by Kyra Lennon
He lowered his eyes because he knew he couldn’t deny that. Not that that made me feel any better. In fact, the realisation that he knew what he’d done and didn’t fight to deny it told me my worst fears were already coming true. She was in L.A, and she had already established a hold over him.
“I just needed some time, okay?” he said. “I know talking to you first would have been the right thing to do. I know that. But she came at me out of nowhere, and I couldn’t… I couldn’t think straight.
I saw her for the first time in six years on Monday after work. Or, I thought I did. She was across the street from the training ground, but I wasn’t sure it was her and I shrugged it off. On Tuesday, she was actually outside work, waiting for me. And that was the first time I talked to her. She did the same thing yesterday. She was in the diner at lunchtime and that was when she threatened to tell you what she’d told me. But our total conversations haven’t lasted longer than thirty minutes.”
My eyebrows furrowed. “So, she told you you have a son, and you… what? Just walked away?”
He nodded. “Pretty much. She’s getting a divorce, Leah. She was caught doing some other guy and Gary told her to pack up her shit and move out.”
“She admitted that?”
“Read a newspaper. It was in the papers that she’d cheated on him, and now they’re in the middle of divorce proceedings and he’s trying to stop her leaving New York because of the kids.”
“So why is she suddenly saying Jayden is yours?”
“I don’t know. Maybe if she only has one kid tied to him, it’ll be easier for her to get away. I have no idea how this stuff works.”
“But surely he’s not just going to accept what she’s saying? He, and you, are going to want some proof of whose kid he is before anything else happens.”
Radleigh sighed and shook his head. “Jen says Gary always knew Jayden’s mine, but they wanted to make their family work so they kept it between themselves. But this doesn’t make any sense to me because she’s a greedy, money-grabbing bitch. If he was my kid, she’d have been on my ass for money, even though she and Gary have more than enough. That’s why I think she’s lying.”
“I don’t know, Radleigh. I’d be pretty amazed if she was lying about this. This can easily be proved false in a very short time. Why bother if it’s not true?”
He let out a bitter laugh. “You don’t know her. She’s been here for four days, and look how things are between us already.”
“Like I said, she didn’t make you lie to me. If you’d just come to me at the start then…” I trailed off, my voice wavering a little.
“What, Leah?”
“I wouldn’t feel like I’m losing you.”
My words sounded dramatic, I knew that. But with this one decision he’d made not to tell me that the woman he used to love was back in town with life-changing news, he’d shattered the promise he’d made me. He’d shattered the image of how solid I thought we were. I would have felt like we could take on the world if he’d been honest the first time he spoke to her. Because then I’d have known for sure he wasn’t going to let her break us down, son or no son.
Radleigh ate up the space between us in a second and cupped my face in his hands, his eyes holding mine. “Baby, I’m not going anywhere. I know I messed up here, but she hasn’t changed anything.”
“You didn’t tell me the truth. That’s a pretty big change because you haven’t lied to me since we’ve been together.”
“I’m telling you the truth now. If you have more questions, I’ll answer them. If there’s anything you want to know about the last few days, ask me. And I swear, I will never keep anything from you again.” The desperation in his tone chipped away at some of my fear and I placed my hands over his.
“I have questions.”
He nodded and slowly moved his hands down my neck to my shoulders. After a second, he took my hand and led me over to the sofa. We both sat down at opposite ends, our feet up, facing each other. It was like a stand-off. For a moment, I just stared at him, letting my eyes drink him in. Since I’d got home from Freya’s, I really hadn’t fully taken him in. We’d done nothing but fight in the last couple of hours, and I wanted to take a second to ground myself. To look at him and see, not the man I was mad at, but the man I was marrying. The man I loved. Radleigh watched me studying him but said nothing. I trailed my eyes over his face, over those ice blue eyes, his full lips, then down to his muscly shoulders and his chest which was covered with a dark green polo shirt. His stance was the most relaxed it had been all week, and his determination to be open with me now made me soften.
