Tending Tara (Alaska Blizzard Book 8)

by Kat Mizera

  “Love you, too, kid.” He smiled as he hung up.

  More than anything, he longed to call Tara and update her, but that probably wasn’t fair. He’d been a dick last night, and she hadn’t reached out, either, so it felt like they were at a stalemate. Besides, if this was the end for them, he couldn’t reach out to her whenever he wanted. He had to start learning to live without her. Her smile. Those stormy blue eyes.

  How the fuck was he going to get over this?

  It might have started as a marriage of convenience, but Tara was his wife in every way that mattered, and he’d blown it big time.

  Sonofabitch.

  34

  Her first official day of work at the college should have been amazing. Everyone was kind and welcoming, Coach Azure was buzzing with ideas on how they could help the team, and the team players were all excited to have her there. Too bad she was sad and distracted, unable to enjoy any part of the job she’d been thinking about for two months. Her skates felt heavy on her feet and her eyes were scratchy after so many tears. It was hard to focus, hard to think about anything but Donovan. She was better than this, but it didn’t feel like right now.

  How the hell was she going to get over this?

  She went straight to Charli’s house after work.

  “Hey!” Charli smiled. “I didn’t know you were coming, or I would’ve made dinner. Come in.”

  “Thanks.” Tara followed her inside slowly, as if walking were painful. She’d never experienced anything like this, and it was hard.

  “Did Donovan tell you what a hero your brother is?” Charli was asking, tucking her feet under her, apparently oblivious to Tara’s situation.

  “Er, no. We didn’t talk last night.” Tara had no idea what she was talking about.

  “Oh, wow, so get this: Troy and Peyton had a huge fight and broke up. Then he had the nerve to kick her out with nothing but her purse—he wouldn’t even let her take her stuff.”

  “What?” Despite everything going on, Tara bristled at the idea that Troy had kicked Peyton out of the apartment she paid the rent for.

  “Anyway, from what Miikka said, she’d maxed out her credit cards over Christmas and had nowhere to go, so she called Donovan and he sent some of the guys from the team.” She giggled. “According to Miikka, him, Ryder, Logan, and Sergei met her at some restaurant and went back to the apartment with her to get her things. Supposedly, the look on Troy’s face when he answered the door was priceless.”

  “Oh!” Tara giggled, too. “Well, my brother would never let anything happen to her. We’re family.” The words came out before she could stop them, and as they sunk in, she burst into tears.

  “Tara, what’s wrong?” Charli immediately moved closer to Tara and wrapped her arms around her. “Did you and Donovan have a fight? Is this about him getting traded?”

  Tara had thought she’d gotten past the tears, but they poured out of her like a faucet and she couldn’t stop them. Charli rocked her like a child, murmuring softly until Tara could breathe again.

  “He just left,” she sobbed. “He didn’t even ask me to go!”

  “Oh, honey.” Charli got her a tissue and Tara blew her nose.

  “I’m equal parts furious and heartbroken,” she whispered. “And I don’t know how to get past it.”

  “What did he say?”

  Tara told her everything that had happened, and Charli looked mystified. “But that doesn’t sound like him at all.”

  “I know. That’s why I didn’t outright ask him what was going on. He caught me by surprise and then he just…left.”

  “So you didn’t ask him why he didn’t ask?”

  “Um, what?”

  “If Miikka and I were breaking up—not that that’s ever going to happen—I’d be pissed and want to know why. Like, why are you going to Buffalo without me, you fucker?”

  Tara managed a tiny smile, her lips barely turning up in the corners. “I was too shocked to think straight.”

  “There are telephones. Communication is a thing, you know.”

  Tara sighed. “I know. I guess I didn’t think to call him. I thought… I don’t know what I thought. I guess I thought if he loves me, he’ll ask me to go. Since he didn’t, he must not care about me at all.”

  “I’d still make him say it. Why would you let him off that easily?”

