by Joy Eileen
They were playing in the next town, an hour and a half away. My heart beat rapidly when I opened the card.
Don’t get mad at me. I saw they were playing close by and bought the ticket on a whim. I'm not sure what happened with you two. I hope this isn't too out of bounds. Martha keeps your secrets safe (and don’t think I haven’t tried to get them out of her). I love you, Faith. I know I made some mistakes by trusting Jason, and I hate myself every day for that. If I'm being truthful with myself, I always knew he was wrong for you. I let my failing health and my need to have you protected blur my emotions.
You're so strong and independent. I don’t want you to think I'm pushing you toward a man, because I know you don’t need one. Hell, I sleep better at night thinking you're sleeping alone, but that's just a dad thing. I can’t get the look on his face when you passed out on Thanksgiving Day out of my head. He loves you. If he did something you can’t forgive, then throw the ticket away and chalk it up to your dad being emotional.
Love you, Faith.
Dad
I reread the card, before spurring into action. Thankfully, I’d curled my hair that morning, so I didn’t have to do it. I put on makeup, pretending I wasn’t making it perfect in case I saw Kill.
I decided on a pair of ripped black jeans and my lucky Halestorm tank top. A lucky charm couldn't hurt. After finishing with a pair of red heels with little black bows at the back, I raced to my car. My brain tried to talk me out of going, and I did my best to disregard it. Turning up the music really loud, I sang at the top of my lungs.
After finding a parking spot in the back of the lot, I shut off the engine. I didn’t have time to think about what I was doing, because I was already late. The older lady at the front looked bored when she took my ticket and didn’t respond when I thanked her. I shook with adrenaline. People were hanging out at the front of the venue, and relief flooded through me when I didn’t hear music. I hadn't missed them.
When I passed the merchandise booth, I spotted a JackholeS tank top and hoodie. The poor girl working the booth jumped when I screamed with excitement as I pulled out my wallet. She rolled her eyes, probably thinking I was some random fangirl, but I couldn't care less what she thought of me.
I sprinted to the bathroom to change into my new tank. I hoped my lucky Halestorm tank would still work for me, even though I’d had to stuff it in my purse.
While I checked out my new shirt in the mirror, the sound of the crowd roaring to life made my heart skip a beat. Now that I was there I was procrastinating, and it was time to go out and face him...but I couldn’t get my feet to work. I leaned on the bathroom wall, letting it hold me up while I tried to calm down.
Kill’s voice filtered through the walls. It didn't matter that there were walls and a frantic crowd separating us, my body connected to his presence and overrode my brain. Not caring what was going on between us, it craved to be closer. It felt as if I were floating as I made my way into the venue.
As soon as my eyes landed on him, every part of me came to a halt. Seeing him up onstage as he smiled and joked with the crowd made my heart swell with pride. All of the guys had a shine to their eyes, soaking up the energy. They seemed so happy, and the number of people all trying to press their way to the front of the stage was staggering.
Van started off the beat to one of their more popular songs, and the crowd grew fanatical as they screamed and sang along.
I stayed on the outskirts of the crowd, afraid Kill might notice me. Seeing him in his element, showed me he’d already moved on. As hard as it was to admit, I was happy for him. He deserved to have his dreams come true.
I kept telling myself, One more song, and then I’ll disappear. And when I left, I promised myself I would push Kill into the furthest part of my brain. So much for promises... I ended up staying until the end of the show.
After Kill thanked the crowd for coming out to see them, and they’d made their way offstage, everyone, including me, stayed glued to the floor. No one was ready for the magic they’d woven to disperse just yet.
The crowd began chanting for the JackholeS. My eyes were locked to the stage, silently willing them to come back, so I could get one more look at him. The front of the crowd burst into a screaming fit, letting me know my wish had come true. I got up on my tiptoes just in time to see the boys coming back onstage.
Kill bent and gave the front row high fives and knuckle bumps as my heart beat wildly. “Alright, shut up. We're back.”
Everyone laughed, and there were several women shouting, they loved him. “Love you too,” he replied in the direction of the screams.
His announcement made the females in the audience scream even louder.
“Okay, we have a new song we’ve been working on, and I thought maybe we could try it out. What do you think?”
The whole building shuddered from the sheer force of everyone screaming at once.
“This song's about the woman who shattered my heart,” he said as he ripped his t-shirt open to reveal a tattoo on his chest, right above his heart.
It was bigger than the one on my wrist, and I wasn’t close enough to see the detail. But I knew with all my heart it was a perfect match to mine.
The crowd was a mixture of women screaming they loved him and would fix his heart, and men chanting the word heartbreaker. Unfortunately for me, the male chant won out, and soon the whole crowd was chanting, “Heartbreaker!” in unison.
My eyes watered, and my stomach clenched painfully.
I wanted to run, but my body was frozen in place, curious to hear the song he’d written about the girl who broke his heart. The one currently hiding in the back, trying not to vomit on the crowd.
