Surviving Faith (The JackholeS, #2)

by Joy Eileen

  Love,

  Killer

  I smiled so wide my cheeks hurt as I reread the card. I finally put it back in its envelope and stored it in a special place so I could cherish it forever. Afterwards, I bound downstairs to see what Kill had in store for me.

  I had to work later, so I didn't want to waste any time. My favorite misfit family was in the kitchen waiting for me. Amy ran over, almost knocking me to the ground as she wrapped her arms around me. Jessie was right behind her and helped keep us all upright.

  “Happy Birthday,” they yelled in perfect unison.

  “Thank you,” I wheezed, my lungs crushed by Amy’s little arms of steel.

  Jet, of course, couldn't stand being left out of the spotlight. He ran over and captured all of us in his arms while humping my leg. Van, Kill, and D came over too, and we became one massive clump. After they’d released me, we lounged in the living room with a box of Voodoo doughnuts, planning what we were going to do.

  After breakfast, I went to get ready for the day and call my dad. I deftly avoided talking about Jason.

  D gave everyone the day off from practice, and all of us went to the Lloyd center to ice skate. We ended up receiving plenty of dirty looks from the other ice skaters as we linked hands and formed a train around the rink.

  Jet skated around, performing in the center of the rink while we cheered him on, making fools out of ourselves along with him. We decided to hang up our skates when the angry stares were notched up to glares. While we walked around the mall, Kill insisted on buying me two amazing pairs of shoes.

  We attempted to get away from our well-meaning friends, but they thwarted our effort. I lost count of how many times I reached out to grab his hand, only to pull it away at the last second.

  At home, I barely had time to get ready for work, removing any chance I had with Kill until later that night.

  Kill was alone on the couch, his eyes lighting up when he spied the new shoes he’d bought me on my feet. He stalked over, but before he reached me, Jet and Amy came in, plopping down on the couch.

  Kill ran his hand through his hair in frustration, making me giggle. He glanced up with naughtiness in his eyes.

  “You're going to get it. Twenty-four spankings tonight?” he whispered.

  My breath hitched, and I could feel the heat flood my cheeks. "Twenty-three," I answered breathlessly.

  "Twenty-four. You need one to grow on." He winked and went back to the couch.

  A shiver rippled over my skin, his words assaulting every nerve ending. I knew we’d agreed to be friends until I could be truthful with both myself and my family, but I couldn't stop the response I had to him.

  Amy hopped onto Jet's lap, putting a gummy bear in her teeth for him to retrieve with his own.

  “Ready to go, Slick?” Kill asked, pulling my eyes away from the two candy lovebirds, and onto his mesmerizing ones.

  “Yeah, I’m ready,” I said embarrassed by the huskiness in my voice.

  I glanced at Jet and Amy, but turned away quickly when I saw Jet’s hand crawl under her shirt.

  “I’m going to take you tonight,” Kill said with mischief in his eyes.

  “Why?”

  “I can’t tell you,” he replied, walking toward me.

  Just then, Jessie came downstairs with Van trailing behind her. “Ready to go, Faith?” she asked.

  Kill's jaw clenched tightly. I couldn't really tell Jessie no, since we had the same shift, and the boys didn’t normally get there until later. I shot Kill my most apologetic expression as I nodded yes to Jessie.

  Van moved in to give Jessie a kiss. She deftly sidestepped his advance. I now understood why Jessie had changed their plans. She must have talked to her parents at some point that day.

  Kill nodded his head toward Van, silently telling me he would stay and cheer him up. With no one paying attention, I chanced another look at Kill, shooting him a wink which caught him off guard. My birthday had just become a thousand times better with the knowledge I was able to shock him.

  Jessie drove to work with a brooding look on her face.

  "Are you and Van fighting?"

  She pretended to ignore me for a moment before sighing. "I wish he would just give up on me. It would be so much easier if he would get frustrated and break up with me."

  "If you keep this up, he will. You need to either talk to him or let him go, Jess," I told her for what felt like the hundredth time.