  “He said I should stay here with my job and my family and friends and stuff, and we’d figure out the details when the season was over. I mean, I do have this wonderful new job now, that feels like the perfect fit for me.”

  “Wonderful new job? What’s so wonderful about it? The hockey aspect? I mean, that’s great, but in terms of a career, what are you making? Like twenty thousand for the school year?”

  “Thirty if I work in the language lab a few hours a week.”

  “So you’re giving up this great, amazing guy I know you’re crazy about for some dumb coaching job that barely pays you enough to live on?”

  Tara swallowed. “I…don’t know.”

  “Tara. You need to talk to him.”

  “I know.”

  “But?”

  “I don’t know. I need time to think.”

  “Well, while you’re thinking, how about I pour you a glass of wine and make you something to eat? Us women never eat when our hearts are broken, and that’s not good for us.”

  “You don’t have to do anything. Just sitting here with me is enough.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. Come on, let’s make breakfast for dinner. I was going to have a sandwich, but eggs and biscuits and fried potatoes sounds way better.”

  Tara’s stomach rumbled, and she realized she hadn’t eaten all day.

  “Yes. Okay. Thank you.”

  She slept in Miikka and Charli’s guest room that night, too depressed to go back to Donovan’s big, empty house, and she laid in bed for a long time before she fell asleep. Was it possible to stop loving someone who owned you, body and soul? She hadn’t felt this way with Saku. She’d thought she loved him, but what she’d felt for him was child’s play compared to the deep feelings she’d developed for Donovan.

  She unconsciously reached up to touch the wedding ring she still wore around her neck. Donovan had said he loved seeing the ring dangling between her breasts when she was naked. He’d once even said he wanted to see diamonds against her skin.

  How had they gotten from there to here? How had she allowed herself to fall so hard so fast? She was an idiot and deserved to have a broken heart because she should have known better. It was supposed to be a marriage of convenience so she could stay in the U.S. and get a job. That was all. When had she allowed herself to get so caught up in Donovan Legori that she’d lost sight of that? She was an idiot because she had everything she’d thought she wanted, but the reality was that the only thing she didn’t have was what she wanted most.

  Donovan.

  35

  Donovan’s first game with Buffalo went well. He got a shutout, and his new teammates were over the moon. The mood in the locker room was upbeat, filled with laughter and camaraderie, but Donovan didn’t feel like participating. He didn’t know these guys, and right now hockey meant very little to him. In his entire life, he’d never been as apathetic about the game as he was tonight, and he escaped to the showers to hide his misery.

  He’d been hurt when Jane left, but he hadn’t been gutted. He’d still played hockey and hooked up with a few groupies, partying and telling jokes to cover his pain. This time, sex was the furthest thing from his mind, and he couldn’t come up with a joke if his life depended on it. He needed to call his wife, hear her voice, do something to make this right, but everything was a mess and it was all his fault. He was the man; he should have stepped up and acted like it. Not that he believed in that kind of sexist bullshit, but he’d promised himself he would be a better husband this time around, and he hadn’t been.

  The problem was figuring out what he wanted and how to get it.

  “Donovan, you want
to go out with us?” One of the younger guys on the team called out to him as he got dressed.

  “No, I’m good. Thanks, though.” He flashed what he hoped was a friendly smile.

  “There are some smokin’ women that hang out at this one place we go—and I don’t see a ring on your finger. You single?”

  He hesitated and then shook his head. “No. My wife is still in Alaska.”

  “Oh, when’s she getting here?” someone else asked. “My girlfriend just moved here to be with me from Nashville, and…”

  Donovan heard them talking but mostly tuned them out. He wasn’t trying to be a jerk, but he had nothing to say to these guys until he sorted out his personal shit.

  “Hey, I don’t mean to be rude—I’d love to go out another time, really—but I’m wiped. I didn’t sleep for shit the last two nights and I’m just ready to crash. I’ll see you guys at the airport in the morning, okay?”

