Surviving Faith (The JackholeS, #2)

by Joy Eileen

  Kill kissed the top of my head when I giggled. Stace’s eyes widened. She looked at Van, and then back at me. Most likely, thinking I was Van's, not Kill’s.

  “Come with me. I'll get you away from all this testosterone.” Stace eyed me curiously.

  I assumed she wanted to grill me, but I went anyway. “See you, Killer,” I said, kissing him before following Stace.

  “Don’t go too far, Slick.”

  Stace led me to the front of the shop. Perched on top of the glass counter were tattoo-care balms, various pieces of body jewelry, and a huge anatomy textbook with notes scattered around it.

  “Sorry about the mess. There weren’t many scheduled clients today, and Taze wanted me to come to the shop so he could help me study. I’m Stacey by the way, but everyone calls me Stace.”

  “I’m Faith. It's nice to meet you.”

  She began packing everything away, when a picture of a human heart caught my eye. It was sketched in black and gray like the tattoos I’d been admiring in the other room. I reached out to stop her from putting it away so I could study it.

  Stace stroked it lovingly. "I love this picture. Even though I know it's really your brain and various hormones that make you feel reactions, I still think of the heart as something more special whenever someone mentions love."

  "I completely agree with you. I'm a biology major, and the heart has always fascinated me too. Although I'm sure mine isn't as smooth as this one."

  "I can’t help but picture mine with scars all over it too," The sadness in her voice as she stroked the picture one more time before putting it away made me look up at her. Her face looked haunted, as if she were thinking over every part of her life she’d had to survive.

  “I always picture mine with a steel plate holding it together, along with the freshly-stitched wounds,” I answered, wanting her to know it was okay to open up to me. “I hope I'm not bothering you. I can leave if you need to study, or I’d be more than happy to help you.” I felt bad to take her away from her homework. She seemed to be as serious about school as I was.

  “That’s okay. I have it down pretty well. Taze just likes to help me, because it makes him feel like he's doing something.” Her face brightened when she mentioned him, and I wondered if I had the same look on my face when I spoke of Kill.

  “Yeah, I think it has something to do with the me-caveman, me-protect-women instincts they have,” I said, thinking of all the times Kill had tried to help me.

  “That's a good way of putting it. So, you and Kill, huh?” she asked with no more beating around the bush.

  “Yeah, I tried to stay away from him, but he wore me down,” I said, thinking of everything we’d been through in such a short time.

  “I get that. Taze showed up after every one of my classes to bring me a coffee and ask me if I wanted him to walk me to my next class. I tried to avoid him, but I couldn’t resist his puppy-dog face and finally gave in.”

  “You guys are so different, though. How does it work?” I asked, hoping she had some secret she could pass on to me.

  “I guess we just got tired of trying to fight the attraction we had for each other. Once we finally gave in to us, it just clicked.”

  Kill and I had seemed to click, and since we’d given in to each other, life had seemed so much easier. I just hoped it would last. Soon, he would be a rockstar living his dream. I would find a stable job and become a sensible adult like I’d planned the moment my mom left. Was I fooling myself into thinking we would work?

  “Don’t fight it, Faith. Kill looks at you like Taze looks at me. I can tell you're scared, but take it from me. As much as you run, you can never get far enough away from that kind of love. I don't mean to be so forward. I just recognize what you’re going through.”

  Her eyes started to water, and she blinked the tears back. “Here, this is my phone number,” she said, handing me a card with her student teaching hours on it. “Call me when you feel like running. I'll tell you the story of me and Taze.”

  I stuffed her card in my purse, wondering if I would ever call her. I gave her the abridged version of how I met Kill, leaving Jason out. Our conversation moved to the subject of school as we compared some of the instructors we’d shared. After a while, Kill came out to search for me.

  “Hey, Slick,” he said, molding my back into his chest and cuddling me close to him. “Van's almost done, so we can get out of here. Let's get something to eat before you have to go to Ray’s.”

