After Forever Ends

by Melodie Ramone

  Eddie met me at the road. “Thank God! Silvia!”

  He swept the key from my hand and raced into the building. I took Caro, who was sleeping again by then, out of the car and bolted up the stairs to the flat. Eddie was struggling with the key in the lock.

  “Jiggle it!” I told him. “Here, like this!” I stepped in front of him and gave the door a shake. It swung open.

  Nigel was standing in the center of the room holding a cup in his little hands. He grinned, a huge smile that revealed all five or so little teeth he had, and he said, “Paaaaaaa!” to Eddie, holding his arms out wide.

  Eddie scooped him up and held him close, “Oh, Sonny,” He mumbled, “You’re safe now, you are…you’re safe…” Ana came beside them and put her hands on the baby’s head. She stroked him desperately with her palms as if to make sure he was still solid. Eddie stooped so she could kiss Nigel and there they stood, the two of them with their arms wrapped around him. Ana sobbed, Eddie held his breath.

  I stayed in the doorway with Caro in a state of stunned disbelief.

  Melissa had left him. Her own son. Not even two years old. She had left him alone in that ravaged flat with no one to look after him. Who knew how long he’d been there. Who knew what had gone on or what might have happened if Eddie and Ana had not seen her by chance strolling through town. What was she doing? What was she thinking? What in the bloody hell was wrong with that woman?

  I suddenly hated her like I had never hated anyone in my life. I wanted to leave my daughter with her grandparents and go and find her. I wanted to shatter every bone in her body with my bare hands. More than that I wanted to take Nigel away and never let her see him again. She didn't deserve to.

  “Let’s get him out of here!” Ana spat. She looked around the place and curled her nose, “Let’s get him out of here before that bitch comes back!” I had never heard her refer to a person badly before. Not once in all the years I’d know her. She said every word in Welsh, then switched to English, “Let’s get him home! I’m going to call Alexander myself this time!”

  “Take him,” I told them, “And Carolena, too. I’ll get his things. If Melissa comes home, I’ll deal with her then, won’t I?”

  After they left I was suddenly very calm. I walked to the baby’s room, which was the only room in the house that was tidy, and put enough for a week in a bag. I had no idea why I was packing like that, but it felt right, so I did it. I took everything. Clothing, toys, blankets, nappies, wipes, his shampoo and baby wash. I moved slowly, methodically, hoping Melissa would walk through that door so I could crush her skull, but she never came home, At least not until after I’d gone.

  I phoned Oliver at the office from the car and told the receptionist that it was an emergency. I told him he needed to get to his mother’s as soon as possible. He was a bit confused at first, but I filled him in with what I knew. He was furious, but he said very little, being as he was surrounded by people. “Bring Nigel to the office,” He said quietly, but his voice was low and serious, a tone he rarely used, “Straight away. It’s most likely he’s just fine, but…”

  “He seems fine.”

  “Thank God,” He replied quickly “But, mind, I’ll have a look at him all the same. I have to go. I’m phoning my shit brain of a brother.”

  A different sort of panic swept me, “Oliver,” I knew how angry he was by the tone of his voice. Ollie didn't get angry often or easily, but when he did it often had a disastrous outcome for the object of his aggression, “Think before you speak. I don’t know if your mum’s rang him or not, but you know she’ll give him a proper scolding…”

  “Not like I’m going to,” He was speaking through his teeth. I could tell. I could almost hear them gnashing, “I'm going to beat his arse.”

  “Oliver, don’t! Alex didn't do this! She did this!” The thought of the twins fighting, the thought of that horrible wench finally setting a firm distance between them, was more than I could stand. “Alex needs you! He trusts you better than anybody! Please! Please don’t attack him! He’s going to be just as upset as we all are, but if you put him on the defensive…”

  “He’ll take Nigel away from all of us.” He finished for me.

  “It’s what I’m afraid of. And I'm afraid we'll lose him. Oliver, what will we do without Alexander? He's our brother!”

