Trusting the Cowboy

by Carolyne Aarsen

  Which he had assured her was not a problem.

  “And you must do what you must do,” he said, his voice quiet.

  Lauren wasn’t sure if he was mocking her or simply acknowledging her circumstances. Trouble was, she didn’t like to think that he would want to hurt her.

  She lowered the stirrup and rocked the saddle horn to make sure everything was secure, then ducked under the horse’s lead rope to get the bridle.

  “I’m sorry,” Vic said as she passed him. Then, to her surprise, he caught her by the hand and turned her to look at him. “I shouldn’t put pressure on you. It’s just— I’m thinking that you’re starting to like it here.”

  She suddenly found it difficult to breathe.

  “I am. It’s peaceful here,” she said finally, fully aware of the callused warmth of his hand and how reluctant she was to remove hers. This was getting to be dangerous, she reminded herself even as she kept her hand where it was. The subtle connections between them were luring her into a place she had promised herself she would never go again.

  “It can be,” he said, his thumb making slow circles over her hand, making her heart speed up. “Winter can be harsh and wild, though. When the wind whips up snow and piles it into snowbanks, blocking off roads.”

  “I’ve never been here in the winter, except when I was a little girl,” she said, her breathless voice struggling to find equilibrium.

  “It has its own beauty, though,” Vic continued. “Its own moments when the sun comes out and the world looks like an endless blanket of white.”

  His voice and the pictures he sketched with it were beguiling, and Lauren imagined herself tucked away in her father’s ranch house, looking out over blinding fields of white, a fire blazing in the hearth, a book on her lap.

  It’s a dream, her practical self told her. A foolish dream. How would she survive? How would she make a living?

  She tugged her hand free and pulled herself away from Vic. She hurried to the tack shed, and in the quiet and gloom she caught her breath and regained her perspective.

  She was growing dangerously attracted to Vic.

  She couldn’t allow this. Letting another man into her life was dangerous. Her father. Harvey. She had known them longer than she had known Vic and they both had proved to be untrustworthy. No way could she allow herself to be vulnerable again.

  But unbidden came the questions Vic had asked her when they were coming back from the greenhouse. Questions no one had ever asked her—why she did what she did. Why she was an accountant.

  She was good at it. It was her job. Her dream to start her own business.

  But even as she repeated the words in her head, standing in this tack shed, the scents of old leather and saddle soap and the musky smell of horse blankets stirred other memories of rides into the hills. The freedom she felt here.

  The peace.

  She shook off the thoughts, grabbed Roany’s halter and took a steadying breath. It was losing her father, she thought, that was making her feel so nostalgic. So vulnerable. She couldn’t let herself get all emotional.

  And with that pep talk fresh in her mind, she stepped out of the shed and ran straight into Alex.

  “Whoa, there,” he said, grabbing her arms to steady her. “There’s no rush.”

  She gave him a tepid smile, pulling back. “Sorry. I don’t want to keep Roany waiting,” she said, holding up the bridle.

  “I guess we don’t want antsy horses on our ride.” Then, thankfully, he lowered his hands.

  She walked over to Roany and felt a moment’s hesitation. It had been many years since she had bridled a horse, but she knew Vic and Alex were watching and she wanted to prove herself competent.

  Take your time, analyze the situation, then move with confidence.

  Her father’s advice returned to her. She took the headstall in one hand, the bit in the other, and with the hand holding the bit, inserted her finger and thumb on each side of Roany’s mouth. She put pressure on his mouth, then he obligingly opened it and she neatly slipped the bit inside.

  A few seconds later the bridle was on and buckled and Lauren felt in control of her world.

  She led Roany to Alex, showed him how to get on, then returned to where Vic was buckling up Spot’s bridle.

  “Is she ready?”

  Vic nodded, avoiding her eyes, and she wondered if he regretted that moment he had touched her.

  As she mounted and followed Vic and Alex, she couldn’t help but think how Alex’s touch had done nothing for her.

  But Vic’s had left her breathless.

  * * *

  “From here you can see across the valley.” Vic pointed out the Saddlebank River meandering through fields and groves of trees. “Just to our right, about two miles down, is where Refuge Ranch starts, and beyond that the Fortier spread.”

  The land spread out below them and Lauren rested her hands on the horn of the saddle, letting her eyes sweep over the vista with its varying shades of green. The shadows of clouds moved over the undulating land. She heard the trill of a song sparrow, the eerie cry of a hawk circling overhead. And blended through it all the occasional lowing of cows.

  An unexpected tranquility came over her and a peculiar happiness followed.

  “I always loved coming up here,” Lauren said to Vic, drawing in a cleansing breath and releasing it slowly.

  “It’s a beautiful view.”

  She glanced over at Alex, but he was frowning at his phone, reading something on the screen.

  “The land goes right down to the river, doesn’t it?” she asked, turning back to Vic.

  “Some of the richest pastureland is right along the Saddlebank River. And it can carry a lot more cows than it does, but your dad would’ve needed more help to run them all. It’s a great ranch, lots of potential.”

