The Surgeon's Secret Baby

by Christopher, Ann

  “I’m tired of being intimidated by you sitting behind this big desk and scared of your reactions and worried about what you might or might not agree to do and how you feel about me. We’re equals as far as I’m concerned. Just two scared parents trying to do the right thing for their son. And since we’re both mature adults— You are a mature adult, aren’t you, Doctor?”

  That made him smile. “Most days, yeah.”

  “Oh, good. Since we’re both mature adults, I think we can find a way to work together, don’t you?”

  With Lia looking at him, her brown eyes bright with earnest hope and a tiny bit of trust and faith, there was no way he could tell her anything other than, “Yes. We can work together.”

  Wordlessly, she held out her hand.

  They shook, her soft, warm palm sliding against his and squeezing with surprising strength, and there was that supercharged thrill again. He felt the unaccountable certainty that, with Lia nearby, the world was opening up to him in a way it never had before. And then, too soon, she was pulling free and cold reality was back again, smacking them in the face.

  “Are you as scared as I am, Thomas?” she wondered aloud.

  “Hell, yeah.”

  She nodded, looking reassured for some reason. “Ready to meet your son now?”

  Finally, an easy question.

  “Hell, yeah.”

  Oh, man.

  Thomas looked down at his long-fingered hands, the ones that could move quickly and deftly with a scalpel, performing bypasses, repairing aneurisms, excising cancers and generally saving lives under the direst possible conditions.

  They were shaking.

  That’s right, sports fans. He, Thomas Bradshaw, IV, M.D., son of a decorated naval admiral, head of surgery at a major hospital and fearless cardiothoracic surgeon, was scared shitless at the prospect of meeting an eight-year-old boy.

  His eight-year-old boy.

  He paced the office, waiting while Lia brought Jalen in and giving himself pointers on how to play it cool and not freak the kid out any more than necessary. First off, Lia had said that the whole desk thing was intimidating, so he wouldn’t sit there.

  Second, to hug or not to hug? Did kids that age want hugs? What were the father-son rules regarding affection? Well, he knew what the Admiral’s single rule was: no displays of affection under any circumstances. But that wasn’t a model he wanted to use for his own father-son relationship. So, he’d be flexible on the whole hug thing. Read Jalen’s cues.

  And what about spending time with the kid? What did he like to do? Did he have hobbies? Why the hell hadn’t he asked Lia about that when he’d had the chance a minute ago? How soon should they start hanging out togeth—

  There was a light tap, and then the door swung open and a smiling Lia walked in, tugging Jalen by the hand behind her. The second he saw him, all Thomas’s best intentions did a suicide jump right out the window, leaving him slack jawed and staring.

  Jalen.

  His son.

  He was thin but tall for his age, all dangling arms and long legs. He wore jeans, gym shoes and a white T-shirt with black lettering: Beam Me Up, Mr. Sulu. Cool. The kid was a Trekkie; Thomas could respect that. His brown skin was fairer than Thomas’s, more like Lia’s, and his expression was wary. The hair rose all up and down Thomas’s arms because he might have been meeting a ghost—the ghost of his eight-year-old self.

  Eerie didn’t even begin to describe the sensation.

  Lia and Jalen came closer, and that was when Thomas’s medical training took over. This was the same kid from the picture he’d seen the other day, with the same big brown eyes, plump lips and straight nose, but this was no picture of health standing in front of him.

  Not even close.

  Jalen’s head seemed way too big for those thin shoulders. His eyes, though bright, had that sunken and hollowed look Thomas remembered too well from his pediatric rotation during his residency. And his face was a little puffy, making him worry about fluid retention.

  This kid was, in a word, sick.

  Deathly sick.

  Thomas studied his son and felt his heart swell and break a million times over.

  “Dude,” Jalen said after a few seconds. “You’re staring at me.”

  Thomas choked off a surprised snort of laughter, but Lia rounded on the boy.

  “Jalen! What have I told you about calling adults dude?”

  Jalen huffed with irritation over this unfairness. “Well, he is staring at me!”

  Lia rolled her eyes and shot Thomas a look of deepest exasperation. “Dr. Thomas Bradshaw, this is Jalen. Jalen, Dr. Bradshaw.”

