The Watcher

by Jean, Rhiannon

  “Fine.”

  “Thank you Lily. I’ll see you soon.” I didn’t respond after that. I simply walked to my car and started the drive home. It was nearly six and I needed to get home and dress sexy enough to knock him on his ass. I turned on Sara Bareilles’ song Gravity and sang along and tried to remind myself of why Ryan and I had split up. I would meet him for dinner, hear him out, and tell him to sign the divorce papers. The bastard had broken my heart and had actually given up on us long before he physically left me. The more I thought about it, the more I realized he did just what the song on the radio said...held me down. He was worse than gravity, as gravity had its upside. It held things in place, where they should be. Ryan only held things back, especially me. He had never invested in anything I was passionate about.

  Matchbox Twenty’s song Leave came on next. This song perfectly summed up the attitude I needed to have when entering the restaurant. Ryan had said he’d missed me and thought he’d made a mistake. I’m pretty sure he was only in the “grass is greener” phase. Katie was greener pastures when he and I were together, and now the tables had turned. I wondered if she knew he was meeting me tonight. The feminist in me, the one who thought girls should stick together, wanted to text her and let her know. He’d already hurt me; he shouldn’t hurt anyone else. But the bitter, jaded, ex-wife part of me decided against it. He was her problem now, not mine.

  I thought about Gabriel and wondered what he would have to say about all this. We were so new and hadn’t set any boundaries yet, so I decided against telling him as well. Meeting my ex-husband would be my dirty little secret. I was hoping to walk in there, show him what he was missing, flirt a little, throw a drink in his face, and walk out with my head held high. Just as I steeled my resolve, I got another text from Ryan. It was a link to I’m Not Over You by Gavin Degraw. Well shit.

  Chapter Three

  *****

  Lily

  I had dressed to impress: skinny jeans, the heels I had worn with the red dress, and my new red tank I had worn on my first kinda date with Gabriel. The outfit showed off my curves and just enough cleavage to entice. At least that was the effect I was going for. I did my cat-eye makeup and went for the red lipstick. There would be no kissing, so it wouldn’t be ruined, right? I really just wanted him to see what he was missing. Was that so wrong?

  I walked into Giovanni’s with my head held high, feigning the courage I wanted to have but couldn’t actually muster up. I spotted him in our booth, his back to me. He knew I hated having my back to the door and always gave me the seat facing it. I couldn’t believe he’d done that tonight. Maybe old habits die hard. He wasn’t actually being thoughtful was he? I shrugged off that thought and squared my shoulders. I needed to be strong. I couldn’t let him get into my head. I’d let him say whatever crap he wanted to spout, throw my wine in his face, and walk out the door and never look back. Taking a deep breath I slid in across from him.

  “Hello, Ryan.”

  “Lily,” he breathed out in surprise, “Wow. You look beautiful.”

  “Thanks,” I responded shortly. “What is it that you want, Ryan?

  “Let’s get our order in first, maybe get a glass of wine?”

  “Fine.” We gave the waiter our order and I began to fiddle with the straw in my water glass. I refused to look him in the eye, as he had beautiful blue eyes. They had melted me so many times in the past, allowing him to get away with a lot more than he should have. I waited quietly for him to speak. Not trusting that I wouldn’t start screaming at him, I figured staying silent was my best option.

  “Look, Lily, I want to apologize.”

  “For what, exactly? Huh? For lying? For staying out late all those nights? For letting me think you loved me? For sticking your dick in some skank while I thought you were working hard to help build a life for us?” I said, getting louder with each statement. So much for my resolve to stay quiet. My anger was barely contained, but I didn’t want to cause a scene. I took a deep breath and put my hands in my lap so I didn’t slap him.

  “Yes,” he said quietly. “All of it. I’m sorry for all if it. I could sit here and make excuses, but I won’t. I owe you that much.”

  “You owe me six years, Ryan. How about you give me that?”

  “Lily, I’m sorry. What I did was deceptive and unforgiving. But…” he paused, “but I’m hoping you can forgive me. I’m still in love with you. I want you back.” Those last few words lingered, ringing in my ears.