  There was a pause. When he spoke again his voice had softened. “I won’t hit him. I won't even ring him. I’ll wait for him at mum’s. I'll talk to him.”

  “Thank you, Sweetie.”

  Oliver did speak with him that afternoon. The two of them went off into the yard and sat beside the birdbath. I caught a glimpse of them for a moment. It looked tense at first, but it wasn't long before Oliver's arm was around Alexander and he was squeezing him in a supportive gesture. Alex's head was hung, cradled in his hands.

  They talked for hours while Ana and I sat with Nigel and Caro in the sitting room. The house was eerily quiet.

  I would have thought that experience might have been enough for Alexander to take a stronger hand with his wife, but it seemed that he didn’t. I don't even know what was said to her or if anything was at all. He went home and everything went back to how it had been. I couldn’t believe it. I wanted to bash his head as much as I did hers and I was sorry that I'd told Oliver not to hit him. She could have killed their son with her neglect, but Alexander didn’t seem to want to do a thing about it.

  It was putting a strain on Oliver and me as well. We never discussed it, really. I just got the feeling that he wouldn't have told me about it. It was another one of those things that he kept inside of him for his brother, some unspoken, private matter that only the two of them understood and neither of them felt any reason to let anybody else in on.

  “Why?” I finally demanded Oliver explain. I couldn't take the stress, “Why doesn’t he do something about her? Why doesn't he take that boy away from her?”

  Oliver looked surprised. It struck me that he had had no idea that I hadn't understood the situation from Alex's perspective. He stared at me before he slowly explained, “Because she’s pregnant and he doesn’t know what to do.” He watched my face, waiting to see some understanding. When he didn't, he began again, “Silvia, slow down and think. He’s doing his best to protect Nigel. She’s not keeping him anymore on her days off, yeah? Christ, Sil, he’s got the lad sleeping in the bed with him so he can keep an eye on him even at night! He comes home on his lunch and cleans the place every day. You don't see that because you're not there.”

  “He needs to get that boy the hell away from her!”

  “Silvia!” Oliver stared at me in disbelief. He really did not understand why I was not getting the point of what he was telling me. Sometimes he took his relationship with his brother for granted and forgot he was the only one in the world who could take Alexander and make him make sense, “We all know that, don’t we? But what you’re failing to see is the other baby! The one inside Melissa! He’s protecting that one the best he can as well! If he sends her packing, he sends her off with the other child!”

  That stopped me. I looked at my husband from across the table and I was suddenly ashamed of myself for thinking that Alexander was being irresponsible. I had been so wrapped up in Nigel, the one I knew. The one I could see and hold. I hadn’t even thought of the little child inside of Melissa or what she might do to harm it if Alex pushed her too far.

  What a delicate line he was dancing on. His situation was dangerous, far more dangerous than I'd considered and he wasn’t being an idiot at all. He was protecting his children. Both of them. God bless Alexander. For all of his faults, he was a loving and excellent father.

  I looked up into my husband’s dark eyes. He saw the understanding in mine and smiled gently, “He’s doing the best he can, Sil. The best we can do to help him is allow him to keep doing it.”

  I didn’t say much more after that. I waited and I worried instead. I kept Nigel five days a week and was shocked when Alexander rang my phone one da
y to tell me it would be Melissa who was going to collect him from my house.

  “Why don’t I just bring him home then?” I asked, the bubbles rising in my stomach.

  “Sil,” There was an element of desperation in his voice, “She’s doing better. Please. Just have him ready.”

  “I'll have him ready,” I conceded.

  “Thank you,” He breathed.

  “Alexander?”

  “Yes?”

  I sighed, “Nothing. I just miss you. I wish you'd come round more often.”

  “I miss you, too, Sil. I will come round. We'll speak soon, yeah?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I have to get back to work. Cheers, Bach.”

  “Soon, Xander. Cheers.”

  Melissa showed up at my door not an hour later. “I’m here to get my son,” She stressed the word ‘my’.

  “He’s got a bit of a temperature,” I told her as I reluctantly handed him over.

  “I’m sure I can handle it,” She snapped. Nigel fussed in her arms.

