open to the help-wanted section.

  Annabelle was already in the back, reading for one of her regular clients, and because of the storm, the store was empty. It had been crazy busy up until today, with all kinds of people shopping for Christmas presents, especially stocking stuffers. With my help, Annabelle had purchased the most amazing angel wing tree ornaments from a seller in the United States, and they had sold out in just days.

  And also with my help, and my insistence, we had decorated the store at the beginning of December, even putting up a fake Christmas tree trimmed with beautiful angels and with wrapped colorful boxes underneath.

  Annabelle had kept the store open late on Thursday and Friday nights to extend the shopping hours, so I had managed to work lots of extra hours and earn some additional cash. I’d put some away, but … most I’d spent on Christmas gifts for friends, family, and my pets. Henry was getting a new jeweled collar with the cutest bell and some catnip treats that he loved.

  Yesterday, Natalie flew home to Newfoundland to spend the holidays with her grandmother. Before she left, we’d exchanged gifts. She gave me a beautiful blue turtleneck sweater, and I surprised her with a silver necklace that had a music note on it. Both Natalie and I had thought Sarah would get us something like a six-pack of beer, but she had surprised us each with a travel book—mine was on Scotland, and Natalie’s was on Ireland. For the entire evening, we sat on the sofa and picked the places and things we wanted to see on our trip, bookmarking pages and circling all the sights that looked like must-sees.