“It sure is.”
“You seem a lot more reflective than most people I see here every day.”
“I’m an architect.”
“Ah. So you’re looking at all of this and wondering, ‘How can I create something this fantastic?’”
“Pretty much.”
“It certainly is amazing. I’ve lived in Rome for the last three years while attending uni, and the sight never gets old.” Liam peered at the missing part of the Colosseum’s southern wall. “But only some things last forever. This Colosseum isn’t one of them.”
“It’s lasted nearly two millennia. Not even a fire or multiple earthquakes over the years were able to take it down.”
“And you admire that?” The tour guide’s piercing gaze shifted to Crystal.
“Who wouldn’t?” If only she could be as resilient. “The pure strength it takes to survive all of that is amazing.”
Like Megan. How had her sister managed to remain so unscathed all these years? Sure, physically she’d been damaged, but emotionally she hadn’t been hardened. The image of her frolicking in the waves, laughing, allowing joy to replace the sorrow she’d once known—it was something Crystal wanted for herself.
But how did she get it?
Liam rocked back and forth on his gray TOMS. “Did you know that only one-third of the original Colosseum still remains? Which means the original was not enough on its own. In order to ensure longevity, the structure had to be restored by forces outside itself.”
What exactly was he getting at? “That’s common for buildings this old.”
“I find it fascinating, the parallels between architecture and our lives, don’t you?” He looked up, almost into the sun.
Then his gaze moved back to her. He must have noticed the confusion on her face. “Forgive me. I’m a philosophy student, and sometimes I get carried away.” He flashed her a goofy grin.
Crystal laughed. “That’s okay. I’m just not sure I know what you mean.”
“Well, you see strength when you look at this great structure.” Liam’s voice took on a gentler tone. “But I see a facade. Something not built to last but with the appearance that it will.”
“So are you saying there’s no such thing as strength?” At one time Crystal would have scoffed at that notion, looking at herself as an example. Not so much anymore.
“No. There is strength. It just comes from a different source.”
His rambling caught her off guard. “You’ve totally lost me.”
“Just like the Colosseum needed restoration to remain intact, our souls need help from an outside source.”
Oh. “You mean like God?”
“Call it God, call it Mother Nature, the Force, whatever you like. The point is, we all have our limits and we can’t go it alone.”
“Yeah, well, I’ve seen what kind of ‘help’ God offers—if he’s even real—and I want no part of it, thank you very much.” Crystal snapped her mouth shut. How was it she could admit something like that to a complete stranger but couldn’t even talk to her loved ones about things beyond the surface?
“What do you mean?” Liam leaned forward, seemingly eager for more detail.
Crystal sighed. “I asked him to heal my sister over and over again. He either ignored me or never heard me in the first place because he’s not there. By the time she got a heart transplant nearly twenty years later, it was too late. Our lives will never be the same.”
“I’m sorry.” Liam looked like he wanted to pat her shoulder, but he stayed as he was. “But fixing the circumstances of your life and restoring your soul are two very different things, aren’t they?”
How? It didn’t make sense. If God did exist and was really all powerful, the supposed “Great Restorer” like Nana always said he was, then why was her life falling apart now?
Liam glanced at his watch again. “My next tour is beginning in a few moments. I wish I had more time to talk with you. I always enjoy a good philosophical discussion.”
“Good luck with school and work and everything.” She tried to smile but it came slowly. Why had this conversation flustered her so much?
“You as well. Cheers.” Liam shot her two thumbs-up and strode toward the designated spot where tours began.
Crystal stopped staring after him and her eyes swept the lower walls of the Colosseum.
Upon further inspection, it was easier and easier to see the cracks in its foundation—cracks she hadn’t seen before.
Chapter 19
July 7
Blog Post Title: Another Death-Defying Day: Running with the Bulls in Pamplona
Post Content:
As two-ton beasts breathed down my neck today, I finally found my heart . . .
Today she was totally, one hundred percent, going to die.
Megan sipped the coffee Crystal had snagged for her at a corner shop while she saved their place along Santo Domingo Street in Pamplona, Spain. It was only six thirty in the morning, but she’d been awake for hours—first lying in bed, thinking about what she had to do today, then heading outside at dawn to ensure they got a spot near the street. All around them, the crowd grew larger with each passing moment, pulsing with anticipation. A double fence constructed of wooden planks, posts, and boards lined the street, separating the crowd from the brick part of the road where bulls would chase thousands of runners in a mere hour and a half.
And sometime between now and then, Megan had to work up the courage to tell Crystal she was going to be one of them—and to actually do it.
Her sister thought they were here merely to observe the San Fermín festival, which lasted from July sixth through the fourteenth, though they only planned to stay a few days. Since Crystal had never actually seen Amanda’s list, she didn’t know that the girl had dreamed of running with the bulls. And apparently Mom hadn’t mentioned it during one of her calls to “check in” along the way—aka, nose around to see how the girls were getting along.
“These people are nuts.” Crystal took a swig of her coffee and stared at the runners gathering inside the barriers. Most of them wore white outfits with red bandanas, something Megan had noted when doing her research. She had a red bandana of her own stuffed into her back pocket.
