“Jake,” I said steadily, “There’s nothing you can say that’ll ever take back all the lying, hurt and deceit. There’s no future for us. I’ll never be able to forgive you . . . or trust you . . . or be your friend again. You have completely destroyed my life. I gave you all my love, and you threw it away. Never again, Jake, never. When you figure out where you’re staying, text a message. I’ll text you back about when you can get your things.”
“Sara, please.”
“No Jake. Get out,” I interrupted. Then I pulled my hands away and walked down the hall toward the bedroom. A moment later, I heard the door open and close. He was gone. Right on cue, I completely lost it.
I spent the next five hours or so, sobbing and feeling sorry for myself. I didn’t call anyone because I just needed to be alone and have a good cry. I was really glad I didn’t have to work until Monday, that gave me four more days, and my Monday schedule only had two things on it, so that would only be half a day. I looked at the clock. Almost midnight. After a long, hot, teary shower, I dressed in jammy pants and an oversized t-shirt. I opened the fridge and grabbed a wine glass. I only had one bottle of red, which would work just fine as a therapist and sleep aid.
8
The next morning, I woke up on the couch, and the TV was still on from last night. I got all cleaned up, then dressed in jeans and a tank. I knew I needed to call my Mom and my friend Kat. Kat and I had been friends for the last eight years or so. We‘d met at a work conference, and she later transferred to my building. She was in the divorce and family court department. I didn’t see her much day to day, but we got together every Thursday night for ladies night at O’Bryan’s with a couple other girls from the office. Lily always met up with us too. We'd done many shopping outings together and whatever else we could squeeze into our schedules. She was single so that made it a little easier.
I wondered about Mark and how he was doing. Maybe I should call him. I knew what it was like to need alone time, but at the same time I wanted to be there for him if he needed me. Hopefully he’d stay strong through all this. He was a great guy, and Lily didn’t deserve him. I texted him and told him I was stopping by at ten with coffee and bagels. He replied, “Okay.” Then I called my mom and filled her in. She bawled on the phone, and I agreed to meet her for lunch at one, at a mom 'n' pop restaurant near her home, which was about a ten-minute drive from my apartment. I put off calling Kat. One thing at a time.
I walked to the parking lot. On the way out I made a mental note to move as soon as possible. I didn’t want to be in the apartment Jake and I shared. I needed a new bed too. I didn't want to be around anything I'd shared with Jake. I started thinking about all the stuff we had and how intertwined our lives were. I made another mental note to get a new cell phone number and plan, too. I didn’t want to be on the same plan he’d called her on, and I didn’t ever want to talk to Lily or see her ever again. I was actually kind of surprised she hadn’t called me. Or was I? Really, what was she going to said to me? “Oops, I’m sorry I ruined your life, can we still be friends?” I guess I didn’t expect her to call, it was just strange not having my husband or best friend to turn to when I needed them most.
Nonetheless, I had to take it day by day and make sure I moved forward. I knew I’d done nothing to deserve this. I would be fine. I just needed to keep reminding myself that. Lily and Jake were both very selfish people, and I didn’t need them in my life. I wasn't going to let them steal one more day from me. Oddly though, I missed them both. I hated them and loved them and missed them, all at the same time. Ugh, I was such a basket case.
In the grocery store I ordered an assortment of bagels and donuts. Then, I took a turn to produce and grabbed a container of fresh strawberries. Back in the car, my phone beeped. It was a text from Jake.
“So sorry, Sara, I miss you. Couldn’t sleep last night knowing the pain you’re in cuz of me.”
Mentally, I told him to go to hell and threw my phone back in my purse. I drove to Star Bucks and got two foo foo coffees and headed to Mark’s. I half expected Lily to be there crying, but she wasn’t. He was up and dressed but looked like hell. We sat at the table and ate a few bites of strawberries and doughnuts, but neither of us had an appetite. Then we moved to the living room and sat on each end of the couch facing each other, both of us sipping coffee. “How was your night?” I asked. “Did you sleep?”
“Yeah, after I drank a ton, I slept pretty good,” he replied. He looked like he hadn't slept in a week. “Did you have any idea, Sara?”
“No, at least not until this weekend. There were definitely some signs this weekend, but other than that I had no idea. When did you find out? How did she tell you?” I asked.
“When we went for a walk in the woods,” he said slowly, staring at his foot that was folded up on the couch in front of him. “She just blurted it out. Then said she was done with me and walked back, got the keys and left.”
