Olivia and the Older Boy: Young Adult Sweet Romance (Love in Ocean Grove Book 5)

by Anna Catherine Field

  I’ve avoided talking about him, because I don’t want the judgments, the fight, but there’s no way out of this. I pull the blanket up over my knees and say, “Yes.”

  “Norah says you two have been seeing each other for a while.” She walks around and sits at the end of the couch. “Before or after the concert.”

  “After.” I open my mouth, the slew of lies on the tip of my tongue. “We didn’t go to the concert. We were supposed to, well I was supposed to with this guy named Spencer from group. He stood me up and Ben took me to the movies instead.”

  “He’s a good boy.”

  It’s funny to hear that since he’s mostly a man. I pick at the fringe on the blanket. “You’re not mad?”

  “Like a lot of other things, I wish you would have told me. I know we would have had to talk about it—maybe clarify a few rules—but Ben is like one of the family. It’s not a surprise, really, that you’d have a connection to him.”

  “I’m not sure where things stand now.”

  “You scared him, Liv.” She shakes her head. “The way he looked at you. There’s one thing I walked away with the other day, and it's that he cares for you very much. Give him some time to sort things out.”

  The second day we go to the psychiatrist, where the chairs are comfortable in the waiting room—clearly designed to put people at ease. There are magazines spread across the table. Health. Fitness. Money. Kids. In the back corner there’s a small play area for little kids. Legos and books. A small place in my chest twists at the desire to be one of those kids—go play while the adults figure everything out.

  Unfortunately, I’m more adult than kid these days, which is something I fought so hard for, and ended up failing anyway.

  “How long is this going to take?” I ask, knowing my mother doesn’t have the answer. I’m tired. The cut on my hand hurts. I hate the weight of my mother’s eyes on me all the time. Her guilt. My shame.

  Norah sits across from me, flipping through a magazine. Every time she looks at me, when she looks at me, I feel her anger. I don’t know how to say I’m sorry.

  My dad gives me smiles. Hugs. Worried looks. I scared them. I know it. I scared myself. I drove Ben away. I broke my family.

  So many emotions are held inside. So many that I can’t speak.

  It’s like a dam and the water behind it builds and builds and builds.

  We’re in those comfortable chairs when it breaks.

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper. “For the lies and sneaking around. For not taking my medication. For being stubborn and argumentative. For destroying the family.” The rush comes from there. Thoughts. Feelings. Words. I tell them what I can. I know it’s not enough, but the tight strain in my chest loosens with every confession. Every word. I realize it’s a start.

  On the third day my brain starts to clear a little, and my mom agrees I can go to the Girls' Home that day. She drives me. I don’t argue.

  “Olivia!” little voices shout as I walk through the door.

  “Where have you been?”

  “We missed you!”

  “What happened to your hand?”

  “Want to go to the beach?”

  “We’re planning our trip to FunLand!”

  Melina stands in the kitchen doorway, a tight grin on her mouth. She walks over and says, “I missed you.”

  “I missed you, too.”

  “Don’t scare me like that again.”

  I look at her, realizing that Melina’s not going anywhere. We’re friends. Real ones. “Come on, let’s go plan that trip to FunLand. I didn’t make seven thousand cookies and have a nervous breakdown to miss the main event.”

  I walk down the sidewalk from the Girls' Home and go straight to the Community Center. I won’t pretend I didn’t look for a silver truck idling at the curb outside the home. It wasn’t there. I’m not sure where he is or what happened. Norah assures me she isn’t the reason he’s not around. She thinks that he just needs a little time to sort things out. As the days pass I think I need time, too.

  In the end it wasn’t other people that broke us up. It was me.

  “Thanks for meeting me early,” I say to Maya. We’re in the group circle without the group. “I don’t think I’m going to come back to the group meetings.”

  “No?” she says, a line of concern slashing between her dark eyes. “Did something happen?”