Van started the beat Jet and D came in next. The rift was harsh and mean, and I could feel the pain coming from each note. When Kill wrapped his fingers around the microphone, his knuckles turned white from his grip. His eyes were closed as he leaned in close, so every syllable would be amplified into the crowd. His jaw clenched, making his dimples flash. And then he opened his mouth
I thought my faith was broken
when I pulled it in my heart
but that was just a memory
never broken from the start
She offered me redemption
while dragging me to hell
one taste of my addiction
and willingly I fell
She pulled me down
She pushed me away
what else can I say
but get out of my head
cause, I can't wish you dead
but I can banish you from my soul
Her broken lies were used to fake me
all she did was want to break me
when I close my eyes my faith appears
and our repeated sin
has been seared against my skin
and on my knees I swear
I can't do it all again
she pulled me down
she pushed me away
what else can I say
but get out of my head
cause, I can't wish you dead
but I can banish you from my soul
my resentment has grown
from all that I have known
and now I'm stuck inside this place
the only light is from her face
I'm running from my broken faith
cause, nothing sacred here is safe
her words are burned into my brain
my faith is making me insane
and though I know I'd not refrain
cause I'd do it all
I'd do it all
I'd do it all, again....
she pulled me down
she pushed me away
what else can I say
but get out of my head
I can't wish you dead
and I can't banish you from my soul
His eyes snapped open as he sang the last verse and locked on me. The force of his emotions caused me to stumble backward, slam
ming into the wall behind me. I scrambled away, running out of the building, not stopping until I was in my car. I removed my shoes and tore out of the parking lot.
I forced myself to calm down, not wanting to do anything stupid. My body felt drunk with pain, and I didn’t need an accident to top off my night.
I tried to convince myself that he hadn’t looked directly at me. There was no way he could’ve spotted me in the back of all of those people. But I couldn't convince myself. He’d seen me, and his voice had been full of pain.
My phone rang, but I didn't dare look at the screen. I threw it onto the passenger seat, ignoring the sound.
My mind was so preoccupied, I didn't notice the car behind me until it was too late. It closed in on my bumper, flashing its headlights. I glanced down at the speedometer, trying to figure out what they wanted. When I saw I was going five miles over the speed limit, confusion set in. They could’ve easily passed me if my speed was bothering them.
They flashed their lights, again, and I slowed down, pulling closer to the edge of the road to make it easier for them to get around me, but they didn’t pass.
I heard their engine rev and felt relief, as I assumed they were finally going to make their move. Instead, the car rammed its front end into the back of mine. My body absorbed the shock as my brain stalled, stunned by what had just transpired. I couldn't believe I’d just been in an accident, on an empty road, in the middle of the night. Anger flooded through my body. I was so pissed someone was taking their road rage out on me. All they had to do was pass me.
Before I could wrap my brain around my anger, the car hit me again. This time a lot harder. The impact caused my front tire to run off the road. I slammed on my brakes, hoping to gain control, but I was hit again. The last collision pushed my car off the road and down the steep embankment I’d been driving along. I stopped counting how many times my car flipped as it rolled down the hill. My sweaty hands remained on the steering wheel as if I could gain some form of control by holding it.
The passenger’s side smashed into a tree, finally ending my fall. My body lurched to one side when I was jerked to a stop. It took me a moment to figure out why everything was so disjointed before realizing I was hanging upside down.
My hands shook as I unlocked my seatbelt, and my head bashed painfully into the roof. Unable to muster up an internal lecture regarding how stupid that move had been.
Slowly, I evaluated my body, determining any areas of concern, while trying to stay calm. Unsure whether it was the adrenaline or if I’d just been really lucky, I didn't feel anything that needed immediate attention.
My sweaty fingers tried to pry my door open, but they kept slipping from the moisture. I let out a cry of frustration, realizing it wasn't going to budge. On all fours, I climbed out through my shattered windshield, stumbling on the uneven ground when I made it to my feet. It took some time to gain my footing, but before I could take a step, something hard slammed into my back, knocking me to the gritty ground.
My ankle twisted, and a sickening snap echoed around me as pain radiated throughout my leg and up my body. I struggled to take a breath as I moved to get up. A heavy object pushed me back to the ground and remained fixed to my back.
“Stay down, Faith.”
I froze when I recognized the familiar voice. My brain fired rapidly as I tried to figure out how much trouble I was in. Defeat reared its ugly head when I realized the thing planted on my back was Trent’s foot.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I wanted this to be different, but you just kept fucking up my plans.” His foot eased off my back as he spoke with adoration in his voice.
I tried to get my bearing and move away, but his hand latched onto my leg and flipped me over, pushing me in a sitting position. My back hit the tattered remains of my car. I slumped against it as my eyes connected with Trent's face.
No longer was he the clean-cut boy I’d met all those years ago. Trent’s face was covered by a scraggly beard, bald patches scattered throughout where the hair refused to grow. His eyes behind his skewed glasses appeared bloodshot, and dark bags adorned the skin beneath them. I took in the tattered clothes hanging off his body, which no longer fit his skinny frame.
As I evaluated him he did the same. His gaze raked over me with an odd look of passion in it. When his eyes connected with my shirt a sneer overtook his mouth. I flinched as his battered hands came toward me. Instead of hurting me like I thought he would, he grasped my shirt and tore it in two.
