The Christmas Cake Cafe: A Brilliantly Funny Feel Good Christmas Read Kindle Edition

by Sue Watson

  In my desperation to leave the club I’d forgotten to grab Jody’s big fur coat, but I daren’t go back in for fear Kate and Vinyl Richie were still planning a wet T-shirt on the luge competition – with me as the star attraction.

  ‘Here, take my coat,’ he was saying in what I now realised was probably a Swiss or German accent.

  He was looking at me and I shook my head and smiled – I couldn’t take his coat from him. But I felt the electricity of connection, that moment when you catch someone’s eye and realise there’s something between you. He made my heart flutter and my face burn, and whatever it was between us, I hadn’t felt this in a long, long time. I tried not to look at him and told myself not to read too much into those big blue eyes and that sexy German accent. And when he looked over and I caught him giving me an appreciative glance my insides turned to slush. There in the white, white snow, I was completely helpless, unable to speak or move, just mesmerised by this gorgeous man.

  ‘I start work here tomorrow so I want to head back and try to get some sleep,’ I explained. He seemed nice and I didn’t want to be rude, so I smiled and explained that I was working and would be serving all kinds of goodies the following morning in The Ski Bunny Café.

  ‘I’m not much of a ski bunny myself,’ I said.

  ‘You can be the ski bunny if you would like.’

  I laughed. ‘Yes, I would like. I won’t be doing the luge though.’

  ‘Oh you don’t know what she is missing,’ he said in broken English. ‘Why don’t you go down there now? You’ll see it is great, and you’ll be sliding down her every night.’

  ‘No thanks, I…’

  ‘Come with me now – I will take you.’ And he gently tugged at my scarf.

  I giggled. ‘No, no, no,’ I said, pretending to pull my scarf back but actually quite liking the fact that he was holding on to it. He had kind eyes, a gentle voice and I suppose it was the cocktails, but I just let him keep tugging at my scarf until I was almost next to him. I felt his warm breath as our faces came close and, still pretending to pull away, I noticed he might just have the bluest eyes I’d ever seen.

  ‘You want to, don’t you?’ he said, suddenly seeming quite serious – and I looked up into those eyes and nodded, unsure exactly what I was agreeing to. What was happening to me? I felt abandoned, relaxed, like life could take me anywhere tonight and I wouldn’t resist.

  To my surprise, he suddenly lifted me up and, kicking open the door of the nightclub, we arrived back in, bringing a flurry of snow and several surprised looks from the girls.

  They were all standing by the bar enjoying their cocktails, and Kate put her hand over her mouth as my handsome stranger put me gently on the ground.

  I suspect it was the sudden temperature change combined with the Grinch cocktail earlier – but as my feet touched the floor, they gave way. I yelped, tried to get my balance, doing a very good Bambi impression, and thankfully just before I landed on my face, I felt big strong arms around my waist.

  ‘Oh God, are you okay, love?’ Jody and the girls rushed towards me as the stranger lifted me again. (I had regained my composure by now and could probably have stood on my own feet – but why do that when I was being ‘rescued’ by a rather handsome hero type?) I felt like a woman in a Jane Austen novel, the back of my hand to my forehead as he carried me through the throng of people shouting, ‘First aid.’ He literally swept me off my feet and took me into the back of the club to a small room with a couple of chairs, some boxes and a first-aid kit.

  ‘You feel cold?’ he asked in a concerned way that warmed me up immediately.

  ‘Yes… I am a little cold,’ I answered shyly as he took off his padded jacket and wrapped it around my still-wet blouse. ‘Thank you… I’m not quite sure what happened…’ I said once I’d begun to thaw.

  ‘You young girls come here from UK, you wear the next to nothings and then you drink so much.’ All I’d heard was ‘you young girls’ in a lovely German accent and, despite the fact that I was freezing in a cheap see-through blouse, I attempted to smile back at him in a coquettish way.

  ‘Are you a doctor?’ I asked breathlessly, trying not to think where my mascara must be by now.

  ‘No, I’m a ski instructor.’ He flashed a smile as he opened up a first-aid box and produced what looked like a large blanket of tinfoil. As he wrapped it around me I was unable to take my eyes off him. One of the bar girls came in with a glass of water and a sort of hot-water bottle that he handed to me. ‘You must get warm,’ he said.

