by Angel Lawson
“Fuck you, Spencer. Don’t you dare blame me for your shitty, fucked-up life. For the fact you work in this dead-end job and live a miserable life. You’re the one with hate in your heart. Not me. I’m not that girl I used to be. I own my mistakes, my regrets, and my choices. You’re just pathetic.”
“If I’m that pathetic, then you’ll know I’ve got no qualms about hitting a girl. Especially one as trashy as you.”
He lunged at me and I held my ground, fists balled and ready, but Spencer never made it to me. Jackson lunged between us, crashing into him with a two-hundred-pound weight made of muscle and rage.
He grappled with his arms for a minute before using his considerable size and strength to flip him on his stomach, pinning his body and face against the dirty floor. I rushed over and stood behind him, smirking at Spencer’s position.
“What do you want me to do with him?” Jackson asked, jamming a knee in his back.
“Nothing,” I said, meaning it. “He’s not worth it.”
Jackson nodded but leaned down and said, “You’re lucky she’s here or I would tear you apart. Got it?”
“Fuck you.”
I shook my head. Spencer would never learn, but that was why his life sucked so much.
“Come on,” I said, tugging on Jax’s shoulder. He was breathing heavy, furious and boiling with rage. We weren’t kids anymore. If Jackson really hurt him, then there could be trouble. Real trouble none of us needed.
He stood and brushed off his hands before taking mine in his. At the counter, he opened the door to the side and grabbed my dress. I tossed the money on the counter. I stopped before I walked out the door, watching Spencer slowly get off the ground. There was a bruise forming on his cheek.
“Maybe it’s time for you to figure out what’s wrong with you, Spencer,” I said. “Why you’re so angry all the time and why you’re obsessed with the things you can’t have.”
I didn’t wait for a response. He didn’t deserve my attention—not anymore.
Jackson sat in the driver’s seat, hands squeezing the wheel.
He peeled out of the parking lot the second I shut the door and drove silently before pulling over into a gas station parking lot. He got out of the car and went inside, coming back a few minutes later with a plastic bag full of ice.
Back in the car he took my hand, the swollen one, and inspected my fingers before pressing the ice against it.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes,” I said in a shaky voice. The adrenaline evaporated somewhere in the last five miles. “I don’t know why he rattles me so much. It’s like he knows the truth about me instinctively. He always has. It’s like he knows I’m a fraud—weak. That beneath the surface I’m still that girl from back then.”
Jackson touched my chin. “You’re not a fraud and you’re certainly not weak. Not physically or emotionally. You’ve earned your success and if there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that you’re not the same girl as back then. You’re a woman now; smart, strong, and breathtakingly beautiful.”
I looked away from his eyes, they were too intense, too meaningful, and I knew the answer to my question I’d asked before I got out of the car. What did Jackson want?
Me.
I knew that and after that scene in the cleaners’ and the words he just spoke, that if it were just about me and him--just the two of us--I would be hard-pressed to answer any differently.
27
Heaven
A few days later I fidgeted with the skirt of my dress, smoothing the slick surface, catching glimpses of myself in the theater windows. I was waiting for my date, who’d promised to meet me here, and now I stood, dressed like a wannabe Hollywood starlet, feeling wave after wave of anxiety roll over me.
I tried to accept that I deserved to be here, on this side of the cameras and bright lights. As a participant, strolling down the red carpet that’d been rolled from the street to the front door. That I was part of the reason for the excitement that tinged in the air, but it was hard. I’d spent so long trying to stay out of the public eye, to keep a low profile and just work, never realizing days like this would be part of it.
My phone buzzed.
Five minutes. Sorry. Traffic sucks!
If Hayden was surprised that I asked him here tonight, he didn’t express it verbally. Probably because I told him that he was the only one that knew how to handle an event like this. That his fans would be happy to get a glimpse of his healed face and steadier walk. Jackson watched me closely when I invited him, blue eyes curious. Did he question my motives? Jackson may be pretty, but he wasn’t stupid. I guess the big question was, did he tell the guys what had happened between us?
I didn’t ask.
Because in the end, I’d decided not to use this night as part of my wish for closure. This night was about me and my present. My future. My work. And I needed someone savvy on my side to help me get through it.
The premiere was being held at the Fox, a historic theater with a huge entry and elaborately detailed architecture. Photographers, fans, and guests all mingled in the large hallway. Even with our newfound fame as a tiny piece of Hollywood, an event like this was rare for Allendale. The producers of Creature Feature felt like they wanted to give back to the town that’d supported them so thoroughly. The result was that they went all out, turning this into a major event.
Me and big events never went over well, so I tried to blend in while not looking too awkward, something I surely didn’t accomplish. Again, I fussed with my skirt, relieved when a commotion by the street caught everyone’s attention. I craned my neck and saw a long black limousine idling at the curb. Security pushed back the photographers and press, and through a small gap I caught a glimpse of familiar black and purple hair followed by a breathtakingly handsome man with a freshly shorn cut.
RJ and Lea.
Together.
Making an entrance.
This was big. Really big.
