Road Trip

by Andie M. Long

  His mouth lifts in a smirk. ‘If you want me to do you, babe, you only have to ask.’

  ‘Oh my God, please stop or I may have to puke.' I adjust my ponytail. 'Look, I admit you’re good looking and that’s what I need. My sister has stolen my boyfriend and now she’s kicking me out of my home. I want you to give me a lift there and just, like, put your arm around me or something. Then help me get my stuff and I can drive myself home in my own car. I’m collecting it from there.’

  He’s leaning against the wall, those brown eyes assessing me. He strokes his chin. ‘Well, this is great and all that, but I don’t see why I should help. What do I get out of the evening apart from a few pulled muscles from carrying your dictionaries and stamp collections?’

  So that’s the impression I give him. A stamp collector. Fucking fabulous.

  I cross my arms across my chest. ‘Well, what do you want? I’m not sleeping with you.’

  ‘You said you want to do something reckless. I want to dare you, Miss Bloody Goody-Two-Shoes, to do something naughty. Something out of this comfort zone you say you’re in.’

  I chew on my lip while I think.

  ‘And that’s the only way you’ll come with me tonight?’

  ‘Yup.’ He stares at me, eyes challenging. Why do I find the danger so enticing?

  ‘Fine.’ I nod, ‘I’ll do it. After we’ve been to my old home, you can set me a dare for tomorrow.’

  Something tells me his imagination won’t be able to conjure up anything too exciting or dangerous.

  ‘Excellent. I’ll meet you in the car park after school.’ He pauses. ‘How did you get here today then, if not in your car?’

  ‘Two buses, both full of school children.’

  He looks at me in sympathy. If there is a hell on earth, it’s a school bus.

  ‘Well, I’ll be having a think about what I’m going to get you to do tomorrow.’

  A feeling of premature regret creeps up my neck until it feels like it’s strangling me. What the hell am I doing?

  After school, I stroll towards the car park, in no rush to get this show on the road. Felix is waiting for me sitting behind the wheel of a bright red Mazda X5. He’s such a cliché. He makes the top fold back. He might as well have just shown me his knob.

  ‘Can you put that back up? An old boyfriend had a convertible once, and all I got was a fly in my eye and a trip to the local eye hospital.’

  He snorts a laugh. ‘God, you’re a little ray of sunshine in my day, Cornish.’

  ‘I just got dumped, like yesterday, and crossed by my evil twin, so excuse me if I’m not happy like a fucking bunny rabbit.’ I get in and slam the door behind me.

  ‘You have an evil twin? Does she look like you? Can I have her phone number?’

  I exhale loudly and climb into the car. Felix begins to put the roof back on.

  ‘You can’t have her number because you’re my boyfriend today and she likes to steal my things so you must never, ever, date her because then she’ll win against me again and then I’d have to kill you and the poor kids learning history would fail their exams, all because you couldn’t keep it in your pants. You’ve already affected Maths and Chemistry, let’s leave it at that.’

  ‘Those teachers got promotions.’ He protests.

  ‘Shortly after mooning over you and having a fist fight in the staff room. Sure they did.’ I sit back in my seat and give him my old address.

  ‘So tell me the story,’ he says while starting the engine and putting the car in gear. We set off out of the car park and I don’t fail to notice that a couple of female teachers have narrowed gazes as we leave. Great, the gossip mill will no doubt be in effect tonight.

  ‘Well. I’d been with Richard, who we now call Dick by the way, for three years. Lived together for one, engaged for six months. No wedding plans made thank God. Yesterday I caught him shagging my sister.’

  ‘Wow. Some sister.’

  ‘Yep. She always covets what I have, so be on your guard because she’ll get tired of Dick real quick once she sees you.’

  ‘Everyone gets tired of other dick’s when they see me.’

  I try to sigh and perform an eye-roll, but he’s too funny, and a giggle escapes me.

  ‘She laughs. Thank God for that. You look so much prettier when you laugh.’ He says.

  I ignore him and focus on the journey. I know he’s trying to make me blush and I won’t give him the satisfaction.