  ‘Yes, please,’ I heard myself murmur. Oh God, I was definitely tipsy. I was now completely relaxed and leaning on him, which felt very comforting, but in my hypothermic state I wasn’t sure if it would be considered sweet or desperate.

  He said something in German to the girl who’d brought the drink and she laughed, leaving us alone together. I felt my face burn with embarrassment. Oh God, were they laughing at me? Did he think I was some sad, middle-aged woman coming on to him? He was probably a similar age to me – but that’s the problem when you’re a forty-something single woman: the forty-something single men want thirty-somethings. I tried not to look at him as, on discovering a graze on my cheek, he was now gently dabbing antiseptic onto it. I’d had no physical contact with a man for nearly a year and – it’s all relative – what he was doing to my cheek felt something like foreplay.

  Fortunately, at this point the door opened and in walked Jody and the girls.

  ‘Thank God you’re okay,’ Jody screeched, running towards me, arms outstretched. ‘One minute you’re saying you’ve had enough and want some fresh air and next you walk back in with a tall, dark, handsome stranger.’ She nodded at said stranger.

  ‘She’s a fast worker,’ Lola said, with an admiring whistle. I only heard them in the distance – I was too absorbed by this lovely man wrapping me in tinfoil. I bet even Lola had never experienced this avenue of pleasure.

  ‘Now you should be okay, but you need transport back to your accommodation—’ he started.

  ‘Oooh, if you’re offering a piggyback, can I come too?’ Lola asked, all marabou feathers and Marilyn breathlessness. She was only half-joking, but he smiled politely and asked where we were staying.

  ‘I will call reception and ask them to send a snow vehicle,’ he said.

  ‘Thank you so much,’ Jody said as she tried to help me up, but I wanted him to do it, so I feigned a little more weakness than perhaps was honest… but only a little.

  The stranger immediately rallied. ‘Let me,’ he said and slid one arm around my waist. I put my arm up around his shoulder and we staggered through the nightclub to greet the vehicle to take me back to the chalet. All I could think of was warmth and cake… and if I’d ever see this knight in shining armour again.

  ‘I don’t even know your name?’ I whispered, unable to take my eyes off his face. ‘I’m Jen…’

  ‘I’m Jon,’ he whispered back without taking his eyes from mine, and I felt the ice beginning to crack around my heart.

  Chapter 4

  A Cold Night, A Hunky Man and Other People’s Clothes

  I was still so cold I doubted I’d ever get warm again as I sat by the fire in Jody’s fur coat with a cup of cocoa, just trying to thaw.

  ‘Well you’re a dark horse,’ Kate said, wandering over and inspecting my drink. ‘I hope that’s a skinny hot chocolate. You want to get into those little jammies, don’t you?’

  ‘No. I don’t. I want to get into my own pyjamas, if they ever arrive.’

  ‘He was quite a looker, the guy you hooked up with tonight,’ she said, sitting on the sofa next to me, dipping a digestive into her hot chocolate and slurping loudly.

  ‘Oh I didn’t cop off… I just met him outside, and we were walking back in together and…’

  ‘Where I come from that’s a date, hon,’ Lola piped up as she wandered in to join us. She was drinking whisky straight from a large tumbler.

  ‘So are you seeing him again?’ she said.
>
  ‘Well yes, he’s taking me to Gstaad for the weekend where we’ll spend the days skiing and the nights wrapped in each other’s arms, licking ice-cold champagne off each other’s naked bodies.’

  ‘That sounds a bit like a weekend I once spent with…’ Lola started.

  ‘I was joking,’ I monotoned. ‘Knowing my luck he’s leaving the resort tomorrow and I’ll never see him again. I’m destined to spend the rest of my time here coming straight back after work, eating fattening food, drinking hot chocolate and becoming the size of a small car.’

  ‘Why?’ Kate said.

  ‘Why what?’

  ‘Why would you abuse yourself like that? It’s stupid.’ For someone so slow on the uptake, Kate could sometimes be scarily profound, and she had a point, even if was a different one to the one she was making. Why did I think that the only alternative to being in a relationship was becoming a fat spinster?

  ‘You’re right, Kate – that would be stupid, and there are other options. But forgive me – tonight isn’t the night to explore possibilities. I’ve no clothes, I’m freezing, I just made a complete fool of myself in front of a really nice man, and I don’t know where I’m going or what I’m doing… I’m not even excited about Christmas.’