“I know.” And maybe she was nuts. Even though her doctor had cleared her to run a marathon if she wanted, he hadn’t been thrilled when she’d mentioned this race—which actually only lasted something like two to six minutes from start to finish, and would only require her to run until either the bulls passed her or she made it to the Plaza de Toros where the bulls would be gathered and penned after the run.
She’d been exercising regularly for the last few years, but had never combined exertion with the pure adrenaline that would come from the fear of a bull breathing down her neck. What would that combination do to her heart?
Only one way to find out.
“I can see why Amanda wanted to come watch this.” Crystal peered up at the old Spanish buildings surrounding them. People gathered in balconies along the corridor. The smell of chorizo emanated from the street cart behind them, making Megan’s stomach growl. “It’s exciting, even if I think these people are complete lunatics.”
“It was always on my must-see list.” Megan drained the rest of her coffee and tapped the cardboard cover with her thumbnail. “I remember Caleb telling me he was going to run it someday.” Her eyes had bugged out at the thought, and he’d laughed at her reaction. It was probably the way her sister would react when she told her why they were really here.
Megan checked her watch. Almost seven, the time they’d close the gate for the runners. It was now or never. “I have something to tell you. And you’re not going to like it.”
Crystal swung her gaze toward Megan and her grip tightened on her own cup. “What?”
Megan shuffled her feet and rose up on her tiptoes. The gate was close. She could just make a break for it and Crystal wouldn’t be able to stop her. But that would hardly be mature. “I’m running today.�
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“Running where? You mean, there?” Several people in the vicinity turned at Crystal’s shriek and stared at them. Two younger girls whispered to each other and giggled.
“Yes.”
“Ain’t happening.”
She’d known this was coming. “Amanda wanted to run with the bulls, not just watch. So . . .”
“So you amend the list.”
“I can’t.” She’d already cheated at Machu Picchu. She couldn’t do it again. “Please understand. I have to complete the list. If I don’t run, I can’t complete it.”
With a shake of her head, Crystal gripped Megan’s wrist with her free hand. “Meg, no. Your heart.”
Those words would have struck fear in the old Megan. But the new Megan longed to be strong, someone who couldn’t be held back by her health—or her own faults. Someone who could prove that more than a new physical heart had brought her here. “I’ll be okay.”
She started to move toward the gate. If she didn’t hurry, she’d miss her chance. “Excuse me.” She maneuvered around people and pulled the red bandana from her pocket.
“Megan!” Crystal followed her. “Out of my way!” Megan could hear people protesting and could imagine her twin pushing people aside.
Finally she felt a tug on her shoulder. “Stop. Wait.”
Megan twirled. “You’re not changing my mind, Crystal. I have to do this.”
“You’ll kill yourself! If a bull doesn’t trample you, your heart just might stop working.” Now her sister was visibly shaking, and her face contorted into a mask Megan didn’t recognize. “Mom will never forgive me if I let you go out there.”
Megan’s hands flew in the air. “I’m not your responsibility!” Oh, why couldn’t she keep the anger out of her voice? Her sister was just worried.
“Please, Meg.” Crystal’s nails dug into Megan’s arm, desperate. “This . . . this is crazy.”
Megan blew out a breath. She couldn’t stand the sight of her sister suffering, but she couldn’t let Crystal hold her back. Not this time. “I’m sorry.” With a firm but gentle yank, she pried Crystal’s fingers from her arm, turned, and raced through the crowd.
In front of her, a man began to close the gate. “Wait!”
He motioned her forward and she darted through. The gate clanged behind her, and her breath caught. The street was just as crowded on this side as the other. How in the world was she supposed to move out of the way of the bulls as they passed?
But she wouldn’t think about that now. Instead, Megan fastened the red bandana around her forehead.
She was officially a mozo. Megan tried to recall every moment of footage and piece of information she’d watched and gathered while preparing for this adventure. Six bulls would be released and run the length of four streets. Runners would either run faster than the bulls or dodge out of their way as they came barreling past. Six steers would also be released in an attempt to keep the bulls calmer than normal and running with the herd. Of course, she could be trampled by a steer just as easily as a bull, but at least the steer couldn’t gore her like the bulls could.
She shuddered at the thought.
A man next to her with slicked-back brown hair stretched his legs, leaning into a lunge. He looked her up and down. “First time?” His accent sounded Eastern European. How had he known she spoke English? Maybe her American-ness was just that pronounced.
She laughed, a nervous trill floating on the air. “That obvious?”
He stopped stretching and came closer to her. “This is my seventh time. Don’t worry. Everything will be A-OK.”
Despite the anxiety fluttering in her stomach, Megan flashed him a thumbs-up. “Awesome.”
“If you fall, tuck into a ball and stay down.” She could smell onion on the man’s breath. Sweat glistened off his brow. “Better to be trampled than gored. It’s safer, though it won’t mean no injury.” The man flashed a thumbs-up back to her and stepped aside to continue his stretches.
She gulped. List or no list, she was certifiably insane to be here right now.
