The Heart Between Us

by Lindsay Harrel

  Chapter 21

  If staying the night in a Celtic castle in the heart of Ireland couldn’t help Crystal relax, maybe nothing would.

  From her spot next to the window, a lake glistened with the last bit of sunlight and spread across the ground like butter. To the right of that, green gardens and trees dotted the immense landscape. Since they were staying at one far end of the castle, she could see the other end of the stone structure wrapping around the grounds and turrets puncturing the sky, which was beginning to dot with pinpricks of light.

  Crystal pulled herself away from the latticed white windows framed by gold curtains, away from a view that should have filled her with awe.

  Instead, she slumped into the old-fashioned seat situated in front of a vanity and took her brush in hand. With each stroke of her hair, she willed the pain in her stomach to subside. The bags under her eyes were more pronounced than ever.

  She missed Brian. She missed her job. And she and her sister couldn’t be real for two seconds without losing it on each other.

  Maybe that’s why the last two days spent exploring Dublin had been so utterly exhausting. After their fight, they’d both apologized in the airport, determined to move forward. But standing still wasn’t the same thing as moving forward. And as much as Crystal tried to figure out how to fix things, she couldn’t.

  That’s probably why she missed work so much. The bombed Hoffman project aside, she’d always been able to get things done, to go after her goals and nail them. But this person staring back at her in the mirror? She didn’t recognize her.

  Crystal sighed and set the brush down on the vanity. Chunks of her long blonde hair rested in the bristles of the brush. Yikes. That wasn’t good. Could an ulcer cause that or was something more going on?

  She heaved herself out of the chair, gasping at the sudden lurch in her belly and moving to her bed. The ruffled blue bedspread was smooth beneath her legs as she climbed up and pulled her computer onto her lap. Crystal leaned against the puffed gold-and-robin’s-egg-blue headboard, which was framed by curtains held back by golden knobs. For a moment she just sat, studying the paper that covered the walls, a pale yellow decorated with pictures of daisies.

  As she powered up her laptop, Crystal could still taste the frozen chocolate mousse she’d inhaled after dinner. Of course, Megan wouldn’t touch it because it wasn’t “healthy” enough. Crystal’s e-mail popped up on the screen and she deleted all the junk. Her fingers froze when she saw Tony’s name on a message. She clicked and scanned the contents. It was short and to the point:

  Crystal,

  We are going to go with Meredith’s proposal if you don’t send me something soon. I was hoping this time away would be restful and good for your creative juices. Was I wrong?

  Tony

  The tiny black words on the screen mocked her. She needed to brainstorm again. Maybe this time her brain wouldn’t freeze.

  Just then, the large oak door to their bedroom creaked open and Megan walked in. “You’re still up.” Somehow she’d had the energy to stay up late in the pub downstairs and chat with other tourists.

  “I have to brainstorm more for that work proposal.”

  “Sounds thrilling.” Megan made a face. “I’m going to go explore the castle.” Her sister started changing from her dress into yoga pants and a fitted T-shirt.

  “Why?”

  “Because when’s the next time I’m going to be in an Irish castle overnight?”

  “True.” Crystal closed her laptop lid and pulled her legs up to her chest. The position soothed her stomach for the time being.

  Her sister sat on the edge of Crystal’s bed. “Would you like to come with me?” She asked the question with a timid, tentative voice. “You’ve been working every spare minute. You should take some time to relax.”

  Funny. That’s exactly what she’d been trying to do all night—and couldn’t. Maybe a change of scenery would be good for her. “I can maybe take a short break. Fifteen minutes.”

  Megan jumped off the bed and threw a sweatshirt over her head. “Dress warm. It looks like it might rain.”

  Crystal slipped into a sweater and tennis shoes. Together they left the room and crept down the red-carpeted hallway where other guests were staying. When they reached a dark corridor, Megan flipped on the flashlight from her phone. Her face lit like a kid telling a campfire ghost story. “Ready?”

  Crystal couldn’t help but offer a laugh at how ridiculous her sister looked. She pushed Megan along. “Go.”

