Silent Flutter (The Butterfly Series)

by Lacey Ellmoore

  I heard the honking of Lana’s little BMW about twenty minutes later so I locked up my crappy apartment and met her downstairs. Her dad and grandpa owned a major part of one of the ranches near campus and donated money for the school’s library and all of the computer labs in the Engineering building. She was basically a celebrity on campus: all of the girls wanted to be friends with her and all of the boys wanted to sleep with her. The professors all loved her; too, because of how generous her family had been to the university. She was a petite brunette with a big personality. Her eyes were a mesmerizing shade of blue and her body looked like it belonged to a fitness model. Lana and I became friends instantly when we sat next to each other in Communication Applications and complained about how outdated Dr. Sharon Glazer’s wardrobe was. “She seriously needs a make-over,” we both said in unison when Dr. Glazer came to the first day of class wearing a mustard-colored sweater, magenta corduroy pants and stark white Keds over a pair of black dress socks. We had been best friends ever since.

  Because of all of the attention Lana got around campus, she was always up-to-speed on the latest gossip, and always eager to share it. As soon as I got in her shiny little car, she was bouncing up and down in the driver’s seat. I knew that look; she was holding onto something juicy and from the way she was fidgeting, I knew the gossip flood gates were about to break open.

  “Oh. My. God. Quinn. I’ve just heard the craziest thing!” she squealed as I fastened my seat belt. Everything was always “the craziest thing” with her.

  “Oh yeah, what’s that?” I indulged.

  “Judd and Erica broke up!”

  My heart thumped at the sound of his name. Once I got my breathing under control I turned to her and asked, “And this is the craziest thing….why?” I tried to hide the shakiness in my voice as I fixed my eyes on my hands folded anxiously in my lap.

  “Well I heard from Angela who heard straight from Erica that it was because of you!”

  My eyes immediately jerked up to hers. “Me? How could it have been because of me? I haven’t even talked to him in months. I think you may need to check your sources.” I played it off as if I wasn’t interested at all, but inside I, too, was jumping up and down, waiting for the rest of the details.

  “Apparently it was Monday night,” she continued. He texted me Tuesday morning, I thought to myself. “She was in his room while he was taking a shower.” My mind instantly wandered to images of Judd in the shower, and I had to literally shake my head to get rid of them and concentrate on what she was saying. “She was looking for a t-shirt or something in one of his drawers when she found a scandalous pair of underwear!” She looked over at me and her brows were bouncing erratically above her electric blue eyes. My cheeks filled with a hot rush of blood and my mouth fell open in shock.

  “They probably weren’t mine. I’m sure he has drawers full of souvenirs that he’s collected from his endless list of one-night-stands.”

  “Well, Angela said that Erica said that it was a trashy, pink and black, lace thong. A pair only a hooker would buy. Her words. Not mine,” she looked over at me.

  “Ugh!” I scoffed in horror. “They were not trashy. I got that set at Victoria’s Secret, and they weren’t cheap!”

  “Ha! I knew it was yours. I was there when you bought them, remember? I knew as soon as Angela described it that it belonged to you! Anyways, Angela said it was just the one pair. There weren’t other souvenirs as you put it. Erica marched right into the bathroom holding your thong and demanded that he explain whose it was.”

  Lana stopped and looked at me, before pulling her car into a spot at Big Joe’s Burgers. I hadn’t even realized that we had arrived already. She unbuckled her seatbelt and began to open the door when I grabbed her arm to stop her. “Where are you going? What happened next? What did he say?” I launched the questions at her with rapid fire.

  “Come on, I’ll finish telling you inside. You could probably use a beer with this story.”

  A beer. This early? I checked the clock on my phone; 12:03 PM. Oh, what the hell? At least it’s after noon, I thought and followed her into the restaurant.

  The hostess sat us at a booth in the back corner by the pool tables, and I was grateful for the privacy. We each ordered a pint of Miller Lite with some sliced limes and an order of onion rings to share as an appetizer. She didn’t continue with the story immediately, so once we finished our first round of beers I finally prodded her for the rest. “Well, go on. What did he say?” I had to know.

  “Well, just remember, I got this from Angela, Erica’s best friend, so some of the details might be a little…” she trailed off.

  “A little what?”

  “A little, ummm, not in your favor.”

  “Ha!” I laughed. “I knew that Groupie, Angela, didn’t like me! I don’t care what either of them had to say about me, just finish the story,” I urged.

  “Ok, so Judd got out of the shower and grabbed the panties out of her hand and asked her where she found them. Can you believe him? His girlfriend find’s another girl’s thong and he’s got the balls to be demanding answers!”

  “That’s sounds like Judd,” I answered honestly. His name felt foreign on my tongue. It had been so long since I had actually said it out loud.

  “Anyways, she told him she found them in his drawer and wanted to know who’s they were and why he had them. At first he lied and said he couldn’t remember but eventually he gave in and told her they were yours. Apparently, as soon as “Quinn” rolled off of his tongue, she went ballistic. She was shouting and throwing stuff around. I’m guessing you were a touchy subject to begin with, but having your underwear stowed away in one of his drawers must have really pushed her over the edge.”

