Amazon Challenge

by Robin Roseau

  "You are so infuriating! I should spank your bare bottom right here and now."

  "Fine," I said. "As long as you know you won't get laid for a month."

  "I am the warrior and your queen!"

  "Yeah, yeah," I said. "Whatever."

  I pulled away from her, standing up and looking around. "Is anyone clean enough to go catch the horses?"

  * * * *

  For the next two days, Malora didn't let me out of her arms any longer than absolutely necessary. We rode home on the back of her horse, and Bea rode with Clara.

  In bed that night, I made slow, gentle love to her, then we lay together, my head on her chest as she held me, trembling.

  "I love you," she whispered to me. "Please, Maya, please stop scaring me. I couldn't stand to lose you."

  "You're not going to lose me, Malora. Ever."

  I should never take a job as a psychic. My predictions are always wrong.

  Summer Tour

  Malora declared we were due for another tour of all the villages. She and I had been taking a tour two or three times a year. Sometimes we went alone; sometimes we went with a small contingent. For this trip, Nori, Omie and Beria joined us. Beria was especially excited to be going.

  The trips all followed a similar pattern. Malora preferred traveling north, then riding south through the open plains west of our forest, all the way to our southern border before reentering the woods to visit the villages south of Queen's Town.

  Amazon villages are all very similar, but each has its own quirks. Some of those quirks are due to location, but most of the quirks are due to the personalities of the chief of each village, and in one, it's due to the chief's companion.

  Two Bends is two villages north of Queen's Town. We arrived late in the afternoon after a day of traveling. Both Beria and I had spent the entire day's travels in our warrior's arms, leaving poor Nori alone on her own horse. But it had been a relaxing trip with a fair amount of friendly conversation amongst the five of us.

  We pulled into Two Bends and were promptly greeted by Chief Loren and her companion, Meena. Meena was the Amazon who had taught me the basics of fishing in the rivers, and this village had become dominated by fishing contests, spurred on by my friendship with Meena.

  Malora had become deeply amused at my influence.

  We all climbed from our horses. Malora greeted Loren, but I pulled her companion into a hug and introduced her to Beria. The three of us chattered for a moment before I heard an "ahem" from behind me.

  "Oops," I said, turning us around. "Um."

  Malora was shaking her head, but fighting to look fierce and not smile.

  "Chief Loren," I said. "Thank you for having us. This is my sister, Beria."

  Beria greeted the chief, and then I asked, "After we tend to the horses and do our duty in the garden, is there time for fishing before dinner?"

  "No," said Loren.

  "But there will be time in the morning," Malora said, "If you do not mind, Loren."

  "I blame you for all the fish in my diet, Maya," Loren said. "This was a peaceful Amazon village, living properly on venison, until you came along. Your confounded love of fishing has spread like a disease."

  "That's an interesting theory, Chief Loren," I said, "but I find it difficult to believe I have such influence as to cause you more than a pinprick of annoyance twice a year. Perhaps you should have this discussion with your companion."

  Loren turned to Malora, "Are you going to let her speak like that to me?"

  "Of course not," Malora said. "Maya, apologize for your irritating habit of pointing out the truth."

  "I'm sorry you don't like fish, Chief Loren," I said, trying to sound like I meant it.

  "I used to," she protested, "but now it's all we ever have." She turned back to Malora. "Couldn't you have picked a companion who liked to hunt instead?"

  Malora shrugged. "She's hopeless with a bow, but she probably remembers how to set a rabbit snare."

  "If not," Omie said, "my companion does."

  Beria and I grinned at each other.

  "Fine, fine," Loren said. "It's not like I would dare forbid Meena to go fishing."

  After that, the warriors went off with Loren while the companions saw to the horses. We gave Beria a tour, ending at Loren's garden. Meena turned to me. "Are you up for some weeding?"

  I eyed the garden carefully. "I didn't care for the punishment last time I stepped foot in the garden." I had accidentally crushed one of the flowers.