  Then I burst into tears and Jody tried to hug me until I stopped.

  ‘Now then, missy, what’s all this about you not being excited about Christmas? You had a great time tonight – admit it! You were dancing on the tables and knocking back the drinks. And I’m sorry, I know you asked for lemonade, but I asked them to put just a teensy leetle beet of vodka in.’

  ‘I knew it,’ I said through my tears. ‘Jody, you can’t go through life like this.’

  ‘What, making sure my family and friends have a good time? I think that vodka gave us a little glimpse of the old Jen tonight – the one before bloody Tim and his rules and regulations. You don’t have to think your life is over, Jen. You can still find someone new – even in your forties. You proved that tonight, copping off with a good-looking guy outside.’

  ‘No, I didn’t.’

  ‘Oh I think you did, Jen,’ Kate started. ‘You went out for a breath of air and came back clinging to a stranger!’

  ‘It wasn’t like that – he rescued me… I was just a little tipsy. And now I’m going to bed,’ I said, getting up off the floor, only to be faced with the sight of Jody dressed as a cow. Yes, a cow. In my upset I’d clearly not realised, or perhaps I was hallucinating?

  ‘Are you dressed as a cow?’ I asked.

  She nodded, and unable to contain her delight, she gave me a twirl.

  ‘Why are you dressed as a cow?’ I monotoned, dreading the answer from her parallel universe.

  ‘Oh LOL, Jen, it’s my onesie… I wear it for bed.’

  ‘But it’s so… real,’ I said. ‘Are those… udders?’

  She nodded proudly. ‘Actually, I have a little surprise for you.’ She giggled excitedly and ran from the room shouting, ‘You are gonna LOVE this.’

  She returned with a parcel wrapped in Christmassy paper, and I could only guess at the horror beneath the pattern of pink Father Christmases adorning the paper.

  ‘It’s just one of your Chrissy prezzies,’ she announced, handing me the parcel. ‘I was saving them all for Christmas Day, but… here’s something to keep you going until you find your case.’

  I smiled and thanked her while carefully opening the squishy, Christmassy parcel. Inside, my hands alighted on bright pink and white fabric, and unfurling the ‘gift’ I realised the pattern was definitely cow. As the udders appeared I cried with dismay, which everyone misinterpreted as unbridled joy, and Jody clapped her hands together, delighted that she’d bought me just the right gift.

  ‘I knew you’d just love it,’ she said, her hands now clasped and her face smiley and pink with the pleasure of giving.

  What could I say? Sitting there clutching at pink velvet udders, I was at a loss, then immediately thought of a solution. ‘This feels like it would be lovely and warm. I’ll be able to wear it as pyjamas… so…’

  ‘Oh no, Jenny – you can’t wear your best new onesie to bed.’ Jody was looking around at the others incredulously. ‘I’m only wearing this because it’s my old one.’

  ‘Oh… you have more than one… cow?’

  ‘Of course. And anyway, you’ve got to save your cow because tomorrow’s Onesie Day on the slopes, which is why I let you have it as an early Christmas prezzie.’

  I must have looked bemused, sitting there clutching pink velvet udders and looking into the big brown eyes of the cow I would be tomorrow.

  ‘Happy?’ Jody asked, and I just smiled.

  ‘Yeah… thanks for this, Jody,’ I said. ‘I need to embrace my inner cow.’

  ‘Look – it’s hard being over forty with your tragic love life.’ She looked up to address the girls. ‘But this is the way forward…’ she started.

  ‘Dressing up as a cow?’

  ‘Not just that – but you have to get happy again – and forget the car crash that is your life.’

  ‘Thanks for reminding me – I feel all warm and squidgy inside now,’ I sighed, pulling away from her like a child. ‘Perhaps you’d like to go further back and tell everyone about the guy I went out with at college who married my best friend. Or the one who took me on a day trip to London, offered to get the coffees on the train, asked what sandwich I’d like, headed for the buffet car and has never been seen since.’

  ‘Oh God, I forgot about all that. Didn’t you pull the emergency cord and get fined or something?’

  ‘Yeah, dumped and fined… something like that…’ I muttered, not wanting to relive that particular circus, involving British Rail police and fifty-two irate passengers on the 9.15 a.m. to Euston.