  Thomas quickly held out his hand and they shook. The boy’s grip was nice and strong and seemed cool enough for Thomas to rule out fever or infection. For now, anyway.

  “Nice to—” Thomas’s voice squeaked, so he had to stop, clear his throat and try again. “Nice to meet you, Jalen.”

  “You, too.” Jalen cocked his head and locked Thomas in his sights, doing a little staring of his own. “You look familiar to me.”

  Jesus. This little guy didn’t miss a trick, did he? The more he spoke, the more Thomas doubted whether he was up to the task of raising someone so precocious.

  “Ah,” he stammered. “Familiar? You think so?”

  “Sorta.” Jalen now regarded him with solemn eyes and, luckily, changed the subject. “I’m in trouble, right?”

  “No,” Thomas said, startled. “Of course not. What makes you think that?”

  “Oh, great.” Jalen folded his arms over his chest, glaring at them with open suspicion now. “So you’re going to stick me with another needle, then, right? I knew it.”

  “No, Jalen,” Thomas said. “We just want to talk to you.”

  Jalen looked to Lia for confirmation.

  She nodded.

  “Then why are you both acting funny and staring at me?” Jalen demanded.

  “Well, this is important, honey.” Lia steered them toward the sofa beneath the window, where they all sat with Jalen in the middle. “We want to make sure we do a good job explaining everything to you.”

  “I’m not dumb,” Jalen told her.

  “Duh,” Lia said. “I think I know that by now.”

  Jalen swiveled to face Thomas. “Maybe he thinks I’m dumb.”

  Thomas swallowed his laughter, which was hard, and worked on maintaining the appropriate solemnity. “Listen, buddy. I can assure you that I don’t think you’re dumb. At all.”

  “I get all As in school,” Jalen informed him.

  “That doesn’t surprise me,” Thomas said, keeping a tight grip on his smile.

  Mollified that the adults were taking him seriously at last, Jalen settled back against the leather cushions and got comfortable. “Well, what is it, then? What’s going on?”

  Thomas looked to Lia.

  Lia looked back, a distinct flare of panic in her eyes.

  Not knowing what else to do, he gave her a tiny wink. Much to his surprise, it seemed to work, and her lips curved a little with something that might have been gratitude. Taking a deep breath, she turned to Jalen and put her arm around him.

  “It’s about your father,” she said.

  Jalen’s mouth rounded open with surprise. “My father?”

  “Yes.” Lia hesitated, choosing her words carefully. “You know that your daddy and I were married, and we wanted a child very much, and we tried really hard to have you. And then I got pregnant, and we were so thrilled.”

  “And then Daddy died,” Jalen said.

  “Yes. And then he died. But the thing I never mentioned, because you probably weren’t old enough to understand—”

  Jalen frowned, apparently not liking where this was going. “I’m old enough now!”

  “Yes.” Lia rubbed his shoulders, never missing a beat. “You’re old enough now to understand that your daddy had some health issues and he wasn’t able to help me make a baby.”

  Jalen cringed. “This is about eggs and s
perms and stuff, isn’t it?”

  “Well, yes,” Lia admitted.

  Jalen looked revolted. “Oh, God.”

  “Gosh,” Lia corrected. “So…the thing is…Daddy’s sperm didn’t work the way it was supposed to, but we still wanted a baby, so we had to find someone to donate sperm for us so we could make a baby. Does that make sense?”

  Jalen’s eyes blinked, and then they slid out of focus, staring off at nothing.

  They waited. Thomas didn’t know how Lia was doing, but his thundering heart felt like it was seconds away from full cardiac arrest. Good thing they were in a hospital, he thought in a burst of wild hysteria.

  Slowly, Jalen turned to Thomas, looking like a bewildered little kid now, somehow smaller and younger than he’d been mere seconds ago.

  “Jalen?” Lia tried gently.

  The males both ignored her. At this moment, they only had eyes for each other.

  “Are you my daddy?” Jalen whispered.

