Take My Breath Away

by Wendy L. Wilson

Kyle’s house is in the same subdivision as ours. It is located four blocks down from our house on a private cul-de-sac. Giving that the news forecasted rain this evening, we choose to drive and immediately notice flickering lights behind the house and hear the loud thuds of bass coming from the inside as we drive up. There are tons of cars haphazardly parked along the circle drive and filling his driveway.

  Abby parks up from his house so we won’t be blamed for blocking anyone in later.

  Heading for the house, thunder booms in the sky, warning us that the weatherman did in fact get this one right. Great! Fat raindrops begin to fall from the sky pelting us as we race to the shelter of the covered front porch. People yell in the back yard as the sky opens up into a downpour.

  Abby rolls her eyes and shakes her head, obviously flustered that the rain has put a damper on the half hour effort she put into her hair and makeup. Honestly, I really don’t care. I’ve always been a “less is more” type of girl.

  As soon as we are inside, Abby jets off with a couple of her friends. I swear the entire senior class is here plus a few from the class before us, which is Abby’s graduating class. The place is still packed at this late of an hour, so after about fifteen minutes of looking for Kyle I resign myself to asking around.

  I ask a couple people that are clearly too drunk to form words and decide to go with the hand gesture I get from a drunk girl that looks ready to pass out on the staircase. She points up the stairs. He must have escaped to his bedroom to sleep it off.

  He has never handled alcohol well. Four to five beers and he is flat on his ass.

  I bite my lip as I climb the stairs, excited to see him. His door is shut, but I pass on knocking. I’d rather go for the full element of surprise since he isn’t expecting me.

  Opening the door, my heart climbs up into my throat as the dark room fills with a familiar sound and a strong salty smell of sweat. I take two steps towards his bed and see his body shifting under the sheets. His heavy breaths and grunts tell me he must be taking care of himself out of frustration that I am not here.

  Then I hear a noise that puts my emotions on high alert. A female voice calls out, “Oh, Kyle,” into the darkness just as he moans. I stand there in shock, unable to move, unable to speak, unable to breathe. A loud cry escapes my throat along with the breath I had been holding. I throw my hand over my mouth and back away from the bed just as he turns his head.

  “Oh shit . . . no, no, no!” he yells as he jumps to his feet, bare-naked.

  My eyes look over him just as I hear the girl scream and throw the covers over her face and body. I have no idea who she is and I don’t care.

  He reaches for what I assume are his jeans and starts tugging them on.

  “Alyssa, baby . . . let me explain,” he pleads as I turn and rush out of his room.

  I can’t think or even manage to understand what just happened.

  Racing down the stairs and through the party like I’m being chased by a vicious dog that’s foaming at the mouth, I shove people out of my way with Kyle quickly closing in behind me.

  “Alyssa just wait!” he yells out while clumsily trying to tug on a pair of skinny jeans that look two sizes too small.

  My face heats up with embarrassment as I notice several people pointing and laughing with their phones held up to take pictures of the drama that is unfolding between us. I continue my descent out the door into the pouring rain hoping to spare myself any confrontations of what I just witnessed.

  I run as fast as my legs will carry me, racing nearly two blocks past where we parked and until my lungs are burning and screaming for air. I’m breathing hard and soaked from the rain when Kyle catches up to me. Clamping his arms around my waist, he stops me dead in my tracks, pressing his bare chest against my back.

  “Please, please don’t go! Hear me out, please!”

  I can hear the regret in his voice, but I can’t feel anything but emptiness and pain.

  “Alyssa, baby . . . you weren’t supposed to be here!” he pleads with me, squeezing me so tight that I can feel his heart hammering in his chest.

  Those words make my blood turn to molten lava and I tear myself from his grasp. I swing around with my hand raised, fully intending on slapping him. He grabs my wrist before it strikes his face and he pulls me into him once again. I fight to get away, not wanting to be anywhere near him.

  How dare he say I wasn’t supposed to be here?! So if I’m not here, it’s ok for him to screw around? My eyes widen as I think about all the parties I have missed, and this could be exactly how those nights ended for him as well.

