Desire in Lingerie

by Penelope Sky

  The waiter arrived and took our order. While Matteo was absorbed in that, I looked around again but didn’t see Bones anywhere. I grabbed my phone and quickly texted him back. Where are you?

  It’s rude to leave your date for another guy.

  I definitely won’t be leaving him. You’ll be leaving.

  Baby, you look so beautiful when you’re mad.

  I was going to kill him.

  “And what will you be having tonight?” the waiter asked.

  I dropped my phone and ordered, doing my best to appear casual. Bones was ruining my date with this nice man—and it was completely intentional.

  The waiter disappeared, and we returned to our conversation.

  Matteo drank his wine again, drinking just the way my parents did. He could handle his wine because he was used to drinking it around the clock. “Would it be alright if I asked you about the last man you were seeing?”

  I was an open book. “Sure.”

  “This ended recently?”

  I despised people who lied about the truth of their lives. If Matteo didn’t like the answer I gave, then it only told me he wasn’t right for me sooner rather than later. “Two weeks ago.”

  He nodded slowly. “I see. And why wasn’t he right for you?”

  That was a question I could never answer. “The reasons don’t matter. But he’s definitely not the man I want to spend my life with. My parents would despise him…and I couldn’t blame them for it.”

  “So, a bad boy?”

  I tried not to laugh because he had no idea. “I guess you could say that.”

  “Still hung up on him?” He asked the question so directly there was no wiggle room.

  I held his gaze without blinking, knowing I was about to give the answer that would end this date almost immediately. “Yes.”

  He nodded again, but he didn’t seem annoyed by my answer.

  “But I’m not looking for a rebound. That’s not what this is.”

  “Then what is it?” he asked.

  “I just want to get over him.”

  Matteo’s handsome face hardened, his brown eyes pretty when they reflected the candlelight.

  “I want to move on and forget about him.” I didn’t need to fill the silence, but the words tumbled out on their own. “More than anything.”

  “I can help you with that.”

  My eyes narrowed at the words that came out of his mouth so easily. He said it confidently, like a man who wasn’t threatened by another guy. He possessed confidence the way most Italian men did. If he knew what Bones looked like, he might not feel that way. “You can?”

  “Yeah. And I appreciate your honesty. Most people would lie about that.”

  “I don’t like to lie. Even though it makes people dislike me.”

  “I don’t dislike you. I respect you.”

  Bones respected me too—but not enough to let me enjoy my date in peace. He’s fucking arrogant for being half my size.

  I locked the phone again.

  Matteo didn’t watch my movements. The phone didn’t bother him, or he pretended it didn’t.

  “Have you ever been hung up on a woman?” I asked, assuming the topic was on the table.

  “No.”

  “Never?” I asked in surprise.

  He shook his head. “Don’t get me wrong, I’ve liked some women more than others…but not in the way you’re describing. I’ve had the privilege of being with remarkable women, but I’ve never felt anything more lust or affection. Maybe one day it’ll happen. But I’m almost thirty, and my mom is starting to worry that it’ll never come to pass.”

  “It will…when you least expect it.”

  We talked for a bit longer, and then the food was delivered. We talked about his restaurants and how he got started. When we weren’t talking about anything so personal, the conversation was easier. But it also wasn’t as interesting because there was nothing real about it. I was surprised how quickly I became comfortable with him, probably because we were both honest with each other.

  He excused himself to the restroom, leaving me alone with my phone.

  The second he was gone, Bones texted me again. Please tell me you don’t like this guy.

  What if I do?

  He’s a douche.

  He seems nice to me.

  Arrogant. Arrogant is what he is.

  You’re one to talk.

  I’m arrogant for a reason, baby. You know exactly what that reason is…

  Heat flushed up my neck when I pictured the last time we were together. Where are you? Answer me.

  He didn’t respond right away. He waited a full minute before he did. Look up.

  Look up where?

  In the mirror behind the bar.

  I set my phone down and looked at the bar right in front of me. There was a mirror along the back wall, and when I looked into it, I saw his crystal-blue eyes. He was sitting at the bar with a beer in front of him, his back to me. That was why I hadn’t noticed him before, since he was wearing a collared shirt and jeans. His blue eyes looked into mine, mixed with rage, jealousy, and a hint of amusement. He grinned when he saw my pissed expression. Then he grabbed his beer and took a drink.

  I couldn’t believe he was sitting less than ten feet away from me.

  I picked up my phone again. Are you following me?

  So what if I am?

  I said I was done with you.

  I’m not interrupting your date. If I really wanted to do that, I’d walk over there and make that little boy shit his pants.

  You are interrupting my date. Now leave.

  He set his phone down and kept drinking his beer, a hint of a smile on his lips.

  He wasn’t going anywhere. Griffin, I mean it.

  You only use that name in bed. And unless you want me to take you to bed right now, I suggest you don’t use it again.

  I dropped my phone again, crossing my arms over my chest. I glared at him across the room, wanting to slap him across the face, and not because he enjoyed it.

  Like this was nothing but an amusement, he kept drinking.

  Matteo returned a moment later, oblivious to the man staring at me from the bar. “Would you like some dessert—”

  “Let’s get out of here.”