  The question was way above Thomas’s pay grade. Not the mechanics of it. That was easy. Yeah, sure, kid, I’m the guy who jacked off in a cup so your mother could use my sperm. The issue was the word daddy. Daddy meant something far beyond genetics, even if Jalen was too young to realize the distinction, and Thomas hadn’t earned the right to use it.

  Not yet, anyway. But he would. He wasn’t about to stare into this little guy’s earnest face and make promises he couldn’t deliver. Nor would he run roughshod over Jalen’s dreams or deny this precious soul the basic affection and emotional support he deserved, the way the Admiral had done to him.

  No freaking way.

  He may not know what it meant to be a daddy—a good daddy—but he was about to make it his business to find out.

  So he took a deep breath and put a steady hand on Jalen’s shoulder.

  “Yeah,” he said. “I’m your daddy, and I want to be part of your life. I hope that’s okay with you.”

  Jalen stilled, emotions tracking across his face so quickly that Thomas couldn’t keep up. Hope, maybe? Confusion? Excitement? Betrayal? There might have been a hint of pain there as well, and Thomas felt a parent’s anguish, just that quick. From now on, it would be his life’s mission to do right by this kid and never hurt him if he could help it. To be there when he said he would…to teach…to protect. Whatever this kid needed, Thomas would get for him. Including—especially—his kidney.

  Jalen’s brow crinkled, and then he confronted Lia, demanding her input. “Is he my daddy, Mommy?”

  Lia nodded. “Yes, baby.”

  Jalen stiffened, and when he turned back to Thomas this time, there was anger in those big eyes. Accusation. “Where have you been?” he demanded. “Don’t you know that little kids need fathers?”

  Thomas’s heart broke, spreading pain from his chest to the farthest corners of his soul. He knew that kids tended to do that to you, but he hadn’t thought it would happen quite this soon or be this excruciating. His mouth opened, but there were no words anywhere to be found.

  The impotent silence didn’t help his case any. Jalen’s face twisted with eight-year-old fury as he ran out of patience and began to yell.

  “Where have you been? Where have you been?”

  There’d be time enough for explanations later. For now, there was only one thing this kid needed to hear. “I’m sorry, Jalen—”

  “Where have you been?”

  “—but I’m here now. And I’m not going anywhere. I’m not—”

  There was a flurry of arms and a sparkle of tears. The next thing Thomas knew, Jalen was throwing himself across the sofa, wrapping his skinny arms around Thomas’s middle in a death grip and laying his head on his chest. For one second of breathless astonishment, he caught sight of Lia’s smile and her emotion, which mirrored his own, and then it hit him:

  Your son is hugging you. Hug him back, stupid.

  With difficulty, he extracted his arms and wrapped them around Jalen, holding him as tight and pulling him as close as he could manage. There was strength in the boy’s body, unexpected strength, and his skin was soft, his weight heavier than he’d thought.

  Thomas kissed his forehead and then, when he didn’t protest or wipe it away, kissed him again. Across the top of the boy’s head, he looked to Lia again, and they laughed because they were both crying and couldn’t think of one thing that needed to be said right now.

  As Lia reached out to squeeze Thomas’s arm in a silent offer of support and approval, he thought he could stay right there, just like this, forever.

  Chapter 5

  It didn’t take Jalen long to tire of the emotional display and launch into full, inquisitive kid mode. This, of course, left the adults scrambling to dab their wet eyes and switch gears to keep up with him.

  Lia sat and watched the interchange between father and son, grateful that she was not, for once, the object of all that unbridled energy.

  Jalen sat up straight and got right to business. “So are you going to live with us?”

  “Ah, no.” Thomas quickly scooted back, clearly anxious to follow Jalen’s cues and give him space when he needed it. Lia awarded him a silent A for effort and attentiveness. “I have my own house. It’s not far from here. Maybe you can come visit sometimes. When we get to know each other a little better.”

  “Do you have other kids?”

  “No.”

  “A dog?”

  “No.”

  “A wife or anything?”

  Lia’s ears perked up, waiting for the answer to that question.

  “No,” Thomas said. “Just me.”

  “Oh.” Jalen frowned thoughtfully. “That’s pretty lonely.”