  Stace smirked at me with a knowing look. We talked a little longer until Van and Taze emerged from the back. Van wore a smile on his face, making me laugh. How someone who’d just been prodded with a needle for two hours could look so happy was beyond me.

  I leaned up and kissed Kill on the cheek. "You're a good friend. He needed to get his mind off Jessie. You did good."

  Taze pulled Stace into his back in almost the same position Kill had done to me.

  “Ready to get out of here?” he asked. She nodded her head in response.

  “You guys should come hear us play tonight. Get in one last show before we go on tour,” Kill said.

  I mentally had to keep myself from stiffening when he mentioned leaving.

  “We'll definitely get to a show before you go, but Stace has a big test coming up she needs to be ready for,” Taze answered.

  “Alright, call or text on the night you're going to show up,” Kill replied.

  They did their weird man-hug thing, while Stace and I rolled our eyes.

  CHAPTER 22

  Christmas snuck up on us and said, “Knock, knock, motherfuckers. I’m here.”

  I finished up my semester amazed it had flown by so fast. I needed one more class to graduate. Well, technically, I didn’t need it but I had wheedled my scholarship to pay for it. It was only offered one semester a year. If it hadn't been for the subject, I would have skipped it altogether, but it was a class I had wanted to take since hearing about it as a freshman. I refused to be that girlfriend that gave up her dream just for her boyfriend's.

  Amy had decided she was going to go on tour with the boys and finished her last couple of classes online.

  I sent my dad and Martha’s Christmas gifts to them so they could take them along on the cruise. I had to hide the boys’ presents at Ryan’s house after I caught Jet sneaking into my room trying to find his.

  Three weeks before Christmas, I made the boys venture out with me to find the perfect tree for the house. We stayed up all night decorating it. Jet brought down a box of ornaments he’d saved from Grandma B's house. My favorite was a picture of Jet, Van, and Kill smiling in front of a tiny woman wearing a flower dress-D hadn't joined the crew yet.

  "Is this Grandma B?" I asked before hanging the ornament on the tree.

  "That's Grandma B," Jet answered, smiling as the boys gathered around me to look at the picture.

  "I remember that night. She made us her famous caramel cake," Van said from behind me.

  "I miss her," Kill said. I looked around to see the boys smiling sadly and nodding in agreement.

  "I think that's it," I said as we stood back to admire our work.

  "Wait. I have one more," Kill said, pulling out an ornament with First Christmas written across the top of it. It had a picture of all of us inside—Amy and Jessie included. I took it from Kill and hung it proudly at the center of the tree.

  With the tour lurking at the back of our minds, we all seemed to want to spend as much time together as we could, documenting the fun we were having by taking a slew of pictures.

  Kill kept mentioning that he wanted me to go on tour with them after I finished school. I tried to explain to him I needed to find a job after college, but he insisting there was no need, since I now had an extremely rich boyfriend who could take care of me.

  I finally agreed I would hold off on getting a job and go on tour with him, just so he would stop badgering me-and, honestly, breaking my heart. I didn't want to think negatively. Kill and I loved each other, and I
wasn't going to hurt our chance at happiness. At first, I had planned to let him go when he left. I refused to be someone's obligation, especially when he was on the brink of finding fame, but I wouldn't push him away until it became absolutely necessary. He’d asked for a chance, and I was going to try my best to give it to him.

  I had to sneak away from him to go get his Christmas present. I left while he was in the shower after one of our runs. He called when he noticed I was gone, and I told him I needed to go talk to Santa. It took me forever to think of what I should get him, and I hoped he would like it.

  On Christmas Eve we had pizza, and I was going to let the boys open one gift each. I think we all went a little crazy, wanting to spoil each other rotten, since we’d become our own little version of a family. I’d even put up stockings for everyone, and had bought a bunch of useless knickknacks for all of them. Additionally, each person had a gag gift under the tree, because I had the feeling Jet would never relent until I let him open at least one present.

  Jet didn't disappoint. As soon as the pizza was polished off, he started begging me, "Please, let me open one present, Faith."

  I pretended to contemplate it. Jet got down in front of me, his puppy-dog eyes set to high. "Alright. I guess you could open just one."

