“I don’t mind it,” she said. “In fact, it’s funny.”
“Don’t encourage them,” he warned, a hint of humor in his voice.
She giggled, and as she did, he became aware of her breasts, which jiggled just a bit. His first inclination was to ignore the sensation, but then he realized they were married and there was nothing wrong with enjoying it. At some point, he would get to see them. That time wasn’t now, however. Not with everything she’d been through in New York.
“It’s nice to hear you laugh,” he told her. She didn’t laugh enough, but maybe, in time, that would change.
“Tom isn’t being gross because Becky’s on the trail with us,” Joel blurted out.
“Why do you care so much about what Tom does?” Dave asked.
“I’m a good little brother, that’s why.”
Dave rolled his eyes, and Jenny told Dave, “Maybe if we ignore the rodent, it’ll go away.”
Joel gasped. “I’m telling Ma you called me a rat.”
“Go ahead, you tattletale,” Jenny dared.
Richard’s head was beginning to ache. The only thing that made the whole thing worth it was the fact that Amanda was chuckling again. He could put up with his brothers and sister’s ridiculous argument if it amused Amanda. Otherwise, he really would have tossed them all out.
He decided to ignore them as they kept going on and on about what annoyed them most about each other. Instead, he focused on the fact that he was able to hold Amanda.
Chapter Four
It was a week later when Joe called out for everyone to stop. Confused, Amanda glanced up at the noon sky. Not a cloud was in sight. There was a nice wind blowing, one that actually cooled her off for a change so she hadn’t spent the bulk of her walk wiping sweat from her face and neck.
“Set up camp,” Joe ordered as he rode past her, not even looking in her direction.
She shivered. Something was wrong. If he wasn’t bothering to look at her, something bad had happened.
Laura came up to Amanda. “Do you think we’re going to be attacked by Indians?”
Amanda shook her head. “No. This path is safe. Whatever it is, it’s something else.”
She glanced at Richard and saw he was fine. Then, turning
her gaze to the Larson family, she noted they seemed to be doing alright, too. Not far from them, Laura’s family looked as equally fine.
Her attention went back to Joe who rode up to Jesse Palmer’s wagon. Amanda and Laura were too far away to hear him as he talked to Jesse. Jesse was shaking his head, his expression bordering on panic, while he gestured to something.
Amanda took a few steps to the left so she could see around Joe’s horse where Elsie was holding her pregnant belly. Next to her was her mother who had her arm around her shoulders. Amanda turned toward Laura and almost bumped into her. Goodness but Laura was quiet. No one ever heard her come up behind them.
“What’s going on?” Laura asked.
“When is Elsie supposed to give birth?”
Laura shrugged. “I don’t think she’s due for two months. We’re supposed to be in Omaha by the time she’s ready. Why? Do you think she’s going to have the baby now?”
Amanda watched as Elsie grimaced in pain, gripping her belly harder. “I’m afraid so.”
And this couldn’t be good. She didn’t know the first thing about babies or giving birth, but having a baby early in the middle of nowhere seemed like a dangerous prospect.
She left Laura and ran over to Mrs. Larson whose wagon was one of the first in line. If anyone knew about childbearing, it would be her. The woman had six of them, after all. When she reached the wagon, Mrs. Larson was helping the others set up their things for the evening.
“Mrs. Larson,” Amanda began, waiting until she finished laying out the cookware to continue, “if a woman has a baby two months before its due, will something bad happen?”
“Why? Is Elsie Palmer in pain?” Mrs. Larson asked.
“I think so, but I haven’t gone over to see for sure.”
Mrs. Larson went over to her husband. “I think Elsie Palmer is ready to give birth.”
“Who’s Elsie Palmer?” Mr. Larson asked.
“I already told you. She’s the woman who’s expecting a child.”
“Oh, her. Didn’t you also say she’s not due until we arrive in Omaha?”
“Babies don’t go by our schedules,” she said. “I’m going to see if she needs help. Sally will be here to make supper if I don’t come back.”