  They walked down the hallway, taking in the tapestries and grand artwork hanging on the walls. Peeking into an entryway to the left, they discovered a huge ballroom with a wooden dance floor and high-backed chairs hugging the edges of the room. Floor-to-ceiling windows lined the far wall. They made their way over and found that one led to an outdoor balcony. With a push, they opened the doorway and stepped out.

  Here they were met with an even more expansive view of the grounds. For miles, lush greenery surrounded them. Several stories below, a few guests milled about, some sitting around fire pits. The crisp air kissed Crystal’s skin and a light rain fell, dotting her forehead and cheeks.

  Crystal turned her palms to the sky. “Didn’t you say you had to kiss a handsome guy in the rain? You should find one now, mark that item off.”

  Megan frowned, then opened her arms, tilted her head up, and stuck out her tongue. “But fresh rain tastes so yummy, and I’d rather be here drinking it up.”

  “You’re such a little kid.” Crystal couldn’t help teasing her sister, and it felt good. Maybe they could find a happy medium, now that some of the junk was out in the open. Not really resolved but exposed. “But seriously. What if it doesn’t rain again during the trip?”

  “I’m sure it will. We can think about that later. Right now, let’s just have fun.” Megan twirled, then stopped, studying Crystal. “Have you had any fun at all on this trip?”

  “Sure.” But had she?

  “When?”

  “I . . .” But Crystal couldn’t name a single moment of fun so far. It had all been fraught with grief and fear and anxiety. She used to have fun. When had she become this person? “I suppose I am a little more serious than you.”

  “A little more serious? You’re always waiting for something to go wrong. When’s the last time you let your emotions fly free and truly enjoyed yourself?”

  All this time Crystal had thought it was better to stuff her emotions away—because that meant she was in control of them, that she had one less factor in life to worry about. But though unleashing her emotions at the airport during her fight with Megan had been painful, it’d also been liberating in a way.

  “Come on. Spin.”

  The rain dropped heavier and a wind started to blow, whistling through the crack in the doorway behind them, but still Megan circled.

  It couldn’t hurt to follow her sister’s lead for once.

  After a moment more of hesitation, Crystal flung back her arms—and groaned as dizziness shot through her. She slouched forward and fell to her knees.

  “Crystal?” Megan rushed to her side. “Are you okay?”

  “I . . . don’t . . .” Crystal stood, shaky, and pitched forward till the balcony railing hit her side. Though she stood still, everything else spun.

  And her stomach, it was on fire, like a ball of heat had come to life inside of her. She slid to the ground and heaved her dinner onto the concrete next to her. Rain ran rivers down her cheeks—or were those tears? Her head exploded with a blinding pain. “Something’s wrong.” Why couldn’t she pick herself up?

  But Megan had already whipped her phone out and was dialing. “Hello? Hi. We’re guests here, and my sister is dizzy and breathing funny. She’s grabbing her stomach. I don’t know what’s wrong. But we need an ambulance.” She glanced around. “We’re on the balcony outside a ballroom on the second floor. Okay.” She lowered the phone and put her hand on Crystal’s shoulder. “Help is on the way.”

&nbs
p; Crystal nodded, but even that small movement wrecked her system. She should have seen a doctor sooner about her stomach, but she’d been trying to take care of her job, her marriage, her sister . . .

  All of her thoughts faded away as she slumped against Megan and blacked out.

  Monitors beeped in the low-lit hospital room where Crystal lay in bed asleep, finally resting after a flurry of medical tests. Her hair was tucked underneath her head like a pillow, and her face had started to regain some of its color. Megan sat in the seat next to the bed, stroking her sister’s hand.

  Such a strange feeling—being the healthy one for a change. The strong one.

  She pushed the thought from her mind. She’d never be stronger than Crystal.

  Megan’s phone buzzed on the table and she glimpsed Brian’s name on the caller ID. She snatched it up so the vibrations didn’t wake Crystal and slipped into the hallway of the little Irish hospital. “Hello?”