I pushed up on my toes hoping to get a better glimpse, my heart beating for them with every click of the camera. I knew that feeling—the oppressive sense of being watched. Observed. Security swept them down the aisle and Lea caught my eye, stopping RJ in his tracks.
“Heaven!” she shouted. RJ turned and spoke with a fan, taking the photograph out of her hands and signing it.
I waved just as RJ looked my way. His smile widened, genuine. He waved me forward. I shook my head, throat clogged with panic. I should have taken a pill. Something to quell my nerves. RJ spoke with his assistant and the roped-off area was opened and suddenly I was ushered forward. I stopped short, toes on the edge.
“What are you doing over there?” Lea asked. “We’re supposed to come down the carpet.”
“I’m waiting on…” I searched for the term. Definitely not boyfriend. Friend? Ex-lover? But I didn’t need it. Hayden appeared down the carpet, looking every bit as handsome as RJ and his fellow actors. No one stopped him, because in that tuxedo, with his hair slicked back and the flirty smile on his lips, he looked like he belonged on that red carpet as much as anyone else.
A ripple of recognition rolled through the crowd. Hayden Pierce. Atlanta United’s star player was here. Healthy-looking despite a small limp. He didn’t bring his crutches. RJ smiled broadly, proud.
“You invited Hayden?” Lea asked. She’d still never met him and she took in his every movement, every feature.
Hayden’s eyes were focused on me, sweeping over my dress, my hair, settling on my face. “I did.”
“Hey, man,” RJ said, shaking his hand and introducing himself. Security used the distraction as a chance to shuffle me on the carpet, pushing me into the spotlight. Fans and the press started shouting, wanting Lea’s name. Wanting RJ’s attention. Asking Hayden a million questions. Cameras flashed and I blinked, feeling the panic rise. It wasn’t the same. It wasn’t, but…
A warm hand clenched against my waist. I looked up and noticed him squint into the flashing lights.
�
�Sorry I was late,” he said, applying the slightest bit of pressure. “I haven’t worn nice shoes in a month and with my ankle still swollen, I had to borrow Oliver’s.”
“It’s fine. You look great.”
“Looks like I got here just in time for the big appearance.”
“I figured we could skip out on all this,” I said, wondering if he could hear me over the roar of fans, particularly the high-pitched squeal of teenaged girls. RJ was immensely popular. Lea shined next to him. Comfortable, like they were meant to be like this next to one another.
Hayden grinned, wide and breathtaking, although I noticed the small line between his eyes. “You don’t get to skip out on things like this, Heaven, but don’t worry, this isn’t my first time.”
“Are you okay?”
“Just a headache—they come and go.” He nudged me. “Smile and wave.”
I followed his lead and all the nerves, the worry, it evaporated the instant Hayden was at my side. In an instant we were back as a force, handling the obstacles ahead of us. But these weren’t the same, awful ones as before. No, these were promising and bright and I soaked them in like the sun.
28
Heaven
The afterparty was held on the rooftop of a local hotel. Twinkly lights and lanterns were strung in the air while a DJ played loud music—most from the soundtrack of the show, which spotlighted rising artists. Hayden stuck by my side all night, allowing me a chance to let him enter my world for a moment. He met my co-workers, the actors on the show, my bosses. They were all instantly intrigued by my relationship with Hayden Pierce. Why shouldn’t they be? He was famous, more so than some of the actors on the show. How did this costume and makeup director meet him?
I’d started the night off in the corner, pushing panic attacks aside. I finished it in the middle of the action; suddenly a person of interest.
Now, with the clock approaching midnight and enough time passed for me to enjoy myself, I leaned against the edge of the rooftop, sipping my drink. Hayden sat next to me, taking the weight off his foot.
“You okay?” I asked, knowing it’d been a long night.
“Fine,” he said. “What about you? I’ve never seen you like this.”
“Like what?”
He shrugged. “Carefree. Happy.”
I frowned. “I’ve definitely been happy before, H.”
He crossed his arms over his chest and gave me a sly look. “Not like this. It’s different.”
“Care to explain?”
“You seem content…the anxiety and cloud that hovered over you for so long has lifted. You’re confident. Secure.” His eyes skimmed over me, head-to-toe. “You’ve grown up, Heaven Reeves, and it suits you.”
My cheeks heated and I averted my eyes, watching my co-workers and friends still celebrating. “I don’t always feel grown up. I almost had a panic attack before you showed up tonight.”
“But you didn’t.” His eyebrow raised and god, he was so handsome.
“No,” I acknowledged, “I didn’t.”
“Do you think this would have happened for you if we’d stayed together?”
“I don’t know,” I answered truthfully. “Not being in a relationship allowed me to focus on my career. While my personal life was falling apart, the timing was perfect for my job. The governor instituted the tax breaks and show after show started picking Allendale for their shoots. Makeup artists specializing in FX wasn’t a common skill.” I glanced at him. “What about you? Do you think you would have made it to Atlanta United?”
He leaned back on his hands. “I may have made it to the team but everything else? I don’t think I would have had the endorsements or sponsor deals.”
“Why not?”
“Exposure and celebrity is a game of politics. It’s competitive and ruthless at times.”