  I’m not sure how much to say. “I just don’t think everyone in it is a good influence on me, and I think I need to learn my limits. Being around other people that struggle the same way seems to drag me down instead of up. I’d rather work at the Girls' Home and see you by myself, if that’s okay.”

  “That’s very mature of you to realize your limitations.”

  I laugh. “It took a while.”

  “It takes all of us a while. Maturity doesn’t come overnight. It takes years of mistakes and trial and error. One day, hopefully, it clicks.”

  “There’s something else,” I admit, shifting in my seat. “I’m trying to understand my illness better. The highs and lows. I felt them coming this time, but instead of acknowledging it, I dove in head first. The lies and sneaking around. It felt good.”

  “That’s why they call it a high. It’s definitely possible to feed the mania.” There’s no doubt that’s what I was trying to do with people like Nicole and Spencer. She frowns. “Something else is bothering you.”

  “I’m wondering if I was maybe using Ben the same way. Fueling my highs.”

  “Boys can do that—even when you don’t have bi-polar.”

  “How do I know what’s real? How do I know if I’m just seeking a high, or if—” I shut my mouth.

  “If what?”

  “If I was really in love?”

  Maya’s expression softens, and she leans back in her seat. “That’s a hard one, and you’re not the only one that struggles with it. Falling in love is a high—a rush—I know I felt it with Christian. Still do, but, I think the difference is that when you love someone they bring you peace. You’re not trying to consume them. They’re not a drug. They’re your stability. Your rock. And it goes both ways. There should always be a balance.”

  On the way home I think about what Maya said, that love should be a balance. Maybe that’s why I’ve felt so off the last few days.

  I’m missing my counterweight.

  36

  Ben

  “You going to eat that?” Gabe asks, gesturing to my fries. They’re sitting next to my half-eaten hamburger. I push the plate in his direction.

  “You can have them.”

  Gabe blinks but grabs a handful. “Dude, you’re obviously miserable. Go work this out. No one said you have to stay away from her.”

  “I need to get my head on straight first. I need to figure out where I want to take my business, what I’m going to do about school.”

  “What are you talking about? Who said this?”

  “Maya said she needed stability. Mom said I need to focus. I’m just trying to do what’s right here.”

  “Liv needs all the support she can get. A stable, devoted boyfriend that’s a few years older is the least of her problems. The fact she chose you in the first place is more concerning, but that’s neither here nor there.”

  “I don’t know,” I say, pushing my hamburger around my plate.

  “Take it from my experience, if you mess around with this, you’ll regret it.” He shakes his head. “I was this close to losing Norah to Trevor Salvatore. The Saddler girls are brilliant and beautiful. Lock that down while you have the chance. You may not get a second one.”

  “So I should go for it.”

  “No, dummy. You should go get her. Now.”

  “Dude, it’s midnight! Norah said her parents are cool with everything, but they aren’t going to let me come over in the middle of the night.”

  A crease marks his forehead and then he smiles. “Lucky for you, I happen to know a way in the Saddler house after hours.”

  Twenty minut
es later, we’re standing under the huge tree in the Saddlers' yard. “I have to go through Norah’s room to get there.”

  “It’ll be fine.” I give my friend a hard look, then assess the tree again. I almost killed myself the one time I tried this as a kid. Gabe claps me on the back. “I’ll talk you through it.”

  I get to a running start and jump to the lowest branch. I swing my legs and hike it over, then stand and get to the next branch, the one that hangs over the roof. Once there I shimmy across, refusing to look down at Gabe, who encourages me across. If I die falling off this tree, I hope Liv knows I did it for her.

  There’s a small leap from the thicker part of the branch to the roof and my shoes slip as I hit the shingles. I grab onto the window ledge and take the chance to look at the ground. Gabe gives me the thumbs up.

  If the Saddler house was a castle, the tree was me getting across the moat. Now I have to face the dragon.

  I tap on the window and wait. A moment later, the curtain shifts. Norah’s curious smile shifts to wary reluctance as she opens the window.