  She shot me an evil look, but it didn't stop me. It was my birthday, and I was going to give her the gift of my wisdom. "If you would just tell him about your past, he would understand."

  "But my parents," she whined.

  "Talk to them. Tell them you aren't your sister. Tell them you learned from her mistakes and your own. All they need to do is meet Van, and they’ll see how sincere he is." I started, hoping I was getting through to her.

  “I can’t,” she whispered, a lone tear streaming down her cheek.

  “Why? You aren’t Toni, and Van isn’t Eric, Brock, or Jason,” I said with conviction.

  Jessie’s eyes went wide when I mentioned the men in her life who had left her broken-and had even tacked on mine.

  “I know, Faith, but like I've said before, why should I rock the boat with my parents and fight for Van when he's going to leave me to go on tour?”

  I wanted to scoff at her argument, but I stayed mute. We’d had this conversation before, and her fears matched my own.

  “Well then, just enjoy him while you have him, because he loves you.” I stretched my fake smile across my face. “Jessie, I don’t think he would do anything while on tour, and if you can handle it, I think you should try.”

  Hypocrite, my inner voice mocked. The advice I spewed was the same I wouldn't heed. Jessie remained silent as she fixed her makeup in the visor mirror. When she was ready, we both got out of the car and walked into Ray's.

  Denise rushed over and gave me a hug. "Happy birthday, pretty girl."

  "Thank you," I replied, returning the hug.

  Ryan was jumping behind the bar when she saw me and waved me over. She leaned over the bar to hug me. "Happy birthday. Here; take this." She handed me a shot of something that smelled like apples. I drank it down, not wanting to argue with her, especially since she seemed to be in a good mood.

  The regulars all wished me a happy birthday, and some even bought me birthday shots. Ryan ordered me food after, noticing I was well on my way to being drunk. I put my food on the boys' table, so I could walk by and take bites between orders, hoping it would soak up the shots.

  Hours later, the bell rang, announcing the boys had arrived. Kill carried a cake with lit candles on its frosted surface. The whole bar sang Happy Birthday to me, and even Ray came out of the back office to join in.

  Kill walked steadily toward me, the cake outstretched. His eyes were locked on mine. When he reached the table, he placed the cake in front of me. "Make a wish," he whispered.

  Our eyes were still connected as everyone clapped and chanted at me to blow out my candles. I slowly turned away from Kill and blew them out, making a wish in the process. I laughed when I noticed the iced stiletto on it.

  The boys insisted I get the first piece, and I ate it happily as I stood close to Kill. Jet glided up to my other side with a shot in his hand. I groaned when he put it in front of me.

  “Jet, I can’t. I’ve already drank birthday shots from almost everyone in the bar,” I cried, surprised to hear how slurred my words sounded.

  “Chicken,” Jet taunted. "I won't say anything inappropriate for the rest of the day if you take it."

  The liquid burned my throat and my inner voice chastised me, but I was too busy coughing to tell it to shut up. Kill gave Jet a dirty look before he led me down the hallway.

  We were headed toward the breakroom, but when I saw Bambi inside, typing on her phone, I detoured Kill into the storage room off to the side. The room was dark, since the only light filtering in was from a small window in the very bac
k.

  “Why are we in here, Slick?” Kill asked, his voice tight. The alcohol haze made it hard to figure out why.

  He flicked the switch by the door, illuminating the room lined with shelves containing kitchen and bathroom supplies.

  “Bambi was in the breakroom,” I explained.

  His face took on understanding. He reached out and hauled me into him. I went to him willingly and buried my nose in his chest, breathing him in.

  “Happy birthday, Slick.”

  “Thanks, Killer,” I replied, nuzzling further into him.

  “What did you wish for?”

  My heart thumped in unison to my desire, and the flush covering my skin pulsated from the reminder of my wish. He moved back when I didn’t answer. The alcohol buzzed through my system, making me bolder.

  “For you to kiss me.”

