I never had my phone with me at the lake, so maybe someone screwed with it. It was always in my bag under my cot so anyone could have tampered with it and changed the number as a gag. Plus this getaway was filled with pranks and gags on everyone. There were so many times when I would return to the cabin only to find a pile of condom packages scattered across my cot. Everyone thought that joke was appropriate since Judd and I were always sneaking around. Little did they know that we were not slumming around like everyone else; I had fallen in love with him and he had fallen in love with me.
Anger takes root inside of me, propelling me down the hall and straight into Abby’s room.
“Did you mess with my phone?” I put it bluntly so that there can be no mistake in my annoyance.
Abby is slouched across her bed writing in her journal. My angry words definitely get her attention as she slams the book closed.
“What are you talking about and why are you barging into my room yelling at me,” she spits out, quickly sitting up and crossing her arms over her chest.
“Answer me,” I warn her. “Did you mess with my phone?”
Her face goes from confusion to just plain pissed off. “What!? Why would I have messed with your phone?”
My eyes glaze over with tears and my hand trembles as I hold the phone out in front of me.
“Wait, Alyssa, back up and explain to me what is going on. What’s wrong?” she says, but this time I hear the concern in her voice.
It isn’t a usual thing for us to fight. It used to be, but the last two years we only lean on each other, help each other and always talk about things, rather than lash out.
Meeting me halfway across her room, she throws her arms around me, knowing more than anything that I just need a hug. My arms stay slack at my side, completely paralyzed from the ache in my heart.
“Come here. Sit down and tell me what’s going on.”
Leading me over to her vanity bench, I lower myself onto the cushioned seat while she sits cross legged on the floor in front of me. Much like an ice cream cone clumsily clutched in a toddlers hand on a hot summer day, I slide over the edge of the bench, slowly melting to the floor to join her.
Hugging my knees, I begin to explain, “He didn’t call me. He said he would call me, but he didn’t so then I called and there wasn’t an answer. So, I called again and now there is a disconnected message. How could that be? I don’t understand,” I ramble on.
Before I even finish my sentence, tears are streaming down my face and I am struggling for breaths.
“Ok . . . calm down.” Abby reaches over and places her hand on my knee to let me know it will be alright. “First, tell me why you are getting so worked up.”
I look at her in shock. Did she not hear anything I said?
“Because, he hasn’t called, Abby,” I bark out and take a deep breath. “And now his phone is disconnected.”
Abby’s eyes widen at my snippy tone and angry glare.
“Oh my gosh, Alyssa. All of us hooked up but I don’t think the rest of us are waiting by the phone. I mean it has been two days since you saw him. Give the guy some space.”
Her words offer no sense of comfort and only further my anxiety and hurt. Right now, I would like nothing more than to hurl my phone at her head.
Hook-up!? Is that what my own sister thinks I did this past week . . . Hook-up? Really?!
I lower my eyebrows into a frown that could probably send most people running, but my sister just looks at me with a bored look. She lets out a loud sigh and shifts her expression to understanding.
“Oh no, Alyssa, so you have feelings for him? I mean, I could tell you liked him a lot but I figured with you just breaking up with Kyle that you were just playing the field. You know, having fun like the rest of us. No strings attached . . .”
She stops talking and looks at me. I must be drawing flies because my mouth hangs wide open.
“Seriously Abby, how well do you know me? You thought I was just messing around; having fun? Did you not see me crying when he drove away?”
My tears dry, but my mind swirls with frustration and hurt. Most of all, I can’t stop thinking that if she thought that, did Judd think that as well?
“I know you, but hey, I’m not the ‘no strings attached’ type of girl either and I had a little fun while we were there.”
The wheels turning in my head instantly come to a screeching halt. Ok, my interest is piqued.
“Wait . . . when . . . who?” I am in utter shock, really kind of puzzled and completely forgetting the situation at hand for a moment. “I never saw you with anyone. The only time I saw you leave with anyone is during the firecracker war when Tristan . . .”
My mouth falls open again and I think I may have just put two and two together. Abby looks at me guiltily and giggles.
“No! Really? Tristan?!” I shout a little louder than I should, fully absorbing this distraction.
“Well, I had to see what all the hype was about. Besides, I had a little too much to drink and he was looking pretty damn hot.”
My eyes are truly about to pop out of my head.
“And soooo?” I ask trying to deter to a more light-hearted subject.
Abby puts her hands up to stop my train of thought.
“Oh well, I didn’t get that far. We just kind of played around and kissed.”
I let out a small sincere laugh, completely forgetting for the moment what our original conversation was about.
“And sooo?” I ask again, curious if all the hype, as she calls it, is true.
“Oh yeah, he is definitely smooth. Well actually, we both had way too much to drink, but oh yeah . . . there were definite fireworks. Crazy thing was when it ended and he just kind of ran off.”
Her reference to fireworks makes me think of Judd and I shake my head. I cannot believe she messed around with Judd’s brother; that’s weird.
“Ok, enough about my escapades. Let’s dig into this whole issue you’re having,” she emphasizes the word issue like I am being melodramatic. “Alyssa, men are slime balls. You know this. Hell, you dated one for a year.”
