Until that day, I was quite content with my life.
With Asmodeus sitting
In front me after a long separation,
I talked constantly
As there was plenty to catch up on.
I truly felt that her
Walking into my life was a blessing,
She held up her hand to halt the conversation
In order to remind of an approaching encounter.
I had never felt such a friendship like hers before.
She was truly a friend to me and
I would work hard to not break that bond again.
Instead of running out to the street by myself,
I asked her if she wanted to join me.
She agreed and we faced towards the palace gates.
While we waited, she asked me what I admired
About my visions the most.
It was a difficult question
For me to answer
As there was plenty to list.
After a brief pause,
I responded that it was just simply the woman
That I admired the most.
It was the imagination
That she represented perfection;
The equality between love and respect
That formed her beauty.
As the gates opened,
I realized that it was the first time
I was sharing my cherished ritual with another.
I was at peace with that
As she did not speak during the vision.
She simply allowed me to be myself
Without sheltering my feelings or desires.
It was as if she understood what I was experiencing.
From there on, my encounters
Would be shared with Asmodeus as
I believed that she increased my enjoyment.
It was unique to express my feelings
While in the moment and have someone
Accept them with courtesy and respect.
I never worried how she viewed me
As I did not need to.
She knew my inner most needs and
Welcomed the discussions regarding them.
Our friendship grew with each day.
My trust in others conjured itself up
From the deepest valley of my untrustworthy soul.
Trust was not something that I gave away easily.
I kept it as my last line of defense.
I had seen regular people destroyed
By their free spirit way of releasing certain emotions
To anyone who would have them.
Whether it was love, trust or happiness,
People often spread their wings
And leap from the ledge of emotions
Before testing the depth of the canyon.
Most would fall quickly
While a few would soar and
Fight their way back to the ledge
In order to salvage the remainders of their lives.
I held on to the idea that God provided us
With these emotions
Not to give away aimlessly,
But rather to seek out those amongst society
Who we deemed fit to receive them.
Releasing emotions like a mindless farmer
Randomly tossing seeds in a field
Only destroys the holder.
Instead, a farmer who strategically
Placed the seeds in predetermined positions
Would allow for a more controlled outcome.
The random hurling would only provide chaos
As the crops would battle with one another.
Then there was my idealism,
Which most would consider extreme.
I tested my potential friendships
For flaws prior to releasing emotions.
I always had a fear of leaping off of the ledge and
Not being able to grab the edge.
I preferred to think of myself
As having one foot on the ledge at all time
So that I could easily control the situation if a problem arose.
That concept made me not as social within society,
But it also allowed me to avoid plummeting off of the cliff.
Due to the proximity of my store
Within the city streets,
I had been able to observe many
Different types of personalities as they walked by.
I actually made a game out of differentiating
Between the weak and strong minded people.
I could tell who was on the verge of a mind collapse and
Who was sheltering themselves from others.
Full disclosure of one’s feelings
Was an action that I felt to be a flawed joint in the mind’s armor.
There are those who prey upon it.
Some falsify their expressions
To gain the emotional release from others.
They take advantage of the trust
They are given and use it to destroy its giver.
It was a common practice within the streets
Even in nature to lure prey
In order to reap their rewards
Whether mental or physical.
I take pride that I had never been lured
Into situations that were out of my control.
I believed that I was able to distinguish
Between false and real emotions
When looking into the eyes of a person.
Asmodeus was unlike anyone
I had ever met before.
She was the complete package
Of what I looked for in a friend.
She was kind, patient and most of all forgiving.
I also believed in her consumption of my words.
My only hesitation was that her personality
Seemed too good to be real.
My response was that she relinquished
All of her emotions at a younger age.
Now that she was older,
She desired to hear the feelings of the young.
Regardless of her reasoning,
She was very skilled at the art of listening and
I was very willing to help her in increasing her level.
We experienced many encounters together
After her return and
Had several quality discussions
Regarding my maiden, but
Our friendship reached a new level on one beautiful day.
During that day, as we both anxiously stared
At the palace gates for my lady to arrive home,
Asmodeus said something that would alter my dreams.
She ever so softly whispered that she could
Get me closer to my maiden if I so desired.
I did not know what to think by the comment.
At first I thought that she was fooling me,
But she held strong by her words
Even when I pressed her for more detail.
She continued to say that her late husband
Had been a palace guard before he headed off to war.
She said he had many friends in the palace
Including several of the guards
Who currently protected the gates.
The hesitation that I previously felt
Towards my friend suddenly crept back into my life.
Maybe she was being truthful with me
Or maybe my hesitation came from the mere idea
That my desires would turn into actions.
It was new unexplored territory that I often avoided.
I had always been cautious, but Asmodeus
Spoke so easily about the situation
That it made me question my beliefs.
She said that if I so desired that
She could arrange a close encounter with the maiden.
The mere thought of being in the same vicinity
As her sent chills up my neck.
I imagined smelling her aroma and
Maybe touching her skin.
My hesitation was bombarded
With what could possibly be.
I no longer was satisfied with visions
As the potential physical portion of my desires
Now reigned over all my other emotions.
I had no chance to judge her idea
Nor deny it as my mind focused solely
On the opportunity to be near my maiden.
All of my dreams of what could have been
Flashed rapidly on the backs of my eyes lids.
At that moment,
My dreams were meeting reality and
The partnership they were forming
Would be permanent in my mind.
With so much running through my head,
I actually cared not about the visionary encounters.
I even at one point turned to look at Asmodeus
While my maiden was in sight.
My friend opened up a whole new area of my fascination;
One that I believed could not exist.
The potential of her idea was endless;
The journey would be exciting and new.
I always thought that I would never
Get the opportunity to meet
My beloved and there I was
With a gift of chance in the palm of my sweaty hands.