  Beria had been just about to step into the garden herself, and she froze before retreating. "You get punished for going into the garden?"

  "You get punished if you damage the garden," Meena said. She turned to me. "It wouldn't have been so bad, but you had the bad luck to destroy Loren's favorite flower."

  "The bee startled me," I protested.

  "She fell on her ass, crushing the life out of a small rose bush."

  "Then I got tangled in the thorns and half pulled it out of the ground trying to free myself."

  "And that was when Loren and Malora walked up, just in time to see her pulling the rose bush from the ground."

  "It wasn't a very big bush," I said. "And it wasn't my fault."

  "It was entirely your fault," Meena said. "Loren got there and it looked like Maya was intentionally pulling it out of the ground."

  "It didn't help that you were laughing."

  "What was your punishment?" Beria asked.

  "I had to weave a necklace from the stems and wear it for three days. Malora wouldn't even let me take it off after we left." I turned to Meena. "May I please haul water?"

  "Oh no," Meena said. "That is Beria's duty today. You get to weed around the flower beds."

  "For all I do for the Amazons," I said, "I think it's cruel to make me step foot in that garden."

  "Oh don't be a baby. You were lucky your punishment wasn't a lot worse. It looked like you were intentionally ripping that bush out of the ground. You're lucky Loren believed you."

  "It had thorns!"

  "Of course it did," Meena said. "It wouldn't have been much of a punishment if it had been a garland of moss."

  Beria was watching the exchange carefully. "Where do I get water?"

  "You," Meena said, pointing towards the flowerbeds. "Start at the far end."

  "I'm sure I don't know which ones are flowers and which ones are weeds," I said. "I'm not touching it until you show me."

  "Start at the far end. Surely you can recognize tulips." She handed me a small trowel.

  I sighed and, gingerly, stepped into the garden, proceeding along the path to the tulips, watching carefully for bees. There were a few buzzing around, so I moved slowly and carefully. I hoped Meena would allow me to work based on time, not on the amount of weeding I accomplished.

  But soon I got lost in the work. The soil was moist and soft, and pulling the weeds was easy. I carefully examined each, working around the tulips slowly. But finally I found a large piece of grass that appeared especially tenacious. I pulled, and pulled, and the roots seemed to keep going, and going.

  I didn't realize it, but not only was I pulling out the weed, I was tugging on the roots of some of the flowers.

  "Got ya!" I said when finally the weed came loose, dragging two feet of roots behind it.

  From behind me I heard a "tsk, tsk, tsk", and a shadow fell over me. I looked up, and Loren was standing over me, her hands on her hips, and she was frowning.

  "It's a weed! I swear! Look!"

  "Yes," she said. "That's a weed."

  "I haven't sat on anything. I haven't knelt on anything. They're all weeds!" I pointed to my pile of refuse.

  "Yes," she agreed. "Those are all weeds." Then she pointed to the tulips. I followed the gesture and stared. I had half pulled three tulips from the ground. The ground was so soft, they had dislodged easily.

  I stared, and then I said, "No. No, no, no!"

  We began to collect a small audience, Beria edging around the outside of
the garden to see what was going on, and Meena moving closer.

  "It's not my fault!"

  "It certainly is your fault," Loren said. "What you mean to say is that it wasn't intentional."

  "I was being careful."

  "Clearly not sufficiently careful."

  I stared at the damage then looked up at Loren. "What are you going to do to me this time?"

  "I haven't decided. It will depend upon a final report from Meena. There may be no permanent damage." She looked around. "Queen Malora, do you need to see the damage your companion has caused?"

  "No, no," Malora replied. "I am sure she will graciously accept any punishment you mete out for her mistake." I glanced over at Malora and saw she was smirking at me.

  Meena stepped forward and knelt down next to the damaged tulips. She checked them over carefully before gently patting them back into the ground, tapping the soil into place. She looked up at her warrior. "No permanent damage. They may wilt for a few days, but they'll spring back."