Cocking my head back in disbelief that she is grouping Judd into this category, a surge of fury grips my heart and nearly has me screaming. First off, not all men are. There are select individuals like Kyle that make poor decisions and give the rest a bad rep, but I would have to disagree with her statement. Plus, who uses that word anyways?
“I mean as much as Judd seemed like a nice guy, he was probably having fun and messing around before he leaves for college.”
A deep stabbing pain pierces my heart when I think back to the comment that Tristan made before they left, “There will be plenty of tail for you to chase at college.” I’m ill; there’s no way.
I know I didn’t imagine the sincerity in his voice when he told me he loved me. She needs to stop right here because I have had it with the speculations and theories.
“Abby, it wasn’t like that!”
She interrupts me and goes on with her ‘men are slime balls’ rant.
“He is an 18 year old male. Plus, he is Tristan’s brother. Come on, that boy probably knows player moves like nobody’s business, thanks to his brother.”
My level of frustration over this conversation has peaked.
It’s my turn to rant! “No, it wasn’t like that, Abby!”
She starts to speak again, but I stop her. She doesn’t know how we were; nobody does.
“There were several times that we could have gone further than we did but he was the one that put on the brakes, not me. If he is such a player why did he wait till the day before we left to have sex with me? Answer me that? And why did he tell me he was falling in love with me?” My voice has kicked up a notch, but Abby’s remains steady and calm.
“I don’t know the answer to that because I . . . am . . . not . . . a . . . guy. I don’t know how they think. I mean he seemed like he was really into you, but so does Tristan when he is trying to get a girl in bed. I d
on’t know, but tell me this . . .”
I’m about to walk out of the room and end this conversation but curiosity burns in the pit of my stomach at what she wants to know.
After shrugging my shoulders, she goes on, “Ok, so what happened after he said he loved you?”
“I said I love you back,” I stutter, not sure where she is going with this.
Figuring this revelation will surprise her, I cross my arms and eagerly await her response, but she has no reaction to my confession. Instead, she stays on course to convince me that the best two weeks of my life was just fun.
With a slow nod of her head and a sympathetic expression like she knows something I don’t, she questions me further, “Yeah, and then . . .”
Bile rises into the back of my throat as the light bulb finally comes on in my head. It’s not true. He didn’t play me; we fell in love. I know we did. I know what I felt.
“Then we had sex,” I say slowly, with a lump in my throat and a deep pain in my barren chest from where my heart used to be.
Abby’s smile softens to pity and I want to plead with her that it is not true.
He meant what he said! The heartache must be written on my face because Abby instantly pulls me into a fierce hug.
“I didn’t know you fell in love with him, Lyssi-bee. I thought you were just having fun.” She pulls away from me, keeping her arms on my shoulders. “For the record, the way he looked at you, it had me pretty fooled, too. I would have guessed you two were hopelessly in love. Just give it some time; he could still call, you know. Besides, I may be way off base here. Like I said, it has only been two days.”
Her words should cause a whole new wave of hope to surge through me, but in the end I am left hearing the echoes of the disconnected message in my mind over and over;
. . . you have reached a number that is no longer in service.
AFTER ABBY AND I TALKED, I found myself hiding in my bedroom, shut out from the world.
Dad’s tests came back inconclusive, showing a rise in his white blood cell count, but the mass in his lungs ended up being non-cancerous. More tests are being run to see what is causing his white blood cells to be out of whack. The news about the mass is a relief, but we all know Dad is not out of the woods yet. Actually, we are terrified. That unsettled knowledge combined with the turmoil I feel over Judd is making me a real downer to be around.
Bethany took me out shopping yesterday, assuming I was down in the dumps waiting to hear about Dad’s results. Although that is mostly true, the whole situation with Judd has thrown me for a loop. Shopping was meant to lighten my mood, but instead it only reminded of how my summer has gone so far after her endless line of questions about Kyle and me. He had called and called and even came by two days ago, but fortunately I had managed to avoid that run in. Every time the phone rang, my heart would jump into my throat, hoping it was Judd.
Curled into a ball on the couch, I clutch the remote control in my hand, but still have yet to hit the power button. With my parents gone for more testing and Abby at work, the quiet is about to drive me insane, but focusing on anything right now has proven to be impossible. Not to mention, I know all that will be on this time of the day is soap operas with someone confessing their undying love for someone else. I just think that is all bullshit at this point in my life.
Stretching my legs out and flipping onto my back, I pull the plush afghan that I have draped over my body, up to my neck. The soft fuzzy fabric grazes my skin and immediately makes me think of Judd’s soft tender touch. Damn it!
Looking at my phone, I stare down at the photo icon on my main screen with my finger ticking towards it. Don’t do it, Alyssa! Don’t do it, but I am weak. I click on the icon and pull up the last image I have saved in my album. In the picture, he looks over at me with what I thought was love in his eyes, and I have a smile that could rival a bride’s on her wedding day. Running my finger across the screen, I close my eyes and imagine I am touching the contours of his face.
