Surviving Faith (The JackholeS, #2)

by Joy Eileen

  "Honey..."

  I pressed end before he could finish his sentence. Plugging the area code into Google, I saw he’d called from New Hampshire. Trent must have been telling the truth when he said Jason's dad sent him across state.

  Blinding rage rushed through me when I thought about what Trent had done to me. I’d been free from Jason for a while, but Trent’s stupid stunts to get me into a relationship had kept me in a state of perpetual fear. The terror I felt every time I saw a new note on my windshield, could have been prevented, if he would have just taken no for an answer.

  Just my luck. I’d finally shaken free of Trent, only to have the world unleash Jason back into my life. The bile that had risen when I’d heard Jason's voice came rushing back, and I had just enough time to lean over and retch into the wastebasket.

  Martha must have heard, because she rushed in and rubbed my back as I emptied my stomach. Once I’d finished dry heaving, I took a drink of water from the bottle she handed me and lay back down on my bed.

  Jason was going to be a problem. Hell, Jason had always been a problem. I just hoped he would wait until I was fully healed before I had to deal with him. I took some solace in the fact he was still across the state.

  As much as I wanted to plan my next move regarding Jason and Kill, my body refused to let me plot. It had other plans, dragging me down into a sleep I couldn't resist.

  When I finally woke up, I went into the living room where my dad and Martha were cuddling on the couch watching TV. The sight of their happiness stole my breath away. My mind scolded me, telling me I could have exactly what they had if I hadn’t been so stubborn.

  Martha jumped up to make me breakfast. After I finished eating, I went into my room and continued Hope and Skull's story. As I wrote about my early relationship with Kill, I wondered what the hell I was doing here when I could be with him, but I just couldn't convince myself I deserved him.

  I stroked the tattoo on my wrist and thought of Stace. The tattoo was a reminder of her offer to call her and listen to her story. I realized that it was the perfect moment for a story. I shut my computer down and called her.

  “Hey, Faith. How have you been?” she asked. Her voice was full of concern, revealing she knew what had happened between me and Trent.

  “I don’t know. I was hoping you could tell me the story of you and Taze? Get my mind off all my drama for a while?”

  “About damned time,” she exclaimed. I heard her get up and mumble to Taze, I assumed, that she would be right back.

  “I’m glad you called. I really hope my story helps you with your reservations about Kill. I know you two love each other, and I really want things to work out for the both of you. Okay, enough with the lecturing. You called for a story, and I promised to give you one. So, I'm sure you’ve noticed how different Taze and I are.”

  I laughed thinking of Miss Prim and Pink standing next to Mr. Tatted and Dangerous.

  "I think I noticed something along those lines."

  “Haha, good to know your sense of humor remains intact. Anyway, when I was born my dad had really wanted a boy. When I came out, to say he’d been disappointed is the understatement of the year. My mom’s pregnancy with me had been high risk, and the doctors had to give her an emergency hysterectomy right after I was born. Ensuring no more biological children."

  “My parents were doctors, and I, being their only child, had been expected to become a doctor as well. At least until I met my husband, who would also be a doctor of course, and then settle down and give them male grandchildren."

  She let out a bitter laugh before continuing. "I never questioned the plan they’d laid out for me. My parents made every decision for me, and I’d gone along without question. Honestly, when I submitted to their rules, it had been the only time my dad could stand to look at me. By following their guidelines, my gender was less of a failure. I’d been considered somewhat worthy when I’d fit into the plans my dad had made for me. I studied hard and graduated as valedictorian of my class. While I was in school my mom had been diagnosed with breast cancer.” Stace’s voice quivered and I could tell she was struggling with her emotions.

  “I’d visited her at the hospital every day, doing my homework on her bed just to be near her. While there, I’d seen how involved the nurses were with her, as opposed to the doctors. Not that the doctors hadn’t been amazing with my mom, but the nurses fascinated me.