“Alright.”
As Mrs. Larson turned back to her, Amanda asked, “Is there anything you want me to do?”
“It might not be a bad idea to gather a pail or two of water, if you don’t mind.”
“No, I don’t mind.”
Since Mrs. Larson headed for the Palmer’s wagon, Amanda went over to her and Richard’s. Richard was in the process of unhitching the wagon.
“Your ma thinks Elsie Palmer is having her baby,” she told him. “I suppose we’ll be here for a couple days.”
“It depends,” he replied. “Some babies come right away and others take a full day. I remember Jenny being quick and Joel taking his time.” With a wry grin, he added, “And it suits them if you think about it. Jenny is in a hurry to do everything, and Joel needs someone to prod him along.”
She chuckled at his joke. “When we were in school, I remember you mentioning how you grew impatient with Joel and ended up dressing him so he’d be on time for church.”
“I used to have to be the one to get him ready. Moving out of our apartment was one of the best things that ever happened to me.”
She chuckled again but couldn’t think of a suitable reply. After an awkward moment, she asked, “Do you wish you’d stayed in New York?”
“No,” he softly told her. “It was best we left.”
It was best she left. That’s what he should have said, but he hadn’t because he was too nice to do so. If it hadn’t been for her, he would have stayed behind. Both of them knew it. But neither ever said it, and she wasn’t sure if they ever would. Perhaps it was better that way.
Clearing her throat, she made eye contact with him. “Your ma asked if I’d get some pails of water for the Palmers, in case they need it. Would you mind going into the wagon and getting them for me?”
“Of course not.”
As he hopped up into the wagon, she couldn’t help but feel she’d wronged him in letting him take her out of New York. He’d been happy there. He’d just been hired by the owner of a good company. He’d had a promising future. And yet, he gave it all up to get her out of a bad situation.
She took a deep breath to force down the nagging guilt that always threatened to come to the surface whenever she thought about how he’d given up everything for her. She didn’t deserve him. He’d be much better off married to someone else.
“Amanda?”
Unaware she’d let her thoughts drift off, she turned her attention back to him. “What?”
“Here are the pails.” He held them out to her.
“Thank you, Richard.”
She smiled and took them from him before she headed for the nearby stream.
***
By sunset, Amanda knew something was terribly wrong with Elsie Palmer. From where she sat, she could see the Palmer wagon. The men had set up a small canopy made up of blankets, and inside the canopy, Mrs. Larson was helping Elsie’s mother tend to Elsie. No one could see what was happening, but they knew something was wrong.
A somber mood hovered over the camp. Amanda was used to being in such a state. She might have left New York, but it was still with her, lingering in the corners of her mind. And if she wasn’t careful, it had a way of sneaking up into her consciousness. She’d managed for the most part to keep the past safely at bay, just below the surface of her carefully controlled exterior.
But despite her best efforts, she knew others wondered why she wasn’t more like Laura who laughed and talked as if she�
��d never experienced anything bad in her entire life. And for all Amanda knew, she hadn’t. At least, not up until now.
The sound of footsteps alerted her to the fact that someone was approaching her. Stiffening, she looked away from the Palmer wagon and relaxed when she saw Richard. She hadn’t seen Joe for a while, and since Richard had left to clean up in the nearby stream, she thought Joe might take this opportunity to talk to her. Thankfully, this hadn’t been the case. Though, one of these days, she suspected he would.
She cleared her throat. “Do you feel refreshed?” she asked Richard.
“As much as one can while traveling,” he said. “Do you want me to set up your bed for the night?”
She looked up at the sky and saw this was usually the time of night when he did that for her. She rose to her feet, taking a moment to ease the kinks out of her back. Then she turned to face him, noting the way the setting sun cast a soft glow over him, emphasizing just how blue his eyes were. Funny how she’d known him since they were children and hadn’t noticed that before.
“So, would you like me to make your bed?” he asked.