  ‘So now my sister is moving into our shared rental and I’m moving out. Luckily it was furnished so other than my actual bought belongings, like ornaments and cushions etc, there should be just a few boxes. There are no large items to move.’

  ‘Right, so that’s all good to know, but I meant what’s our story, our back story?’

  ‘Oh, right.’ I feel my cheeks flush a little. I’m such an idiot. So I just told him all the details of my personal life and that wasn’t what he meant at all. ‘Erm, we’ve loved each other from afar for months and now there’s nothing stopping us from getting together. I have the moral high ground over Victoria and Dick because we haven’t slept together yet, but I’m following you to your house, so we can have a bout of mad, passionate bonking.’

  ‘Sure we can’t do that instead and then go fetch your stuff. Add to the authenticity?’

  I look at him with dagger eyes to find he’s winking at me, his eyes dancing with mischief. I just shake my head at him.

  ‘You are such a manwhore.’

  He doesn’t reply. Just goes quiet and checks the Sat Nav.

  My sister’s face is a fucking picture when she clocks Felix with his arm around me as she opens the door. I note my things are already packed in the sort of boxes you get from professional removers, and I know she’s had someone do it for her. Richard’s savings will be gone within a month with my sister. Not that I should give a toss.

  ‘Hey, Vic.’ I smile. ‘Felix, sweetie, are you alright loading these in the back of my car?’ I take my keys from Victoria’s hand while she’s still open-mouthed. ‘I’ll be putting the back seats down.’

  ‘Only if later on you’ll put those back seats back up for us to climb onto darlin’.’ He winks at me and before I turn towards the car, he slaps my arse! I’m going to kill him when I next see him alone.

  Victoria puts an arm up against the door jamb and extends a manicured hand. ‘I’m sorry, we haven’t been introduced. You are?’

  Felix ignores her outstretched hand and pulls me in closer to him, nibbling my ear. It makes a shiver run all the way from my ear, down my spine, reaching my toes. Fuck, he doesn’t know that my ear tip is a main erogenous zone for me.

  ‘Hurry up and get that seat down, Katy, because I’m getting a bit desperate to get you back to mine now.’

  We finish loading up the car. Victoria disappeared for most of the time we were there having nothing to goad me about now she realised I had a “new man”.

  She says goodbye to us as if she’s ridding herself of staff and closes the door in my face.

  A few minutes later we’ve managed to pack all of the boxes into the back of my car.

  ‘Your story is delivered. Her face looked like she’d swallowed a wasp. You’re not at all alike, are you? Non-identical in almost every way.’

  ‘Almost?’

  ‘You look around the same height and weight.’

  ‘Vic only eats steamed fish and salad. She takes after our dad; he’s a bit portly. I think that’s when she first started hating me, when she realised I was staying slim like our mum. If she ever pissed me off at home, I’d eat a four pack of Mars Bars in front of her face.’

  ‘I’m seeing another side to you, Miss Cornish. A total fresh perspective and I like it.’

  I close my boot and turn to Felix. ‘Thanks so much for your help.’ I tell him. ‘Is she watching?’ I ask.

  ‘There’s a shadow behind her bedroom curtain.’ He tells me. ‘So prepare yourself.’

  I open my mouth to ask what he means when it
’s captured with his own. His lips crush against mine, soft and warm and although my mind is protesting manwhore alert, my body is saying hell yeah. I tell my mind that we’re making Vic jealous and my body has a little happy dance inside.

  I wrap my hands around Felix’s neck pulling him further into me. His arms come around me so he’s gripping my backside, pulling me towards him. I feel evidence of his hard-on against my own general girl parts area. Well, I wasn’t expecting that! His tongue tangles with mine and I get the feeling he’s making the most of his acting opportunity. The thing is, I have to ride out this snog because I can’t be seen to be pushing him away.

  So it’s still happening, like it must have been about four minutes now. My girly parts are proper tingling and all because of this manwhore. It’s not allowed. I’m trying my best for drool not to run out the corner of my lip, but it’s going to happen soon if he doesn’t quit. I try to talk while kissing but it just comes out sounding like a groan which makes him kiss me even harder.