  Lauren was surprised at the admiration in Vic’s voice. The way he leaned forward in the saddle, as if getting a better look at what lay below, showed a connection to the land that she envied. He was rooted here. He belonged here.

  “What would you do with the ranch that my father didn’t?” As soon as she asked the question, regret flashed through her. As if she was encouraging him to verbalize dreams that would never take place now.

  But Vic smiled and pointed to the land below. “I’d break that pasture along the river and turn it into cropland.”

  “Wouldn’t that leave you short on pasture?”

  “The ranch isn’t running to capacity. I’ve been holding back heifers to increase our herd over time. And when I get to the herd size I want, I would break the existing pastures into smaller ones and utilize rotational grazing to get more out of them.” He glanced over at her and then gave her a laconic look. “But I guess that’s all just a dream now, isn’t it?”

  Lauren didn’t look away as regret and second thoughts scrabbled at her. She wanted to apologize, but that seemed moot. “Do you have the same view from your place?”

  “No. Our ranch is on the other side of the road.”

  “It’s beautiful, isn’t it, Alex?” Lauren avoided Vic’s eyes, glancing over at Alex, but he was still busy with his phone.

  She felt a moment’s irritation and he must have sensed it, because he suddenly glanced over at her and slanted her a sheepish grin. “Just checking with my partner. He’s shifting some stocks for me.”

  Lauren only nodded, recognizing his need to keep his finger on the pulse of his business.

  Something she’d been neglecting the past two days. This morning she’d checked her phone and seen four text messages from Amy. She’d quickly answered them but left her phone in the house when she went out to help Vic.

  She didn’t want to be distracted on this ride, and she didn’t want business to intrude.

  “So, tell me some more about the
ranch,” Alex asked, dropping his phone back into his shirt pocket.

  “This ranch can carry about eight hundred cow-calf pairs,” Vic was saying, “and it currently has about four hundred acres in hay, which I was thinking—”

  “What about the horses we saw on the yard? Would they come with the ranch?” Alex asked, interrupting Vic, turning to Lauren.

  “I don’t think so,” Lauren said, shifting gears with Alex’s change in topic. “Jodie and Finn have been working with the horses, and I believe Finn wants to move them to his place when the ranch sells.”

  Jodie had been adamant that the horses not be sold with the ranch, and Lauren could understand her objections. They had good bloodlines. Her father had invested more money in the horses than in cattle, and Jodie and Finn were hoping to breed some more horses and train them.

  “Too bad. Maybe I should talk to him. See if he’ll sell me some. Be a good idea to have some horses available for when me and my friends come and stay here.” He turned back to Vic. “How hard would it be to get some cabins built? Who could I talk to about that?”

  “Jan Peter is a contractor based out of Saddlebank. He does good work,” Vic said. “My brother works for him.”

  “Where would be a good place to build them? I don’t know if I want to have guest cabins right on the main property.”

  “There is another yard site farther down the road,” Vic said. “It used to be a separate ranch before Keith’s father bought it out. There’s an older house there. It has power and a well. That place could work.”

  As Vic spoke, Lauren had to dig back into her memory, vaguely recalling visiting another yard site to do some cleanup around a house. She and her sisters had wanted to go exploring inside, but their father wouldn’t let them. They’d had work to do and there had been no time for fun.

  When they were a little older, she and Erin had saddled up the horses and gone riding down there. But the door of the house was locked, and the curtains were drawn over the window, and they were too afraid to break in. Erin had always said that someday she was going to live in that house, tucked in her own corner of the world.

  Guess that isn’t happening now, she thought, the weight of other people’s expectations hanging on her shoulders. But Erin had remained uninvolved. It was up to her and Jodie to make the decisions. If Erin didn’t want Lauren to sell, she hadn’t made that known to her.

  “I’d like to have a look at that place, too,” Alex said as he took out his phone again. But this time he held it up and took a picture. He fiddled with his phone some more and looked up at Vic and Lauren. Smiling.

  “This place would be a great investment.” He nodded with a satisfied grin. “Now, let’s go see that other yard.”

  * * *

  Alex drove away, his shiny truck roaring off the yard, and honked the horn once as if saying one last goodbye.

  Vic pushed his hat back on his head, trying hard not to begrudge the guy his fancy truck, his easy talk of getting financing to close the deal. As if it was simply a matter of shuffling money from one account to another.

  But what bothered him most was his attitude toward the ranch. As if it was simply an investment. Some place to park his money until it increased.

  He hadn’t made a firm commitment to buying the place, and Vic knew he was dreaming, but part of him hoped Alex would change his mind.

  He glanced at Lauren, who stood beside him, one arm folded over her stomach. Her other hand twisted a strand of her blond hair around and around her finger as she watched the dust cloud Alex’s truck left behind waft over the yard.

  “You seem disappointed,” Vic said.

  “Disappointed? No. Not really. I think he got a good idea of what he’s getting into.”

  “He didn’t give you an offer, though.”