“Oh, yes. Sorry, my mind was on something else. I should get ready for bed. It’s bound to be a long day tomorrow.”
And probably a long night, judging from the way Elsie screamed from time to time. Amanda didn’t know if she ever wanted to have children from the way the woman was screaming. How did Mrs. Larson manage to have six of them?
“Are you feeling alright?” Richard asked.
Surprised she was looking back at the Palmers’ wagon without realizing it, she forced her gaze on Richard. “I’m fine.”
“You worried about Elsie Palmer?”
She hesitated to respond. She didn’t want to burden him with any more than she already had.
“Women have been giving birth since the beginning of time,” he said. “I’m sure she’ll be fine.”
Swallowing the lump in her throat, she forced a nod of agreement. “I’ll be back soon.” She started to leave but then turned back and called out, “Thank you for setting up the bed.” Then, forcing a smile, she added, “Again.”
She could tell he was worried about her, but he didn’t stop her. He simply let her go, which was so much like him. Never once did he ever impose himself on others. He just waited for them to come around and tell him what they were thinking. And that was what made it so easy to avoid telling him anything about Joe.
As Amanda went past Laura and her family’s wagon, she couldn’t help but notice Laura wasn’t saying anything. In fact, she was tearing off a couple of small pieces of the bread in her hands, but she didn’t eat any of them. Amanda couldn’t recall any time during this journey when Laura hadn’t been talking. She didn’t even get up and follow Amanda, as had become her habit.
Amanda’s steps slowed as she passed the Palmers’ wagon. Elsie wasn’t screaming so much now, which allowed her to hear Mrs. Larson and Elsie’s mother who were talking quietly outside the canopy. Both women looked exhausted, and there was no denying the frightened tones in their voices.
Amanda thought about going over and asking them if she could do anything to help, but Joe quickly approached, bringing with him an older man who’d told Mr. Larson some stories about delivering foals. But the man had only assisted birthing horses, not people. She didn’t know how much more he could do for Elsie than the women. If they wanted his help, then things were getting worse for poor Elsie and the baby.
Joe’s gaze met Amanda’s briefly. Under any other circumstance, Amanda would have looked away, but there was a worried look in his eyes that only added to the impending sense of doom that’d been bothering her over the past couple hours.
She watched as Joe lifted one of the blankets from the canopy and called Jesse’s name. A moment later, Jesse came out, his face pale and eyes red from crying.
Amanda forced her gaze off of them. She had no right to watch what was happening. They didn’t need onlookers who couldn’t do anything to help. And she couldn’t help. There was nothing she could for any of them. Except perhaps pray. But when was the last time God bothered listening to anything she had to say?
Perhaps, though, there was something she could offer in a prayer, something even God might answer. After she found a place where she could be alone, she sat and folded her hands together. To say it was awkward was an understatement. She hadn’t done anything like this since she was a little girl when her grandmother insisted on it.
But she figured there was nothing to lose by trying. Bowing her head as she’d been taught, she closed her eyes. After a few seconds of trying to figure out what to say, she whispered, “Please take me instead of Elsie Palmer or the baby.”
She thought of what else she might add, but her mind came up blank. It was to be expected, she supposed. After not praying since childhood, she couldn’t exactly have a lengthy discussion with God or anything. She’d be surprised if He even remembered she existed. But maybe He knew Elsie and would answer her prayer for Elsie’s sake. If He had to oversee the death of someone on this trail, it might as well be her.
Releasing her breath, she opened her eyes and glanced up at the sky, which was lit up with some stars now. She turned her gaze to the west. Omaha was that way. She hoped Elsie and her baby would live to see it.
Chapter Five
Amanda woke up in silence and thought, for just a moment, yesterday been a horrible dream. Then she heard the cry of a baby. Her eyes flew open, and she bolted into a sitting position.
It hadn’t been a dream. Elsie had been giving birth, and she’d been struggling with it, too. But the baby… Amanda heard a baby crying. The baby made it.