  He got up and kissed me on the cheek before running to the tree to hand out presents.

  Van’s present was a stuffed Muppet, Animal, drumming. When you pushed the button on his hand he smashed his drumsticks against the drums. He also received the game Life. It was the first smile I’d seen him produce since Jessie had left to go see her parents for Christmas. She promised to be back before they went on tour, and I just hoped she’d keep it.

  D laughed out loud when he opened his portable business center he could use while he was in the bathroom for the manager on the go. His board game gift was Pictionary.

  I got Amy a huge Tootsie Pop that was almost as big as her head, and a Candy Land board game.

  Jet received a book on learning to control verbal diarrhea, complete with labeled candies he could eat once a day, to rid himself of the affliction. His game: Apples to Apples.

  I bought Kill a sparkly pink journal with a pink pen so he could write down new songs while on the road, and the Dirty Minds game. Kill surprised me by handing me a present after we finished laughing at all the others.

  "No, Kill. These were just gag gifts. I can open my present tomorrow," I told him, handing the brightly wrapped gift back.

  "Shut up, Slick. Just open it," he replied, putting it back into my hands.

  I burst out laughing when I opened a pair of running shoes with black skulls sporting pink bows on their heads. Stuffed inside both shoes were tubes of my favorite Dr. Pepper lip gloss.

  When Jet and Amy were heading to bed, I stopped them. "Wait. I have one more present for you. It was a tradition in my house that every Christmas Eve my dad would get me new jammies." I handed each of them their new Pj's.

  "But, Faith, I sleep in the nude," Jet complained. I saw Kill shudder out of the corner of my eye, most likely remembering the day he’d accidentally found that fact out.

  "Just wear them in the morning when you come down. You don't have to sleep in them."

  Jet finally took his pj's before bounding up the stairs with Amy, stating he was going to make his own Christmas tradition. The rest of us stayed up and watched a marathon of The Christmas Story. We took turns going up to our rooms to retrieve our presents. I brought all the stockings into my room so I could stuff them, figuring I should bring them down Christmas morning so no one could peek.

  In the morning I awoke with my emotions locked in an epic battle. I was excited this was our first Christmas together, but it was marred by the knowledge Kill would be leaving me soon.

  “Merry Christmas, Slick,” Kill said, kissing me on the neck and continuing until he was sucking on my nipples.

  I moaned and arched into him, lust winning the battle this hour. “Merry Christmas, Killer,” I panted, as his hand ran down my stomach, not stopping until he was stroking my wet core.

  “We need to make it quick, because Jet's going to be knocking on the door soon, but I promise I'll make it up to you tonight.”

  I incoherently mumbled my agreement. My body hummed with the orgasm ready to rip through me. Just by the hot slide of his fingers plunging in and out of my heated channel, I was ready to come apart. As soon as I agreed, he ripped my panties off and guided himself into me slowly. He didn't stop until he was buried deep inside me. We stared at each other, relishing our connected bodies. He languidly began moving in and out, the edge of release hovering just out of my reach.

  “I thought you were going to make this quick,” I said greedily, wanting to fall.

  He chuckled. “So demanding,” he replied before slamming into me.

  I bit my lip so I wouldn’t scream out loud and wake up the whole house. He rammed into me and I quickly fell off the edge, biting his shoulder as he shuddered inside of me.

  Kill kissed my nose, bouncing out of bed. "Get up, sexy girl. Let's start our first Christmas together."

  I threw on my new footie-jammies. Kill pulled on his new flannel pants and a black t-shirt before we brushed our teeth and went downstairs.

  As I placed cinnamon rolls in the oven, I asked Kill, "What are you doing?"

  "I'm making coffee, Slick," he answered, not turning from the machine.

  "Kill, you know they hate it when you make the coffee. They’re going to complain," I told him walking over and trying to take over.

  "They secretly love my coffee," he said, pushing me out of the kitchen.