“Can you tell me what happened?” I asked, quietly. “What did she say to you? Do you know exactly what she wants? What her plans are?”
Nodding again, Radleigh ran his hands through his hair. “I can tell you everything I know, but I need you to understand something first, because I know you and I know what you’re thinking. If you’re asking me to be completely honest here, I will be.” He leaned forward and reached for my hand again. “But you also need to remember that I love you and I’m sorry for everything that’s happened this week. Especially tonight.” His fingers slipped up to my bruised wrist and he gently ran his fingers over the marks, as if he could heal them. “I’m sorry.”
I couldn’t tell him it was okay, because it wasn’t, but I nodded, offering him a small smile, then waited for him to continue.
“Jen kind of came at me out of nowhere on Tuesday,” he said, letting go of me and leaning back again. “I really don’t know how nobody else spotted her. She’s anything but subtle.”
Ha. That much was clear from her low cut tops and her overly made up face.
“I’ve never been so surprised to see anyone, Leah. As far as I knew, she was in New York, but there she was, right in front of me.” Radleigh stiffened again, like the mere thought of her made him angry. “She’s just the same as she always was. Trying to play innocent when everything she does has a reason. I saw right through her act. She tried to tell me how hard her life had been, and how she’d only cheated on Gary because she felt like he’d stopped appreciating her. The same shit she tried to pull on me when she left. I told her I don’t care about her divorce, or her, and warned her to keep away from me.” He looked up at me. “From us. Because she was quick to tell me she knew you and I are getting married, and that we have a baby.”
“Everyone who knows who you are knows that.” I gave him another soft smile, but it was forced because I knew something was coming that was going to hit me right in the gut. Hadn’t that been what his warning was about? The vow of honesty?
“That was when she told me. About Jayden.” He sighed, shaking his head. “I told you pretty much everything she said about him. The stuff about wanting to make things work out with Gary. But now things are over with him, she thought I should know the truth. She’s already told Jayden.”
“Wow.” A barrage of thoughts rushed into my head at once, the most prominent being that she’d better be telling the truth or that kid would be more screwed up than ever. A rush of panic quickly followed, because the last thing I wanted was for us to have ties with Jen forever. And also, at five years old, how much of this would he fully understand? He’d just had the whole of his normal life taken from him because his mother couldn’t keep her knickers on, and now the confusion of a new father? If Gary’s lawyers were smart, they’d do everything they could to get those kids away from her.
“She wants me to see him, Leah. She wants me to meet him. She thinks we should… she wants me to meet him at the weekend.”
“But… you don’t think he’s yours.”
“I don’t. I don’t know what she’s trying to pull, but he can’t be mine. He can’t.”
Well, technically, he could.
“What if he is?” I asked, quietly. “Have you thought about that?”
“Of course I have. I haven’t stopped thinking about it.” He looked up at me again. “This is the part I think you
’ll hate. If he is mine, Leah, I want him in my life. In our lives.”
I let his words sink in for a moment or two then stood up, pacing around the room as I tried to gather my thoughts. Was he trying to say he thought I wouldn’t want Jayden? That he thought I’d try to stop him seeing his own son? Or that I wouldn’t want Jessica around his “other” kid, one that wasn’t mine, but came from a time before I even knew who he was?
“I understand that,” I told him. “In fact, I’d be pretty unimpressed if you didn’t want to see him. I just… it’s her, Radleigh. I don’t want her in our lives, and that’s going to be impossible for a hell of a long time if Jayden is yours.”
Radleigh shook his head. “Just because she’s his mother, doesn’t mean I have to spend time with her.”
“No? What about decisions that have to be made for him? What school he goes to, and parent/teacher evenings? School plays? Any other activities he gets involved with. You’ll want to be there, and she’ll be there too.”