  “I am sure you can,” I snapped back. I could feel my temperature rise, “However, being short in conversation and long in self-importance isn’t going to change the fact that he’s got explosive diarrhoea, too, is it?” She glowered at me. I glowered back, “Oliver brought him some medicine. It’s--” I stopped speaking. Melissa’s mouth was twisted and her eyes were narrow. Who the bloody hell did she think she was? Coming to my home after I’d cared for her son all day and disrespecting me with a look like that? I swear if she had not been holding that baby I’d have knocked her right in the chin. “Never mind,” I clipped the words off through my teeth, “I’ll ring Alex. He’s the one who does ninety-nine percent of the parenting.”

  “Speaking of Alex,” She jerked the medicine from my hand, “Don’t call him. Ever. He’s got better things to do than talk to you.”

  “What the hell is your problem today, Melissa? Wake up with your knickers drenched?”

  “I don’t like the way you are with my husband!”

  “I don’t like the way you are with your husband, either!”

  “Mind your own business, Silvia!”

  “Your husband is my business!”

  She shifted Nigel in her arms. “You’ve got your own man!” Her voice was threatening, “Leave mine alone!”

  “What are you going to do about it? Claw me with your false talons? I’d smear you from one end of the garden to the next!” It was all I could do not to poke her hard in the shoulder, but I resisted again for Nigel’s sake, “You go piss on yourself, Melissa! I won’t leave him alone! Alexander is family! What are you playing at?”

  “I’m not playing at anything! I am telling you that Alexander is mine and you need to leave him alone! You can’t have them both!”

  I was stunned for a second that she would say such an incredibly stupid thing, but it was only a second longer before I became angrier than I already was. She led with her chin that time, “Oh, aye! You’re a right eiri, aren’t you? Well, let me tell you something about the twins!” I leaned in and lifted myself on to my toes a bit so I was more even with her eyes. I dropped my voice, “If I wanted them both, I could have yours as well as mine in a heartbeat!” I was saying it to be cruel, no other reason, “So watch your step or I might have a go at your man and then you’ll know the true meaning of twincest!”

  Melissa opened her mouth to say something, but shut it before she did. I knew she didn’t know what an eiri was and that I’d I'd lost her with my accent, but it was obvious that she'd gotten the meaning of my threat by the look on her face. I wished I could be there when she asked Alexander later and he told her I called her a snobbish, conceited whore. I wondered if she could figure out twincest on her own. I doubted it. Still, what I had said had stung her. I was quite pleased with that.

  She tried her best to intimidate me with a glare, but it truly had no effect. I was so angry I would have slapped her in the face for it, but she was still holding Nigel. I could imagine not striking her full on and bouncing my palm off his little head. Lucky for all of us, I was clinging to self-control with everything I had. “Get out of my sight,” My voice was low even in my own ears, “Before I hurt you.”

  Without another word she took her son and stomped off the porch and to her car. Duncan scrambled out behind her, barking at her heels all the way. I could hear Nigel screaming after I slammed the door. I felt bad about scaring him.

  I do not think Melissa really had any idea of how badly she was messing things up with Alexander. I know she was that far gone. Or maybe she honestly didn’t care, but I find that hard to believe. If she would have listened to anything people were trying to tell her, the end result may have been different. Alexander really did try to make it a point to be romantic and loving, but Melissa, among her other issues, just did not understand the ways of the Welsh. Instead of relaxing her way into her new life in Wales and trying to figure out its rhythm, she tried to force her old ways on to her husband. It conflicted with his sensibilities and confused him, which left her frustrated and angry. She just couldn’t figure out how to get her balance, but to my knowledge she really never had any to begin with.

  Part of me still wanted to help her for Alexander’s sake. He was trying desperately to hang on to a marriage that was rapidly dissolving into disaster. If she would have spoken to me civilly I would have tried to explain the dynamics of the Dickinson family. Although they didn’t always agree, the family was a united structure. Each member was respected and appreciated for their individually, encouraged to achieve their goals, and all were praised and loved equally. There were no favourites, there were no black sheep. Everyone had an important role and certain responsibilities, the first being that family was number one. And Melissa by her apparent disinterest and disregard for her new family’s culture, as well as her open dislike for me, was quickly landing herself on the outside of the inner circle.