  ‘Oh and I just remembered the comedian you went out with,’ Jody said, smiling. ‘You know… the one who made a whole stand-up act around your relationship…’

  The others gasped and Kate giggled, adding, ‘It was funny though.’

  ‘You saw his show?’ I asked, looking from Kate to Jody who both nodded. ‘I can’t believe it. He broke my heart and you went to watch him and laugh about it?’

  ‘No, well, it wasn’t quite like that – we didn’t actually pay – he sent us free tickets,’ Jody said, like that made all the difference.

  ‘What about sisterly loyalty?’ I asked.

  ‘Well, that’s why you’re here now – your sister is going to get your ‘happy’ back. I know we haven’t been like real sisters over the years and I want this to be special. I know you’ve always wanted to visit Switzerland and you love Christmas so I made it happen. I made your Christmas dreams come true – let’s face it, this year it would have just been you and your cat.’

  ‘Me and Mrs Christmas would have been very happy together,’ I said, feeling a glimmer of homesickness.

  ‘Sweetie, you saying you’re happy with your cat is just confirmation that Jody was right to chopper you right out of there,’ Lola piped up. ‘This isn’t a working holiday – it’s an intervention, and just in time if you ask me.’

  ‘I know it isn’t ideal, and I know I’m not totally past it at forty,’ I said, trying to convince myself as much as them. ‘But I just thought by now I’d be having a different kind of Christmas – I thought I’d have babies, you know… sleepless nights, nappy changing… Look, all I’m saying is that I’m trying to readjust.’

  ‘It’s important to me that you have a great time here,’ Jody was saying. ‘And while we’re here, it’s your birthday too, so it’s extra special, which is why I bought you this,’ she said, touching the cow’s ears. ‘I want you to feel part of the group. We’re a family, us four – and we’re all we’ve got at Christmas, so let’s enjoy it together.’

  ‘So you’re saying I have to wear a onesie to work tomorrow? What if my udders get caught up in the cappuccino steamer?’

  ‘Then we’ll all laugh our heads off.’

  ‘Me too, I suppose,’ I s
aid and giggled, imagining this image.

  Suddenly I felt exhausted; I had no idea how any of us were going to get up in the morning to do our jobs – we’d all need dark glasses. We started to get ready for bed but as my new thermal nightwear was now adorning an eight-year-old boy somewhere in the resort, and the onesie was out, I had nothing. Again, the girls were quick to offer their support, but it was a compromise given their eclectic and eccentric wardrobes, and for bed I wore Jody’s pink fur all-in-one, with ‘Come and get it – it’s HOT!’ emblazoned across the chest. After much conversation between the girls about ‘losing heat from her head’, Kate donated a purple bobble hat. I looked weird but was so tired I basically allowed them to put anything on me as Jody, who was now Googling ‘death by cold’, kept yelling words like ‘layers’ and ‘hats’, and the girls continued to add items of clothing to my ensemble, which was finished off with a bright blue diaphanous negligee, courtesy of Lola. ‘This will trap warm air,’ Kate said, as she helped me into it.

  ‘It’s trapped more than air in its time, that negligee,’ Lola sighed.

  I winced. Who knew what acts of indecency had been committed in this nasty blue fire hazard as I climbed into bed looking like Bette Davis in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?

  ‘You’re being very dramatic, Jody,’ I sighed, really tired now.

  ‘Why does no one take me seriously?’ she said. ‘I also happen to be a nurse and know about these things.’

  ‘And I’m a nursery nurse, so I know about first aid… mind you, only for kids, not for old people,’ Kate added unnecessarily.

  ‘Great, I’ll get off to bed,’ I said, finally heading for my sanctuary.

  ‘OH. MY. GOD,’ Jody announced loudly.

  ‘What?’ I sighed impatiently.

  ‘I just realised people die if they fall asleep with hypothermia.’

  ‘Oh my God,’ Lola gasped. ‘We’re going to have to keep her awake all night.’

  ‘No, no really, it’s fine… it’s only if you fall asleep while you’re cold, or outside, isn’t it?’ I said – after all, my sister was apparently the medical expert in the room. ‘As long as I stay warm I’ll be okay – that’s why I’m wearing these layers of clothing.’