Biker's Librarian (Lord of Mayhem Book 1)

by Shyla Colt

  He had close-cut brown hair with spots of gray at his temples. His eyes were a dark green and the laugh lines and crows-feet made her think he had a good temperament. He rapped on the door again and shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. He looked familiar, but she couldn’t place him. He doesn’t have a cut, so I probably didn’t see him with Mayhem. But he is so not one of Peter’s boys dressed like this. He clenched his jaw and a lightbulb went off in her head. He looks like… Shooter.

  Shooter had been closed-lipped about his family. She knew his parents were dead, but he had brother. This must be him. Oh, God, maybe something happened. They’d been so caught up in her drama there’d been no time for much else. Guilt gnawed at her belly. She opened the door, keeping the chain lock on top hooked.

  “Can I help you?”

  The man blinked and took a step back. “Oh… I’m sorry, maybe I have the wrong place. Does Daniel Nash live here?” His brow wrinkled and she bit back a laugh. She’d seen that expression on Shooter’s face a million times before.

  “No, you have the right place. May I ask who you are?”

  “Oh, I’m sorry. I guess he didn’t you about me, huh?” His face fell. “I’m his older brother, Joel. I came out here from Ohio.”

  She wanted to believe him, but a part of her still worried Peter would come for her in some way. “Can I see some identification?”

  His eyebrows flew up. “Yeah, sure. Wow. You guys do things a lot differently in the big cities.” He shook his head and dug into his back pocket pulling out a worn brown leather wallet. Quickly he removed the card and handed it to her.

  “Joel Alexander Nash.” She rubbed the card turning it this way and that to make sure it had the holographic markings that proved it was legit. Finding the shimmering symbols, she relaxed and handed it back. “Sorry, a woman can never be too careful these days.”

  “Unfortunately I have to agree with you. I have a wife and a daughter who’s about ten. The things on the news make me want to keep them in the house while I warn people off with a shotgun.”

  She laughed. “Yeah, you sound like your brother.”

  Closing the door, she removed the chain lock and opened it.

  “He’s running an errand, but he should be back soon. Would you like to wait? We’re in the middle of moving, so the house is mostly empty. But I can at least offer you a beverage.”

  “Oh no, I’m fine. Thank you for the offer. Are you his…lady?”

  “Oh my god, I’ve been so rude.” She closed the door behind him and offered her hand. I’m his girlfriend, Juliette.”

  “Nice to meet you, Juliette.” The toothpaste-white smile he flashed her morphed him from handsome to gorgeous.

  This family has amazing genes.

  “Does he know you’re coming? He didn’t mention it to me.” They stood in the middle of the living room surrounded by boxes.

  “Uh no.” Joel shook his head. “This is a total surprise.”

  “Is… is everything okay back home? Should I call him and tell him to come right back now?”

  “No, please don’t panic him. I can wait.”

  “O-okay.” She shifted her weight. Why haven’t I heard about him before? Maybe I don’t know Shooter as well as I thought I did. The thought saddened her. He’d seen her at her rawest. She bared her soul, cried in his arms and turned to him in her darkest hour. If she could stand up to her mother in his defense, why couldn’t he tell her about something minor like his family?

  “What brings you out this way?”

  “I’ve been trying to catch up with him for a while and it hasn’t worked out. I figured the most direct approach would be the best solution.”

  “Part of that is my fault.” She cringed. “There’s been a lot going on.” She longed for something to do to keep her busy. “Are you sure I can’t get you something to eat or drink. I was going to start dinner.”

  “Don’t mind me. I know I’m an unexpected guest. I appreciate the hospitality.”

  “Come on, I’ll get you a beer. We’re just having pizza, nothing complicated, but you’re welcomed to join us.”

  A sad expression lined his face and he glanced down at the floor. “We’ll see.”

  What happened between these two? The questions hovered on the tip of her tongue. Did they fight last time they were together? She didn’t have a sibling of her own, but she’d been around her friends enough to know they got into it from time to time. Shaking her head she walked into the kitchen with him trailing behind her. He learned against the wall with his hands in his pockets.