“So would you.” Radleigh stood up too, and slid his hands around my waist, tethering me to him so I stopped wandering around the living room. “Leah, if he is mine, I can’t handle this without you. I don’t want to have to spend time with Jen. But if I do, I don’t want to do that without you.”
“Why?” I asked, pushing him away. “Because you can’t trust yourself around her?”
I knew the question was bitchy and unfair as soon as it left my lips, but it was a genuine concern. I’d seen her, for Christ’s sake. She was perfection. I didn’t know who the hell her personal trainer was, but it wasn’t obvious that she’d had two kids. She was so well put together, when most days I could barely pull on my jeans. I wasn’t a slob by any means, but since having Jessica, I was more about dressing to be comfortable than dressing to impress. I didn’t care to spend an hour putting on make-up because I wanted to be with my girl. I didn’t want to put on my best clothes during the days I was at home because I’d only end up with baby food/vomit/general crap all over me. And my hair? Messy buns or pony tails all the way. In short, no matter how much I played at being part of the LA elite, when it came down to it, I was still an English village girl at heart. The glamour was fun, but I’d always opt for comfort.
Radleigh reached for me and pulled me back to him. “Don’t do that. Don’t make this about her.”
“It is about her.” I pushed him away again and put some distance between us until I’d finished what I wanted to say. “You loved her, Radleigh. And now she’s back here bringing you what you’ve always wanted. A son. You can’t tell me there isn’t a small part of you that never wondered if he was yours, or thought about what things might be like if you were still together.”
“I used to wonder if he was mine,” Radleigh said. “When she first left. When I found out she was pregnant. But like I said, I thought that if she believed he was mine, she would have played on that to make my life difficult. She’d have fleeced me for every cent she could get. But she never looked back. Never tried to reach me. And I didn’t want to know because I didn’t want her in my life. Just like I don’t want her in my life now.” He raised his hand as if to reach out for me again, but then dropped it to his side again. “Everything I want, I have with you.”
“That’s not true. You told me just the other day. You want a baby boy.” I gave a bitter laugh at the stupidity if it all. It was as if he’d rubbed a magic lamp and made a wish, and then, bam, the son he wanted dropped out of the sky and right into his lap.
“I want you. You and Jessica. And if we end up with a house full of girls, so what?” When I raised a sceptical eyebrow, he continued. “I would love to have a son, but it’s not the most important thing. Us. Our family. That’s what matters.”
I threw my head back with a sigh. He was saying all the right things. Everything I needed to hear. And I believed him. But I couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that it wasn’t going to be as easy as he made it sound. If Jayden wasn’t Radleigh’s, Jen was still intending to move back to L.A. And sure, it’s a big place, but I wasn’t sure it was big enough for all of us. And if Jayden was Radleigh’s? Life would never be the same.
Chapter Eight – You Need Me More Than He Does
The initial aftermath of Jen’s little revelation wasn’t as dramatic as expected. In fact, Radleigh and I settled in to normal-ish life again. Neither of us saw Jen, and the only contact we had with her was when Radleigh called her to agree to a paternity test.
But we didn’t talk about it either. It was as if our lives were suspended, and until the results came in, we didn’t want to deal with it. The atmosphere at home wasn’t as it should have been. Although I’d forgiven Radleigh for not telling me sooner, I still couldn’t relax. Neither of us could, and that feeling of uneasiness was reflected in Jessica’s mood. I was sure she was picking up on the vibe and she wasn’t her usual, chirpy self. She fought against her usual sleep patterns, screaming and kicking because she didn’t want to be away from me. I’d had to sleep in her nursery with her the night after Radleigh took her to Deanna’s because she wouldn’t settle.
Radleigh continued to get up and go to work, and I continued to do the mum thing. I didn’t even spend much time with my friends. Of course, by this time, the truth of Jen’s reappearance, her reason for it, had been made public. Not front page news public, but people on the team knew, and it almost felt as though the tension of all this was being felt by everyone. It wasn’t just Freya and Bryce and the few other people who had known Jen back in the day who were edgy. Everyone who’d been witness to my turbulent relationship with Radleigh seemed to be anxious – that was how close we were as friends, and as a team – and with all those eyes on us, I felt it better to keep away.