  “Why would I be a touchy subject for them?”

  “Quinn, you cannot be that dense. I know you’re blonde but come on, girl, pull your head out of your ass.”

  “Excuse me?” I questioned, hurt by her tone. “What do you mean, dense? It’s not like I’m any kind of competition for her. He and I were never even in an actual relationship. I was just another girl in his “playbook” remember? Your words. Not mine.”

  “Well, I thought so in the beginning, but after I saw the way he watched you all night at Whiskey Sours on Dead Day, and after hearing him ask everyone at the baseball parties where you were and why you didn’t come around anymore, I finally realized it.”

  “What?”

  “That you were different to him. You weren’t just another one-night-stand or “play in his playbook” or whatever. Even the guys noticed. They used to tease him about being whipped over you, because he sat around at the parties looking like a lost puppy when you stopped coming around.” It was hard for me to imagine Mr. Confident sulking at a party over a girl. Over me. “Then when he met Erica and they started dating, everyone just assumed he got over you. I guess he didn’t.”

  I stared at her blankly. Everything she just told me hastily whirled through my head as I tried to make sense of it. She couldn’t be right. I couldn’t be the reason they broke up. “Angela probably got the story wrong. Why would it matter if he had a pair of panties from a night with me almost a year ago?”

  “You really don’t get it, do you, Q? If everyone around noticed him staring and anxiously awaiting your arrival everywhere he went, don’t you think his own girlfriend probably noticed, too? It wasn’t just the thong. It was the fact that he kept it, like some kind of pervy shrine to you.”

  I rolled my eyes and took big gulps from the fresh beer that the waitress sat front of me. This was too much to take in and I wasn’t sure that I wanted to hear the rest, but deep down, I knew I had to know more. “So what happened? She dumped him?”

  “Actually, no. Judd dumped her according to Angela. And that’s where the not-so-nice comments about you came in, but I’ll spare you the details.”

  “Gee, thanks.”

  “No prob!” she answered, as if she didn’t detect the sarcasm in my comment. “He to
ld her that it wasn’t going to work out anymore because he couldn’t fully commit to her without it all being one big lie. And that’s a direct quote. He didn’t mention your name again, but Quinn, I think he may be in love with you.”

  I choked on the beer that was making its way down my throat. In Love? With me? No. Judd doesn’t love me. Is it even possible to love someone you’ve never even been in an actual relationship with? “I don’t think that’s it. And anyways, it wouldn’t matter, I am in a relationship. A really really good one at that. I am in love and I’m happy, and Judd isn’t going to fuck that all up for me.”

  “Well good for you,” she said with a fierce nod of her head. Then she raised her pint to mine. “Cheers!”

  On the way back to my apartment I had Lana drop me by the bookstore on campus so that I could pick up my paycheck. I had been working there since the start of the Spring Semester and I actually really loved it; except for all of the awkward run-ins with Conquests coming in to buy their textbooks. The pay was crap, but it kept me busy before and between classes and I didn’t have to work weekends. The same group of professors came in every morning before the start of their 8:00 AM classes to sit at one of the café tables, drink coffee and drone on and on about the perils of working in education. I had become quite close with them, which in my mind could only be seen as a positive in case I ever ended up with one of them as an instructor.

  “Hey Quinn, what are you doing here on your day off? Shouldn’t you be out celebrating your breach into adulthood at a swanky martini club or something?” my boss, Tristan, asked as I walked into the office at the back of the store.

  “I’m just here to pick up my check. The festivities don’t start until tonight, but I’m pretty sure we aren’t going to a martini club,” I laughed.

  “Pretty sure? You don’t know what you’re doing for your own birthday?”

  “No, my boyfriend planned everything. He won’t tell me where we are going or what we are doing.” Tristan gave me a funny look. “What? It’s a surprise, and I think it’s sweet,” I argued defensively.

  “Huh.” He grunted. “When am I going to meet this party planner extraordinaire of yours anyways? Does he know that we’ve had a major increase in sales of t-shirts and pencils from the male population since you started working here? I’m pretty sure some guys come in and buy books for classes that they aren’t even taking,” Tristan laughed.

  “Oh hush up, they do not!” I countered, embarrassed by his accusation. “You know he doesn’t go to school here. I’ll try to get him to come in one day when he’s visiting so you guys can all meet him. But no mention of increased sales!”

  Tristan was pretty young; thirty-three I think. And very cute. It was hard not to flirt with him when he was teasing me. I had gotten really close with him and Rachael, the other store manager, because they would meet me and some of the other part-timers out for drinks or dinner on occasion.

  “Whatever you say,” he mumbled, throwing his hands up in defeat. “Here,” he said, handing me my pay stub. I looked down at the printed check; two hundred and fifty-five dollars and ninety-three cents. “Go out, splurge!”