  “Anything I can do to help?”

  “Sure, if you want to wash your hands you can make the salad.” She patted her hands dry with a dishtowel and pulled the pizza out of the freezer.

  “I can do that.” He offered her an easy smile.

  “So tell me some Shooter stories. He couldn’t always have been this bad-ass.”

  Joel threw back his head and laughed. His eyes lit up and he grinned. “No, he had a very awkward stage from sixth grade to ninth grade. All gangly limbs, acne and un-coolness. He was on the chess team for Christ’s sake.”

  “What?” She closed the door to the oven and turned around. “Really?”

  “Oh, yeah. I’m sure by now you’ve figured out he’s smart as a whip. But it’s more than street smarts. The kid has a 130 IQ.”

  Her jaw dropped.

  “Yeah, he hides it well.”

  “Evil genius,” she mumbled.

  Joel snorted, and they both launched into a fresh fit of laughter.

  “What the fuck is going on here?”

  Juliette jumped. “Hey babe, your brother came by to visit.”

  “I can see that.” Shooter’s jaw ticked. “You just let him into our house?”

  “Uh yeah, he’s your brother. I mean I made him show me identification first, so I was smart about it.” Juliette glanced from Joel to Shooter. “I don’t understand.”

  “You let her think things were okay between us? That’s bullshit.” The door slammed and Shooter strode across the room. If looks could kill Joel would be dead on the spot. Shooter’s eyes smoldered with anger and possessiveness. “Step away from him.”

  “What?” she whispered.

  “Now.” Shooter’s clipped voice made her take a large step to the right.

  “This is unnecessary,” Joel said.

  “Like I trust your word.” Shooter wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her to his side.

  “When are we going to get past this? I know I was wrong. I apologized a million times over,” Joel ran his hands through his hair.

  “Where does it say apologies have to be accepted?”

  “You’re being fucking ridiculous,” Joel exhaled. “Look, can we not do this in front of her?”

  “No, I want to know what’s going on,” Juliette said. “I think I’ve been the dark long enough.”

  “Jesus, you didn’t tell her yet?” The disbelief in Joel’s words hurt.

  “What haven’t you told me, Shooter?”

  “There you go again showing up and fucking up my shit.” Shooter glared at Joel.

  “This is on you, little brother.” Joel pointed to him. “If you don’t tell her I will.”

  “Shooter?” Juliette glanced up at him feeling her heart break.

  “I came home on leave from the Marines and found my fiancée and high school sweetheart fucking my brother in our bed.”

  She gasped. “Oh my god. I am so sorry.”

  “Yeah to make things even better, he married her.”

  “I love her. Don’t make it sound like it was to spite you.” Joel’s chest heaved. A vein throbbed in the side of his neck. “It was a long time ago. Why do you keep hanging on to it? You act like you have no family, but we’re still here. You haven’t even seen Brittany since Mo
m and Dad’s funeral.”

  “I have a new family now. One who knows the true meaning of loyalty.”

  “I fucked up one time, Daniel.” He held up a finger. “One time and you just cut me out of your life. I can’t believe you’re still hung up on Angelina. Not after all this time.”

  The words cut Juliette deep. What other reason did he have for keeping his distance? She wasn’t the love of his life, because Angelina held that spot. Shooter lived and died for family and the people he cared about. It was clear form the potent anger he still loved his brother. Did the same hold true for Angelina?

  “Are you fucking kidding me? Why would I still be longing after someone who could do that while I was away being shot at and wondering if I’d make it home?”

  “Then what is it?” Joel stepped forward. “We’re family. Neither of us is getting any younger and I want my baby brother back, man. Look, I know showing up was drastic, but you won’t return my calls.” Joey turned to glance at Juliette. “I’m sorry for coming in and causing drama.” He dug into his back pocket and pulled out a white card. “This is the hotel I’m staying at. I’ll be there for the rest of the week if you decide to change your mind so we can work this out.”

