The Sinner

by K. Trap Jones

  He bowed before me and backed into the darkness.

  One shadow remained and I was to claim it.

  God had broken my spirit prior to me entering the cave.

  I understood that aspect of my tenure here

  As an intact spirit would be more difficult to control.

  I could not have had the success

  I obtained with my spirit in control of my mind and body.

  I stood with my quill in hand and approached the shadow.

  I could tell it was eager to rejoin with me,

  But it was also hesitant as I had undergone changes.

  I held out my hand as it accepted me back as its host.

  The spirit was too weak to tempt me with goodness.

  Instead, my mind lured it towards the sin and entrapped it.

  The only option I offered it was to join me in my quest.

  It graciously accepted without concern.

  It proved to be my first successful temptation to sin and

  It would not serve as my last.

  With my shadow consumed, I felt whole.

  With the concepts of a false livelihood and portrayed encounters,

  I felt hollow inside.

  My own shadow has illuminated me and

  Refilled my lungs with the breath of fulfillment.

  As I write this, the cave walls and ceiling are trembling.

  Dust is filling the area making it difficult to see.

  I am not sure as to what is behind this,

  But something demands my attention.

  I am struggling to write as the ground

  Is no longer supportive.

  I have collected the paper, quill and candle

  And have huddled against the far wall of the cave

  To avoid getting hit by falling rocks.

  There is no calmness in the cave

  As every grain of dirt is being dislodged and

  Shifted to another destination.

  My balance is being tested;

  However I am holding my stance strong.

  The movement of the ground shifts my feet

  Making it difficult to dig my toes within the dirt for support.

  I dare not move as I do not wish

  To get struck from the tumbling rocks.

  Instead, I opt to stay within the comfort zone of the candle and

  Take my chances with my body becoming unstable.

  The random fluctuation of the intensity is unpredictable.

  At certain moments the trembling is but a low growl.

  Other times it is much too intense to describe.

  It pushes my papers and makes my writing barely legible.

  I do not know what God is doing to the cave,

  I assure myself that much like everything else,

  There is a reason behind the madness.

  The destroyed walls of the cave have lost many rocks

  In the process and have changed

  The characteristics of my abode greatly.

  I now sit inside a rattled cave that is completely

  Filled with loose dirt and dust.

  The atmosphere has ridden my eyes and mouth

  Of any moisture and makes it somewhat hard to see and breath.

  The trembling has now subsided,

  But something more extraordinary had taken its place.

  A few moments after the dust settled,

  A large crack appeared in one of the cave walls.

  The crack began in the middle and etched

  Its way downward then upward.

  Large portions of the wall were loosened

  Allowing them to fall to the ground.

  A bright light leaks into the darkened cave

  With every piece of rock that was removed.

  Right now, the wall is being split

  As if someone is prying apart the solid rock structure.

  The power of the shifting rock walls is quite a remarkable feat.

  The light that is filling the cave is violently

  Blinding me to the point where I

  Can only open them for a short period of time.

  When the light was no longer my enemy,

  I peered through the new open crevice and

  Saw the lush landscape of the outside environment.

  The rolling green valleys meeting

  With the snowy mountain ranges

  Against the blue sky was an energizing vision.

  It served as my first taste of freedom

  Within my new life and

  No one would take this memory away.

  I took my time observing the world

  Through my altered eyes and saw the horizon in a different way.

  With no more crossroads in front of me and

  A clear path leading to my destiny,

  I stood at the verge of the cave and my eternal life.

  Of all the tasks that were handed to me,

  The one that stands before me now

  Proves to be the most difficult.

  The unknowing about the real world

  Offers me a heavy burden and

  A conscience that is riddled with questions.

  Am I truly capable of unleashing sin?

  How will the human population react to my demoralization?

  These are but a few questions that hide within my mind.

  The fact that I will never know the answers to them

  Does not destroy the words, but rather allows them to grow.

  I do not wish to take on the persona of a weak minded servant

  In the eyes of the Lord.

  However, I cannot deny my concerns.

  They are real and justified.

  I only wish to gain more knowledge

  In order to succeed at my task.

  I realize through my past situations that

  I will answer my own questions with my own actions.

  That process only frustrates my eagerness to know,

  But it is logical in its message.