Once my nerves and emotions subsided
They allowed me to think logically,
I began to ask Asmodeus questions regarding her plan.
She stated that she could easily get us
By the palace guards
As they all still respected her late husband.
Once in the palace, I would take up the persona
Of a servant and make my way to the maiden’s quarters.
After that, she would not be able to help me
As my words would be my own.
It was not a well thought out plan,
But at that moment I did not care.
Asmodeus thought that it was a good idea
For her to try to gain entry into the palace
So that she could see whether the plan would work.
I agreed and asked her why
She was doing all of that for me.
Her response was that she wanted
To give me the opportunity to meet my desires.
She said that she could only provide me
With the means to reach my dream
That once I was there,
All of the choices would be my own.
She said she was interested in knowing
How far my emotions would take me;
If my conscience would allow me to swallow my wants.
I told her that I wanted nothing more
Than to be in the same vicinity as my maiden,
That my rational thought had no place within the palace.
We left each other that day
With the understanding that Asmodeus
Would enter the palace through the guards and
Survey the situation from inside.
The first part of the plan would occur
Early the next morning
When much of the palace servants were asleep.
I awoke much earlier than I usually did
As my nerves were tumbling within my sleep and
Presenting me with visions of blood scarred battlefields.
I sat outside and waited to catch sight of Asmodeus.
She did not fail me as I saw her from a distance
Approach the palace guards.
The demeanor of the guards were at first abrupt,
But as she spoke, their mannerisms became much more relaxed.
They even extended out their hands to welcome her,
Which put a smile on my face.
After a brief period of conversing,
The guards opened the gate and allowed her inside.
The sight of her disappearing through the gate
Was a blessing to me as I now believed
That I was also capable of entering the palace as well.
I waited for Asmodeus to exit the gates.
It took quite some time for her to reappear.
To my surprise she emerged at the exact moment
That the maiden was returning to the palace.
I saw my friend speak with her and
Even witnessed my beloved touch Asmodeus’ arm.
I was amazed by her ability and the calmness
That she showed throughout the first part of our plan.
She gave me such confidence in my own ability
That I never doubted her judgment from that moment on.
She was a true friend.
She scurried as fast as her little old legs
Could carry her and greeted me with a smile.
I did not speak
As I did not want to miss anything that she had to say.
She began by stating that the guards
Did remember her and her husband.
Once inside, she said that the palace was beautiful
And went on to describe every detail that she saw.
I did not care about the look of the palace, but
I was not about to be rude to her
After what she had done for me.
She finally reached a topic that interested me,
Which were the maiden’s quarters.
I had her describe the scene exactly as she saw it.
It was everything that I imagined it to be
With the finest cloth, beautiful artwork and ripest fruits.
She stated that the best time
Would be to enter the palace when the maiden was away;
To be within her quarters when she returned.
It was to be the most perfect encounter that I would ever have.
I envisioned it every time I closed my eyes and
It was all that I had dreamed.
The day came faster than usual
As if time increased its speed for my reasoning.
Asmodeus met me in front of my store and
We went over the plan that I was an old servant to her family.
She was offering me to the palace as a sign of respect.
She even acquired a servant tunic
That I wore for the occasion.
We waited patiently for the maiden to leave.
As we neared the gates, I was quite taken back
By the sheer size of the guards.
I had always viewed them from afar and
Did not realize how strong and powerful they were in person.
To say they were intimidating
Would be an understatement
As they were massive barbarians with heavy armor.
Their strict posture broke tradition when they noticed Asmodeus.
I could tell they admired her by the way
They lowered their defense and in a most loving way,
As much as a barbarian could, touched her arm.
She acknowledged them and
Introduced me as her private family servant
That she would like to gift to the palace.
I dared not get eye contact with the guards
As I imagined they were skilled in the art of noticing liars.
Their pupils would offer me nothing except
A blistering, painful death.
I merely bowed my head and stared
At their armored plated boots that could
Easily be used to shatter my skull if I ever found
Myself underneath of one.
A pause allowed me to envision
Them ripping the flesh from my body and
Constructing a chair out of my bones.
I felt my forehead give in to the heat and begin to bead.
The tunic did a decent job
Concealing my nervous shaking, but
It was the involuntary expressions on my face
That wor
ried me the most.
My throat became dry and I began to grind my teeth,
All while I was being surveyed by guards.
Apparently they believed our story
Which was something that I was struggling with myself.
They allowed us passage through the gates.
As I saw the gates slowly open, I could not help
To think that metal doors represented the opening of my coffin.
I kept my eyes fixated straight ahead and
Followed closely behind Asmodeus
I could feel their blood scarred eyes piercing my mind.
It took all of my effort to not look at them.
I feared the worst if they were able
To mind control me by looking into my eyes.
Their breaths were that of large horses and
Weighed more than me alone.
The shifting of their arms prompted their armored metal plates
To grind against one another.
The sound pierced my right mid-section, forcing me to twitch.
I felt as if I was walking through a valley of giants
With a mind full of fear as my companion.
Uncomfortable and uneasy are decent words, but
They do not fully detail the amount of suffering I was enduring.
As we walked through the main courtyard,
I managed to conjure up enough courage to peer around.
The courtyard was filled with perfectly structured horses,
Wonderful statues and flowing fountains.
There were a few more guards walking about,
But they paid no attention to us
Since we has already crossed the threshold.
My tunic provided me perfect concealment
And allowed me to blend in with the other servants.
My confidence began to unhide itself
From behind the wall of fear and stress.
I could feel my curiosity peeking over my shoulders
Like a creature seeking knowledge.
I realized that no one within the palace
Was looking at us;
We were of no concern to them.
Everyone had tasks to tend to and
The Sinner Page 17