  Then the next minute we’re soaking wet. As we spring apart, I see Victoria standing there, hip cocked, arms folded, with an empty bucket at her side.

  ‘I realised I’d not washed the car for you before you collected it. Sorry about that.’ She says, before turning on her heel and walking off.

  ‘What a bitch,’ Felix says, water dripping down the line of his nose. I’m kind of listening but now his blue shirt is wet, and I can see his nipples through it and some of that tattoo. My traitorous mind is wondering what his body underneath it is like.

  ‘Yep, bitch,’ I reply, deciding I’d better look up.

  ‘Right,’ Felix coughs, his eyes fixing on mine. ‘I’d better be off. I’ll see you in the morning. Be prepared for your first dare.’

  He leans in and kisses me, soft and deep once again. What the hell? Are we just kissing friends now?

  ‘For your sister’s benefit obviously,’ he says as he walks off to his car. I go to get in mine and it’s only when a cyclist passing me front on, almost falls of his bike that I realise my own white blouse has gone entirely see-through, giving passersby and Mr Montague a clear view of my tits.

  Katy

  I wake up with butterflies in my stomach and a feeling of dread. I’ve got to do a dare. What the hell is Felix Montague going to make me do? He's already helped me with the furniture stuff now though, so if it’s anything too horrible I’ll just say no.

  I dress in another pair of grey trousers and a black tunic top today. Full breakfast down me and parents reassured I’m fine, I’m on my way.

  As I get out of my car, I see him get out of his own. He’s been waiting for me. Clearly, he can’t wait for me to be his puppet. Great. Not even time for another coffee before he descends.

  As he approaches, I note he has two coffees in his hand. One of them better be for me. I sigh to myself. Now the aroma is going to hit me. I may drool.

  ‘Black, right? No sugar?’ He hands one of the cups over to me.

  What the hell?

  ‘Erm, yes. How do you know that?’

  ‘I’ve stood behind you in the staff room loads of times.’ He smiles down at me. ‘You always take your sweet time.’

  Ah. Knew he’d follow it with an insult.

  ‘Oh, yeah, right.’

  ‘So,’ he leans in, his smile smug, ‘Are you ready for your first dare?’

  ‘First?’ I snap at him, taking a sip of the coffee. ‘I agreed to one.’

  ‘Yes, but if I give you the one I actually want you to do, you’ll shit your pants, so we’ll build you up.’ I roll my eyes. ‘Today I want you to do this.’ He leans over and whispers in my ear.

  Get away from my erogenous zone, I want to yell at him as his soft breath tickles my ear.

  ‘Fine. I can do that.’

  ‘Report back to me in the staff room at lunchtime,’ he demands, clearly loving the small bit of power.

  ‘Yes, Sir.’ This time I do a sarcastic salute.

  ‘Don’t "Sir" me, I like it too much.’ He does his usual wink/smirk combo and walks away.

  Miss Chambers (Sarah) and Miss Jennings (Charlie) sit either side of me in the staff room as I sit nursing my third coffee of the day before I have to get to class. Funny how they’re suddenly so interested in me; they’ve never been anything but colleagues who share polite conversation before. Yet they now sit here smiling at me like we’ve been best friends all our lives.

  ‘Someone seems to be getting close to Mr Montague,’ Charlie chirrups, raising an eyebrow at me that clearly says “tell us your game plan, bitch".

  Ah, so that’s why they’re suddenly interested. One of the others has obviously passed on that they saw me getting into his car last night. Add us walking into the staff room together and the rumour mill will be saying I’m having his illegitimate baby soon.

  I pull a face. ‘You’ve got to be kidding me. He’s a dick. I needed to ask him something about a pupil that’s all.’

  ‘But you got in his car last night,’ Sarah crosses one leg over the other and then flicks her hair back.

  I shrug. ‘My car had problems. He offered me a lift to the garage. I took it. He might be a dick, but he’s better than the school bus.’

  They mock shiver and I can see that they believe me. Of course, why would Mr Montague choose the traditional and uptight Miss Cornish over their designer-clad arses? It obviously makes more sense to them.

  ‘I thought it was a bit strange as you’d never talked to him before, and of course you’re—‘ She looks at the relevant finger of my left hand, no longer containing my engagement ring, and her voice trails off, ‘engaged.’

