Clean Hack (The Tainted Saints Book 1)

by Eve R. Hart

  Then I made love to her again and again, until she couldn’t even hold her eyes open any longer.

  “Best date ever,” she mumbled barely coherently as she snuggled into my side.

  That was how we slept, and I loved it. The feeling of her against me. The soft, fragile fingers that rested over my heart. The smooth legs tangled with mine. I’d never felt so relaxed in my entire life and it wasn’t simply because of the release. It was more.

  Home.

  The word rang out in the back of my head and I couldn’t agree more. As fast as this was happening, there was no denying that Lucy was my home. For my soul. For my heart. For my life.

  -21-

  Home Is Where He Is

  Lucy

  Time seemed to slow down. Or maybe it was that we became so lost in each other that everything else ceased to exist. Time lost its meaning. The outside world fell away. And I was in a happy bubble.

  I spent my days lounging around in his clothes, completely comfortable walking around without pants. Nights we spent naked, wrapped up in one another’s bodies to the point that I didn’t even know where I was.

  He loved every inch of me and he showed me that every time he took me to bed.

  At some point, I knew reality was going to kick in.

  While I loved the little break that I had, I was starting to feel guilty the more the days went on. I needed to get back to my life, or at least work that part of it into my new one. Though I had been antsy to get my hands on a computer, I hadn’t actually made the move to do so. I knew Derrick noticed and while he could see the war in my eyes, he finally decided to put his foot down.

  “Pack your stuff,” he said to me after I’d finished cleaning up the dishes from breakfast.

  I loved that he cooked breakfast, and I cleaned up after. And he did the same when I made a meal. We had somehow silently found our rhythm and it worked pretty much right off the bat.

  “What?” I said suddenly frozen.

  “I’m taking you to your place. You can figure out what you want to happen from there. But I know you have things you want to get as well as get back to.”

  See, he got me. I had tried to not say anything because I didn’t really want this to end just yet. But I supposed it was time.

  “The way I figure it, we could go there, stay a couple of days and maybe head on from there. Maybe I could show you another one of my places. Either way, we could get a change of scenery and all. Or, I can find someplace to stay while you figure things out, give you some space if that’s what you need.”

  “I…”

  “You don’t have to answer right away,” he said pulling me into his arms and placing a light kiss on my forehead. “And I won’t be mad if you need some time to yourself. I get that this is completely different from what you’re used to. And there is no reason to feel bad about it, okay?”

  “Okay,” I said nodding against his chest.

  “Alright. I’m going to pack a bag and get this place set up for me to be gone a while.”

  He left me and I felt cold. I missed his warmth and I doubted that I would ever need time away from him. I didn’t want that. I had meant to tell him so, but it felt like he didn’t even give me the chance. Maybe he didn’t want me to make any decisions right away. But I knew. I knew I didn’t want this man to go away from me. My hesitation didn’t have anything to do with him staying at my place. In fact, I was a little giddy and nervous about it. Also, a little terrified. After all, I had left my place in a hurry. There might have been a few dirty dishes in the sink and I was pretty sure some leftovers stinking up the fridge.

  I didn’t even take out the trash, I reminded myself and mentally slapped my forehead.

  I mean, come on, I wasn’t really thinking when I took off.

  I had a feeling I was going to walk into a stinky mess. But whatever. I was sure he’d understand. He knew what had gone on and I would have guessed that he knew I didn’t exactly get my place ready like he was about to do to this one.

  As I packed, I thought about how I hadn’t heard from Allison yet. Part of me wanted to beg Derrick to drive me down there. But then, the other part of me understood that she would need time. I got that on a different level because I was still wrestling with my demons too.

  Thirty minutes later, we were on the road, headed north, in the direction of my apartment. It was going to take the better part of the day to get there and I imagined that he would make a few stops along the way.

  “This is it,” I said as I opened my door and stepped inside.

  Oh, yeah, there was definitely something funky wafting through the place. I rushed to bag up my trash, looking a little embarrassed, I was sure. All he did was smile at me, take the offending mass out of my hands, and ask where he needed to dump it. He was back within two minutes and I felt like I’d been holding my breath the entire time. Which was dumb, and I felt silly for it.

  “It’s small, I know,” I rushed to say as he stepped into the middle of my one-room apartment and looked around.

  “I like it,” he replied back in that smooth voice that always calmed me. “I see you in here.” He smiled at me and I could see a softness in his eyes.

  “I, uh, don’t really know what to do now. I guess I tried not to think about it too much on the way here.”

  “I think we should start here,” he said, breathing against my ear and then leaving a trail of kisses down my neck.

  I sighed and relaxed into him.

  “I think it went like this,” he teased as he lifted me up and plopped me on the counter.

  Then it was on, just like our first time and it hadn’t slipped past me that he’d worn one of his button-up shirts. I took advantage of that fact, remembering that day, and ripped the damn thing open. At this rate, we were going to leave a tail of lost buttons along our way. That thought made me smile as I met his lips.