“Did she say how long it’d been going on?” I asked, not sure I wanted to know the answer.
“No, she didn’t say much at all. When she told me, Sara, it was like I was talking to a different person. I looked at her eyes, and it’s like it wasn’t Lily. She was so cold and uncaring, she didn’t even say sorry. It hurts so much. It just hurts so bad,” he continued sobbing through his words, “I just can't believe she's gone.”
“Has she tried to contact you at all? Has she sent messages or called? Have you tried to call or text her?” I asked.
“No, I don’t think she will either. She's not in love with me, and I don’t think she has been for a while. Looking back, I wonder how long they were doing this. They’d both been odd for a while. I don’t think I’ll hear from her again. I don't want to either, I have nothing to say to her,” he said.
“Where do you think she went?” I asked, “Her mom and dad are here and her job is here.”
I think she'll move to New York and start a new life there. That's what she always talked about, from the day we met she’s always dreamed of New York,” he said, still staring down.
“Do you think she and Jake will stay together?” I asked, again not really wanting to know the answer.
“No,” he answered. “I don’t think so, I guess I don’t know for sure.” He looked up at me, and I just shook my head in disgust. I took a deep breath and we both sat there for a while in silence.
Then out of now where, Mark started sobbing again. “We talked last week about marriage and kids, and she seemed like she was planning a future with me. She’d been distant, but I thought it was just work stress. Now all I can do is think about when they were together. When did he fit in into her schedule, or was Jake the reason she’s been so busy at work lately? I can’t get it out of my head. How many times were we together after they were? It makes me sick, and my best friend, too! Why couldn’t it have been a stranger or someone I didn’t know. Now I don’t even have a best friend to lean on right now. This is killing me.”
“I know, Mark,” I said, and I put my hand on this calf. “I’ll be here for you, if you’ll be here for me,” I said through tears. “We need to remember that we are good people, and that this was not our fault. We need to stay strong and help each other get through this. We’ll be okay,” I said, unsure.
We sat there talking for another hour and when I stood to leave, I told Mark to call me anytime night or day. I gave him a big hug and walked out the door.
I had about an hour and a half before lunch with my mom, so I touched up my makeup in the car mirror and pulled into the Hom Furniture store parking lot. I shopped quickly for a new bedroom set and found one that was the exact opposite of what we'd had. I told the lady I’d take it. I put it on my credit card and prayed that my inheritance came before that bill did. It had to be ordered, and it could take five to ten days to get in. They would call when it got there to set up a delivery time.
I jumped back into my Jeep, and drove over to the gas station and picked up a couple magazines on apartments and got a pap
er, too. No time like the present to get a new place and start a new life. I didn't want to spend one more second in that place I used to call home. Everything in it reminded me of Jake.
In the parking lot of the restaurant, I checked the time. I was fifteen minutes early and I could see my mom in the window, waiting for me. I walked to the booth where she was seated and she got up and gave me a big hug.
“I”m so sorry,” she said through tears.
We sat down as the waitress brought over waters. Mom ordered a coffee, and I ordered a diet soda. We talked for a while, and I filled her in on the details, not that I had a lot, but I told her what I knew. She just shook her head in disgust. We ordered but when my food came, I couldn’t really stomach it, Mom couldn’t either, so we ended up putting it in to to-go boxes.
“It's very important to eat and take good care of yourself,” Mom said, “and to remember never to try to blame yourself or think that you caused this in anyway.”
I nodded, “I'll be fine.” I considered myself a strong, independent woman, and I hoped I’d be fine. But right now I felt like I needed another few hours of crying. I heard my phone beep and it was a text from Jake.
“U OK? Can we talk? I need you. I miss my Sara. SO SORRY. PLZ reply.”
Not going to happen. Gosh wasn’t it just two nights ago he was doing Lily with me in the other room. I showed it to my Mom. Why didn't he text Lily instead?
“Get a new number,” My mom said sternly.
“I plan to do that on the way home,” I assured her with a half smile.
My mom was a very smart woman. She’d chosen a wonderful man to marry, and he was so good to her. Still after all these years, they're so happy. That’s what I wanted. Mom told me she told Dad and that he really wanted to come to lunch today but decided that maybe it should be just the ladies for now. I loved my dad. We were close, but I bet he thought it would be really hard to listen to me and Mom cry and fight the urge to kill Jake. I didn’t have children, but I could see how hard this was on them, as parents, too.