  “Megan, hey. What’s going on? Is she okay?”

  When they’d been on their way in the tiny ambulance to the hospital, she’d left Brian a quick voice mail. Her sister had thrown up and fainted several times, and whenever she was awake she complained of an aching stomach and a pounding head. The doctors had rushed her back immediately, leaving Megan to pace the waiting room while they figured out what was wrong with Crystal.

  The waiting had been awful. She’d texted Caleb, and he’d said he would be praying for Crystal. Instead of instantly shrugging off the statement, Megan found herself actually hoping that his prayers would make a difference. If nothing else, knowing someone else was praying comforted her.

  Now Megan had to pass along the comfort to Brian. “She’s going to be all right.” She said the words as quietly as she could, since Crystal’s room was just around the corner from the nurse’s station. She didn’t want to disturb any of the sweet nurses on duty. “Crystal has an ulcer. A pretty bad one but nothing that requires surgery.”

  “Really?” Brian breathed heavily into the phone. “Did the doctor say how long she’s had it?”

  Megan paced, her tennis shoes squeaking on the waxed linoleum floor. “He said it was fairly advanced. She’s probably been dealing with it for months.” Hadn’t Crystal told Brian about her symptoms?

  “She works too hard and is stressed out all the time. I should have seen this coming.”

  “It’s not your fault. If anything, it’s mine. She told me she’d been feeling poorly when we were in China, and I didn’t make her go to the doctor.”

  “I doubt she would have listened.”

  “True.” And Megan hadn’t wanted to push.

  “How long does she have to stay?”

  “She can check out of the hospital tomorrow if everything goes okay tonight. They’re going to put her on some meds that should clear her ulcer right up.” Megan stopped pacing and leaned against the stark white wall.

  “I’m glad it wasn’t anything more serious.”

  “Me too. After this incident, I’m going to insist that she take it easy. No work for a while.”

  “Good luck with that.”

  His tone revealed more than Brian probably realized. Crystal didn’t talk much about her and Brian’s relationship. Her words at the Spanish airport echoed in Megan’s mind: “My life was—is—far from perfect.” Could she have been referring to her marriage?

  Brian cleared his throat. “Are you going to cancel or rearrange your plans this week?”

  “I’m afraid if we stay put all week, Crystal will just try to work more and not relax. But I think tomorrow we’ll skip Galway and stay an extra day at the castle. And then as long as she feels up to it, we can head to London as planned on Saturday.”

  “That sounds like a good plan.”

  After they said good-bye, Megan headed back to Crystal’s room. Her sister was still lying there, but her eyes were open, almost worried. They filled with relief when Megan drew closer. “I thought maybe you’d left me. And I wouldn’t have blamed you.”

  That day in the hospital before Megan’s surgery came to mind, when Crystal had fled and Megan had wondered if she’d ever see her sister again. But holding on to grudges didn’t do any good. She’d told Crystal how it had made her feel. They hadn’t really finished the conversation, but maybe now they could move past it. “I was chatting with Brian.”

  A frown flitted across Crystal’s mouth. “What did he say?”

  “He was worried about you. I told him you’d be your old cantankerous self in no time.”

  “Gee, thanks.” Crystal stuck her tongue out at Megan. They both laughed, but then Crystal grabbed her side, grimacing at the movement.

  Megan sat on the edge of Crystal’s bed. A thread had come unraveled from the blanket. She picked at it. “You really scared me.”

  “I scared myself.” Crystal stared at the blanket too. Above, a fan kicked on, blowing air through a vent where the wall met the ceiling.

  Megan pinched the thread with her nail. “You need to take better care of yourself.” She tried to keep the scolding tone out of her voice, but a tiny bit crept in.

  Of course, maybe this was how Crystal felt about Megan and her health. And the fear Megan felt was probably only a fraction of what Crystal must have experienced over the years—and during the bull run. The thought sobered her.

  “I’ll try.”

  With a tug, Megan pulled the thread free of the blanket. She tucked it into her palm. “So what’s stressing you out so bad you got an ulcer?”