  Within minutes, everyone else came downstairs, ready to start our Christmas. My dad called while I was getting the cinnamon rolls out of the oven. Kill answered my phone, telling my dad and Martha Merry Christmas before handing it to me and taking over breakfast preparations.

  Jet and Amy were annoyingly energetic about opening presents. They almost keeled over when I told them we’d do stockings first. When they noticed I’d wrapped little gifts inside of the stockings, they seemed to be placated. I sat on Kill’s lap as we went through our own.

  "You're taking too long," Jet whined as I purposely took my time.

  "Fine, open your presents," I said, finally ending their torture. They both crawled to the tree as I handed out gifts. I did make sure Jet and Amy got theirs last.

  I got the boys new video games, so they could take them on the bus, not wanting to think about what they might be doing with their downtime.

  D ran upstairs to get his laptop so he could install the software I got him to help him manage the band, while the rest of us kept unwrapping our stuff.

  Kill got me a necklace with a silver guitar pick, a microphone, a book, and a diamond heart charm hanging from it. I leapt into his arms and kissed him, wanting to express how much I loved his gifts.

  I pretended Kill's present was too heavy to pick up, and made him come over to unwrap it. He looked confused at the big box I’d wrapped it in. When he pulled out his new acoustic guitar with Killer inscribed across it, his eyes misted over slightly. Nervousness fluttered through me as I grew afraid that he didn't like it. Kill's eyes finally lifted and collided with mine. "Is it okay?" I asked.

  Kill pulled me toward him, kissing me with unbridled passion. When he pulled away, we were both breathing heavy.

  "I will take that as a yes."

  His dimples dented his cheeks as he smiled at me. "I love it almost as much as I love you," he whispered before kissing me again.

  We all sat in the living room with Christmas Vacation playing in the background, enjoying all our new things. I moved to the kitchen to start the food after a couple of hours had passed. Everyone filtered in to help me, so that everything was ready much faster than I’d anticipated.

  Trent called to wish me Merry Christmas, wanting to know if we could meet up for coffee soon. I cringed as I told him it would be better if we did it after New Year’s Day. The little time I had
left with Kill made me heartsick, and I didn't want to miss a moment.

  To pacify him, I told him he could always come to Ray’s, and I would buy him dinner, or he could come over and hang out at the house. I'm sure he knew my reason for wanting to push our coffee back until January, as his replies became clipped by the end of our conversation. I couldn't bring myself to feel bad. My last days with Kill were just too important.

  Later in the day, Kill broke in his new guitar. My adorable misfit family sang along to Kill's strumming. He began taking requests, and we all tried to stump him.

  While everything was cooking, Kill took the opportunity to pull me upstairs. “I have one more gift for you,” he said quietly after shutting my door. The skin was pinched around his eyes, making him look nervous. He ran his hands through his hair as he stared at me.

  To ease his tension, I twined my arms around his neck and kissed him on the lips. “You already got me enough. I don’t need anything else,” I said, kissing him again.

  For a moment, he seemed to get lost in the kiss, and before I knew it, my knees were hitting the side of my bed. He fell with me, never breaking contact. I reached inside his flannel pants, but he stopped me before I could grip him.

  “Damn, Slick. I can never think straight when I'm with you. Like I said, before you started attacking me, I got you one more present. I didn’t want you to open it in front of the others, just in case you didn’t like it. I promise you won’t hurt my feelings if you don’t, but I didn’t want you to feel any pressure.”

  Curiosity put my lust on hold. My heart beat rapidly, trying to gallop out of my chest. He pulled out an envelope from his back pocket and handed it to me. I gave him questioning look.

  “Just open it.”

  Inside was a picture of a human heart in black and gray. Stitches marred the surface criss-crossing over the veins, a metal plate with four screws holding it in place covering the bottom corner. Kill seemed to grow even more nervous.

  “When Taze and Stace came to the show the other night, they pulled me aside and told me about the conversation you had with Stace. She said you remind her a lot of herself, when she first met Taze. When you described your heart, I guess the image stuck with her. She told Taze about it, and he drew this up for you. He said he would put it on you wherever you wanted it, but thought this was something you should have.”