  Matteo stilled at my words, his eyes focusing on my face a little harder.

  “I want to show you my apartment.” I raised my hand and waved the waiter over to bring me the tab.

  “What’s the rush?”

  I looked at Bones’s expression in the mirror. This time, that amused smile was gone. Now he just looked angry, like he might shatter the glass he held in his hand. “You said you could help me get over my ex. Prove it.”

  We drove in separate cars to my apartment. I was too pissed off to think about what I was doing, so I gripped the steering wheel and felt the adrenaline pump through my veins. I wasn’t even sure why I was doing this, other than to piss off Bones.

  And it would definitely piss off Bones.

  I didn’t feel bad for Matteo because he was aware of what this was. He knew about Bones, and he knew I just wanted to get over him—and he didn’t mind being the man I used to accomplish that.

  So no one would get hurt.

  I arrived in my parking lot then walked to the door.

  But there was a bear standing in my way.

  Bones stared me down, looking more terrifying than he had in the bar. He blocked the door with his immense size, making it impossible for me to get inside. His arms were by his sides, and his blue eyes were colder than the freezing temperatures.

  “Leave.”

  “No.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest. “I want you gone before he gets here.”

  “Because you know a boy like that is no match for a man like me.” His arms shook by his sides, like he wanted to punch the railing along the walkway.

  “No. Because we’re done and you have no business being here. You can’t let me go and then sabotage my every move. That
makes me a prisoner all over again. Am I free or not, Bones? I thought you were a man who kept your promises?”

  “I never promised to stop loving you.”

  My heart thudded in my chest, skipping a beat.

  He stepped closer to me, his shadow coming over my face. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have been at the restaurant. I shouldn’t be spying on you. I shouldn’t be on your doorstep right now. But don’t do something stupid just to get back at me. Don’t do something you don’t even want to do with a man who doesn’t deserve you.”

  The guilt sank into my stomach when I listened to the sincerity in his voice.

  His eyes shifted back and forth as they looked into mine. “I’ll leave if you promise me nothing will happen. You want to move on, then fine. But don’t sleep with the first guy you meet to piss me off. If you’re looking for the man you want to spend your life with, there’s a better way to go about it. But if you fuck this guy, then you’re just hurting both of us for no reason. If you want sex, I’m here. No one can fuck you better than I can. And trust me, this guy isn’t going to impress you, not when you’re used to a real man who knows what he’s doing. Promise me.”

  I wanted to refuse out of defiance, but when I saw the genuine pain in his eyes, I couldn’t. “If you promise not to interfere with my love life again.”

  He took a deep breath like I’d just asked him to move a mountain. “Fine.”

  “Then I promise.”

  The relief flooded his eyes.

  I stood there and stared at him, the rage immediately gone. What he did tonight was unacceptable, but the second we moved past it, I got lost in his expression all over again. He was the only man I wanted to invite inside. I was sick of sleeping alone, sick of dreaming about the man I couldn’t have. I wanted his hands in my hair and his lips on mine. I wanted to go back to the comfortable silences, the way we would stare at each other for hours without saying a single word.

  I missed all of it.

  “I miss you,” he whispered, his chest rising and falling with his deep breathing.

  “Don’t do that…”

  “I do. All I do is sit in my office and stare at your painting. All I do is jerk off to your memory at night. I can have almost any woman I want, but the one woman I actually give a damn about is the one I can’t have.” He broke eye contact and shifted his gaze to the floor. He ran his hand through his short hair, sighing with the frustration that weighed on his shoulders.

  “You should go…” Matteo would be there any second, and I didn’t want to explain why this enormous man was standing on my doorstep.

  “Yeah.” He dropped his hand, and his eyes shifted back to mine. “I should. You’re the kind of woman who keeps her promises, right?” It was the first time since I’d met him that he showed a faint trace of vulnerability, of fear. He was too busy acting fearless and unbreakable to let something get under his skin. But now his heart was on his sleeve, along with the terror that gripped my heart.

  “Yes.”

  His blue eyes weren’t so terrifying anymore, not when there was so much relief in his expression. He gave a slight nod then turned around and walked away.

  I stayed at the railing and watched him walk until he disappeared into the darkness. When he was gone, I felt chilled down to the bone. His body produced a fire like flames in a hearth, and he kept me warm regardless of where we were. But once he left, he took all that comfort away. He even took my heart with him.

  Matteo was the kind of guy that would have made me weak before I met Bones. He was handsome, confident, and interesting. I liked his dark eyes and skin, along with the deep sound of his voice.

  I wanted to take Matteo seriously and push for some kind of future, but that was impossible when I only cared about the man who’d just walked away. I didn’t even want Matteo to come over anymore. I just wanted to go to bed and think about the man I couldn’t have.

  Matteo came inside and glanced around my apartment. The fire was roaring in the fireplace, and the painting I was currently working on sat on the easel by the window. He stripped off his blazer and hung it by the door before he stepped farther inside. His shirt stretched across his muscular shoulders and toned arms. “You have a nice place.”