  Well I don’t want to tell these nosy bitches what’s happening in my private life.

  ‘I am. But I’m having the stone cleaned at the moment.’ I stand up, straightening down my trousers. ‘Right excuse me, ladies. I need to get to class.’

  With that I leave them to speculate further on whether I’m telling the truth or lying through my teeth.

  A classroom of fifteen- and sixteen-year-olds is not my favourite thing, so I actually think this first prank will be fun. They like to think they can chat and text on their phone throughout the lesson and sometimes it's hard to keep their attention. This will confuse the fuck out of them. I have to stop myself doing an evil laugh.

  I write all twenty-eight names down on my board with different numbers and symbols at the side of them. Total random crap.

  The class wanders in and eventually all eyes are on the board, the girls overly filled-in eyebrows raised in confusion.

  ‘What’s that, Miss?’ asks Brad, one of the gobshites in my class.

  ‘I’ll explain at the end of the lesson,’ I tell him.

  My class is the best behaved they’ve ever been. Heads down for the most part and work done. Every so often, I see a head pop up and look at the board, a face wearing a mask of puzzlement or a concerted effort to try to work out what it means.

  Then we get to the end of the lesson and I wipe the board clean.

  ‘Miss, what was it?’ Brad asks again.

  ‘It’s just a shorthand thing I was experimenting with, to help me assess you. I’ve decided it doesn’t work,’ I tell them. ‘Never mind, forget it.’

  There are exhalations of relief around the classroom and once they’ve all left, I sit in my seat with my back to the room facing the blackboard and explode with laughter.

  ‘Went well then, did it?’ His southern voice comes from behind me.

  I spin around in my chair, unable to hide my huge grin. ‘That was glorious. I’ve never had such concentration in my class. Anyway, I thought I needed to find you at lunch?’

  ‘I couldn’t wait to find out if you’d done it or chickened out.’

  It gives me a little thrill to think I’ve been on his mind. No, Katy. Don’t fall for his charms. It was that kiss. He clearly attempted to suck the sense from me.

  ‘Well, anyway. Don’t come chat to me in the staff room. I have frenemies engaged. Yo
ur fan club think we got it going on.’

  ‘To be honest,’ he sits on top of a desk opposite me, releasing a sigh. ‘That would do me a favour. Get them off my back.’

  ‘Dream on,’ I tell him. ‘The heat would be off you and straight onto me. That’s not happening any time soon. You made your bed and shagged in it. Man up.’

  He frowns, staring at me intently. What the hell is up with him?

  I look away, scared he’ll hypnotise me somehow. ‘Now what’s my next dare?’

  Over the following days, I cable tie shut the backpacks of all the girls who put their make-up on several times a day, causing a meltdown as their lip glosses wear off. I tell my students I’m disappointed with how many turned in their homework when I’d not set any. I give them a test to do with twenty English questions, neglecting to tell them to read the instructions carefully. The test instructions say only to answer the first question, so I’m delighted when everyone completes the whole test and I get to see their faces groan at the end of the lesson.

  I tell them I’ve made them homemade brownies and then uncover a tub that has brown paper E’s in it. That one made me really laugh. They didn’t see the funny side.

  By Tuesday of the following week, I tell Felix to give me the main prank because I want to return to teaching them properly, even though it has been fun.

  ‘There is no way I’m having a mock fight with you in my classroom. No way.’ I shout.

  ‘Well, come do it in my classroom then. Mine are used to pranks.’

  I huff. ‘I bloody bet they are, with you as a teacher.’

  ‘Gee, thanks.’

  ‘No. We’ll call it quits now. I’ve done some pranks, and you got my stuff with me, so it’s all good.’

  He looks at me sternly. ‘It’s not good because you've broken our agreement. You've not done my prank.’

  I shrug my shoulders. ‘Oh well.’

  ‘Hmm, I think I’ll be paying your sister a visit tonight. I’ll tell her you were shit in bed and then ask her out. Or maybe I’ll just tell her you lied all along.’ He stands feet wide apart, his head tilted slightly.