  “W…what?” I stammered

  “I want you back. You’re the love of my life. I…I miss you,” he said quietly. I shook my head in disbelief. Was he honestly saying this? How could I believe anything that came out of his mouth? He had lied for months about Katie! So I gathered some more courage and told him as much.

  “I know, Lily, I know,” he replied, “That’s why I wanted to meet with you tonight. I wanted to show you how serious I am. I want to make this up to you and I will do anything it takes to win your trust again. I’ve been miserable without you.”

  “What about Katie?”

  “It’s over. I promise. Wait, that sounds lame. But I do. She isn’t you, Lily. She doesn’t have your smile, or your smell, or your sweet lips,” he said as he reached up to touch my lips softly. I sat in stunned silence, letting him touch my face.

  He took ahold of my chin and leaned over the table. As he leaned in closer, he pulled me toward him and put his lips lightly on mine. I froze, not believing this was actually happening. His lips were warm and dry and I closed my eyes, giving into the moment. He parted my lips with his tongue and deepened the kiss. Six years of laughter, love, fighting, and living together came crashing into my brain. His taste was so familiar and the memories were so powerful. His tongue slowly tangled with mine as he moved his hand to the back of my neck. The memories of Ryan were quickly replaced with the memory of that first kiss with Gabriel and I pulled back suddenly, gasping for air. Ryan sat back in surprise, not speaking for a few minutes. The waiter chose that moment to bring our food, so the awkward silence was filled with opening napkins, tasting wine and taking first bites.

  “Ryan, I can’t,” I said between bites of my pasta. “There’s…there’s someone else.”

  “What?”

  “I’ve met someone,” I said honestly. “I just can’t do this. You broke us…the moment you chose to start seeing someone else while still being married to me. And…and you broke me, with that pathetic note. Who fucking does that? I can’t go through that again.”

  “Please Lily, we have history. You’re the love of my life. I don’t make sense without you.” I shook my head, my eyes starting to well up with tears. I Never Told You by Colbie Callait came on the sound system which just made me want to cry more. Ryan folded his napkin and stood up. I was half relieved, thinking he was leaving. Instead, he came over to me and held out his hand.

  “Dance with me, babydoll.” I stared up into his blue eyes and was taken back in time to the first time he ever asked me to dance. I remembered how amazing it had felt to be in his arms. I placed my hand in his and followed him to the dance floor. He pulled my arms up to wrap around his neck and he wrapped his around my waist. He took a deep breath and murmured something about how good I smelled.

  As we danced, Ryan pulled me closer and I rested my head on his shoulder. He was shorter than Gabriel, less stocky, but he still felt good in my arms. I almost felt like I was cheating on Gabriel, but this was my husband. We had history: six years of holding hands, sharing stories, crying on each other’s shoulders, fighting over chores. As I thought about this, Ryan’s hand started caressing my back, moving up into my hair. He used to love to play with my hair. ‘Jesus,’ I thought, ‘we built an entire life together.’

  What did I even have with Gabriel? A few good dates? A few good orgasms? That wasn’t the stuff relationships were built on. He hadn’t even able to tell me he had been in a relationship with Rosy. So far, what Gabriel and I had was based on half-truths and omissions
. Maybe I should really think about what Ryan had said over dinner. Maybe we could give this another chance. One Republic’s Apologize had started playing and I listened to the lyrics. Was it too late for Ryan to apologize? All of a sudden all the hairs on my neck stood up and I heard a soft, yet deep, whisper in my ear.

  “Yes.”

  *****

  Gabriel

  What. The. Fuck? I leave her alone for one day and she’s already back in the arms of her ex? What the hell kind of power did this jerk have over her? Hadn’t I shown Lily enough to show her that I loved her? That it was me that she belonged with? I know I hadn’t cleared up the whole Rosy debacle yet, but fuck! Really Lily?

  I wanted to throw her over my shoulder and take her to a dark corner and bend her over my damn knee. I wanted to show her who she actually belonged to. I had also wanted to punch Ryan in his smug little face while he had been talking to her in the booth. Now they were dancing and I was sitting at the bar, not having shown myself to her yet.

