But I still had no explanation why she’d be so hot and heavy to have sex with me and then back off the minute I introduced a condom, which had been part of our sex life before with no problem.
The minute I saw her walk into Southern Nights, I thought I might cry from relief. I had been a wreck all week, worried about her, worried about us. She walked wordlessly into the dressing room, locking the door behind her.
When she reemerged, she wore the leather miniskirt and a red halter, with a black cadet cap. I was speechless as I saw her take her seat. She followed Gay’s proposed set list to the letter, offering no changes, no objections. We sang four songs, all the fan favorites we had perfected over the summer. The show went off without a hitch, though Blaze had definitely lost some of its fire.
Friday followed the same pattern. She played the character on the stage, but didn’t say one word to anyone before or after the set.
I was nervous for Saturday, when I was going to lead my own set. She’d pass it off to me with a duet of “Under Pressure,” to show off my vocal prowess to our VIP guests. I got there at noon, where Giovanni and his band had already arrived for a sound check for that night’s performance.
I had read about Giovanni, or Vanni as he was commonly known, when I did my research into Jasper Carrington. Seeing him in person was a bit different. He stood a bit taller than me, with long, brown hair that cascaded down his back in a wild curtain. His body was lithe, and from the videos and the concert footage, he had no problems whatsoever with the scant wardrobe required of sex gods everywhere. He would bare his chest for every show, often exploding out onto the stage barefoot as he sang to all the ladies on the front row as if each one was the only woman in the world.
He stood next to Gay as they talked about the upcoming show, and with them stood an older, distinguished gentleman with dark hair and a finely tailored suit.
I knew immediately that this was Graham Baxter.
Gay spotted me as I headed backstage. “Jonah!” she called as she waved me over.
I approached the trio, who were a lot more welcoming than Jasper Carrington and Ariel Acardi had been. Graham held out his hand immediately. “Jonah, so nice to finally meet you.”
“This is Graham Baxter,” Gay introduced. “Of Baxter Mega-Worldwide Media Corporation.”
“Of course,” I nodded as I grasped his hand in a strong handshake. “I’ve read an awful lot about you.”
“And I you,” he said. “This is Giovanni Carnevale.”
“Vanni,” the wild man said as he held out his hand with a smile.
“Nice to meet you,” I said. I could tell by looking at him that this was the type of star Gay was crafting me to be. And who could blame her? Here he was in his prime, with platinum albums under his belt and a hit TV show. He’d been around for years and kept churning out the hits, sustaining his career on an equal mix of talent and sex appeal.
And though it had been downplayed for various safety issues, he had managed to get married and have a family.
I could only hope to get half as lucky.
“We were thinking that we could segue from your set into ours with a cover of ‘Fat Bottomed Girls,’” he said to me, as if my input was necessary. “It was always a fan favorite. Once you start to sing it, it’ll be essentially passing the torch. If you’re up for it.”
“We heard what you did with the other Queen tune,” Graham said. “That’s not an easy vocalist to cover, but you nailed it.”
“Thank you,” I said graciously. “Sounds great,” I said of the proposed set before Vanni led me over to the stage to work through the song.
I didn’t have to learn the guitar part because Dreaming in Blue had its own guitarist, Yael Satterlee, who was widely respected in the field. In fact, I was more star-struck meeting him than I was Vanni. All I had to learn were the lyrics, and of course the delivery.
“Don’t be afraid to get raunchy. They love raunchy,” he added with a wink.
“Yeah, I kind of figured that out.”
“Just have fun with it, man,” he said. He belted out a verse to show me what he meant. I felt foolish as I mimicked him, but he was encouraging. He walked me through it several times until I felt comfortable with it.
Just as I was about to nail it, I spotted Lacy approach and I botched the line.
“Don’t worry about it,” Vanni said. “Convince them that you know what the hell you’re doing and they won’t even question it.”
I nodded and tried it again. I couldn’t help but sing toward her direction, but she was not a fan of performance. She turned her face and scurried toward the dressing room.
“It’s okay, man. You got this,” Vanni said to encourage me. If he noticed anything, he wisely said nothing. He was a true professional.
It made it all the more nerve-wracking when he and Graham stuck around to watch me rehearse. I just closed my eyes and let ‘er rip, pretending it was an ordinary gig instead of something that had so much riding on it.
I couldn’t blow this for me or Gay.
It still felt wrong that Lacy wasn’t on that stage with me. After I was done with my rehearsal, I stayed in the back of the club to watch her rehearse. She was quiet and focused as she practiced the songs that Gay had arranged for her. It included more sedate, singer-songwriter tunes that would likely be drowned out by the rock orgy we were scheduled to perform.
“Gaynell is never going to help me succeed, no matter what I do,” Lacy’s voice lingered in my ear. My brow furrowed. Was she right?
I glanced over to the table where Graham and Vanni sat, huddled close as they watched. I could only hope they saw what I saw the first time I heard her sing.
If she knew they were in the club watching her, she didn’t show it. In fact, she seemed zapped of all enthusiasm, even for her beloved music. It was like she was broken somehow. It killed me to see her that way.