  I lean forward feeling vomit rise into the back of my throat. I hope I throw up all over him!

  “Alyssa, please, please! She meant nothing. Nothing!” he says to me, sounding as if he should be on his knees begging. “I love you, Alyssa! Please, don’t leave!” he insists as his wet chest rises and falls so quickly that I think he may hyperventilate.

  I swallow the bile in my throat and force back all the tears I have been holding in from this day. Looking into his big brown eyes that I have looked upon so many times in the last year, I manage to form only one complete sentence before my sister drives up.

  “It’s over, Kyle!”

  There is no need to say more. There is no explanation that will be good enough, and there is no way I will ever believe he loved me.

  Kyle’s hands drop to his side and his eyes widen. I take advantage of the moment to slip into the car with Abby.

  “You asshole!” Abby screams out the window in a deafening tone before peeling out.

  I look in the rearview mirror and see Kyle fall to his knees, dropping his face into his hands.

  When we get home, Abby helps me to my room, changes me into my PJs and tucks me within the security of my fluffy comforter. Sliding onto my bed beside me, she lays her back against the headboard with careful mothering movements and then slips her legs beneath my head.

  My body feels numb and my heart is empty, yet my cries echo in the room as she runs her fingers through my hair and turns off my phone after it continues to ring over and over.

  As I closed my eyes, the images and sounds from Kyle’s room repeated in my mind and I knew that I was going to be hit by that truck over and over again, mowing me down until nothing was left.

  AGAINST MY BETTER JUDGMENT, I finish listening and reading every one of Kyle’s messages. Although I should feel absolutely nothing for him after what he did, the sound of his choked up voice begging for my forgiveness brings tears to my eyes. After the first few messages, I really should stop listening instead of inflicting more pain upon myself, but I don’t. After I listen to the last one, I decide to text Bethany a generic message rather than calling her and rehashing last nights’ events.

  Me: Gonna have to pass on shopping today. Bad night last night . . . we’ll talk about it some other time. Ttyl! :)

  Exhausted, I stagger to my dresser and examine my reflection in the large oval mirror hanging on the wall. I even look like I was hit by a truck. I slump my shoulders and fall backwards onto my bed. Screw the brave face. I prefer to wallow in my misery.

  Right then, the reason to put on a happy face walks into my room: my dad. I take one look at him and decide if he is strong enough to make it through what life has thrown at him, then who am I to give up.

  Dad flashes me a sympathetic smile, and I know Abby must have filled him in on what transpired the evening before; I’m just hoping she didn’t share all the details. I didn’t have to tell her much; she came to the correct conclusion of what happened due to Kyle’s half-clothed body and the apologies he kept yelling out.

  Not to mention, after getting online this morning, I quickly saw every social media site plastered with Kyle sporting a pair of faded wash skinny jeans with rhinestone stars on the thighs chasing me through the party. It seems that my entire class knows about what happened by now. Even though I got a bit of gratification from seeing Kyle humiliated, seeing the pictures and the fact that he was
wearing some girl’s jeans still stung a bit. Here he thought he would sneak around behind my back and in his haste he couldn’t even manage to grab the correct pants. Genius!

  Dad sits down on the edge of the bed and wraps his arm firmly around my shoulders. He always seems to be the one comforting me when I should be comforting him.

  “I hear you and Kyle broke up?”

  I nod as tears well up in my eyes. I will not cry, I will not cry, I chant to myself over and over.

  “Listen, I understand if you don’t want to talk about it, but I’m here if you need to.”

  I look up at him and see that he is looking straight ahead, almost like he is lost in his own world. Knowing he needs the support more than I do, I snuggle up closer to him.

  He looks down at me and goes on. “You know, sweetie, your life is going to be full of unexpected moments. There will be heartaches, joys, lots of laughter, I hope; some may make you question why you should even try and then others will absolutely take your breath away.” My father pulls me against his side even harder upon saying these words. “But no matter the moment or the situation you are faced with in life, make sure you always hold your head up and live life to the fullest. When you are dealt a lousy hand of cards, don’t just play that hand, rearrange them, move them around and make the most of that hand.”