  “Are you kidding me?”

  “It was Gabe’s idea.”

  I look back and see my friend shimmying up the tree.

  She rolls her eyes and moves to the side. “Fine. Just go, but if you get busted, I’m staying out of it.”

  “If I get busted, I’m telling them your fiancé is up here.” I sling my leg over the window. I start to the door but stop, turning and giving Norah a hug.

  “What’s that for?”

  “Being cool about all of this.” I squeeze her. “Thanks.”

  I walk out of her room and down the narrow staircase, kicking off my shoes so they don’t make any noise. Down on the second floor I tip-toe to Olivia’s room, a flutter of nerves running through me. What if she doesn’t want to see me? What if this is a mistake?

  I push the anxiety aside and walk to her door. A faint light peeks from under the door. I tap on the wood, wincing because it seems so loud. A shadow crosses under the door and my heart pounds when she finally opens the door. She’s in Photobooth pajamas and her hair is a bunched-up mess.

  She’s gorgeous.

  “Hi,” I whisper as she takes me in with a shocked expression.

  She looks over my shoulder, up and down the hall. “Wha—”

  I grab her hand and pull her into the room and carefully close the door. I spin her around so her back is against the door. She looks at me with wide eyes and I lift up her hand, spreading her palm flat. I rub my thumb over the small bandage. “I wanted to see you—make sure you’re okay.”

  “I’m okay.”

  “You scared me.”

  “I scared myself.”

  I touch her hair, her cheek. I want to kiss her badly. “I’m sorry I took off for a few days. I wanted to get my head straight—figure out a few things—”

  “About me. I get it.”

  “No,” I shake my head, “about me. It wasn’t fair for me to have so many questions in the air about school and next year. It didn’t help with your stress and anxiety. I’m sorry about that.”

  She nods. “Thank you. While we’re apologizing, I never should have made you lie about so many things. I think…” she pauses, “I think sometimes I was just scared to tell my parents the truth. Afraid my mom and Norah would overreact, but being with you, the way you make me feel…I just wanted more of it and when I stopped taking the meds, things got confusing and weird. I’m sorry.”

  “So we can agree we’re both sorry for making a bunch of mistakes?” I ask, leaning a bit closer. She smells so good.

  “Yes.” She presses her back against the door. “What did you decide?”

  “About what?”

  “School? Your business…”

  “I’m going to school in the fall. I got my acceptance paperwork.”

  She looks at the floor. “Good, I’m proud of you.”

  I touch her chin and tilt it upward. “It’s two nights a week. I’ll commute and keep working Haulin’ during the day.”

  Her eyes brighten. “Yeah?”

  “Yep.” I smile because her smile is infectious. “And I’m moving out of the guest house this fall, but Gabe says there’s an apartment opening up next to his. I’m going to take it.”

  “Really? You’re living next to Gabe and Norah?”

  I laugh. “It’s a good thing all this came out in the open, because I don’t think I could’ve kept you a secret once I moved in.”

  “So you and me?”

  “We’re good, right?” I hear the crack in my voice. I can’t do the rest of it without her. She’s part of the plan.

  “Better than ever,” she says. “No more secrets.”

  “Right. Oh, well, there’s one thing I didn’t tell you, Liv. A secret I’ve been keeping.”

  Her eyes cloud. “Okay, I can handle it.”

  I skim my fingers along her jaw. “I love you, Liv.”

  Her cheeks turn red and her smile is wide. “I love you, too.”

  I lean into her, slipping my hands behind her neck. I kiss her for the first time in days, the first time since everything had been laid bare. The two of us, raw and real. Her mouth tastes like mint and feels like home. She clings to me, not in the sad, terrible way the last time I was here, but in a different, eager, excited for the future kind of way. A way I never want to end.

  37

  Olivia

  “Do you think we’ll get wet on the Splash Zone?”

  “Well—"

  “How fast does that roller coaster go?”