After she finally finished, she escaped backstage. Graham got up and headed to the bar to refresh his coffee. I sauntered over to him. “She’s great, isn’t she?” I asked.
He nodded. “She’s definitely got something about her that’s interesting. Why’s she stuck opening for everyone else?”
I shrugged. “You know how it is. Life happens. Dreams get sidelined so you can feed a family.”
Graham nodded. “I certainly get that.”
I grabbed a napkin and wrote her phone number on it. It was an egregious violation of her privacy, but I couldn’t stop myself. He saw something, even as lackluster as her rehearsal had proven to be. “If you can help her, you’d probably earn some serious karma points.”
Graham studied my face. “Most people who approach me want me to help their careers, not a competitor’s.”
“She’s not my competitor,” I stated simply. “She’s something special. I just want her to get a chance to succeed. On her own terms.”
Graham nodded as he pocketed the phone number in his jacket.
I headed backstage to change. I knocked on the door, which was slightly open. I walked in to find Vanni on the sofa next to Lacy as they chatted. He had one hand on her leg, the other arm long the sofa and a smile on his face as he leaned closer to say something to her. “Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt,” I said before I ducked away.
I tried to silence that little voice in my head, planted by Gay and Jacinda, that she was an opportunist ready to ride anyone’s coattails to get ahead. He probably just offered her some words of advice or encouragement, the same as he did with me. There was no reason to jump to crazy conclusions, especially since she had made it abundantly clear that the things she did and the way she lived was no longer my business.
That didn’t stop me from standing off to the sidelines to watch her perform. It’d been a long while since I had been a mere audience for her. We had sadly come full circle.
“Welcome to Southern Nights, y’all,” Gay boomed through the speakers. “We are proud to present our very own Blaze. Tonight will be her last performance with u
s, so please show her some love.”
My eyes widened as I glanced back to Lacy. “It’s been a wild ride,” she said from the stool where she perched. “But it’s time to move on.”
I wanted to rush on stage and grab her by the shoulders and shake some sense into her. This was where she belonged. This was what she was meant to do. She’d be crazy to give it all up now, when fate could turn on a dime… like getting a phone call from Graham Baxter.
But all I could do was watch her goodbye performance with tears in my eyes. I knew that I had done this. I had broken her. I hadn’t been honest with her, otherwise I would have trusted her with everything rather than try to get by leading a double life. I had played the game.
And now I paid the price.
I didn’t have time to think about it. Before I knew it, it was my turn to take the stage, to fly solo for a rowdy Saturday night crowd. The girls screamed like they usually did and I wore my mask like I always did. When I segued into the Dreaming in Blue set, Vanni captured the torch I carried and brought the whole show home. Our SRO crowd nearly brought the roof down with their enthusiastic response.
After I was done, I raced to the dressing room but she had already gone.
And this time I was afraid I’d never see her again.
That Monday was the first day of school, so I had a free afternoon. I decided to make one last ditch attempt to save my failed relationship with her. I drove to her trailer and knocked on the door, my throat in my chest as I waited for her beautiful face to appear before me on the other side of the screen.
Instead it was her mother, Jules, who looked none too happy to see me.
“Lacy’s not here,” she said, keeping the door locked securely between us.
“Where is she?” I asked.
“Out looking for a real job,” she answered. “Like she should have done five years ago.”
“Can you at least tell her I came by?” I asked.
“I’m not going to do that, Jonah,” she said.
“Why not?”
“Ask Gay,” she sneered before she slammed the door in my face.
It was impossible. Everyone was harboring their own little secret and I had no idea which end was up. So I drove to the club to confront Gay.
Gay was thrilled to see me as I stepped into her office. She waved me over to hand me yet another eye-popping check. “Great news,” she said with a big smile. “Baxter wants you. We’re going to have our pick. Isn’t it great?”
“Super,” I said, my voice deadpan.
“What’s the matter with you? This is good news.”
“Tell me what is going on between you and Lacy,” I commanded softly.
She rolled her eyes. “What difference does it make? She made her choice. Let her make it, for God’s sake.”
“I can’t do that. Something’s wrong. Something doesn’t add up. And I want to know the truth.”
“The truth is she retired on a dream she couldn’t make come true. She’s off to take care of her kid like a good mama should. Something she should have done years ago.”
“Please,” I sneered. “People can have families and careers in music. Look at Vanni.”
“Vanni is different. He has a wife at home. Lacy has no one.”
“And why is that?” I pressed.
“Leave it alone, Jonah. It’s over now. Do us both a big favor and focus on your own career.”
“If you won’t tell me, I’ll find someone else who will,” I warned. She sat quietly and still, one hand over the other, as she met my stare directly. “Fine.” I spun on my heel and headed downstairs. I spotted Jacinda washing dishes at the bar. “Can you take a break?” I asked.
She studied me for a minute before she nodded. “Yeah. I can take a break.”
She handed off the towel to another bartender before she rounded the bar and joined me as we walked through the entrance of the club towards her car. “Where are we going, cowboy?”
“Your place,” I said as I hopped into the passenger side.