  Shooter ignored the card. Juliette took it and flashed him a sympathetic look. He’d been wrong for what he’d done, but he was trying to make it right. Silence filled the space as Joel left, closing the door after him. Juliette pulled away from Shooter and locked the door. Turning, she leaned against the wood.

  “Why didn’t you tell me about what happened?”

  “Because it happened a really long time ago and has nothing to do with us.”

  She shook her head. “Yes it does.”

  “Why?”

  “Do you still love her?”

  “Fuck no. Everything I’ve said to you is true.” He ran the back of his knuckles down the side of her face. “I love you, there’s no one else.”

  “Then why did you keep such a huge part of your life from me? Why won’t you forgive him? You’re all about family.”

  “Baby, when he did that, he stopped being my family, don’t you understand that?” He leaned against the door blocking her in with his large frame.

  “He wants to fix it, Shooter. Holding on to this anger can’t be good. I have a small family. I’d kill for more.”

  He frowned. ‘You have more with me, Mayhem, and your girls.”

  “It’s not the same and you know it.” Tears welled in her eyes. The betrayal hurt. Some lies were those of omission. “I never doubted you were always up front with me and now. Now I don’t know what to think.”

  “I’ve never lied to you. Don’t let him put a wedge between us.”

  “You’ve seen me at my worst. I fought my demons for you. Why didn’t you do the same for me?” She swallowed, refusing to cry in front of him. “I need a minute. Some space. Room to think. I’m going back to my place tonight.”

  “Baby no.”

  She covered his mouth with her finger. “I’m not so much mad as hurt, Shooter. This doesn’t match the man I’ve come to love. He’s strong, honest, fearless, and does everything for his family. This challenges that. I need to digest it.”

  His nostrils flared. “It’s one thing.”

  ‘Yes, one life-altering thing. It defined who you were in so many ways.” She lowered her hand and stepped away from him. Love meant overcoming your past to move forward a better person with the one you loved. If he couldn’t work through this, she had to question how he really felt. No woman wanted to be second best. If she could walk the hell of her past, he had no excuse. With a heavy heart, she went over to the counter, grabbed her purse, and walked back. His jaw flexed, but he remained silent as he opened the door and watched her leave. Please, love me enough to fight for me. I need you to be the man I thought you were and not an illusion. I’ve had enough of false identities to last a lifetime.

  Shooter felt like he was suffocating. A life without Juliette wasn’t an option. He wanted to drag her back and keep her with him. But he knew he’d screwed up. She hated secrets, and after what she’d been through with Peter, he couldn’t blame her. I should’ve come clean earlier. Her words haunted him. This doesn’t fit with the man I’ve come to love. He didn’t have to think about his next move. He had to make this shit right. The ring he’d taken to carrying around burned a hole in his cut. The past had no place with his future. He walked over and grabbed the card Juliette left on the counter, and set out.

  He pulled up in front of the mid-grade hotel and parked. His face heated, and his stomach churned. When he didn’t hold on to the anger, he was left with the hurt. His chest burned and he gripped the handlebars mentally psyching himself. The door opened and Joel appeared. Standing, he got off his bike walked over. Joel allowed him to enter and shut the door behind him. The beige walls threatened to close in on him as he made his way over to the table and chairs and sat down.

  “I’m here for Juliette. She deserved to know without a shadow of a doubt she’s number one. I don’t have any designs on Angelina if that’s what you’re worried about. What we had was puppy love. But that first time is magical in a way, and you were my big brother. That’s what’s been tearing me up this whole time. I needed you. I was coming away from a world of chaos, death and blood. I needed you.” He glanced up into his brother’s glossy eyes.

  “I needed you and you let me down in the worst possible way. I promised myself later that I’d never put myself in a position where I could be hurt. It’s how I dealt with it, a quick patch over the wound to allow me to function. When you’re in the military Uncle Sam owns your soul. There’s no time to get lost in your head because you need to perform. I shoved that shit down and moved on, always clinging to that anger. I was an angry man when I got out. Readjustment is rough and I had no one to help me through. Another thing I blamed you for.”