  “Oh, hey, man, no problem.” Someone else started talking, and a couple of guys flanked him as they walked out to the parking lot.

  They were trying to make him feel welcome, which he appreciated, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered, and it fucking sucked.

  The flight to Minnesota was so much shorter than most of the flights from Anchorage to almost anywhere and Donovan wasn’t used to getting to the next city they were playing in so early in the day. They had time to chill at the hotel before the game, and it seemed like so much free time to have on a game day. Especially when there was no one to call or check in with. He wanted to check with Tara, make sure she was okay, but why wouldn’t she be? If she’d wanted to come with him, wouldn’t she have asked? Wouldn’t she have at least argued with him about leaving? Jane had begged him not to go.

  Christ, he really needed to get Jane out of his head. She didn’t matter, and Tara was nothing like her. Except that line of reasoning didn’t help anything. If Tara was truly different than Jane, she wouldn’t be so attached to her life in Anchorage. Which brought him full circle. Even though it hurt to let her go, the other part of the equation was that he wanted her to be happy. He’d eventually get past his broken heart, and if he’d helped her get the green card that would allow her to stay in the U.S., he was okay with it. He hadn’t counted on missing her this much, though.

  When his father’s name flashed on the screen of his phone, he let it ring four times before picking it up, because talking felt increasingly difficult at this point in his day.

  “Hey, Dad.”

  “Hey, son. How’s Buffalo?”

  “We’re actually in Minneapolis tonight. We play in a couple hours.”

  “Oh, I didn’t even think to check the schedule. I’ll let you go and we can—”

  “No.” He might have protested a little too quickly, clearing his throat. “I mean, I have a few minutes.”

  “You had a great first game with the new team. How does it feel to be there?”

  “Uh, good.”

  “How’s Tara?”

  “She’s still in Anchorage.”

  “When is she joining you?”

  He sighed. “I, uh, well… I don’t think she is.”

  “What? Why not?”

  “Because…” He blew out a breath and stared at the ceiling. How did he explain the clusterfuck he’d gotten himself into? His parents didn’t even know they were married.

  “What’s going on, Donovan?”

  “She’s…” He was having a hard time. “I guess it’s over.”

  “Over? What are you talking about? You’re head over heels for that girl.”

  Donovan didn’t respond. Was he? Yeah, he was. It was just so hard to say the words. “Dad, I have to tell you something.”

  “Okay.”

  “Tara and I…are married.”

  “Whoa. When did that happen?”

  “Right before Thanksgiving.”

  “You’ve been married more than two months and didn’t tell us?” He sounded kind of hurt, and Donovan hated it.

  “I know. I’m sorry. We thought…” He took a deep breath and told his father everything.

  “So, let me get this straight,” Earl said when he was finished. “You started dating this girl you really liked. Then you married her because she needed a visa, but you actually fell in love with her in the process.”

  “Yeah. Kinda.”

  “What’s the problem?”

  Donovan frowned even though his father wouldn’t see it. “What do you mean? Just because I love her doesn’t mean she loves me.”

  His father burst out laughing. “You’re kidding, right? That girl is crazy for you. I’ve rarely seen two people look at each other the way the two of you did at Christmas. Any fool could see that you two were gone for each other. Your mom and I have been taking bets on how long before you propose. Hell, she even won over your sister’s cold, black heart.”

  Donovan snorted out a laugh, though his heart wasn’t in it. “I don’t think Peyton’s the best one to talk about relationship advice right now.”

  “Agreed, but she said it when we left Anchorage, that she hadn’t believed you were in love again already, but there was no doubt you were.” He paused. “Aren’t you still?”

  “I guess I am, but I screwed up and now I don’t know how to fix it.”

  “Call her. Hell, get on a plane and go get her.”

  “I just started with a new team and it’s fucking January. I can’t just take a day off.”