  “If she says one more bad thing to our Silvia,” Ana told Edmond on Christmas Eve as the three of us were getting trays, “I’m going to put her out in the snow!”

  “Can I please beat her up in your front room, Dad?” I asked him sincerely, “Please? I promise I won’t break any furniture!”

  “Settle down, Ladies!” Edmond took a tray of tarts from Ana, “It’s Christmas! Let’s try to enjoy ourselves!”

  “Hard when I have to hear that sort of rubbish,” Ana muttered.

  “Well, then you might like to know that your son, Oliver, just put a dead mouse into her coat pocket,” Edmond’s face was red with mirth as he suppressed his laughter.

  “He did not!” I gasped.

  “Oh, he did!” Edmond snorted with the effort of not bursting into a fit.

  Ana didn’t even try to keep it in. She let loose a loud, silly giggle and cheered, “Hooray! I love that boy!”

  “Yes, yes! We did a good job with him! Now, come on! Come on!”

  Alexander brought Nigel over one morning early about three weeks later. He showed me the plans he had been drawing for expanding the cabin, “You’ll have three more rooms that can be used for bedrooms if needed. Oliver wants an office, too. We’re putting one room on the back, but the three we’re going to build on top of the additions we’ve already made. I’m leaving the front alone. It’s very old and I’m not dealing with the roof. I wanted to build two rooms on to the rear, but we can’t go back much more without clearing several trees. Oliver won’t have that, so we’ll go up instead. I have a new door here on the side,” He pointed at the plans with a pencil, “The stairs going up will actually be built outside, but we’ll enclose them. That way no one will have to walk through either bedroom to get upstairs.”

  “I thought we were OK.” I looked at the plans, “It’s just Oliver, Caro, Duncan and me.”

  He chewed his gum slowly. “You’ll have more children one day, yeah?”

  “If nature allows. But why does Oliver want this done now?” I asked. Alex didn’t look at me. He scratched his head with t
he pencil. “OK, Alexander. What are you two planning that you’ve failed to tell me?”

  He sighed, “Nothing. Oliver just wants it done. You know how he is when he gets something in his head. It’s got to be done right now, rush, rush. Linger and he’ll kill you. As for me, I just have a lot on my mind.”

  “Do you want to talk? You seem more bothered than usual.”

  “Yes, actually, I am,” He sighed again, “And I would like to talk.”

  “Talk.”

  “Melissa wants to go back.”

  “Oh aye? What’s keeping her?”

  “For the moment it’s pregnancy.” He paused. “And then nothing.”

  “You’re building a room for Nigel, aren’t you?”

  “Silvia, no, I told you…”

  “Stop right there! I’ve no problem with Nigel having a room here or anywhere else, but I have a problem with your wife. I have from the moment I met her. I said it then and I’ll say it now. She’s not for you, Alexander. And she’s not fit to be a mother, either. She can go through the motions, but she can’t care for that boy like he needs to be cared for.”

  Alexander looked up at the ceiling, “I agree.”

  “You married her too soon,” I told him, “You could’ve waited. You could have not married her at all!”

  “Oh, aye! But you weren’t there, were you?” He turned and looked straight at me, “And I had a big decision to make right quick-like, too. I could’ve left her, yeah? She might have chased me down for some support money or she might have let me go. Or she could have had an abortion and been done with it all. But there I was and at the time I saw something in her that’s not there now. She was sweet. Maybe not so clever, but she was warm and kind. So when I married her I was mad about her and inside her belly was a wee Dickinson. My child, Silvia! No Dickinson has ever left behind another Dickinson! I married her quick because my legal stay in the US was almost done. She’s my wife then so she didn’t argue about coming to Wales. She came out of obligation and something she thought was love. She had the baby and my son was born Welsh. In Wales. Do you get my meaning?”