  “My mom and I talked for hours during that time. She apologized to me for not taking a stand against my dad sooner and made me promise to start living my life the way I wanted to. I argued with her, telling her what I was doing was what I wanted most, but she’d shaken her head, knowing it wasn’t true. One night when my mom had fallen asleep, I’d needed some fresh air and snuck onto the hospital roof. I needed to escape from the antiseptic smell for just a second and grab some alone time to get my thoughts in order. But I hadn’t been alone. When I’d first saw Taze, his arms covered in tattoos, wearing torn jeans and motorcycle boots, I’d turned away. I wanted to get as far away from him as I could, but then noticed he was crying and the sound stopped me in my tracks."

  I sucked in a breath as I pictured Taze all alone and crying on the roof of a hospital. He’d seemed like such a happy-go-lucky guy every time I’d seen him, and it made me happy Stace found him when she did.

  "I don't know what had compelled me, but I went over and asked if he was okay. He looked up at me, and at first I’d been afraid he was going to hurt me. I’d started to back up, but he grabbed me and hugged me burying his head in my neck and sobbed. All thoughts of escaping had vanished, and I held him until he was done. Afterward, we’d sat on the roof and talked until the sun came up. His grandfather had just passed away, when I’d found him. I told him that my mom was dying of cancer. We talked about everything, and it was magical. He’d had a way of making me feel like I was worth something just by being me. When we’d gotten kicked off the roof by an orderly, I figured I would never see him again. The next day, he stood outside my classroom, holding a cup of coffee. He was so persistent.” Stace laughed, and I laughed along with her.

  “I’d been so scared to let him in. Even though I knew I’d fallen in love with him that night on the roof. I just couldn’t shake off the shackles I’d been bound by since the day I’d been born. But he finally wore me down. "

  “We were together all the time after that. Unless I’d been at school or with my mom, but then he started coming to visit her with me. She loved him immediately and told me she was proud of me for living my life. She said I should grab onto happiness, even if it were only for a short time.

  “My dad had been horrified when he caught Taze in my mom’s room with me. I’d been sitting on his lap while we watched movies together. My father had told me I was to stop seeing him. That was the first day I stood up to my father and gone against his wishes. After, he’d stormed out, I fought the urge to run to him and tell him I was sorry, that I would leave Taze. Luckily, my mom had talked some sense into me. She assured me I deserved to be loved and told me that if my father couldn’t see that, then I needed to let him go until he could recognize the error of his ways. Taze had been so worried I was going to leave him and go back to following my dad's rules. When my mom passed away, he’d been convinced he would never see me again. And I almost left him, Faith. My dad was the only parent I had left. I wanted to go back and make peace with him."

  I wiped the tears from my cheek. I didn't say anything as Stace spoke. Afraid to interrupt her as she poured her heart out to me, but her heartache was audible.

  "At my mother’s funeral, I’d been fully prepared to grovel at my dad’s feet, but then I’d seen Taze standing at the back of the church dressed in a suit. He’d been trying to blend in, but he’d shone like a light, and I was drawn to it. I chose him on that day and sat with him at the back of the church during the funeral, holding his hand, knowing my mom was proud of me and praying my dad would come around eventually. When her will had been read, I was
given a letter my mom had written to me while she’d been in the hospital. Well, actually, there had been two letters. One had scolded me for not taking a chance on Taze or myself. In the other, she’d told me how proud she was that I was living my own life and taking what I deserved. After reading her letters, I decided to always go with the decision that made me happy. That was also the day I’d changed my major to nursing, and I've never looked back.”

  We were both silent as I absorbed the lessons in Stace’s story. I wondered if I was strong enough to accept the happiness in my own life too.

  “Faith, are you there?”

  “Yeah, I'm here.”

  “Then you didn’t get the moral of my story?”

  I thought of Kill and how many times he’d proven his love for me. I deserved happiness, and if I didn't take it, it was my own fault.

  “You're right,” I said with conviction. I cradled the phone in between my neck and ear as I reached for my crutches and called to Martha.

  “Attagirl. Go get him and drive carefully.”