  We didn’t make it to the bed this time. We were both too eager and needy to move. So after he sheathed his impressive, beautiful cock, I used my legs to pull him into me. My fingers guided him to my pussy, and he took me like a man starved. He dove in and out of me and I held on for dear life, rocking into his rhythm. He filled me. Stretched me. Completed me, with every deep thrust. I flew over the cliff, screaming out his name in a dizzying haze. And then he kissed me passionately as he buried himself so deep inside of me that he chased away the ache, and came hard.

  Then the world crashed down. Like really. His phone beeped. I knew what that sound meant and I couldn’t even be mad. I wasn’t, but I couldn’t help but be a little disappointed. He kissed me, long and soft before he pulled away. I watched as he discarded the condom then sought out his phone. A moment later, he looked up at me as he ended the call.

  Then he was hitting buttons again, calling a number. And without warning, he shoved the phone against my ear.

  “Hello?” the voice on the other end rang out in my ear and I gasped. “Lulu?”

  “Allison?” I asked as if I didn’t know it was her.

  She sounded strange but not in a bad way. So much time had passed since I’d really talked to her. I didn’t count that night in the warehouse because there were barely any words spoken. I started to silently weep and that was when Derrick was there covering me with his shirt, lifting me into his arms, and carrying me to the bed. He held me as I talked to my best friend that had been lost to me for seven years.

  “I’m sorry it took me so long,” she said and I could hear the sadness in her voice.

  “I get it,” I rushed to say and brushed it off because I understood immensely.

  “I just wanted you to know that I’m good,” she said and I could feel her pulling away. It wasn’t quite a goodbye but it was leaving a distance between us.

  “Allison,” I begged as my body began to shake.

  “I just…need some more time, Lulu.”

  “Okay.”

  “I have someone looking out for me,” she told me so I wouldn’t worry. I had a feeling about Axe, an
d she had just confirmed it. “I’ll find you soon.”

  Then she was gone. I turned into a broken mess and Derrick held me close through it all. I didn’t need to tell him what had happened for him to understand.

  The call to Allison had wrecked me hard. It left me in a sad daze for days. I walked around almost numb. Derrick didn’t leave my side through it all. He held me when he sensed I needed the connection. He made me laugh when he felt like I was starting to slip into a dark hole. And he made love to me when he knew I felt cold and alone.

  “I’m not going to give up,” I said one morning. “I won’t push too hard, but I’m going to be there to help her through this.”

  I’d made a decision somewhere in the middle of my dreams. I’d always been there to pull her out of her nerdy hole. This wasn’t any different. Sure, it was darker and sadder and more things than I could even say right now. But it was basically the same. I just had to make her see that. Instead of making her go to a party on Friday night, I was going to make her open up and work through shit. I had a feeling that it might do us both some good.

  “So, to Moon Hill then?” Derrick asked as though anything else wasn’t even an option.

  I nodded and started packing. I didn’t even ask if that was alright with him because I already knew the answer.

  And yes, I could tell you without a single doubt in my mind, that I was in love with this man. That he was my future and the only one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

  I just hadn’t told him that. But I wasn’t worried because I knew the right time would come soon enough.

  I opened the door with the first load of things that I decided to take. I wasn’t going to take my entire set-up just yet, but I did grab my backup laptop, seeing as the one I’d been using was currently cracked in half and definitely not in working order. Once I got it set up, it would be enough to keep me going for a while. I wasn’t taking much but it was more than we could carry in one trip. He wanted to carry it all down himself but I told him I didn’t want to sit there all helpless like. I stepped out of the door and was instantly met with a pair of tired looking eyes.

  “Burke,” I practically squealed. “Oh, God. I’ve been worried about you.” It was true, though I’d been a bit crappy about getting in touch with him. “How did you know I’d be here?” I eyed him curiously.

  He flashed me a smile but it wasn’t full on, it didn’t cause a twinkle in his eyes. He walked over and I felt Derrick take a step closer to me. I wanted to wave him off but didn’t. Burke reached just above me and pulled a small camera off the inside of the door frame, just out of the way where the closed door would have stopped. I was more surprised that I’d missed the damn thing than the fact that he’d put one there.

  “I had to make sure you were okay,” he said pocketing the camera as a way to let me know that he wasn’t going to be watching anymore and that his words were true.

  “I’m good,” I said wanting to reach out and hug him.

  He looked…well, not great. The long stretch of time that he’d been under was catching up to him now that he was out. Now that everything was over. But it really wasn’t, because for people like us and Allison, it was almost like it was just the beginning. The part where the adrenaline and danger wore off and we had to deal with everything that had happened. All the things we blindly did, all the lies we kept telling ourselves, all the things we endured the whole time. I swallowed hard, understanding what he was going through all too well.

  “I can see that,” he said and gave a half smile as his eyes flicked over to Derrick. There was something knowing in his look but he didn’t say anything.

  “Are you alright?” I asked even though I already knew the answer.

  “I will be.” His eyes glazed over as he stared off to the side at nothing in particular. “I’m going to take some time off.”

  I couldn’t help the look of pity that overtook my face. His eyes snapped to mine and I knew he’d seen it.

  “I’ll talk to you soon enough,” he said as a way of saying goodbye, then he retreated to the back stairwell. I let him go because I had no idea what else to do.