  As I had walked past them on the dance floor I had been listening to her thoughts and heard her wondering if it was too late for Ryan. I couldn’t help myself, I whispered “yes” into her ear then headed to the bar. I took a few shots after revealing myself to the bartender, trying to calm down before I ripped Ryan’s face off. I could tell his hands were itching to move lower on her body and touch what was mine.

  Granted, Lily looked genuinely upset and conflicted, but my whiskey soaked jealousy didn’t give a flying fuck. It was time to remind her who had helped her pick up the pieces Ryan had left behind. It was time to play a little with my naughty kitten.

  *****

  Lily

  Oh my gawd, that was Gabriel’s voice! I lifted my head slowly, half expecting him to be right in front of me. I looked around the crowded restaurant and saw a black hoodie sitting at the bar. He swiveled around to face me, taking a shot as he did. Those emerald eyes pierced mine and I froze. How did he know I was here? How did I just hear his voice in my ear when he was all the way across the restaurant? What was he even doing here?

  “Everything ok, baby?” Ryan asked. Hearing him call me baby soured my stomach and I fought the bile that rose. I looked into his blue eyes, trying to figure out what the hell I was even doing there. I glanced back over his shoulder to where Gabriel had been sitting. He was no longer on the bar stool, but was headed directly for me. I swallowed hard and stepped back from Ryan. He grabbed my arms and tried to pull me closer.

  “Baby, wait. It’s ok. I moved too fast, I’m sorry.” I shook my head and tried to pull my arms away. Gabriel’s speed had picked up and I knew there was going to be a scene. I wanted to run and hide, like I normally did when conflict arose. My safe place was snuggling under the covers with my fur balls. I’d spent many a night alone doing just that when Ryan had starting working overtime. Or whatever it was that he’d been doing. Gabriel stopped right behind Ryan and I froze.

  “Baby, what is it?” Ryan asked. I waited for Gabriel to say something, anything. People on the dance floor kept moving around him as though they didn’t know he was there. He wasn’t a small man, and he took up a lot of space, so I didn’t understand what was going on. Ryan let go of me and turned to see what I was looking at.

  “What did you see? You look like you’ve seen a ghost, are you ok?” I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. He was looking right past Gabriel, as though he weren’t there. Gabriel stepped around him and came to stand right behind me. I could feel him lean down and heard him sniff my hair.

  “You do smell good, kitten.” I whipped around to face him, noticing everyone else was still oblivious to his presence.

  “What are you doing here?” I demanded.

  “Lily, who are you talking to?” Ryan asked looking around the dance floor. I turned to face him, ready to point to Gabriel when I heard Gabriel’s voice again.

  “He can’t see me kitten. I’m only here for you. You’re being a bad girl. You’re mine, or have you already forgotten how my fingers owned your pussy?” I shivered at those last words, my core instantly tightening. The memories of him slapping my ass and making me come with his magic fingers flooded my senses, making me wet. I shook my head at Ryan and tried smiling at him. All of a sudden, I had no idea what I was thinking coming here.

  “Good girl. Now get that luscious body home. He doesn’t deserve you,” I heard Gabriel say. I had no idea what to think about this whole situation. Why couldn’t anyone see Gabriel? Was I losing my mind? Was this my subconscious hard at work, trying to get me away from Ryan? Taking another deep breath, I made up my mind.

  “I can’t do this Ryan. I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not. You broke us, and there are just too many shattered pieces to try to put us back together. You made your bed, as they say.” And with that, I left him gaping at me, standing alone on the dance floor. I stopped by the table and leaned over to grab my purse when I felt a warm caress on my ass. I turned around quickly only to see no one was there.

  “Mine,” I heard echoing through my head.

  Chapter Four

  *****

  Gabriel

  I followed Lily home, to make sure she was ok and to make sure I hadn’t scared her away. When she got home, she took a hot shower and I sat on the sink longing to join her and wash that asshole’s touch off her gorgeous body. I listened in to her thoughts as she lathered and rinsed.