  "It was an honest mistake," I said. "You wouldn't even have known if you hadn't shown up when you did."

  "You mean if I hadn't been watching you the entire time, waiting for a mistake?"

  I slowly climbed to my feet, looking her in the eye. "You were waiting for me to make a mistake?"

  She nodded.

  "I see."

  I bent down, picked up the weeds I had pulled, then carefully stepped past Loren and deposited the weeds in the compost bin. I returned the gardening trowel to the storage cabinet and made my way carefully from the garden. I walked to Malora. "I am going to the river to wash up."

  "Queen's Companion," Loren called out as I turned to our assigned hut. I stopped and turned around. "I will announce your punishment after dinner."

  "Of course you will."

  * * * *

  Malora, Beria and Nori joined me in the pools. "What's going on?" I asked Malora quietly while washing her hair. "Is Loren hazing me?"

  "Probably. Be gracious. When I was first queen, everyone used to play pranks on me, but I got good at catching them, and then I was obligated to punish them for it. I increased the severity of the punishments until the pranks stopped."

  "Ah, but I am deemed helpless and an easy target."

  "Yep."

  "She knows I have claws, doesn't she?"

  Malora reached up and grabbed one of my hands from her head, pulling it over her shoulder to look at my fingernails. "Well-trimmed claws," she replied.

  "I wonder if she realizes who coordinates the tithe. She seems to enjoy salted fish, don't you think?"

  Malora laughed then turned around. "You're serious?"

  "Of course I am. Furthermore, if you help enforce whatever she has planned, you better not need a companion while I'm calming down."

  "Maya, be gracious."

  "Did you let everyone get away with the pranks?"

  "Well, no, but-"

  "But I'm supposed to? Tell me, do you really think that's how it's going to work?"

  She laughed again. "No, I guess I don't."

  "If you prefer, I'm sure I can find ways to make you just as uncomfortable as she intends to make me. Or maybe it's just time for me to go visit my parents. You can handle a few weeks without me."

  "I do not give you permission to leave," she said sternly.

  "You aren't really telling me you're going to escalate this, are you?"

  "All you have to do is be gracious-"

  "While I'm the brunt of hazing? You first. Show me how it's done."

  Nori edged over. "This looks like a serious conversation, and I judge the queen is losing."

  "Of course she's losing," I said. "When have either of you won an argument with me?"

  "Hmm," said Nori. "How about the one where you agreed to serve as the queen's companion?"

  "Or the one when we told you that you would train?" Malora asked.

  "How about when you threatened to kill me?" Nori asked. "And I told you not to make vows like that before you got to know me? I was right about that."

  "And there was that time-" Malora began, but I'd had it. I dunked her. She came up sputtering, but I was already five strokes away before she caught her breath.

  "I believe, Nori," said Malora, "that the first to engage in a childish display of petulant violence has ceded the battleground."

  "I choose to believe the battleground has moved," I told her.

  Malora gestured me towards her, but I eyed her suspiciously.

  "Maya," she said firmly. "Come here and accept your punishment for dunking your queen."

  "Come get me," I told her. "I'm right here. This is a better dunking place, anyway. I promise to demonstrate."

  "Amazons," Malora said, raising her voice loudly enough for Omie and Beria to hear her. "This is a direct order from your queen. Catch that Amazon-" she pointed to me, "and hold her for me."

  "You cheat!" I yelled. Omie, Beria, and Nori all grinned and began to advance on me, spreading out to cut off my choices.

  I was the best swimmer here. The rest were better than they had been three years ago, but individually, none of them was a real threat. They were each a challenge, but one-on-one, I still won the vast majority of our water wrestling competitions.

  But four-to-one odds were not good, and I was going to lose.

  That didn't mean I was going to give up easily, of course.

  I waited for them to grow closer then went under, swimming away, exiting the circle they had formed around me before coming up, closer to Nori than the rest.

  "Don't worry," Beria said. "She'll get tired before we do."

