My gaze cut to Landon. Only Langston? What about Landon? I didn’t want Langston without Landon. I thought they knew that. Why would they even make that an option?
“However, pet,” Master said, drawing my attention back to him, “it’s important you understand that I’m not in a position to collar you at this time. That’s not the direction that I’m going. That doesn’t mean I don’t want you to be mine, it merely means we’re not at that level yet. We could be someday.”
Could be.
Wow. How romantic.
I wasn’t sure he realized that with those few words, he had completely shattered my heart. Sure, I’d been second-guessing myself, but deep down, I was the kind of girl who was hoping for her fairy-tale prince (or two in this case) to come in and whisk her off her feet, declaring his undying love.
Clearly, my prince was not in this room.
I swallowed the lump in my throat, wanting to say something but not sure how to express what I felt. The last part pained me more than anyone would know. Considering my feelings for Master and Sir, it was devastating to know that they didn’t feel the same.
“Do not answer now,” Sir added.
I couldn’t help but wonder why he wasn’t giving me an option that included him. That was the only thing I wanted. He had to know that.
“We want you to go home and think about it,” Sir continued. “We’ve agreed that we won’t make direct contact with you until you’ve made your decision and you meet with the four of us on Thursday.” He waved his hand. “Or whenever you’re ready.” Sir’s gaze shot to the other three men. “That means no one is to contact her. Not by phone, text, or showing up at her apartment. This is her decision.”
“Like we said,” Justin added, “there is no wrong answer. We want you to make the decision that is right for you. And like Ben said, your job is not in jeopardy. Should you come back on Thursday and tell us all that you want nothing to do with this anymore, we’ll understand that, too. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way, Luci.”
I nodded, unable to keep the tear from trickling down my cheek.
I don’t think they understood how difficult this decision was.
Or how painful it was to know that no one truly wanted me.
For their own.
Twenty
I COULD SEE THE SHOCK on Jordan’s face when he found out I was leaving for the day and would not be returning until Thursday. He knew something was up, and I assured him that I would be back and not to worry.
Granted, I was worried.
“Too late for that, kiddo. I’m already worried. Why don’t you come over for dinner tonight? With me and Dale.”
I stared back at my friend, then nodded. “Okay. What time?”
Without answering me, Jordan reached out and stole my phone from my hand. He quickly put in his number, then called his phone.
“Okay, now that I have your number, I’ll text you after I talk to Dale.”
I shook my head. “Jordan, seriously…I don’t want you to go to any trouble.”
He held up his hand. “Shut it. No one’s going to any trouble. You come over, we’ll feed you, and we can talk about whatever you want to talk about.”
It wasn’t like I wanted to argue with him. I honestly needed a friend right now and I found myself closer to Jordan these days than I was to Kristen.
“Okay. Just text me.”
“Will do. Be careful. And call me if you need anything.” He slowly sat down in his chair, watching me like a sad puppy dog as I backed toward the elevator. I offered a smile, then turned around.
I had a lot of thinking to do before I shared anything with Jordan, and I didn’t have the faintest idea where to start. The only consolation was that they weren’t firing me. If it turned out that I couldn’t continue doing this with them, then at least I would still have my job.
And wouldn’t that be freaking awkward.
•
After I returned to my apartment, I changed into yoga pants and an oversized sweatshirt, then made a cup of hot chocolate. I needed something to soothe my soul and this was the only way I knew to begin.
Soothe my soul.
Right.
Like that would ever happen.
Never in my life had I felt more like a punching bag than I did in that moment. These men were tossing me around as though it was inevitable that I would bounce back. Only, I wasn’t sure I had any bounce left in me. This was nuts. One minute we were role playing on the beach, the next I was dancing at New Year’s, and now I was being told I had to choose. But quite frankly, my choices sucked.
“Uggh!”
Before settling on the sofa, I grabbed a notebook and pen from my nightstand, figuring the best way to attack this was to start with lists. That was what I was good at.
“This is not gonna be easy,” I muttered to myself, curling up with a blanket. “Not easy at all.”
I figured the best thing to do was to start by listing what my options were.
I wrote the headings on three separate pages: Back to the beginning; A little taste of everything; False commitment.
Those seemed fitting for what my bosses said I could choose from. The idea of kicking them all to the curb, as Justin had hinted at, did not sit well with me. I was confused and a little heartbroken, but I wasn’t ready for this to be over. So, I wasn’t even considering it.
My first option wasn’t all that appealing. Although I had enjoyed it in the beginning, even I could accept that I wanted more than to be a mere plaything for the four men to entertain when they chose to. Sure, I enjoyed it and I knew I would continue to enjoy it, but there was no ending, which made it feel too undefined, I guess was the right word.
The second option of being dominated by each of them randomly, while still being shared between them, was the least dreadful. I couldn’t deny that. I enjoyed being with each man, but I also enjoyed having all their attention. It would give me the most options, the ability to get to know them better. And not just sexually.
And the final option, which was giving myself to Master, while not having him give himself to me in return, made my heart hurt. It was an abysmal option. For one, I cared about him, but I didn’t want him without Sir. That I knew for an absolute fact.