She said nothing as she got into the driver’s seat and started the car, driving us to her condo just ten minutes from the club. The minute we got through the door, I pushed her up against the wall and kissed her hard.
She was immediately compliant. Her tongue snaked around mine as she curled one leg around my hip. She was breathless when we broke apart. “I’ve been waiting a long time for that,” she murmured. “But I thought you were a one-woman man.”
“One woman at a time,” I shrugged before I lifted her into my arms and carried her into the living room. I deposited her onto the sofa, following quickly behind.
She was as responsive as she had been on our regrettable one-night-stand. I tore off her shirt and kissed my way down her body until she was gasping out loud. “Oh, cowboy,” she murmured. “I have missed you.”
“Yeah?” I asked as I inched back up her body, touching all the right spots to make her purr.
“Yeah,” she said before she licked her lips. “Remember how good it was between us?” she said.
“I remember a lot of things about that first time. You like being spanked,” I said as I demonstrated with a swat. “You gave great head. And you also tried to tell me about Lacy’s sordid history.”
She rolled her eyes. “Please. We finally got rid of her. Can we please not mention her name?”
I pinned her to the sofa with my weight, pulling her arms over her head and holding her prone. “I’m afraid I have to. You see, everyone has something to say but they never really say it.” I focused on her mouth. “And no one is going to get what they want out of me until they fucking say it. Not my music. Not my heart. And not my dick,” I added, grinding against her to show her what she was missing.
She suppressed a gasp before her chin jutted. “I’m not telling you anything.”
“Fine,” I chirped as I lifted up and away from her, leaving her aroused and unsatisfied. “Suit yourself.”
She sat up. “Are you fucking kidding me? After all these months you finally come back to me but it’s to talk about her?”
“No, I came here to fuck your brains out,” I lied easily. They wanted a fucking illusion, I’d give it to them. “But I’m tired of all the secrets and lies. You tell me the truth or I’m out that door right now and you’ll never see me at Southern Nights again.”
“Bullshit,” she said. “You can’t leave. You have a contract with Mama…”
Her eyes opened wide as she realized what she had done. It was the missing piece of the puzzle.
“You’re her daughter,” I said, connecting the dots. And I knew I was on point by the way her eyes widened. “The musical family. Which means… you were part of the backup singers in the band. Which means…,” I said as the revelation kicked me right in the gut. “Tony Paul is your brother. And Gay’s son.”
She scrambled from the sofa. “Get the fuck out of my house. I’m not telling you a goddamned thing!”
“You already did. That was why you and Gay sided with the deadbeat dad instead of your fellow woman. You were the one who was jealous that she was getting a share of the spotlight.”
“She trapped my brother!” she screeched. “Did she tell you that?”
“No, you did. And Gay did. But how trapped can he be when he flew the coup a long ass time ago?”
“She ruined everything,” she snapped. “He was going to be huge.”
“As huge as I’m supposed to be?” I countered.
She laughed. “Jonah. Poor deluded Jonah. You still don’t get it, do you?”
“Spell it out for me.”
She stood and faced me with an evil look on her face. “You were just another part of the plan. You’re no artist. You’re not a singer. You’re just some poor dumb hick from the sticks that Mama could fool with thirty pieces of silver. All we had to do was create a distraction where you got more famous than she did and she’d run away from the club and every single Hollis in Austin. Soon, she’ll be out of Austin entirely. You we
re the one who drove Lacy away, forcing her to get out of music and support her own damn bastard so my brother can come home.”
If it were the kind of man to strike a woman, I’d have backhanded her into next week.
“He’s the star,” she spat. “You’re just a puppet singing someone else’s songs.”
I slammed out of her apartment and took a taxi home.
I didn’t care if I ever saw Southern Nights again.
24: Free Bird
I silenced the phone whenever Gay tried to call me that week. I wanted nothing to do with her or that club. I tried to call Lacy, but she wasn’t returning my calls. Who could blame her? I had aligned myself with her enemies without even knowing it.
Of course I would have known about it had she entrusted me with it.
As it turned out, we both dropped the ball. And we’d buried any chances we had at sustaining our passionate love affair because of it.
“I don’t know what to do, Mama,” I told her that Thursday when she got home from work. I spilled the whole ghastly tale and she had listened quietly without judgment. When I presented her the $10,000 check, she stared at it for a long time.
Finally she said, “No amount of money is worth your soul, Jonah. You cash this check and you will never forgive yourself.”
I nodded. I knew she was right. “But we need it.”
“We’ll figure something out,” she assured as she covered my hand with hers. “The way I see it, you made it work once, you can make it work again.”
My eyes met hers. “You really think so?”
She smiled. “I’ve always thought you could do whatever it was you wanted to do. If it’s music, then I say go for it. You don’t need Gay. Call Graham Baxter yourself.”
I glanced at my watch. It was three-thirty California time. What did I have to lose?
I suspected I’d end up leaving a message that I’d chew every fingernail down to the quick as I waited to see if it was returned. Surprisingly, I got straight through.
Southern Rocker Boy (Southern Rockers Book 1) Page 23