She pushed aside the top of the bedroll and got up from the ground. After sleeping in an alley for a couple weeks, she didn’t mind the uneven ground covered in grass and rocks. She actually preferred it because she didn’t have to deal with the stench of trash.
The baby cried again, and her mind returned to the present. She went toward the Palmer wagon, her steps slow. She didn’t want to intrude on the poor people who’d been through a harrowing night, but her stomach was still tensing up into knots. Was everything alright? Was Elsie holding her child?
She made it halfway there when Laura ran over to her, tears running down her cheeks. Amanda noticed the blood on her dress and stopped. This wasn’t going to be good. Why? Why couldn’t God let everyone be fine? They were good, honest people.
“Elsie died,” she told Amanda before Amanda could open her mouth. “I couldn’t sleep, so I went over to help and…and…” She wiped her eyes with the back of her freshly washed hands then sniffed. “I don’t understand. Elsie seemed to be doing better just before the baby was born. I thought the worst was over. I thought she was going to make it.”
Amanda glanced over at the wagon and saw Joe talking in low, soothing tones to Jesse whose face was buried in his hands. From inside the canopy, the baby continued to cry, and since Amanda didn’t see Elsie’s mother, it was easy to deduce that she was with the baby.
“Elsie was alive when he was born,” Laura continued, her words barely penetrating through Amanda’s shock. “I caught him as he came out and gave him to her. But she turned pale, and then she wasn’t breathing anymore. I had to grab him before he fell out of her arms. I only saw a death once, but that was when I helped a friend’s pa deliver a calf and its mother died. It was nothing like this.” She wiped her tears again. “I don’t understand. I thought she was going to make it. Why would she have to go through all of that suffering just to die?”
“I don’t know,” Amanda whispered.
“She was a good woman. She would have loved that little boy. If it’d happened to someone who was horrible, it’d make more sense. Why did it have to happen to her?”
“I don’t know, Laura,” Amanda said, this time in a louder voice.
“I prayed for her all through the night. Jesse was praying, her ma was praying, even Joe was praying.” She gestured to the entire camp. “Everyone
was praying. Why didn’t God spare her?”
“Stop it,” Amanda snapped. “You can ask the questions all you want, but you won’t get any answers. Life is hard and it’s cruel. It gives you just enough but takes the rest away. It’s how things are. Everything has been perfect for you up to this point. You’ve never had anything bad happen. Well, this is real life. It’s not always pretty. The sooner you accept that, the better.”
Laura’s lower lip trembled before she ran off to her family’s wagon, and Amanda immediately regretted the fact that she’d been so hard on her. Laura hadn’t seen any ugliness in this world. She had no idea how bad things could get—how dark and lonely things could be. And now she was getting a glimpse of it.
It was a shame. It would have been better if Laura never had to experience anything bad. But Amanda couldn’t shield someone from it. Sooner or later, bad things happened, and there was no getting away from it. Maybe it was just as well that Laura dealt with this now. It’d prepare her for more heartache in the future, for more heartache was undoubtedly going to happen.
Shoulders slumped, Amanda went to a tree that allowed her some privacy from the rest of the group. She pulled her legs up to her chest and placed her forehead on her knees. Taking deep breaths, she tried to push past the surge of heaviness that threatened to overwhelm her. She’d given into it once before. And it led her to the alley between two apartment buildings where she’d hid, collecting a used blanket and some old newspapers around her to keep warm through the chilly nights.
Her first thought hadn’t been she’d die that way, forsaken and alone in an alley. But as the days passed one into another, she slowly gave up. She recalled that last night in the alley.
She’d gone without food long enough where she no longer felt hungry. The scraps left in the trash had been barely enough to sustain her, and really, all they did was prolong the inevitable. She was a ruined woman. There was no future for her. No one would dare take her in, and Joe hadn’t been at the apartment when she’d needed him. All she could do was hide and wait.
Wagon Trail Bride Page 3