  After a moment, Derrick urged me on. I couldn’t help but look for Burke once we hit the street. But I knew he was gone, like a shadow lost in the night.

  “Ready?” Derrick said as he picked up the last of my things along with his bag. He held out his hand to me and I slipped mine into it without hesitation.

  “Yes,” I said looking up at him with a new kind of hope in my eyes.

  Things were going to be alright. I was sure of it. And as long as he was by my side, I knew I’d be able to make it through anything.

  We took the long way to Moon Hill. As in, Derrick found every excuse to stop along the way. I knew he wasn’t a fan of staying in motels or hotels. It wasn’t that he’d said that out loud, but the closed-eyed, tight-lipped face he got every time we stopped told me all. There was also a deep inhaled breath that he held in for a good long minute before we entered the room. But he did it for me. Just like when he saw some cool place to stop and check out, I pushed down my anxiety and got out of the truck for him.

  By the time we made it to Moon Hill, the backseat of his truck was just about loaded down. Like no joke. We bought crap at every little tourist attraction and shop that caught our attention. I’d say it was mostly junk, but there was something about those little odd bobbles that made me smile. So, I cherished the cheap crap, but it wasn’t the items that warmed me inside, it was the memories made around them.

  “So what now?” I asked as we pulled off the highway.

  I immediately saw the garage that was owned by the Steel Paragons. It was so strange seeing it in real life, and as a whole. I’d only seen a few angles of the building and it seemed to put a warped sense of how I viewed the place. Yeah, this was really weird. I had never really thought of it before, you know, my reality versus the real one.

  “I was thinking that we should stop by the clubhouse. I should let them know we’re here out of respect and all. Also, it’s the best place to find out where they might be.”

  “Right,” I said and bit my lip.

  The clubhouse was usually pretty full at any given time. That was where half of the men lived and most of them hung out. And I didn’t even want to think about how strange it would be seeing the place for myself. Oh, and there was that little thing where I’d kind of been spying on them for years. I wasn’t sure if they knew it was me, but I also felt like I couldn’t go in there and not tell them.

  It took a long moment before I got out of the truck. I pretty much stuck like glue to Derrick’s back and he let me this time.

  “We didn’t call you,” someone said from across the room. “Or is there something you know that we don’t yet?” The voice was dark but I sensed a tiny hint of joking in his tone.

  I couldn’t help it, I peeked around Derrick’s body to lay eyes on which one it was. Diesel. The former Enforcer. Now he was the Sergeant at Arms, promoted at some point after they’d lost the man that held that position before him.

  He gave a tight-lipped smile and a knowing nod once he saw me. Then he pointed in the direction of a house in the middle of town. The two of them shook hands and patted one another on the back. There was something there, I could see it. Like maybe Derrick and Diesel had a deeper connection. Maybe even a friendship. I would ask him about it later because my curiosity was definitely piqued.

  Axe was out the front door and pounding his sneakered feet down the front stairs before Derrick could even cut the engine. Once Axe realized who it was, he seemed to relax a little. Yeah, there was most certainly a protectiveness there.

  “I don’t think she’s ready.” Was all that he said to me looking like a man that was going to fight for that point.

  “Lulu?” Allison called out as she stepped onto the porch.

  Then she was running at me full force. Axe was just barely able to step out of the way before she crashed into me and wrapped her arms arou
nd my shoulders. I held her tightly.

  The men eventually herded us inside and Allison tried her hardest to regain herself. I held her hand and told her that it was alright, that if she needed to cry then she could. She just shook her head and wiped her tears.

  Then she introduced me to the cutest little kid I had ever seen.

  “Can you say hi to your Aunt Lulu,” she cooed at him as she picked him up and held him close.

  The little kid lifted a chubby hand and waved at me.

  “Lulu,” he said taking me in with wide, intense eyes.

  I held him and played with him for a while. He was so adorable it made me think about having my own for just a split second. Then that sent me into I crazy head-spin because I had no idea what Derrick saw for his future. But I quickly shook that off and focused on Allison and Neiryn.

  Axe was amazing with both of them. I could see the love he had for Allison and her son and it made me smile. After a while, he made a point to say he was going to take Neiryn to the park. Derrick kissed me and followed them out. I was thankful because Allison and I needed some time alone. I think that was the whole point for their exit. Smart men we had.

  “I’m sorry,” I said and the tears ran down my cheeks. I wanted to be strong for her, but I couldn’t seem to hold it together any longer. “I tried so hard to find you.”

  “Lulu, no,” she whispered and hugged me. “None of this is your fault. I can’t believe that you put your life on hold for me. I can never repay you. Oh, I’ve missed you so much.”

  I nodded into her shoulder because I couldn’t speak.

  “I tried not to think about you…” She didn’t have to finish for me to know what she was talking about. While she was held captive. While she was being tortured and abused for years. “I made a decision pretty much right away to forget everything and everyone. I think that was the only way I was able to survive all these years. It was like I was there but I wasn’t me, if that even makes any kind of sense. He…he may have broken me but there were parts of me he couldn’t take away. I wouldn’t let him. He never got to touch you or my mom, or the happy times I’d had growing up.”