  I scrunch up my eyebrows a little confused by his words and Dad lets out a laugh.

  “Sometimes you just have to look beyond the present and learn to move forward. Enjoy life.” He kisses the top of my head and adds, “Alyssa, one of my greatest joys in life has been watching my three beautiful baby girls grow into the intelligent, gorgeous young women you all are today. I truly could not be prouder of who you have become. You, sweetie, have given me more moments that have taken my breath away than I could have ever hoped for or dreamt of having in a lifetime. You and your sisters and your mom have made my life full. And someday, someone is going to come along and you will know what those breathtaking moments feel like. You will know it without a doubt. You may question it at times, but you will know.”

  Dad beams at me with the widest smile I think I have ever seen on his face.

  “Daddy . . .” I hear my voice squeak out barely above a whisper. “How do you know?”

  I look back up at him and he raises his eyebrows in question.

  “How do you know when someone really loves you? Because I thought . . .” My voice fades off and I look down into my lap so he doesn’t see me cry.

  “Honey . . .” he smiles, “Oh honey, you will know.” He laughs.

  I remain silent, tossing his words around in my head. I thought Kyle did love me. I thought we loved each other.

  My father continues on with his words of wisdom. “Someday, some guy will look at you just as you are right now and he will say to you, you are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen.” Dad laughs louder and I see a twinkle in his eyes like he knows something I don’t. The joy in his eyes brings a smile to my face as well.

  When I look across from us at the mirror above my dresser, I can see why Dad is laughing. My hair is a tangled mess. I have mascara smeared under my eyes and down my cheeks, plus my eyes are puffy and swollen from crying. Yeah, sure! Real beautiful, Dad! I spit out a loud giggle as he goes on.

  “Someday, a guy won’t think twice about doing truly horrendous things to make you happy.”

  This makes me and Dad both break into a fit of laughter as he ruffles up my hair adding “ . . . like cleaning the hair out of the sink drain because you complain about it getting clogged up or killing a spider when you squeal and scream like a mass murderer just broke in or when you . . .”

  Dad and I are now laughing hysterically.

  “Ok, Ok . . . I get it,” I say and then hug Dad with all the love I have in my heart to give.

  Dad whispers into my hair as he squeezes me tightly, “I love you so much, honey.”

  Someone clears their throat in the doorway and we loosen our bear hug to look up. Mom and Abby smile as Abby runs over to the edge of the bed and crashes into us, knocking us over into a monstrous hug. Although she nearly knocks the breath right out of me, I still laugh uncontrollably. Who needs Kyle? I have my family; I freaking love them all.

  After we finish up our laugh-fest, Mom informs us that there is a batch of brownies in the oven, especially for me. That’s right, brownies for breakfast!! According to her, brownies cure all heartbreaks and I definitely can attest to the fact that they do help.

  “Well, I tell you what, girls. We are going to make this a wonderful summer,” Dad declares as he shoves himself off the bed and heads over to stand by Mom.

  Mom’s face lights up as Dad puts his arm around her shoulders and then turns to face us. Abby and I remain curled up on the bed, side by side.

  “In fact, your mom and I decided to live on the edge for once.” They both laugh, but I stay quiet, wondering what they could possibly be referring to.

  Live on the edge; this is definitely not the time for Dad to be living on the edge.

  Clearly reading the alarm that must be written on my face, Mom stifles a laugh and then quickly adds, “Oh stop worrying you two. Your father just means that we have booked a trip.” She looks over at Dad and they smile as if they are having an unspoken conversation. “We’re going to the beach and we’ll be gone for a week and a half. We’ve never went away by ourselves, at least not since you girls were born, so we figured no time like the present.”

  The weight that was tugging at my shoulders after the words “live on the edge” eases up and my heart is filled with relief. A vacation, I can handle that.