The day the results dropped into the mailbox, the tension in the house escalated, not least because we’d finally had to let Jen inside. As much as I hated it, it was her child’s father that was being potentially revealed, so we’d invited her over for the big moment.
She sat on our sofa, eyeing our living room critically. As her gaze rested on the two large watercolour paintings of the Cornish seaside that hung on the white walls, her lip turned in to a sneer. Perhaps only world famous artists adorned her walls, but those touches of my home in England meant more to me than any million-dollar canvas ever would. Jen continued to glance around with mild disdain, and as she did, I kept my own critical eye on her. She’d chosen a slightly more demure look this time. Her face was still flawless, but instead of vampy red lips, she’d gone for a very subtle pink, and instead of a low cut t-shirt, she’d gone for a white button up shirt which was almost done all the way to the top. Perhaps she wanted to give the impression of a responsible mother, but the one thing she couldn’t change was the glimmer of evil in her eyes. I would have sworn she had three sixes branded onto her forehead under her sweeping fringe.
Radleigh wandered into the room, nervously tapping the envelope that could change our lives against his hand. Both Jen and I turned him as he stood in the doorway, his large shoulders tense again. He fixed his gaze on me and I read his thoughts easily. Everything in that look told me he was as scared as me, but that he loved me, and that we would get through this. I tried to give him a reassuring smile but the sight of the envelope he held made my body quiver and my smile probably looked more like a grimace.
The silence in the room was heavy around us as we waited for him to tear the envelope open. To tell us what we needed to know. I suddenly realised how guests on the Jeremy Kyle show felt when they waited for the truth to be revealed. My heart began to hammer again, and I closed my eyes, trying to calm myself.
“Would you open it already?” Jen said, not a hint of nervousness in her voice or in her features. That only unsettled me further, though. Her complete belief that she was right, that Radleigh was Jayden’s father, made my stomach churn.
“She’s right,” I said, swallowing hard. “Please. Just do it.”
Radleigh gave a short nod, then taking a deep breat
h, he tore open the envelope and unfolded the piece of paper inside. I couldn’t take my eyes off him as he read the words in front of him.
He didn’t need to say anything. His face paled and he stumbled slightly, steadying himself on the doorframe as his eyes frantically scanned the page again, as if looking for a mistake.
My heart plummeted into my stomach and Jen let out a triumphant laugh. “I told you, Radleigh. I told you. Congratulations. You have a son.”
Radleigh’s shaking hands placed the results on the arm of the chair and he stared at me. “I really thought she was lying.”
My eyes slowly closed as the last remains of everything I knew shattered in front of me. This was it. It was true. Jen Winters was well and truly in our lives. Forever.
“Now we know,” Jen went on, as if our world hadn’t just been flipped on its head, “we should talk about when you can meet Jayden. He’s so excited to meet his daddy. I think we should do it sooner rather than later. You’ve already missed out on so much, and-”
Completely ignoring her, Radleigh walked towards me then sank to his knees in front of me. “This is going to be okay, Leah. I promise.”
His hands covered mine and I nodded, even though both of us were still shaking. “I know,” I whispered, even though deep in my heart, I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t sure of anything.
“Radleigh,” Jen said, breaking our moment with her annoying voice. “Don’t you think so?”
Without looking in her direction, he said, “Can you please just give us a second?”
There was a pause then she stood up. “Of course. But, like I said yesterday, we really shouldn’t waste any time. You said yourself, you don’t want to miss out on any more time with him.”
It was as if the world stopped turning for a moment. The atmosphere that was already thick became oppressive until I almost couldn’t breathe. Like I said yesterday…
“You talked yesterday?” I asked quietly.