  "Traitor!" I yelled at her, but she laughed at me.

  We played cat and mouse for a while. I managed to dunk all of them, including Malora, although I also was dunked several times. Still, I was doing well when one considers the odds, but as Beria had predicted, I was growing tired.

  It was Omie who finally caught me, and then my sister latched onto my back, wrapping arms and legs around me and hanging on tightly. I struggled to free myself, but they dunked me, letting me up for a few seconds at a time until I was too exhausted to fight any longer.

  "Bring her here," Malora ordered.

  "Give me your feet," Omie ordered. "Or you're going under again."

  I sighed and lifted my feet to her. She clasped then, then Beria slithered past me and grabbed one of my feet from her warrior. The two of them dragged me to Malora that way, making sure I slipped under the water several times in the process.

  They dragged me right in front of Malora, still hanging onto my legs. I struggled to keep my face out of the water.

  "What have you learned, Maya?" Malora asked me.

  "That you cheat," I said, grinning at her.

  I was expecting her response and had a breath of air before she was pushing down on my head. She held me under water for a goodly amount of time before pulling me back up.

  "Care to answer again?" she asked me while I panted for air.

  "That you're afraid-" That was as much as I got out before I went back under, this time with little air, but I avoided taking a breath of water.

  She held me under until I began tapping on her hands, and then she pulled me up right away.

  Malora let me catch my breath. "Now, what have you learned, Maya?" she asked.

  I turned to look at her. "Honestly? I didn't know there was a lesson. I thought we were all having fun."

  "So you didn't learn to come to me when I order you to?"

  "If I had done that, would we have had all this fun?" I grinned at her.

  "Let her go," Malora ordered. Immediately Beria and Omie released my feet. "You two go chase each other around or something. I haven't washed my companion's hair yet."

  Omie said, "Tag, you're it!" to Beria and began swimming away frantically. I knew my sister could catch her, and I didn't worry about them after that.

  Malora gestured and we moved into shallower water. She began washing my hair, speaking quietly. "You need t
o be gracious tonight."

  "We'll see," I replied.

  "I'm serious, Maya."

  "I know you are. I promise to be at least as gracious as you would be under similar circumstances."

  "Maya," she said warningly, "when I was a companion-"

  I turned around to face her. "Do you really want to finish that sentence? Do you want me to remind you I have had not one demon in my head, but two? Should we see if I can summon the second one back?"

  "No!" Malora said instantly. "Don't even kid about that."

  "Who was kidding?" I asked. Then I turned away and let her finish washing my hair. "I told you, I'll be at least as gracious as you would be. But I am the queen's companion, and I will not let your companion be ill-treated. Furthermore, if she is cruel, she'll be getting salted fish and I will not be visiting this village again. As is, I will not step foot in the garden again under any circumstances."

  Malora sighed but finished washing my hair. By the way she was touching me, I could tell she was upset; stress made the voices worse. I turned around and moved into her arms.

  "Let's not fight," I said. I kissed her neck. "You missed a spot."

  "I didn't miss a spot," she said.

  "Yes you did. Go looking for it. I'll let you know if you get close."

  She chuckled. "I am not playing hide the soap with you right now."

  "I was thinking fingers."

  We jollied each other into better moods, but soon it was time to climb from the water.

  * * * *

  I decided being gracious should start immediately. I joked with Meena and the other companions. I told a few "when Beria was a baby" stories. I asked Loren if she had any stories about Malora before she was queen, pulling Nori into that game as well.

  In other words, I made Malora very nervous. She leaned over to me near the end of the meal and asked, "What are you doing?"

  I grinned. "Being gracious. Isn't that what you wanted?"

  Finally, the meal ended, the companions clearing the tables and cleaning up. I continued to joke with the companions, telling a few Malora stories too quietly for the warriors to hear us, but the resulting laughter carried.

  Upon our return to the tables, Loren stood and said, "You are awfully jovial for a companion who has not yet heard her sentence."