And then there had been his declaration. He wasn’t ready to collar me, but one day he might be? What kind of crap was that? I physically ached when I thought about what he’d said, how he wasn’t ready but he might in the future. However, I couldn’t deny that I had feelings for him and I wanted to please him.
On the other hand, I hadn’t even known what collars were three months ago. Why would anyone assume I was ready or willing to wear one?
I huffed.
No, this certainly wasn’t going to be an easy choice.
“Pros and cons,” I muttered to myself. That seemed like a good avenue to explore next.
With my pen in hand, I decided three pros and three cons for each scenario was necessary, so I got to work.
BACK TO THE BEGINNING
Pros
Enjoy the attention of all four men.
Spontaneity.
No stress.
Cons
No structure.
Lack of real intimacy.
No future.
A LITTLE TASTE OF EVERYTHING
Pros
Intimate encounters with each man.
Spontaneity.
Some structure.
Cons
Delicate balance.
Worry about pleasing everyone.
No future.
FALSE COMMITMENT
Pros
Commitment.
Spend more time with Master.
Structure.
Cons
Lack of true commitment from Master.
Owned but not kept.
Not having Sir
Although the lists came relatively easy, I instantly knew that they wouldn’t help in my decision. For one, I tended to follow my heart and not my brain,
which meant this decision was more of an emotional one.
Dropping my pen and notepad onto my lap, I picked up my hot chocolate and stared at the wall. Anger began bubbling up inside of me and I wasn’t sure where it was coming from. Perhaps I was upset that my bosses were making this so difficult for me. Up until this afternoon, I thought we were enjoying ourselves. I’m not sure what caused things to move in this direction, for any of them to make a decision that would alter the course of everything.
I wanted to blame one of them for being selfish, but I couldn’t. For one, I had no clue whose idea this was. I suspected it was Justin, but I didn’t know for certain. He seemed to be the one keeping the most distance between us. Or maybe Ben? What if he didn’t like the way things were going between me and Justin? Or hell, maybe it was Landon.
Shit. I had no clue.
I wasn’t sure what Ben felt for me, but I knew we were close. If nothing else, we were friends and I was content with that. As for Justin… He was an enigma. He kept his emotions guarded and I felt as though he merely wanted to use my body when it was convenient for him. Not that I minded. I was enjoying that part. Of course, that had me thinking about Ben again. Ben was Justin’s submissive. Did that mean that Ben took orders from Justin even when he was the dominant one? Was he only with me because Justin instructed him to be?
And Landon… I felt something deeper with him. I’d spent enough time with him to know that we had connected on an emotional level. Except he didn’t seem to be fighting for me.
Then I realized that I didn’t have all the tools necessary to make a decision. If these men wanted me to make a choice, it only seemed fair that they had to be held responsible for their actions, too. I certainly wasn’t going to make it easy on them. They had specifically stated that they couldn’t make contact with me, but if I initiated it…
Grabbing my phone, I pulled up Landon’s—yes, I was back to calling him Landon because right now he didn’t deserve to be called Sir—number. I would text him my instructions since he seemed to be the one trying to bring this to a close.
Luci: In order for me to make an informed decision, I need to make a request.
Landon: Anything, sweet girl. Just name it.
My heart once again did a slow flip in my chest at his pet name for me. I liked that he used it. In fact, I liked that they all had a different one for me.
Luci: I’d like for each of you to write me a letter. Doesn’t have to be lengthy, but I’d like you to write me a letter telling me what these past few months have meant to you. Once all four letters have been written, seal them in an envelope and give them to Jordan. I’ll arrange to get them from him.
Landon: I’ll let the others know and we’ll have them to Jordan first thing tomorrow morning.
Luci: Thank you.
Rather than go into a detailed explanation of why I felt this was necessary, I put my phone down. I didn’t want to chat with Landon and disobey the rules. However, I knew better than to email them at their work addresses because this was not technically company business. Although we had an arrangement, I wanted this to be separate.
•
I received a text message from Jordan at 5:40 p.m.
Jordan: Dale and I would be honored if you’d join us for dinner tonight. Would six thirty work for you? I’m not sure how long it’ll take you to get here.
He followed the first text with his address, which I learned—thanks to Google Maps—that he was about three blocks from the office. I texted him back to let him know six thirty would be great. Knowing I looked like a bum, I quickly changed into jeans and a nice sweater, pulled my hair back in a ponytail, and touched up my makeup before hopping in my car and heading back downtown.
It didn’t take long to locate Jordan’s apartment. When I knocked, I was instantly met by Dale, who gave me a huge grin as he pulled me inside.
“You made it,” he said in a huff. “I think my Knight’s going a little crazy worrying about you.”
I smiled, loving how he referred to Jordan as his Knight, even in such a casual environment.
“Well, he has no need to worry. I’m perfectly fine.”
Dale lifted one dark eyebrow. “Fine? Honey, you’re not fine until you’ve had a couple glasses of wine and you share all the deets of what’s going on. J won’t tell me anything and if I don’t get something soon, I’m going to lose my mind.”