  His face registered surprise for a moment, but in the next second, I was pressed against the door with Kill’s full lips assaulting mine. I moaned as soon as we connected, and Kill took full advantage of my open mouth by thrusting his tongue into it. The kiss was demanding, bordering desperation.

  I wrapped my legs around his waist, the groove of my jeans pushing into my core igniting it with fire. Kill plunged his fingers into my hair and I tilted my head to offer him the angle he needed. He pushed harder against me, causing more friction as our bodies fused. I cried out as he rocked against me.

  “Are you close?” he groaned as he kissed down my jaw and glided his tongue to the sensitive area below my ear.

  “Yes,” I panted.

  My head was hazy with desire, and every nerve ending was sparking. Kill pressed into me, and at the same time sucked at the sensitive spot on my neck, making me careen over the edge. I cried out, but he molded his lips onto mine swallowing my ecstasy.

  He made me ride my orgasm until it ebbed, finally receding, leaving me with a boneless sensation. I clung to him, still pressed up against the door. My senses tried to return, but I fought them back, wanting to stay immersed in the bliss I was floating in.

  As I slowly landed back on Earth, I noticed Kill's eyes were void of emotion. His wall was back up, and it looked like he’d installed extra support beams. Pain sliced through me. He’d made himself perfectly clear that he didn't want to start anything until he had my full trust, and I’d just had an orgasm while riding his leg like one of the bar skanks I was always chastising him about. How many times would he allow me to tease him before he wrote me off?

  The thought of losing him again made me feel claustrophobic. I needed to fix us immediately.

  “Kill, I'm so sorry,” I began.

  He apologized at the same time I did, and we just stared at each other, too afraid to move, because everything could shatter when we did. After a moment, he brushed his finger down my cheek.

  “Hush,” he said before kissing my forehead.

  I unfurled myself from around his waist, breaking our connection. I stood on my wobbly legs and searched Kill’s face to make sure we were good.

  “Come on, birthday girl. Let’s get you back to your guests.”

  He kissed me on the forehead once more and fixed my hair, before he turned off the lights and led me out to the bar. The alcohol had burned out of my system from the heat of Kill’s passion. I blushed bright-red, assuming everyone would figure out what we were doing as soon as they saw us.

  Jessie gave Kill a questioning glance when she approached us. “Are you, okay? Jet told me he gave you one of his shots.”

  “She’s fine. She just needed some fresh air,” Kill answered for me. He winked and sauntered away to let Jessie finish her worried-mother routine.

  Chapter 11

  At the end of the night, my pockets bulged with all of the birthday tips I’d received. When my eyes sought Kill's, he flashed me a reassuring smile, and I hoped it was to convey everything was fine between us. I wanted to feel confident that I wouldn’t lose him due to my drunken idiocy.

  We ended up at the twenty-four-hour diner we sometimes went to after work. Thankfully, Bambi had a date and couldn’t make it. Kill sat next to me, stealing food off my plate. A big glass of ice-water was set in front of me.

  "Oh, I didn't order this," I told the waitress.

  "I did," Kill said, shooting the waitress one of his smiles. "You need to rehydrate, Slick."

  He was right. My stomach was doing u-turns anytime I smelled food. I took a big sip, and Kill smiled at me, patting me on the leg under the table.

  "Here, open this," Jessie said, handing me a wrapped present.

  "Jess, you didn't have to get me anything," I said, at the same time ripping the paper off. Kill laughed at my eagerness and squeezed my leg.

  "It's beautiful, Jessie. Thank you!" I unveiled a journal with fireworks bursting across its cover.

  "Open ours next," Jet said with a smile. Amy handed me a long box, and I tore into the paper with the same enthusiasm as I had Jessie's present.

  I blamed the alcohol on my naivety at opening a present from Jet and Amy in front of everyone. I spit water on the table when I opened the box to see a bright-green vibrator.

  Kill coughed into his hand and wouldn't look me in the eyes when they snapped up to glare at him. Amy and Jet laughed hysterically. Catcher hadn’t seen what was in the box and asked what it was. I shook my head, refusing to answer.