  “I would’ve been there. If only you had said the word,” Joel said. “You never stopped being my little brother, Daniel. I love you.”

  Shooter sighed. “It’s not a matter of not loving you anymore. That would make things easy. You’re my blood. But I don’t trust you. I’m not sure if I ever can again. You want things back to the way they were.” He shook his head. “I don’t know if that’s possible.”

  “No, I didn’t expect that. I just want us to be in each other’s lives. I want to know what’s going on with you. I want to tell you when Brittany makes the honor roll.” Joel sighed. “You start getting older and you realize how important family is.”

  Shooter grunted. “I just want to understand why. How could you do something like that? I idolized you.” The hurt returned full force. Suddenly he was that lance corporal coming home to find everything had changed. Lost, hurting and confused, he’d been a total wreck.

  “It’s hard being left behind. You miss the person you love, and you’re constantly worried. Only, you can’t let them know. You have to put up this front and pretend you’re far braver than your ever really feel. We didn’t want you to worry about us because it might take your focus off what was important.” Joel closed his eyes. The lines around his eyes and mouth stood out, and Shooter realized how long it’d been since he saw him last. He felt a twinge of regret. “We bonded over that. When she woke up in the middle of her nightmares about what might happen to you, I was the one she called and confided in.”

  “How do you go from that to cheating, Joel? I don’t get it.” He clenched his jaw. If they loved him so much, why had this happened?

  “It just slowly shifted. All that time spent together baring our souls and getting to know each other better. I fell for her. I don’t have to tell you how amazing she is.” He shook his head. “I fought it. I tried to date other women, and we stared spending less time together. All that did was make us both miserable.”

  “So why not just tell me? It would’ve hurt, but it wouldn’t have ripped
my heart out of my chest.”

  “We wanted to do it in person. You deserved better than a Dear John.”

  “Trust me, I would’ve preferred that.” Shooter shook his head. The ball of pain permanently attached to the memory of his brother and Angelina began to untangle for the first time.

  “I don’t want to go to my grave with you hating me, Daniel.”

  “I don’t hate you, Joel. I hate what you did and how it destroyed our relationship.” The words freed something inside him. A lightness began to wash over him. I hate the situation not the people.

  “Why the sudden change? Not that I’m complaining.” Joel held up his hands.

  “It’s all Juliette. She deserves me at my best with both feet firmly planted in the present ready to move to the future with her.” It had taken a very intelligent woman to make him see he’d been hurting himself.

  “It sounds serious.”

  “It is.”

  “Well, I wish you happiness.”

  “It’s the only option.” Shooter smiled.

  “Jesus you got cocky, and scary. I wasn’t prepared for that,” Joel admitted.

  “Yeah, your days of kicking my ass are over, old man.”

  “I’m not old, Joel growled.

  “Yeah, they say forty is the new thirty.”

  “Dick,” Joel said. The smile on his face took the sting from the words. They weren’t okay yet, but Shooter knew eventually they would be.

  They spent the rest of the night catching up. Streaks of purple and orange preceded the sunrise as he stepped from the hotel. An idea caught fire in his brain. Pleased, he climbed on to his bike and took a left onto the street. It won’t be the first time I’ve gone day without sleep. After a few stops, he pulled up to their house a little after seven. Our house. Wherever they were now belonged to both of them. Pride swelled his chest. They were building a life together. Still, the shit wasn’t enough. He wanted permanent. When you found the person you were meant to be with, you knew it.

  Grabbing the paper bag from his saddlebags he walked up to the door and let himself inside. He headed straight to the Keurig and made a cup of Chai. They’d been together long enough for him to know the fastest route to escaping the doghouse. With her favorite breakfast and a steaming cup of tea, he crept up the stairs to the bedroom they’d redecorated per her insistence.