I frowned. “That doesn’t sound like you.”
“It’s not but I wanted the position, I worked hard for it and the rest was a sacrifice I was willing to make.”
“What kind of sacrifices?”
“The tabloids, being seen out with Sabine. Showing up at events like this—” I opened my mouth to speak but he held up his hand. “Not this one. I wanted to be here, but there were a million others I didn’t.”
I believed him.
“We all learned the lesson a long time age about what it was like to be in the public eye. This position with Atlanta United is a million times that. People say a ton of nasty things about me on Twitter and the sports blogs. They discuss me on the radio, on TV at night, and if Sabine and I go somewhere public, the cameras follow.”
He looked over the edge of the building where a crowd of paparazzi waited below.
Something ebbed between us; a feeling, maybe a memory. It felt nice to be here with him just as a friend. He had a girlfriend and sure, that hurt, but it also took anything else off the table. Hayden was incredibly loyal and even though I knew this was nothing more than two friends together, he would feel the consequences from the night.
“How’s Sabine going to feel when these pictures splash all over the internet.”
He smiled but it wasn’t happily. “I’m sure they’re already up and I’m sure that’s why I haven’t checked my phone.”
“Will she be angry?”
“Honestly, I’m not sure. This is a bit of uncharted territory for us.” He exhaled, hands gripping the ledge. “What Sabine and I have…”
“You don’t have to explain. I’m just glad you have someone.”
I thought the words came out genuine. I hoped and he simply gave me a thankful nod, but his gray eyes lingered on my face and I felt that raw, masculine intensity Hayden had always possessed.
“Heaven!” Lea cried from across the rooftop, waving her camera. RJ hung by her side. “Come get in this photo!”
I glanced at Hayden. He lifted his chin. “Go. Celebrate. You deserve it.”
I pushed away from the ledge and started over, but stopped before I got too far. I held out my hand. “Come with me?”
His eyebrow raised and I nodded. I wanted him to enjoy this with me. Share it with me. Hayden hobbled over, wincing at the pain in his side, but he slipped his arm around my waist and offered to hold the camera with his long arm.
“Thank you,” I said, between shots. “For opening up like that and sharing a little bit of your life with me.”
He smiled, a genuine one I hadn’t seen in a long time. “For you? Anything.”
29
Hayden
The answer to Heaven’s question about Sabine came in fast, furious texts the next morning. The photos of me walking the red carpet were one thing. I’d told her and Bryant about the event, and although she didn’t like the fact I went with Heaven, she accepted that the world needed to see I was healing and healthy. Bryant, on the other hand, was thrilled that I would be seen at such a spectacle and immediately put out a press release that washed over my invitation as Heaven’s guest.
No, the premiere was considered a success for my image. It was the after party photos that caused a problem. The press wasn’t allowed on the rooftop but guests had cameras and posted on their individual accounts. A few of the actors, like RJ, have rabid followings on social media, scouring the internet for any sighting, which meant photos of me on that rooftop with Heaven went viral pretty quickly, particularly the ones of me and Heaven taking quietly. The selfies where everyone looked at the camera except me. No. I wasn’t looking at the camera. I was looking at her.
Always her.
I’d just finished showering at the gym when my phone buzzed for the tenth time and I knew there was no way to avoid it any longer. The locker room was empty.
“Hey, Sabine.”
“Finally, you answer.”
“Sorry, I had my morning workout and PT. I just got a break.” I didn’t even try to say that too convincingly. She knew better. She’d set up the schedule. “I’m guessing you’ve seen the photos.”
“I did see them. All of them.
You guys made quite the splash last night.”
“I think it was more about the success of the premiere than anything else.” I put the phone on speaker while I tugged my shorts on and pulled a shirt over my head. In the mirror my exhaustion was evident. I hadn’t been able to shake the headache from the camera flashes the night before.
“You’re right. People love that show, which makes the fans even more rabid and any little piece of dirt travels like an STD at a Hollywood party.” I heard the annoyance in her voice. “Don’t disregard how eager your fans have been for any little piece of news about you.”
“I know.” I sat on the bench. “I’m sorry if anything looked inappropriate. I assure you that we were just there as friends. Nothing happened.”
Sabine sighed. “Hayden, I told you in the beginning I wouldn’t play second to anyone else. You’re not the first athlete I’ve dated and I won’t allow it to look like I’m being used in any way.”
Sabine dated an outfielder for the Braves and a second-string quarterback for the Falcons before I moved to the city. I ran my hand through my hair. “It doesn’t look like that. Anyone at that party can tell you we were completely platonic the whole time.”
“It doesn’t matter what people say, Hayden. It matters what they see.” Frustration built in her tone. “We made agreements up front about this and it was a two-way street. I’ve held up to my part of this deal. You better hold up to yours.”
“I will.”
“Don’t make me look stupid.”
I stared at my phone. “I won’t. I promise.”
“Now that you’re injured, your reputation and endorsements rely on more than your athletic ability. If people start digging around in your past and find out about the relationship you had with Heaven, the one you all had with her? It’s career suicide.”
“No one will know. You’re blowing this out of proportion,” I said, feeling sick to my stomach.