The huge clock overhead moved closer to 8:00 a.m., when the day’s festivities would officially commence. Megan hopped on the balls of her feet. The anticipation that came with waiting was pure torture.
Would Crystal ever forgive her? Megan scanned the crowd for her sister’s golden hair, but it was impossible to make out any faces. Everything was a blur of colors and smells mingling together.
Megan’s phone buzzed in her back pocket. She pulled it out, and a shiver of excitement raced up her spine, one that had nothing to do with the pandemonium around her. A text from Caleb:
Today’s your B-Day, isn’t it?
She scrunched her nose. It wasn’t her birthday. He knew that.
What are you talking about?
You know, Bull Day. Ha-ha, bad joke. Didn’t you tell me that you’d be running with the bulls?
Yes! ☺The run is about to start and I’m standing here
wondering if I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life. LOL.
Nah, you got this. Wish I was there with you.
Because he’d always wanted to run it . . . or because he wanted to run it with her? A smile inched over her lips.
Guess I’ll run it for you then!
No, Meg. Run it for you.
Crystal’s words echoed back to her: “This isn’t just Amanda’s journey. It’s yours too.”
Megan’s fingers hesitated, then flew over the face of her phone.
I will. Thanks, Caleb.
She locked her phone and stuck it back in her pocket. And then, just like that, it was thirty seconds till eight and someone in the crowd started counting down in Spanish. She joined in, her Rosetta Stone lessons from high school clicking in her memory. “Diez, nueve, ocho . . .”
Somewhere behind her, a rocket whooshed into the air and shouts rang up from the crowd. The throng of runners pushed against her, and they became a collective muscle, leaning, leaning, getting ready to pounce. Should she look backward or stay focused on what was in front of her? How could she move out of the way if she didn’t know what was coming?
Blood pumped through her veins, and instead of circulating the fear she expected, another feeling made the rounds inside of her. Amanda’s heart in Megan’s chest sang with the pounding of her blood, beating out a new rhythm Megan wasn’t familiar with. The song invigorated her limbs, and as she readied her body to leap into action, a fuzzy calm tingled in her fingertips and toes.
So as she heard the scrambling of tennis shoes, the screams of pleasure and excitement from behind her, the pounding of hooves—and actually felt the vibrations beneath her feet—Megan let out a whoop herself. When she caught a glimpse of horns, she turned and let herself fly. Arms, legs, mind, body, soul, they all tangled together as she ran, her breath coming in hot bursts from within. The bulls were close on her heels, but in that moment, she wasn’t worried about them.
And her heart, instead of giving out like she’d feared, wasn’t just Amanda’s anymore. Megan was laying claim to its strength, to everything it had been for Amanda, to everything it had the potential to be in herself.
A bull flashed by on her right—and then, like that, it was in the distance. Others raced past her and she kicked up her feet, letting her daily exercise speak for itself. The plaza loomed ahead, where thousands of screaming onlookers watched runners triumphantly race into the ring and then dash away from the loose bulls, who were immediately caught and penned.
And as Megan burst through the gate into the plaza, she couldn’t help but raise her arms in the air. Because this victory didn’t just belong to Amanda.
Like her heart, Megan had embraced it as her own.
Chapter 20
Guilt, despair, disappointment—all emotions Crystal had finally allowed herself to experience in the last few weeks.
But flat-out anger with Megan? That was a new one. And she had no idea what to do with it.
She pulled her carry-on suitcase from
the conveyor belt, then slipped her flats back on her feet. Behind her, Megan walked through the security checkpoint, thanking the guard who let her pass. Her sister tugged on the edge of her bandana, which was wrapped around her head, her hair pulled into low pigtails. She smiled and laughed, and a new confidence brimmed in her eyes. How could she be in such a good mood when Crystal . . .
No. Crystal was fine. She wouldn’t let Megan’s stunt yesterday bother her. Who cared if it reminded her of all those times—
Not going there. “This way.” With a turn on her heel, Crystal flounced past the checkpoint in the Spanish airport and into the adjacent hallway, not waiting to see if Megan followed. Every step she took made her feet feel brittle. Or maybe it was the ground that might break, like a fine layer of ice on top of a not-quite-frozen lake. She yanked her suitcase along behind her, searching for the gate where a plane would take them to Dublin.
“Hold up.” Megan caught up beside her, her breath coming in puffs. “What’s the rush?”
“Nothing.” But still Crystal continued moving. She couldn’t stop or the memory of the absolute terror she’d felt yesterday would overtake her and flood her veins with the red-hot emotion she was barely keeping at bay.
After the run, she’d been so relieved to see her sister whole. She’d even been kind of proud, because Megan had done something brave even when it was hard. Crystal let herself be swept up in the festivities, and together they’d joined a random celebration at a pub, where she’d had one too many cervezas and learned every lyric to the Marcha Real.
But today she’d awoken with a slight hangover, and she couldn’t stop reliving that moment when Megan had told her she was not planning to watch but was going to run among rampaging beasts who’d love nothing more than to take a horn to her flesh. Seeing her sister with that stupid red bandana on her head this morning was a reminder of how close Crystal had come to losing her—not just yesterday but three and a half years ago.
The Heart Between Us Page 14