  The darkness of the cave has all but vanished.

  My own shadow remains and is strong in appearance

  Against the entering sunlight.

  The candle that once provided me with protection

  Against the shadows offers no additional light source

  And is weakened against the sun.

  The once strong relic of light that inspired me

  Through my journey has been reduced

  To a mere flameless smoke stream

  That snakes upward to the ceiling of the cave.

  My new light source and inspiration

  Has been replaced by the sun.

  I will seek my courage from it and

  My evilness from the moon.

  They will guide me and provide me light

  Within the vast darkness of the planet.

  My time within the cave is nearing its end.

  The light from the sun has wrapped around me and

  I sense that it is pulling me towards the outside.

  My candle is no longer lit;

  My quill barely allows me to write.

  My stay within the very place

  Where I have been reborn

  Will soon end and my journey

  Through life will begin.

  I feel sorrow about leaving my abode

  As I view it as my true home,

  But I shall find a different dwelling amongst the humans.

  I will live as they live and survive as they survive

  In order to truly understand my prey.

  I am eager to start, but hesitant to begin.

  Before I venture outside and begin my quest,

  I will write one last passage out of respect for God,

  The cave, the quill and the paper.

  Let it be known to all who read this,

  That after I complete my next entry,

  I will have stepped out into the light of the sun

  With a full understanding as to what God has ask
ed of me.

  I will fulfill my destiny with him.

  Please him with my resounding commitment to serve him.

  I do not know how I will begin

  As I am exiting the cave with simply my clothes.

  I have no tools to assist me,

  Only my memories of past events.

  I will summon my fellow demons and

  We shall unleash our sins upon the world

  As we have been instructed to do.

  We shall not disgrace the name of the Lord.

  We shall not shame the name of the Lord

  By avoiding his demands and failing in our obligations.

  We shall not ignore the name of the Lord

  By settling when we should be increasing our outcome.

  We shall not deny the name of the Lord

  By overlooking those who are capable of sin.

  Instead, we shall carry the name of the Lord

  Within every torment, every hardship, every disaster,

  Every catastrophe and every sin that we hand deliver.

  We will work fluently and precise in our actions

  In order to increase our efforts.

  We will prove to you that we are fully

  Capable of carrying out your task

  That you have demanded of us.

  We will meet your expectations and venture beyond them.

  My comrades and I will do all of this

  Within your name and will not stop until we

  Have met your ultimate demands as we are all your servants.

  With all that I have written and all that I have experienced,

  I grip my friend and will begin my last passage within the cave:

  Lord, provide me with guidance so that I may

  Fulfill your vision of me.

  Please do not hide from me when I seek you

  As I only wish to serve your needs.

  I will use my immortality to serve you for eternity.

  My only wish is that I do not disappoint you.

  Give me the strength and courage to greet my destiny

  With a welcoming, gentle hand.

  Give me the wisdom to guide my fist of judgment in a swift manner.

  Subdue my inner remorse and deplete my pity

  So that I may focus on the task at hand.

  Unleash my inner demons so that they may steer my ship

  Through the approaching storms.

  Guide my sails so that I may reach my destination.

  Give me the creativity to conjure the hardships,

  Disasters and catastrophes to use at my disposal.

  Provide me with strict discipline

  So that I may stay true to the path that you have blazed for me.

  Allow me to transfer my pain to the humans with accuracy.

  Allow me the patience to never stray from your words and

  To never question your authority.

  Provide me with humbleness so that my power

  Never overshadows my work.

  Let my eyes see the inner spirits of the humans

  So that I may seek the proper execution of my sins.

  Give me the intelligence to focus and

  The stealth to stalk so that I may blend with the population

  And corrode the wheels of their structure.

  Give me the ability to rule over my fellow demons

  And demand their excellence as you have done by me.

  I will empower them and utilize their individual abilities

  To sweep darkness across the land.

  Allow me to feed from the night;

  To inhale the chill of evilness that lurks within.

  Give me the jurisdiction to rule all those

  Who will follow me and unite those who will know my name.

  Allow me the ideology to torment

  Those who banish me and

  Safe passage through any barrier

  They may establish around their souls.

  The Lord has challenged me once more.