  “I’ll try not to spend it all in one place,” I countered his sarcasm as I turned to walk out of the office.

  “Have fun tonight, Quinn! But be careful,” Tristan called out from behind.

  “Took you long enough,” Lana complained when I slid back into her passenger seat. “Were you getting in a little over-time with that hunky boss of yours?” she asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

  “Ugh, no! Don’t say shit like that; that’s how rumors get started around here.”

  “Don’t get your panties in a twist, Q. How can a rumor get started if it’s just you and me in the car? I’m just saying, if he was my boss, I’d be working on getting a raise if you know what I mean.”

  “Yes, I know what you mean. The whole world knows what you mean. You have a real knack for innuendo.”

  “And you have a real knack for sarcasm,” she spit back at me. “Now get out, go get packed and call me when you are ready,” she said as she pulled her car into a vacant spot in front of my building. “Do you want me to come pick you up or do you want to drive?” I was really glad that He made a point to invite The Girls from school as well as The Girls from back home to my birthday surprise. I wanted them to all meet and I really wanted them all there, wherever we were going, to help me celebrate my twenty-first birthday.

  “I’ll drive,” I told her. “I don’t want to have to fuss with giving you directions to my parents’ house. They live out in the boondocks and it can get kind of confusing. I’ll call you when I’m on my way to your house. Can you be ready to go in about an hour?”

  “Yep! I’ve been packed and ready for this road trip for three days now.”

  “Road trip? We’re going on a road trip? I thought we were just hanging out in my hometown?”

  “Ummm, yeah,” she stammered. “That’s like a road trip to me, getting out of this little shithole town.”

  “Uh huh,” I replied, unconvinced. “From one shithole to the next; not much of an adventure,” I assured her.

  “Oh just get on with it. See you in an hour.” I got out of her car and was walking up the stairs when I heard her window roll down as she shouted up at me, “Let’s get this hangover started!” I shook my head, laughed and continued up the stairs to my crappy apartment. That’s what she always chanted before a night of heavy drinking.

  There were at least ten cars in my parents’ driveway when we arrived around 4:00 that afternoon. June was there, along with Marin and her new baby girl, Kaymyn. My parents of course. Mary and the rest of my best friends from high school. And Him. “Wow, there are like, a hundred people here,” Lana exaggerated.

  “Not quite, but you’re right, there are a lot more cars here than I expected.”

  “Quinn! You’re finally here!” my mom shouted as we entered through the back kitchen door. Everyone was standing around in the kitchen and living room, staring at me as I made my way through. She ran up and scooped me up in a hug, “Happy birthday, Baby.”

  “Thanks, Mom,” I replied, squeezing her back.

  “I didn’t mean to keep everyone waiting. You said between four and five, and it’s just now four o’clock,” I said walking up to hug Him, too.

  “No, no, you didn’t keep us waiting. Everyone is just really excited to start celebrating your birthday with you,” He assured me before planting a parentally-approved peck on my lips.

  “Here you go, Quinn,” my dad said handing me a bottle of Miller Lite. “My first, official, legal beer with my baby girl.

  “Wait, honey,” my mom reached out for the beer passing from my dad’s fingers to mine. “They are about to get on the road, and I don’t think there’s time for a beer right now. I know she’s not driving, but it’s still probably not a good idea for her to smell like alcohol either, just in case.” Dad rolled his eyes.

  “Get on the road?” I asked, looking around the room at everyone’s faces, searching for an answer. “Where are we going?”

  June, Mary, Lana, Tandi and myself all crammed into His old Chevy truck while Shanna, another one of The Girls from high school, Ashley, a friend from college and Callum and Keith, my two guyfriends from high school all crammed into another. I was told to pack for “a night out” and to bring a swim suit. But that was all. I still had no idea where we were going; only that we were headed northeast, towards Houston.

  Three hours later we were right in the middle of downtown Houston, but He showed no signs of slowing down. The other truck full of my closest friends followed carefully behind us as the lights of the big city whirled by in a flash, and just like that, we were headed straight out of the city. “Seriously guys, where are you taking me?”

  I turned to the backseat to find four identical smiling faces, but no one was offering up any information. He just gave me a wink and took my hand in His before bringing it up to His mouth for a sweet kiss.

&n
bsp; “I know, I know…It’s a surprise,” I mimicked their answers from the first three times that I had asked.

  At nine o’clock I looked up from my phone from checking my Facebook when I saw a “Now Entering Louisiana” sign to my left. “Wait? Louisiana? What’s in Louisiana besides swamps and casinos?” I asked. And just as the last word passed from my lips I saw millions of glowing lights dancing off of the glassy surface of Lake Charles. Ville des Lumières Casino and Resort.

  It was one of the most beautiful hotels I had ever seen. I had never been to Vegas but I imagined this was exactly what it looked like but repeated over and over again on one street. It was so full of life and I wanted nothing more than to dive right in and experience it for myself. Please let this be my surprise, I thought to myself.