“Take that shit off. Damn it, Faith. Why couldn’t you just follow the plan?” he seethed before spitting on the tattered shirt and throwing it into the woods.
“Trent, what are you doing?” I asked. My body reverted back to my survival tactics I’d used with Jason, knowing I needed to keep him calm and talking.
“I’m making you see the error of your ways,” he answered. The surprised look on his face told me he believed the answer should’ve been obvious. “But, no. Not Faith. You had to keep making me change my plans. At first it was fun having to think on my feet, but then it just infuriated me.” His hand lashed out, backhanding me across the cheek. Pain exploded inside my head, and the blood rushing into my mouth made me gag when I tried to talk.
“I don’t understand,” I said, spitting blood out onto the ground. My hands were under my butt, trying to hide the tremors going through them.
Trent laughed at me-it had a deranged edge to it. “For someone so smart, you sure are a dumb bitch sometimes,” he answered. “Let me tell you how hard I worked to get us together and how you kept fucking it up.” He backhanded me again, and the force of the blow slammed the back of my head against the car.
My eyes blinked rapidly, fighting off the dizzy haze shrouding me. Through my ragged lips, I took a deep breath focusing my energy on remaining lucid.
Trent squatted close, his eyes now level with mine. “When I met you, I knew you were perfect for me. My mom always told me that when you know, you know. And I did the moment I saw you. I even changed my major so we could have more classes together. We were going to be perfect together. My parents met in college, my brother met his wife in college, and I met you. Then I saw Jason propose to you. I thought I’d lost you forever, but you fixed it for me. You left him, and I knew you realized we were meant to be. And what did you do? You fucking move in with a band, and like any feeble-minded female, you fell for the lead singer. I thought you were smarter than that. I was very disappointed in you.”
He stroked my swollen cheek, and I willed myself not to cringe at the contact. My brain was begging to shut down like it did when Jason would go into one of his fits of rage. I wouldn't allow it. As much as it would protect me, I remained in the moment instead of hiding inside myself.
I pushed up, so I could sit up higher, not wanting to be at eye level with him. My hand scraped across a sharp rock, slicing my palm open. My hand slick with blood, I carefully started to dig the piece of rock free, latching onto the hope it brought me.
“After rethinking my stance, I came up with a brilliant plan to get Kill and Jason out of the picture in one swoop. I started writing you the notes and leaving them on your windshield."
My hand stopped moving as my eyes snapped into focus. All those times. How could I have been so stupid not to realize it had been Trent?
"I counted on you to tell Kill, so his inner hoodlum would beat the shit out of Jason and land his ass in jail. But, no. What did you do? You kept the notes from him,” he screamed, spittle flying to land on my face.
As much as I wanted to, I didn’t wipe it off. My efforts increased as I tried to work the rock from the ground.
Trent closed his eyes and inhaled a deep breath as if trying to compose himself. “Jason screwed up too, by fucking with the restraining order. The cops couldn't keep sweeping everything under the rug. Jason's dad had to send him across the state to a mental facility for a year, and he wasn't allowed to contact you, according to my friend at the police department. Once again, I changed my
plan. I decided to become your confidant, no longer having to worry about Jason interfering. I saw how Kill set you aside and figured it was only a matter of time before he did it again. I used the pictures to remind you what he was capable of. You were supposed to fall into my arms when you saw them, but you're so fucking stubborn. Fuck, Faith. You screwed up everything." He ran his hands through his hair in frustration, the dirty brown locks standing stiff from the movement.
"I was going to take you on a romantic getaway. I rented a cabin out in the middle of nowhere, so we could relax together and come back united. All I needed was for you to give me a chance. To get you away before you saw Kill." He waggled his finger in front of my face, smiling at me like he was scolding a toddler.
"You aren’t in your right mind when you’re around him. But you weren’t at work that night. When you told me you’d broken it off with Kill, I didn’t know if I wanted to strangle you or hug you. All the planning, and you do it all on your own, but you refused me again and moved to another state.” He glared at me. “You really piss me off.”
CHAPTER 31
Trent's hand tangled in my hair as he yanked my mouth to his. The momentum helped to dislodge the rock from the ground. When he slipped his dry tongue in my mouth, I bit down on it until I tasted his blood. Trent reared back, screaming, as blood poured over his lips.
With all the power I had, I swung the rock across his face, using the pointy end to jab at both of his eyes knocking his glasses off in the process. He howled from the pain, but it came out as more of a gurgling sound with the blood flooding his throat.
His face was covered in blood as he tried to move away from me. I reared back and hit him with the rock again. The skin across his cheek peeled back from the force. Trent's body fell back, his hand clutching his face as he choked on his own blood.
I stood up. The pain in my ankle was excruciating, and I ended up half crawling, half limping back toward the road. Trent reached out and caught my leg, his one good eye narrowing. I stumbled, my ankle giving out. A sharp stick impaled the thick muscle of my leg when I fell, and I screamed as I kicked at Trent with my good leg until I was able to slip out of his grasp.