My heart thuds loudly and tears threaten to spill over as I long to touch his skin. I would swear my heart had left my body when he drove away that day if it weren’t for this horrible pain in my chest every time I think about him.
It has only been four days since we left the lake. Although I know Abby could be right and he may still call, something inside of me has given up on thinking he will. My phone chirps and vibrates in my hand, drawing my head down to see who it is.
Abby: Hey sis! Please tell me you are not moping around in your pj’s today?! :P
Chuckling because she knows me so well, I look down at my attire. Not only am I still in my PJs, I haven’t showered or even brushed my teeth. Yeah, I’m a mess! All I need now is a batch of brownies!
Me: How’d you guess?
Abby: Well, pull it together because I just ran into Mom and Dad and they are on their way home. They looked super stressed! I just got off work, so I’m headed that way, too. I know you have a lot on your mind and I don’t want to be a downer, but I think we should be prepared. I hope I’m wrong! I’ll see you in a little bit! LUV U!!
Me: K LUV U 2!
Fear rises within me as I gulp down my instinct to panic and call upon as much courage as I may need. With a deep breath, I push all thoughts of Judd to the back of my mind so I can focus on Dad and fly up the stairs to get cleaned up.
Less than fifteen minutes later, I am showered, changed and about to lose my mind with worry. I drudge back downstairs with the weight of the world on my shoulders and prepare for the possibility of bad news, but as my feet hit the floor the sounds of an engine in the driveway has my mind on alert.
My dread elevates when I swing my eyes to the clock and realize that there is no way they could have made it home in this little time. The hospital is nearly half an hour away. How bad is the news if they rushed home that fast?
Without another thought, I scramble to the door and fling it open. As soon as I see the face in front of me, I wish that I had thought to look out the peep hole first. Perfect timing! How dare he show up at my house, now of all times!
Kyle stands before me with a subtle smile. He lowers his fist that I assume was set to knock on my door and quickly stuffs both hands in his pockets. His deep brown eyes stare at me with a look of sadness in them.
I really don’t want to deal with this now; ever, actually. A person can only handle so much at one time and I am definitely reaching my limit.
Immediately on the defense, I fold my arms across my chest and look down to make sure I am not showing off any cleavage. Last thing I want to do is give off the impression that I am flirting.
“What are you doing here, Kyle?” I spit out, hoping my vile mood is enough to scare him off.
If I would have known he was coming, I would have skipped brushing my teeth. My breath alone would have run him off.
He looks up at me with a pained expression and shrugs.
“I just wanted to see you. I’ve missed you . . . I’ve been calling.”
My jaw drops to the ground.
“Yeah, I know and you didn’t take the hint when I didn’t call back?”
The glare I shoot him should be piercing enough to drill a hole through his head as I ball my fists so tightly that it may cut off the circulation in my hands.
“I left you messages. Did you even listen to any of them?”
The sorrow in his voice does nothing but fuel my anger, so without another word I toss the door closed in his face.
One step back through the doorway and I notice the door never slammed shut. Sighing, I continue walking into the living room, knowing more than likely he is behind me. Frustration and annoyance bubbles inside of me as I pounce down on the couch, carefully remaining on the edge so I can dart away, if need be.
The couch dips down and heat radiates from his body as he sits beside me.
I cannot handle this, but I don’t have the strength to fight with him right now. My heart has been broken repeatedly and it may possibly be ripped wi
de open when my parents get home. As much as I want him to leave, I just don’t have the energy to do anything about it.
He places his hand on top of mine and I flinch from his touch, wishing it was someone else’s. Looking down, I immediately pull my hand away and fold my arms back over my chest.
“I’m so sorry, Alyssa, I will do anything to make it up to you.”
Swallowing the tears back, I turn my head to level my gaze with his.
“Kyle, you can’t make up for something like that. You hurt me and lied to me. I could never trust you again so there is nothing to fix . . . nothing!”
Raising my eyebrows, I silently pray that I am getting through to him. We are over!
“Babe, I love you . . . you know I love you. I screwed up . . . I know I screwed up. I got drunk and wanted you there so bad and then I was just so drunk I didn’t realize what I . . .”
Holding my hand up, I stop him from talking, unwilling to listen to him call me babe anymore or any of the details of his deceit.
“Kyle, please, I can’t handle this right now. Besides, I’m actually seeing someone else,” I say calmly even though I am fuming.
He chokes out a gasp as soon as my response is out in the open. “Met someone? What?! We only broke up a couple weeks ago! How the hell did you meet someone?”
The sorrow that was in his voice before has left and turned into exasperation.
Opening my mouth to answer, the words quickly leave me.
Yeah, I met someone, but it was only a summer fling for him; fun with no strings attached like Abby said. You can’t really define seeing someone as one person waiting for them to call and the other going to the drastic extent of disconnecting their phone to keep that person from calling.
The pain in my chest returns and I don’t even know how to answer him. In fact, I shouldn’t have to answer. Bottom line, my heart belongs to someone else.
“It’s none of your business, Kyle! I told you we are over. I love someone else.”
Take My Breath Away Page 13