  She mentally promised herself to move as soon as possible into her new place. Ryan was everywhere and she needed a clean break. (Thank fuck for that, I wanted her to move too. I didn’t want to make love to her in their old marriage bed.) She also couldn’t quite grasp what had happened tonight. She felt like she was losing her mind. She wondered if she missed me so much that she had hallucinated. I silently chuckled, imagining myself in her shoes, as I had only shown myself to her so the crowd and Ryan couldn’t see me. I’d actually enjoyed playing with her a little. These past few weeks had moved so fast that she was having a hard time figuring out what was happening with her heart. She was thinking about how I told her I was in love with her, but couldn’t understand how someone fell for someone else in such a short amount of time.

  Then it occurred to her that I’d said I’d known her for at least two years.

  I felt awful for causing such confusion in her, but it couldn’t be avoided. I’d already made up my mind to show her what I really was as soon as I could. For now she’d have to deal with the confusion alone. I was going to try to give her some space, well as much as I could anyway. I still needed to feed my addiction.

  I stood up and placed my hands and forehead on the shower’s glass wall, trying to see her through the fog. I could see a curve here and peek of a nipple there as she moved around to rinse off. I was growing harder by the second and needed to get out of here before it became painful once more. You’d think I was used to it by now, since it had been happening for two years, but it only grew harder and harder around her. Pun intended. I allowed myself to breathe in the scent of her body wash and shampoo once more and walked into her bedroom to wait for her.

  *****

  Lily

  Getting out of the shower and getting into my PJ’s, I realized how emotionally drained I was. I jumped into bed and started writing about everything in my journal. At this point, I might have a best seller on my hands, what with stalkers, and cheating husbands, and hallucinations and all. I chuckled to myself and turned off the light and tried to get some sleep.

  The next few days were spent revamping my resume and applying for writing and editing jobs. I was almost done with my master’s in writing, so it was time to start nurturing my career. I was so tired of being someone’s assistant. I knew I had talent; I just needed to figure out how to get others to see it as well. I looked on almost every job website I could think of, and sent out about 50 resumes and cover letters. Hopefully someone’s interest would be sparked.

  Finally, on Tuesday, I decided to get my butt in high gear. So after job hunting some more,
I turned on my music and got to cleaning the rest of the apartment and packing. Yesterday, I had called the landlord of the studio I found and set a move in date. As I listened to Bed of Lies by Matchbox Twenty, I realized just how done I was with this place and everything attached to Ryan. I went through box after box of stuff and threw out any memories I had of him. I was amazed to see that I had kept so much from our dates. I had receipts, old movie stubs, playbills from plays we had seen, menus we had stolen from restaurants. It was all just junk to me now. I hoped this was a good sign, that I no longer had any real attachment to anything.

  Circus by Britney Spears came on and I started dancing around. I definitely needed to get out tonight and burn some of this energy off on a dance floor. Looking at my phone, I realized it was past dinnertime. I had had a very cathartic day and now I wanted to have some fun. I called Emma up and told her what was going on and begged her to go out with me. She was off work the next day so she was totally on board. She even got her hubby to be our DD. After hanging up, I went to my closet to pick out something hot to wear. I needed to feel sexy tonight. Maybe I would get someone else’s attention, someone who liked curvy girls, and I wouldn’t feel so suspicious of Gabriel. Not that I wanted to sleep with anyone, but a dance or two would be nice.

  I pulled on my skinny jeans and a low cut black top that accentuated my curves. I did my eyes in a smoky, cat eye and finished with a coat of lip-gloss. I put on my leather jacket and leather boots to complete my dark and sexy look. Finally, I sprayed a little perfume in my cleavage for good measure.

  After getting ready, I had a few minutes to spare while waiting for Emma and her husband to pick me up so I turned on the radio. Just a Fool by Christina Aguilera and Blake Shelton was on and I cranked it up, not caring what my neighbors thought; I was moving soon anyway. I got out the whiskey and my favorite kitty cat shot glass and poured myself a shot.