  “No, I don’t,” I said with a chuckle. “But I appreciate you saying that. I’m still in my starving artist phase.”

  He smiled then walked over to my painting. “This is what you’re working on right now?”

  “Yep. It doesn’t look like much, but once the details are painted out, it’ll make more sense.”

  “So your process is to start with the point of interest first and then fill in stuff around it?”

  “Yeah. The subject of the piece is the most important, and everything around is supposed to elevate it.”

  He nodded as he kept looking. “Your father mentioned you sold all your pieces at the winery. Doesn’t seem like you’re a starving artist anymore.”

  “Yeah, I couldn’t believe it. I just gave my mom two more to sell.”

  He turned to me, wearing a sexy smolder with his coffee-colored eyes. The light from the fireplace hit him just right, highlighting the masculine sculpture of his face. He seemed more interested in me than the painting.

  I made a promise to Bones, and now I had to keep it, even though I’d explicitly invited this man over for sex. “Would you like something to drink?”

  “Sure. I’ll have whatever you’re having.”

  “Well, all I ever drink is wine. Is that okay?”

  “Perfectly okay.”

  I grabbed a bottle and poured two glasses before I set them on the coffee table. I made sure we stuck to the living room and didn’t go anywhere near my bedroom.

  Matteo sat beside me on the couch and drank his wine, his eyes moving to the fireplace.

  As the silence stretched, I felt the tension between us. There was a charge in the air, an attraction. I was sitting beside the ideal man I wanted to date, a respectable person who valued family the same way I did, but I didn’t want it to go anywhere. The smart thing to do would be to forget about Bones and sleep with Matteo as many times as possible to get Bones out of my system. But I didn’t want Matteo’s kiss or his touch. I wanted a man so wrong for me.

  “I really want to kiss you.” Matteo broke the silence with his deep voice. “The way the flames are illuminating your face, you look so beautiful. And instead of telling you that, I would normally just do it, but something is telling me you don’t want me to. Am I wrong?” He set his wineglass on the table, his mocha brown eyes glued to me.

  I held my wineglass a little tighter. “No, you’re not wrong…”

  Matteo’s expression didn’t change, his disappointment bottled deep inside.

  “I’m all over the place right now—”

  “Then I’ll enjoy my glass of wine and your company for a bit before I leave. Tell me more about your artwork.”

  I appreciated the way he let me off the hook and didn’t ask for an explanation for my erratic behavior. He just let it be, moving on to the next subject so casually. He was invited over here with the expectation of sex, but now he wasn’t even getting a kiss. But as if that didn’t really matter, he moved past it. He was a gentleman, keeping his cool even though he drove over here for no reason at all. I suspected his polite behavior stemmed from his connection to my father. He knew his head would be on a platter if I told my father he’d been anything but kind to me. “I feel like all we’ve talked about is me. How about we talk about you?”

  Matteo left an hour ago, and now I lay in bed in the dark. I enjoyed my conversation with him, and he did a great job removing the tension and making it casual. When he walked out, he didn’t try to kiss me goodnight. He didn’t even kiss me on the cheek, but he shook my hand instead.

  He would never call me again.

  I couldn’t blame him. That was a terrible first date. A handsome man like that could find a woman to replace me in a heartbeat, someone a lot more interested in him than I w
as. I was strange, unpredictable, and an emotional nightmare.

  I’d judge him if he ever wanted to see me again.

  A part of me was sad about it because he could have been a good fit for me if Bones hadn’t ruined me. If we’d met under different circumstances, we could have hit it off. Normally, I was confident, charming, and easy to talk to. But he met me at the worst time possible, when my murdering ex-boyfriend was sitting across the room watching every move I made.

  Maybe I should apologize to Matteo for wasting his time.

  Or maybe I should just leave it alone and let it be forgotten.

  I held my phone in bed, my thumb itching to make a phone call I shouldn’t make. I wanted to hear his deep baritone, to listen to him call me baby. I missed our silences as much as our conversations. I missed the way he felt in bed beside me, his heavy body sinking into the mattress and making me roll toward him.

  I missed him so much it hurt.

  But I had to keep going. I had to move on with my life. I had to find a better future and leave him in the past.

  But that was so damn hard.

  I lost my final bit of resolve and called him.

  He answered so quickly, like he’d been expecting the call all night. “Baby.”

  I closed my eyes at the sound of my nickname, treasuring the way it sounded over the line.

  “You kept your promise?”

  “Yeah…”

  He sighed with relief. “I’ve never felt like this before…never felt so shitty.”

  The guilt flooded my heart. “My mom set me up on a date with him. He’s a family friend.”

  “So he’s exactly what you want…someone your family will approve of.” Bitterness was in his tone, mixed with a splash of rage.

  “I just wanted you to know that. I didn’t go out and pick him up at a bar or something. My mom was trying to be nice by introducing me to someone new. I just…I don’t want you to think this isn’t killing me, that I’m moving on like you never meant anything to me. Trust me, this is hard…so fucking hard. I hate it.” I stopped talking when the emotion caught in my throat, the painful outbreak of impending tears.

  He didn’t say anything for a long time, his silence comforting me in ways his words never could.