  “I will. Talk to you soon.” After hanging up, I clumsily stuffed clothes into my backpack. When Martha walked in and saw the mess I was making, she ordered me to sit down.

  “It’s about damned time. Your dad, and I were about to drag you back to Portland if you didn’t leave soon,” she said as she packed my stuff in a much tidier fashion than I’d been doing.

  “Ouch, you want to get rid of me that bad?” I had a giddy, nervous smile stretched across my face. I would be in Kill’s arms soon.

  “Hush now. That boy loves you, and you love him. Go be young and in love.” She yelled for my dad to come help us pack everything in the car for me.

  He came in and kissed me on the cheek. “About time. Are you okay to drive? Do you want us to get you a plane ticket?”

  I shook my head, anxious to get on the road. I’d already wasted enough time. “No, I'm fine. I don’t need my left leg to drive anyway. I'll be alright. Besides, there's no way I'm missing a chance to drive that beautiful car.”

  He studied me with a concerned look, but when he noticed the determination on my face, he conceded. I went out to the car and watched as they loaded my belongings, yelling at me when I tried to help, so that I ended up standing there awkwardly, staring at them. I kissed them both when they finished, and promised to call when I’d arrived.

  After what felt like eternity, I got on the road and raced back to Kill. I turned the music up loud and sang with wild abandon. I pushed my body, and Kill’s car, as long and hard as I could before exhausting our reserves. My body protested being in the same position for so long, and I knew I needed to call it a night.

  I made it nine hours before I was forced to find a hotel room for the night. After calling my dad and Martha to let them know where I was, I took a shower with my ankle wrapped in a plastic bag. Thank goodness Martha had been smart enough to remember to pack it. I’d been so preoccupied with getting on the road, I would’ve forgotten everything important.

  CHAPTER 33

  Before checkout time, I was out of the hotel and back on the road. I felt refreshed and restless to get to Kill. I made the rest of the drive in less than two and a half hours.

  When I pulled up to the house I still thought of as home, I was occupied by a multitude of emotions. I was unable to grab a hold of one as they flitted away before I could grasp how I felt. Carefully, I climbed out of the car and hobbled to the front of the house.

  My natural impulse was to open the door, but I remembered at the last second I technically didn't live there anymore. It felt odd to knock, and I was thankful I had the crutches to hold me up. I waited impatiently for a couple of seconds, before lifting my hand to knock again. The door opened before I could connect with the wood.

  I stared at the tall, leggy blonde bursting out of her tiny pink tank top, who was most likely losing blood flow from the tightness of her painted-on shorts. Her hair was curled and half of it was pulled back from her heavily made up face. Her slim body was covered in tattoos. Both arms had full sleeves, and her legs were also covered. I hated her the moment my eyes landed on her. My stomach burned, knowing she was the type of bar skank Kill had been famous for bringing home.

  “Can I help you?” she asked in a nasally, bitchy voice. She braced her arm on the door so I couldn’t see inside.

  “Is Kill here?” I asked. My voice was stronger than I felt, and I was proud at how well I was keeping it together. Visions of swinging my crutches and breaking her perfect face darted through my mind, but I didn't act on them.

  “Faith?” I heard Van say. He moved the blonde bitch out of the way and pulled me into a bear hug.

  “Who’s the bimbo?” I asked into his ear, needing to know if I’d already been replaced.

  “That’s my girlfriend,” he answered, completely stunning me. “We'll talk later. I'm so glad you finally showed up. We couldn’t take it without you much longer,” Van said as he helped me into the living room.

  D was on the couch watching TV. When he saw me, he shook his head. "I'm glad you're home, Faith. Just know that I can't handle you two breaking up again. If this is your fairytale you’d better fucking live it." He got up off the couch and kissed my cheek before walking outside.

  “Don’t worry about him. He's just pissed Kill has been such an asshole. He doesn't like the tension in the house. It makes him antsy.” I glanced at the closed front door, feeling bad for D.

  “Seriously, don’t worry about it. He'll find the one for him. He's been pissy, because we haven’t heard anything from the record label yet. But we can talk about it later. Now, go get your man,” Van said, hugging me again.