  This time my task will coincide with my chosen destiny.

  All of my relationships with sin will be put to use

  As I venture out of the cave and into the human society.

  I will seek the weak minded and infect them.

  I will lure them into my darkened cave and twist their thoughts.

  I will appear to them in their dreams and embrace them.

  I will destroy their patience with wrath,

  Their charity with greed,

  Their diligence with sloth,

  Their temperance with gluttony,

  Their chastity with lust,

  Their kindness with envy and

  Their humility with pride.

  I will visit you within your darkest hour,

  I will visit you when you believe that God does not hear you.

  I will visit you when you are depressed and confused.

  I will visit you when your life is in question.

  I will visit you when your faith has failed you.

  I will provide the comfort for which you so desire,

  As I was once like you.

  I know that life suffocates and drains your energy;

  I will be there to replenish your soul.

  I will be the thorn in your heel and the cane

  That supports you as you walk along your path towards God.

  Many will not see the heavens

  As their temptations will not allow it.

  You will not walk alone through the valley of darkness

  As I will answer your questions along the way.

  I will open your eyes and allow the shadows to consume you.

  Your society is eager for my arrival.

  Your society craves an alternative

  To the glorious acceptance of God.

  By allowing me entrance,

  You unconditionally relinquish your soul to me.

  I will collect and discard them as I please

  For I will be your judge and jury.

  Your fate will be sealed without the possibility of release.

  I cannot promise a salvation of peace and prosperity

  For I am not the keeper of the heavens.

  My ruling will be one of hardship and insecurity

  So that all who come to me will know

  The consequences of their actions.

  Some will beg for forgiveness,

  But I am incapable to hearing prayers.

  I cannot hear the self-pity and remorse

  That will spill from the mouths of the weak.

  I will seek out the fragile and reduce the strong.

  There is no human mind that I will not touch.

  The equality of my disease will infect the old and young,

  Male and female without transparency.

  Society will begin to judge you

  On how much of a relationship you will have with me.

  They will banish you, but their actions

  Will only bring you closer to me

  As I will listen and understand your frustrations and concerns.

  My kingdom of sorrow will have no walls.

  It will have no limitations to access.

  My kingdom will be an open, ever changing

  Environment that will embrace the abnormal

  And provide shelter for the discouraged.

  It will not have gates leading to tranquility and peace.

  Instead, it will have an open tunnel leading to

  Your endless turmoil and everlasting hate.

  It will be the curiosity of the unknown

  That will bring them to me, not the teachings of prophets.

  It will be their lack of understanding

  That will tempt them to take the first step upon my path.

  It will be their resentment towards society

  That will have them progress further.

  Their destination will frighten them

  As they get closer to me and some will try to escape,
/>
  But I will always be there to herd them back into my palms.

  Their fleeing tactics will amuse me

  As I will provide them with a vision of freedom.

  As their minds contemplate a victorious

  Return to the path of God, I will punish them greatly

  With my arm hammer of vengeance

  So that doubt in my power no longer exists.

  I will cherish watching them

  Scurry away from me and will enjoy

  Crushing their hopes and dreams upon their return.

  Everyone will have a choice as I did.

  Your fate will be determined by how

  You perceive the choice and what option you select.

  You will have many encounters with me and

  My demons will offer you several choices.

  Choose wisely, as it only takes one temptation

  To place you within my grasp.

  One slip upon the steep, icy path to God

  Will have you plummeting down

  Where I will catch you as you fall.

  Within the confines of my acquaintance,

  You will believe everything that I portray to you;

  Everything that I fill your dreams with.

  You are mine and exist

  For the sole purpose of meeting my demands.

  Only God can save you from my clutches.

  It will be unlikely as your initial denial of him

  Is what sent you to me in the first place.

  My pit of despair will be filled

  With those who cling to the edge;

  Those who try desperately to scale its walls

  In hopes to prove their faith to God,

  But I will be there to deny their escape and

  Drag them further down into the abyss.

  The walls will tell stories of those who try to return

  To the heavens, but they will all end

  In torment and ignorance.

  I will entrap them so that all who pass

  Will hear their moans of agony and

  Their pleas for forgiveness.

  Whereas those who walk the path of God

  Focus on acceptance, the travelers on my path