  “That’s great. You both deserve to do something like that,” Abby says as she stands up. “I’m leaving tomorrow, too. Remember, I’m going out to the lake for a week with Piper and the girls?”

  All eyes turn to me and I shiver from the thought of how low I may stoop if I am left here alone. I have visions of myself moping around, un-showered, teeth un-brushed and cramming brownies down my throat the whole time.

  They all share a look of concern as I stare at them deep in thought. I force a smile on my face, absolutely refusing to beg any of them to stay. Mom opens her mouth to speak but Abby beats her to it.

  “You should come with us, Alyssa.”

  I giggle at her enthusiasm while bouncing off the bed and then trailing down the stairs.

  “Oh my gosh, Alyssa, you will have so much fun. You remember the cabin that Piper’s parents own down at the lake? You know the one that I spent a couple of weeks at, a few years back?”

  I slide my hand along the smooth surface of the banister listening to Abby go on and on about why I should join her. Once I round the corner into the kitchen, my hunger is awakened by the sweet, sugary, chocolaty smell of warm brownies that are perfectly positioned in the center of the dining table. The smell attacks my nostrils and pulls me toward the table like a magnet.

  We both sit as Abby continues, “Well . . .” she says in a peppy tone, “We decided since we’re all young . . .” her voice lowers a bit as if she has a secret and she glances over to our parents to see if they are listening in on us. “ . . . totally single and hot, we will just have a blast without worrying about relationships and all that crap.”

  Dad slips his hand over Abby’s shoulder grabbing a brownie and sinking his teeth into it. Chewing his large bite, he mutters out of the corner of his mouth, “beautiful not hot, sweetie . . .” he tips his head to Abby. “Don’t degrade yourself. And I agree. You should go. You both are too young to worry about relationships. Be young and have fun.”

  He starts heading out of the kitchen and then turns to add with raised eyebrows. “ . . . But not too much fun!” He smiles and then heads upstairs to start packing for his trip.

  Mom giggles and follows behind him, mouthing, “You are hot . . .” She smiles at us both then turns and says loud enough for Dad to hear, “And have lots and lots of fun, girls!”

  She winks and I hear Dad yell from the
top of the stairs, “I heard that!”

  Abby rolls her eyes and we both laugh.

  My sister goes on and on while we polish off a whole batch of brownies with a full glass of milk each. “So there was all this drama that happened several years back and we both swore off ever going to the lake again, but . . .” she draws out her last word with a mischievous look in her eyes, “ . . . according to Piper’s dad, the whole east side of the lake is vacated up to the Fourth of July.”

  I nod my head, curious where this is going while I gulp down the last of my ice cold milk.

  “Apparently, there is a construction crew . . .” Abby blatantly licks her lips as she mentions those words and goes on, “ . . . doing renovations on all the cabins. So yeah, Piper and I figured we could get drunk, go skinny dipping at night and flirt shamelessly with some hot construction guys,” my sister whispers with an evil laugh.

  I’m not sure whether to be excited, nervous, or scared. Leaning back in my chair, I try to process all that has been proposed. I don’t think I will be indulging in skinny dipping with a group of girls. Flirting with guys doesn’t top my list of fun things to do at this point either, but having some drinks and a good time, that sounds like a plan.

  “Ok, I’ll go.” I’m strangely excited with my decision, yet somewhat worried. I know her group of friends can get pretty wild. “No pressuring me though or giving me crap for not joining in on anything that makes me uncomfortable. Deal?”

  “Deal . . . now go get your ass packed. This is gonna be a girl’s getaway to remember,” she winks and then darts out of the kitchen and upstairs.

  I inhale a deep breath and squeeze my eyes shut. I really hope she’s right.

  AFTER SEVERAL STOPS AND A four-hour drive later, we pull up in Piper’s Dad’s van. As soon as the side door opens, I hop out and stretch my arms above my head hoping to soothe my aching, stiff back. The entire trip here I sat scrunched up in the back seat with two other girls. My sister lucked out and rode shotgun the whole way. My lips dip down into a frown as she gets out and gives me an amused grin. She knows I’m cranky after that drive.