I laughed. I liked that Dale was as eccentric as Jordan. I hadn’t expected it, honestly.
“Where is she?” Jordan yelled seconds before he appeared in the small entryway. “Get your little butt in here, woman.”
I let Dale lead me into the kitchen, where Jordan set a glass of wine on the breakfast bar and pulled out a stool for me.
“Sit. Drink. Dish.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. I was so glad I’d decided to come over. Truthfully, after what had happened earlier, I wasn’t sure I was going to be smiling, much less laughing for quite some time.
“What are we having?” I asked, mostly in an attempt to put off the inevitable, but also because it smelled delicious.
“Homemade beef stroganoff,” Jordan informed me. “My boy knows how to cook.”
I glanced over at Dale, enjoying the way he blushed when Jordan said such sweet things about him.
“Is there a reason you call him my Knight?” I just had to know.
Dale blushed again, but Jordan was the one who spoke up.
“We met at a club one night and my boy here was with another Dom.” He waved a hand dismissively. “A pretentious asshole who called himself a Dom.”
“Don’t get him started,” Dale warned with a chuckle.
“Anyway, I saw them arguing and I didn’t like the way the man was talking to him, so I intervened. The rest is history.”
“And because he came riding in on his white horse, I call him my Knight.”
I lifted my wineglass in a mock toast. “Well, that makes perfect sense. Plus, it’s a romantic story.”
“But enough about that,” Jordan said as he laid the plates out before me. “Either you start talking or I hide the food.”
Taking a sip of wine, I narrowed my eyes at Jordan. “You wouldn’t dare.”
“Try me, little girl. Remember who the Dom is here.”
“About that,” I said, pointing toward him with my glass. “How did I work with you for nearly three months and not find out that you were into the lifestyle until you showed up out of the blue on the island? Hmm? I can’t quite figure that one out.”
Jordan grinned over at Dale. “I told you that was the first thing she was going to ask.”
Dale nodded. “It’s true. That’s exactly what he said.”
“Well? I deserve answers.”
“You’ll get them,” Jordan assured me. “Just as long as you promise to talk to me.”
I sobered, my smile somewhat sad. “I promise, I’ll talk.”
“Good.” He sighed, then took a long sip of his wine. “And the fact that I’m a Dom and I have a full-time submissive is not something I share with many people. Not because I’m embarrassed but because it typically doesn’t come up in conversation. I’m not sure when the appropriate time to tell you that I had a man at home who called me his Knight and allowed me to tie him up and do wicked, dirty things to him would’ve been.”
Again, I glanced at Dale, who was now blushing profusely.
“Okay, fine. You’ve got me there.” It was true. It had never come up in conversation.
“But I could say the same to you,” Jordan continued. “When were you going to tell me that you had four masters?”
I sighed. “I don’t have four masters.” That much was true. At the moment, I didn’t feel like I had any. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do come Thursday.
Jordan came around and took the seat beside me, his hand resting on my forearm. “Talk to me, sweetie. Dale and I won’t judge you and maybe we’ll help you figure out what your next steps are.”
I smiled, wil
ling the tears not to fall. And two seconds later, I found myself telling Jordan and Dale everything that had happened from the moment we left the island until this afternoon when I’d been told to go home and think about my options.
Needless to say, we had needed the two bottles of wine.
Twenty-One
ON WEDNESDAY MORNING, I ARRANGED to meet Jordan in the office at eight thirty in order to get the letters. When I texted him at seven forty-five, he assured me the boss fairies had come through for me and there was an envelope locked in his desk for safe keeping.
When I arrived, his eyes were as round as saucers when he took in my bedraggled appearance. I hadn’t bothered to shower yet, so my hair was loosely knotted on top of my head, I had no makeup on, and I was wearing my favorite yoga pants and an oversized sweatshirt. I was a hot mess, I wouldn’t lie. Even after last night, after spending time with Jordan and Dale, laughing and talking and drinking wine, I still couldn’t sleep for shit. My bosses’ request was weighing heavily on me.
“Okay, so this is not how I expected you to look after our talk last night,” he stated as he hesitantly passed over the envelope, still checking me out.
I peered down at myself. “Oh, this old thing? I was going for shabby chic. Too much?”
He smiled, but I could tell he wasn’t completely taken by my charm. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
I hugged him, wanting to reassure him. “I’m fine. I just have a lot of things to think about, but I promise I’ll be back in the morning.”
“I’m holding you to that. Have you talked to Kristen yet?”
Last night, I had talked to Jordan a little about Kristen, telling him all about how she had also kept her kinky life a secret all this time, plus how she was the one who had connected me with the job opportunity. After a little too much wine, I had also conveyed that she was personally responsible for setting things in motion with my bosses. He hadn’t found that amusing in the least. I informed him I was scared to bring it up to her because I wasn’t sure I could keep my anger in check after what she did to me. The fact that she pimped me out to my four bosses still bothered me more than anything.
Intrigued Out of the Office Page 14