  During the whole interaction, Van’s Barbie girlfriend stared at me with laserbeam eyes. “Bently, this is Faith, or, Kill’s Slick,” Van said, when he took note of Miss Thing’s glare.

  “Hi, Bently. It's nice to meet you,” I said, giving her my best fake smile.

  My eyes didn't stay on her long. My attention went to the stairs, at the top of which I knew Kill waited. “Go. He's in your old room.”

  My heart skipped a beat when Van told me he was in the room we’d shared instead of his old one. I made it up the stairs slowly, taking my time as I navigated them with the crutches. When I opened the door, I found Kill on the bed sleeping.

  I closed the door quietly, not wanting to wake him up just yet. I ambled to the side of the bed, making as little sound as possible. Even though it hadn’t been long since I‘d seen him, the sight of him still made my heart stutter.

  He was shirtless and in a pair of jeans. In his hand, he clutched the t-shirt I’d stripped off before leaving the house the last time I’d been home. He lay on his back, his new tattoo was on full display for me to inspect.

  It was almost an exact replica of the one on my wrist, except bigger. "Faith," was written on the metal plate. I set the crutches down and crawled into bed next to him. He didn’t wake up, but his body automatically turned toward me, and he pulled me into his chest.

  Passion flared through me when my ass connected with his crotch. My body, starved from Kill for so long, started pumping lava through my veins contracting from my molten core. My vagina wept with joy at having her Kill back.

  I rubbed my ass against him and he hardened instantly. Kill tightened his hold on me and buried his face in my neck inhaling deeply before jerking away. I turned over to see him sitting up with a stunned expression. He was pressed against the headboard for support.

  "Hey Killer, you realize I’ve never been in your room?" I asked him, breaking the silence.

  "This was my room when I was little, and I like it better. It smells like you. I've never been with a girl in this room except you. The other room has nothing in it for me." He sat up and rubbed his hand through his hair.

  “Please tell me you're really fucking here,” he whispered. His arms didn’t reach for me, and my heart broke. I had hurt him so carelessly while it was obvious how much he loved me. I stroked his cheek, feelin
g the stubble scratch the tips of my fingers.

  "I'm here. This time I'm not going anywhere. I’ve made so many mistakes with your heart. I pushed you away when I should have been holding you tight. I'm so sorry for everything I did to you. I promise; I'm done running." I blinked back the tears as I watched Kill's muscles bunch as he took in my words. My heart sped when he didn't turn to me right away, and I was afraid I’d ruined my chance.

  I took a deep breath and tried once more to reach him. “I’m sorry it took me so long. I love you, Killer, if you still want me.”

  He cut me off, launching himself at me and pinning me under him, kissing me fiercely. I moaned into his mouth when I got the first taste of Kill on my tongue.

  “I'm so glad you're here. Please don't push me away again,” he growled as he kissed his way down my neck to my collarbone. “I was about to highjack Jet’s truck and go get you, tonight. That's why I was taking a nap. I almost murdered the kid who delivered my car when you didn't show up right away,” he admitted as he lifted my shirt.

  I arched so he could whip it off easily.

  “Well, now you don’t have to. I saved you a trip. I'm with you for as long as you want me,” I said, pushing into him.

  He sucked my nipple into his mouth and flicked his tongue over it. I felt the electric current go straight to my wet core. I cried out as I crested close to the edge of reason, clawing at his back while Kill switched to the other nipple.

  “Fuck, Slick. You're so fucking hot, and just for future reference, forever is all I’ll take from you. I want it all with you. It's always been you, nobody else.” He slipped his hand into my yoga pants and dove into my wet aching need. He impaled me with a finger before pulling it out and circling my swollen clit. I cried out again, the pressure already building. My body was greedy for his touch, and I couldn't get enough of him.

  “Tell me,” he commanded. He pulled my pants, and underwear down carefully before removing them over my cast. He thrust two fingers inside me, but didn't move them. We stared at each other as he willed me to answer him.