  “Um—"

  “I lost my shoe on the merry-go-round.”

  “I’ll go get it—"

  “Do you think we can all get cotton candy?”

  “Sure—"

  Melina and I look at one another and both take a deep breath. There’s a hint of amusement in her grin when she says, “Seriously, once you answer those questions they’ll have a million more. It’s best not to get started.”

  “I don’t mind,” Ben says, taking my hand. “Plus, I also really wanted to know if Gabe plans on buying us all cotton candy, too.” He winks at Abbigail, who I think may be plotting to get rid of me to take Ben for her own.

  “Don’t encourage her.”

  “I can’t help it. They’re fun.”

  The kids are all in matching blue T-shirts. That was Melina’s idea. She didn’t want the kids to get lost in FunLand. Ben bought the shirts—they have his logo and Haulin’ scrawled across the back. “I needed to have a few write-offs,” he’d said. “Advertising seemed like the perfect way to start.”

  He didn’t need to do either, but it was a nice gesture, one I appreciated the instant we walked in the crowded amusement park. The kids all want to go in a million directions, but we agree to stick in a group.

  It seemed like a good idea until we get in line for the Mega-Zoom roller coaster and there’s no escaping the questions.

  “Do you think one day there will be a Photobooth Society amusement park ride?” Beverly asks, pushing her glasses up her nose. “Like, you could get in a photobooth and go on your own adventure.”

  “A roller coaster?” A line forms between Gabe’s eyes, a clear signal he’s in thought. “That’s not a bad idea.”

  “It’s a great idea,” Norah says, pulling out her phone. “Tell me more.”

  Beverly launches into what appears to be a well thought out, if not astro-physically impossible plan for a roller coaster that flies around the air picking up the different characters and whisking them on a crazy adventure.

  “She’s smart,” Gabe says a few minutes later. “I like her.”

  “They’re good kids. I can’t believe this is my last week.”

  “I thought you were going to keep volunteering after school.”

  “I am, but they’ll have their own activities and Abbigail is moving to a new foster home this weekend.” She looks over at me with a mixture of excitement and apprehension. “Plus, someone is making me work three a
fternoons a week for him.”

  “Someone?” Ben says. “Please, it’s an important work-study program approved by the principal. You need the hours. I happen to have them available.”

  “Does Mrs. Keller know you’re dating your boss?” Norah asks, slipping her phone in to her pocket.

  “Uh,” I say, glancing at Ben, “We decided maybe that one little thing could stay a secret.”

  She shakes her head and turns back to Beverly, still intrigued by the roller coaster idea.

  After snaking through the seemingly never-ending line, we make it to the platform, dividing out by twos. The girls pair off and Ben takes my hand, pulling me into a car. The bar lowers, holding us into the seat, and we lurch forward, into the dark. Ben leans over and kisses me, “I’ve been waiting all day to do that.”

  “If they see you, they’ll talk about it non-stop, you know that right?”

  “Hey,” he says, holding up his hands as the car propels forward, “there are no secrets, remember? If they catch us, we’ll deal with it.”

  The ride shifts into gear, taking the slow climb toward the first big hill. The gears click, we tilt back. His hand grips mine, clamped down like he’s afraid he’ll lose me, but he won’t. Anticipation builds in my stomach, both eager and terrified of the ride ahead.

  I look over at Ben and smile, knowing that he makes me feel the same way—life with him, with this sickness, with the unknown ahead—is one big rollercoaster I can’t wait to experience.

  Epilogue

  “Did you see the wedding cake?” Delaney asks, shaking her head.

  “Yep.”

  “I mean, I thought maybe for their wedding they’d branch out into something a little more traditional, but nope. Not even on a day like this.”

  The cake, is obviously, a photobooth. A perfect replica.

  “You know Norah better than that,” I say, catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror. “She’s probably got plans to take photos, make it go viral, and then sell the template for a million dollars.”