  “Not yet, but I’m sure he’ll take it. He told me that it’s the most promising property he’s seen yet.”

  “He’s looking at other places?” The thought ignited a tiny spark of hope.

  “Just one other smaller ranch closer to Missoula. But he likes how this place is closer to the mountains. Likes how the land around here has increased in value.”

  Lauren and Alex had spent some time talking by his truck as Vic unsaddled the horses and brushed them down. He wasn’t privy to that conversation, but he was surprised at the jealousy he felt when he saw Alex hug Lauren, hold her by the shoulders and give her another one of his flirtatious smiles.

  Then he kissed her on the cheek and the jealousy began smoldering.

  Stupid, he knew. She was never going to be part of his future in any way. But there it was.

  He glanced at his watch. He had a couple of hours yet.

  “I was wondering if I could have one last look through Keith’s papers,” Vic said, looking over at Lauren again.

  “Of course,” she said. “There’s a few folders I haven’t gone through, and yesterday we finally cracked the password on his computer.”

  “Really? What was it?”

  “Our names.” Lauren gave him a wistful smile. “Kind of touching.”

  “He did talk of you girls often.”

  “He wrote us each a letter before he died,” Lauren told him.

  “A final goodbye?” Vic asked.

  “In a way. Apologies, as well. From a man who wasn’t the easiest father, it’s been an adjustment to read his regrets laid out in black and white. This from a man whose mantra was never apologize, never show weakness.” She laughed. The sun caught glints of light in her hair. “My aunt gave us a bit of his background, however. And it helped us see him in a different light.”

  Her words seemed to fade. “Anyway, let’s go through the rest of the papers first, then the computer. Hopefully...” Again her words drifted off and he wondered what she meant by hopefully.

  Hopefully they would find something that would help him?

  Or hopefully they wouldn’t?

  He pushed both thoughts aside as he followed her into the house. They went directly to the office and started sorting through the last of the files she had pulled out.

  Twenty minutes later all the files had been gone through. Nothing.

  “So, I guess we’ll try the computer next,” Lauren said, pulling up a chair to the desk, sensing Vic’s disappointment. “Like I said, Jodie and I checked it out but couldn’t find anything. You might have a better idea of what you’re looking for.”

  Vic pulled the chair he’d been using beside hers. As he sat down, a stock picture of mountains came on the screen.

  “Dad wasn’t the most organized with the computer, and it’s kind of old and has never been updated. But Jodie and I tried doing a search of lease agreements...” While she spoke, her fingers flew over the keyboard, and when she hit Return, a small beach ball–looking icon showed up and spun away.

  Finally another window showed up with a list of files.

  “You can see that some of these are emails and some of them are PDFs and a few documents. We looked through all of them but couldn’t find anything resembling an agreement. Some of them are searches he’s done on the internet that he might have bookmarked, so it looks like he was putting something together.”

  Vic leaned forward, as if getting six inches closer would give him more insight into what he was looking at.

  “Would you have any idea of any other search terms we could use?”

  “‘Rent to own’?” Vic asked, scratching his forehead with his finger, trying to drag up any references Keith might have made that could help.

  Once again Lauren’s fingers flew over the keyboard.

  “You clearly know how to handle a computer,” Vic said, unable to keep the admiration out of his voice.

  “What?” Lauren shot him a curious glance. “I’m just typing.”

  “Well, my typi
ng is of the biblical sort,” Vic said.

  Lauren gave him a confused look.

  “Seek and ye shall find,” he said.

  She laughed and the sound echoed in the office. It transformed her features. She held his gaze a beat longer than necessary and once again Vic felt the attraction he sensed was growing between them rise up.

  “Did you enjoy yourself this afternoon?” he asked, hoping he didn’t sound as breathless as he felt.

  “I did. I’ve been out a few times by myself, but I never dared go that far. Not on my own and not on such a long ride.” She smiled. “It was wonderful to see the valley looking so lush and green. To see all that space. I forgot how big the ranch was.”

  “It’s a good size.” He wanted to make a comment about Alex having lots to work with but didn’t want to bring him into the moment.

  “I never asked my father much about the history of the ranch. But was it this large when he inherited it from my grandfather?”

  “Yes. It was. Your dad didn’t expand it. He seemed content to let it be.”

  “Aunt Laura said he wasn’t a rancher at heart.”

  “It wasn’t what he wanted to do, but maybe he felt the pressure...maybe he thought it was what he was supposed to do.”

  She stopped, looking suddenly troubled.

  And Vic’s mind shifted back to the conversation they’d had when they were in the truck on the way back from the greenhouse. How she talked of her work as an accountant as something she’d fallen into. Something she had to do. When he’d asked her about her passion, it wasn’t accounting that she spoke of.

  This afternoon, working with the horses, riding the trail, looking out over the valley, he’d seen a peace come over her features that he’d only caught glimpses of before.

  And he couldn’t fight the feeling that whether she wanted to admit it or not, she belonged here more than she belonged anywhere else.

  He took a chance.

  “Is that what this accounting business will be for you?”