  “Ah, well…” Thomas’s cheeks colored as his self-conscious gaze flickered to Lia and back to Jalen again. “I spend a lot of time working, so I, you know, didn’t want to have a pet at home waiting for me all the time.”

  “Yeah, but if you don’t have a pet, then you don’t have anyone waiting for you. That’s sad.”

  Thomas blinked.

  “So you’re a doctor, right?” Jalen continued. “Do you take care of kids like me with bad kidneys?”

  “No. I’m a surgeon, so I—”

  “I know what surgeons do.” Jalen flapped an impatient hand. “I told you I’m smart. Are you neuro-, cardio-or plastic?”

  “Ah…” Thomas looked so flabbergasted and tongue-tied that Lia almost felt sorry for him at this point. Almost. “Cardiothoracic.”

  “Do you like Star Trek? Can you do this?” Jalen held up one palm and arranged his fingers into a V for the Vulcan salute. “Live Long and Prosper.”

  Thomas stared at him for three long beats, looking dazed. And then he raised his hand and repeated the gesture. “Live Long and Prosper.”

  Jalen grinned at him, shooting a quick glance at her to see if she was getting all this coolness. Lia smiled back and finally decided to take mercy on Thomas before his poor overwhelmed brain exploded.

  “Okay, Yaxley Yakkums,” she said to Jalen. “Time to go.”

  Thomas raised one brow. “Yaxley Yakkums?”

  “What else do you call a kid who never stops yakking?” she asked him.

  “Indeed,” Thomas murmured, a corner of his mouth twitching with a repressed smile.

  Jalen apparently wasn’t ready. “Aw, come on, man,” he told her. “We’re talking here.”

  “Sorry, man.” Lia got up and pulled Jalen to his feet. “But Thomas and I both need to get some work done today. So let’s skedaddle. You’ll see him again soon.”

  Jalen latched onto that last part like a crocodile trying to take down a water buffalo. “When? Can he come to dinner tonight? What about that, Mom? Why don’t you cook dinner? I can help!”

  Put squarely on the spot, Lia floundered, especially when she caught the amused glint in Thomas’s eye. Who’s squirming now? he seemed to ask. Lia hemmed and hawed for a minute, trying to decide what to do.

  On the one hand, who was she to keep her son from his newfound father?


  On the other hand, last-minute dinners were hard to pull off on a weekday. And why did she have to be cast in the role of bad guy?

  On her second other hand, her prickling skin and hot cheeks told her that spending too much time with Thomas was a dangerous idea for her, personally. She’d been too long without a man in her life, and God knew he was the finest specimen she’d ever laid eyes on and, worse, the most intriguing.

  Bottom line? Tonight was a bad idea, and she wasn’t ready.

  “Oh, I think we should try to do it another time—” she started.

  “I’d love to,” Thomas announced brightly, making it a point to ignore her warning glare. “What time should I come?”

  “Awe-some!” Jalen did a triumphant fist pump.

  And there it was already, Lia thought sourly. All her hard-won parental authority, usurped by the first father figure who happened along. Didn’t take long.

  “Jay, why don’t you go back to Mrs. Brennan,” she suggested, hoping to nip this whole dinner thing in the bud. “See if she can feed you another thousand calories’ worth of candy while I talk to your…to Thomas.”

  “Okay!” The soul of cooperation now that he’d gotten his way, Jalen bounced out of the office, shutting the door behind him. “See you later!”

  Looking shell-shocked, Thomas whooshed out a breath and shook his head in amazement. “I’m exhausted. I’d rather operate for thirty-six hours straight than go through that again.”

  “No kidding. I think it went well, though.”

  “Is he always like that?”

  “Like what?” Lia asked, thinking he was referring to the nonstop talking.

  “Intuitive. Curious. Self-assured. Strong.”

  Oh, man. It was a major thrill to see that Thomas was beginning to appreciate their son for the amazing kid he was. She smiled, her opinion of Thomas spiking another eighty-percent, easy.

  “Yeah,” she told him. “He’s always like that.”

  He pressed his lips together, clearly struggling with unruly emotions and trying to find the right words. “I can see why you’d walk through fire for him.”