  Crystal bit her lip and her forehead scrunched, as if thinking deeply about how to respond. “My job can be stressful. Among other things.”

  It wasn’t the revealing answer Megan had hoped for, but it was something. As long as Crystal didn’t turn over and claim tiredness. As long as she kept talking. “Then I’m implementing a no-work rule for the next week.”

  Crystal flashed her a look of disbelief. “Nice try, Megan.”

  “I’m serious.”

  “So am I. I can’t stop working for a week. I have too much to do.” Her sister rubbed the bridge of her nose, sighed. “Tonight I got an e-mail from Tony. He’s going to go with another architect’s proposal if I don’t send him mine soon. I’ll lose my shot at senior architect and my dream project.”

  “Doesn’t seem worth it if it’s costing you your health.” Megan’s gaze roamed the tiny room. Hospital rooms everywhere had a different layout but the same basic feel to them: sterile, dead, often hopeless. “I’ve experienced what it’s like not to have my health. Why would you risk it?”

  Her sister stared at Megan, her mouth falling open. She closed it quickly. “I guess I never thought of it like that.” Her hand rubbed her stomach, counterclockwise, then clockwise, like Mom used to rub their tummies as children when they’d eaten too much candy. “But I don’t know how to not be an architect, you know? I love it. Being an architect lets me have a visible, tangible impact on the world. The things I design come to life. And sometimes they change lives.”

  The passion in her voice stirred something in Megan. “I wish I had something like that.”

  “Well, you’re a writer. And writing also has the power to move people.”

  “All I’ve got right now is this measly little blog and one published article. It’s not much.”

  “But it’ll grow, and you’ll have more opportunities come along.”

  “I hope you’re right.” Rain plinked against the window. “But back to you. I understand now a little more why you’re passionate about your work. But why does being senior architect mean so much? You’ve talked a lot about that and achieving partner by forty.”

  Crystal’s eyebrows knit together. “I suppose it’s a sign, something that proves I’ve got what it takes to succeed.”

  “You’ve always been so good at everything. Weren’t you offered a big scholarship after high school? Clearly you’re extremely capable and intelligent. What further proof do you need?”

  “Funny you should mention that.
” Her sister tugged the blanket closer. “Yes, senior year of high school I was awarded a scholarship that would have paid for most of college. I turned it down.”

  “What? Why?”

  “Because when the board offered it to me, they said they knew all about your ‘situation’ and were awarding the scholarship to help our family any way they could. I wanted to get the scholarship for the 4.0 GPA I had, or the laundry list of extracurriculars I’d participated in, or because I’d written a killer essay—not because my sister was sick.”

  “Ugh.” Megan’s chest squeezed and her fingers rose to her neck, settling into the groove where she always checked her pulse. Habit. She stuck her hands back in her lap. “I’m sorry, Crystal.”

  “It’s not your fault.”

  “It’s not yours either.” And Megan meant it. No one would choose to be sick. God was in control of that.

  Maybe someday she’d understand his decision to make her well—or to allow her to be sick in the first place, only to heal her after losing twenty-plus years of her life to illness.

  Not for the first time, she was tempted to ask him.

  Would he say anything back to her?

  Crystal’s gaze met hers and her bottom lip quivered. But she broke their connection and lowered her bed with the remote that was resting on her lap. “I’m tired. Would you mind if I got some sleep?”

  Megan rose and fluffed the pillow that lay under Crystal’s head. “Not at all. But, Crystal?”

  “Hmm?” Her sister’s eyes were already closed.

  Megan leaned forward and grabbed Crystal’s free hand. “Repeat after me: I will not work for several days.”

  Crystal’s eyes flew open. “Megan.”

  “I can’t hear you.” Megan squeezed Crystal’s hand. “Come on. You’ve tried it your way. It landed you here. Why not try it my way?”

  Crystal turned her gaze to the window, where her eyes seemed to follow the rain as it fell in drizzles down the pane. “I will not work for several days.”

  Now they were finally getting somewhere.