  "It's a BOB," Amy answered for me. Catcher's face glowed red, the flush extending over the top of his bald head.

  "Here, Faith," D said, handing me a long box after.

  "Did you get her the same thing?" Jet asked, taking note of the shape.

  "No, I knew you’d have her covered on that," D answered as Jet tried to get a high-five out of him.

  "D, it's beautiful," I said when I opened the box to reveal an anklet with a microphone charm attached to it.

  I went around the table, handing out hugs. When I reached Jet, I smacked him on the back of the head. "It was worth it," he said, rubbing where I’d connected.

  It was one of the best birthdays I'd ever had, and the unease I usually felt all day in the past wasn't present. On the way home, I fell asleep in Kill’s Mustang, exhausted from work and too much alcohol.

  “Hey, birthday girl,” Kill said, opening the door to his Mustang and unbuckling me.

  He lifted me out of the car and carried me upstairs. I didn’t bother arguing with him as I was unable to remove myself from the clutches of sleep. After carefully removing my shoes, jeans, and shirt, he slipped another shirt over me, and I was immediately enveloped in his scent. I clung to the shirt, knowing it was the one he’d just been wearing.

  “I'll be back in a little bit,” he said, kissing me on the cheek after tucking me into my blankets.

  I woke to a bottle of water and four Advil next to my phone. When I sat up, the boulder in my stomach made its presence known, rocking back and forth. I sprinted to the bathroom and made it to the toilet just in time to heave all the other roommates out of my stomach, leaving the boulder blissfully single again. As I leaned against the wall, absorbing the coolness into my overheated skin, the door creaked open. Without opening my eyes I knew it was Kill, just from the burst of energy that followed him wherever he went.

  He sat down next to me and handed me the bottle of water and pills I’d abandoned on my nightstand. The lid was already cracked loose from the seal, making the bottle easier to open. My eyes prickled with tears. If it hadn’t been for his rockstar status, he would be the perfect match for me.

  I mumbled my thanks, mostly because I now had morning and vomit breath combined and figured the less I opened my mouth the better. After the nausea subsided, I turned my head toward Kill. He was leaning against the wall with his eyes closed. A frown marred his perfect face, making him look like the badass rocker he was. He turned his head so we faced each other and offered me his half smile.

  “Are you going to make it?” he asked, his eyes twinkling.

  I nodded my head, still aware of the vile concoction in my mo
uth. I needed to brush my teeth something fierce.

  “Good. I didn’t want to have to find a new best friend.” He was trying to make me laugh, but there was something hidden in his statement, and I felt too awful to investigate it further. “Get in the shower, Slick. I'll take you to school today.”

  I opened my mouth to protest but shut it with a snap, not wanting to unleash the toxic breath I was sporting, so I just nodded my head. He leaned forward and kissed me on the forehead, shutting the door behind him as he walked out.

  Kill had dry toast waiting for me when I emerged from my room. After downing a handful of Tums, I was starting to feel better. I chewed the bread slowly, making sure it was going to play nicely with the boulder. When Kill was satisfied I’d put enough in my stomach, he grabbed my messenger bag and led me to the garage toward his sex on wheels.

  My heart was saddened by seeing his car in the garage. I’d fallen asleep last night while in the embrace of his black Mustang. I’d squandered the time I could have spent appreciating the sleek lines and rumble of the engine. He opened the door for me and threw my bag in the backseat. He must have sensed I was going to argue, because he held up his hand, stopping me before I could get a word out.

  “Don’t bother. I'm taking you to school today, and I'll take you home after your classes. Let this be another birthday present—your own personal chauffer.” He unleashed a full smile, stunning me for a second.

  You’d never work together, my head screamed. You're broken and he's perfection. His smile sagged when I didn’t respond to him right away. I kissed his cheek before sliding into the passenger seat. Kill stood there for a moment with a stunned look on his face as a small thrill shot through me. Catching Kill off guard, even for a minute, gave me a heady power trip.