  “You can. You should. Tell your coach you have a family emergency and go get her. What the hell is wrong with you, son? I usually mind my own business because you’re a grown man, but I didn’t speak up when you married Jane and look what happened, so I’m going to say my piece now. You love Tara, and she loves you right back. Whatever it is you two have going on is miscommunication. Period.”

  “She just got this job she desperately wanted. I can’t ask her to quit.”

  “It’s a freakin’ job. She can get another job. There are a million colleges and universities in upstate New York.”

  “Charli’s pregnant, and Tara’s so excited to be there when the baby’s born.”

  “That’s why there are airplanes. You’re making excuses. What are you afraid of, Donovan?”

  “Everything!” he responded in frustration, his voice rising just a notch. “What if she doesn’t love me? I thought Jane loved me and look what happened.”

  “Jane is your past. Tara is your future. And Tara isn’t Jane. The hell with Jane. I could have told you from day one she wasn’t the right girl for you, and I’m here to tell you Tara is.”

  “How do you know? You spent a week with her.”

  “I spent a week with the two of you, and I saw the way she looked at you, as if you were her entire world. The way she put up with Peyton being a bitch because she wanted to make a good impression on your family. The way she got your house ready for Christmas after one trip to the grocery store… Son, what am I missing here? Sure, it’s new and you two did something crazy, but how can you not see what’s right in front of you? She’s amazing. Beautiful, smart, and so in love with you. She looks at you the way your mom still looks at me sometimes. I mean, you know, we’re older now and been together a long time, but the magic never goes away when you love someone.”

  “Fuck, Dad, I don’t know what to do.”

  “I told you what to do. Go get her. Get on a god damn plane. Tomorrow. First thing.”

  “And what if she won’t come?”

  “Not possible.”

  “That’s what—”

  “I swear to god, if you mention Jane’s name I’m going to climb through this phone and knock you into the middle of next week!”

  Donovan chuckled. “Right. I got it.”

  “Now get your ass out there and wipe the ice with Minnesota. Then go get your wife.”

  “Thanks, Dad.”

  “Love you, son.”

  “Love you, too, Dad.” Donovan disconnected and put the phone down. Then he picked it up agai
n. There had to be a flight going to Anchorage tomorrow. Minnesota had a big-ass airport.

  Grateful for his second win in a row with Buffalo, Donovan steeled his resolve and went in search of his coach after the game.

  “Coach, you have a minute?

  Denton Brookville looked up and nodded. “We’re about to head back to the hotel. Everything okay, Donovan?”

  “Uh, no.” He ran a hand through his hair, a sure sign he was nervous, but there was no help for it now. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked up. “I need twenty-four hours to take care of something personal, sir. I understand I just got here and it’s inconvenient and unprofessional, but I don’t have a choice. This is important and it has to happen now.”

  “You want to tell me what’s going on?”

  “I…” He faltered. How could he tell his new coach he’d married a girl he’d only been out with a few times to help her get her visa rather than let her get sent back to Finland? “It’s hard to explain, and I’ll understand if you need to bench me, or fine me, or whatever you have to do. But I need twenty-four hours. Maybe thirty-six. Because Anchorage is far as fuck.”

  Coach Brookville arched a brow. “You forget something you can’t have shipped?”

  “My wife.”

  36

  Charli had been right about women with broken hearts not eating. Donovan had only been gone four days and Tara’s jeans were already loose on her hips, and she had to use a belt to keep them from falling. She was slender to begin with, with plenty of muscle since she worked out and played hockey, but everything tasted like chalk, so she didn’t even bother most of the time. Charli had been babying her, trying to keep her spirits up and get her to eat, but mostly she picked at her food. She also spent several hours a day on the ice, which was exercise even though she wasn’t actively playing hockey.

  Coaching got her through those initial days when it felt like her heart was in physical pain. It was emotional, but it was so strong it was like actual pain, and she didn’t understand it. A year ago, she’d barely known Donovan; today she couldn’t imagine never seeing him again. She’d already packed up her things and moved out of his house because being there just reminded her of everything they’d build together—and everything she’d lost.