We sat there for an additional hour. Mom offered me my old room, at home, if I needed it. I declined but thanked her.
“I had a meeting with the estate planner about the probate situation, and it is awaiting final approval from the judge. It’s expected to be closed out in a month, two tops. The lawyer told me that it was very well put together and an easy push because there was only me and you involved,” she said with a smile.
Then, being the mom she was, she asked, “Did you find a financial planner yet?”
I told her about the appointments I’d set up and that I’d keep her updated. She said she’d called the lawyer earlier today, after she had talked to me and asked if this separation would have any effect on the trust or the one-time gift. She assured my mom that my Grandmother was very careful about how she set it up, and we would not have to worry about Jake getting any of it. It brought me back to the conversation we’d had not so long ago about if Jake and I didn’t make it, how I’d be rich and he'd be lonely, so sad. Again, I found myself feeling bad for him. What the heck? I realized there were stages of grief, but I hoped the hate and missing and feeling bad for his emotional bull shit passed soon.
I thanked Mom for lunch and promised I’d come over for dinner tomorrow and eat whatever she made. I told her to give Dad a hug for me, and then I gave her one.
At the gas station, I filled up and then drove to the mall to check out cell phones and plans. I was kind of excited to get a new Iphone. When I got to the mall, I went to the kiosk and talked to the sales person there and asked about how to get out of a joint contract. She helped me with all the paperwork and set up my new phone with a new phone number. I immediately activated it and turned the other one in for recycling. There, no more texts from Jake, and I didn’t have to worry about Lily calling either.
I headed to the food court and grabbed a quiet bench near the back wall. I called my office and let them know I had a new phone number, and instructed them to pass the new number on to the important people but not Jake. Then I called my mom and gave her my new number. I tried Mark at home, but he didn’t answer, and his cell was off. I started toward my car but then turned a one-eighty and headed back to the food court. I asked a guy at the Subway register if he knew where I could get moving boxes.
9
Dude, you’re in luck!” he said. “I have a gazillion boxes you can have for free, there even collapsed. I just moved into a new apartment not five blocks from here, and I need to get rid of them. My girlfriend will kill me if I don’t get them out of there. I paid for them from U-Haul, they're in great condition, and I don’t need any money for them. I just don't want to toss them in the trash,” he added.
He was maybe twenty-one, twenty-two, clean cut, if you could get past the pierced eye brow. He had great teeth, clear skin, a thin build and stood about six feet. And, hey, he was at work in the middle of a weekday, so he could be trusted, right? I could tell he knew what I was thinking.
“Oh, I understand if you’re hesitant. I wouldn’t go to some strange guy’s apartment with him alone either. So I tell you what, my girlfriend is at the apartment right now. I can call her, and you can meet her there, if that’s okay with you. She’s way smaller than you. If she tries anything funny, you could totally take her,” he added with a smile.
I laughed. Wow, that was the first time I'd smiled or laughed in two days. It kind of took me by surprise. “Okay, I'll take them.” I said. I thanked him and exchange numbers, and then he called her to okay it. He gave me the directions and thanked me for helping him out with removing them.
I drove the five blocks over to the West View apartment building. Thankfully their apartment was on the bottom floor. I pressed number nine, and a woman’s voice yelled to come on in. I walked down a short hall, turned a left, and nine was right there on the corner. Good because I was not feeling physically strong right now and would rather not have to climb stairs or walk long halls. I knocked on the door, and a beautiful, young, twenty-something woman answered.
“Hey, girl, you must be Sara,” she said, sounding winded. Then I noticed she was very pregnant. “I’m so glad to see you! I’ve been on him everyday about getting rid of these. We just moved in ten days ago, and I took the week off to unpack and get set up before this baby comes. I’m Kristin. Come on in,” she said stepping back and opening the door further.
“Oh, congrats. When are you due?” I asked.
“Two weeks, but my doctor said I could go anytime. It didn’t plan out well at all, our lease at our old place was up, and we had been on a waiting list for this place. It all fell together at the wrong time. But, what do ya do? I spend the days unpacking, and Joey’s been working part time at Subway to help with extra money for my maternity leave,” she added. “He’s so excited to be a daddy. I, on the other hand, could use another month.” She giggled and waved me into the apartment. “The boxes are all flattened so it shouldn’t be too much work. There’s about a sixty of them,” she added, hands on her back, leaning back in a stretch.
“Well, thank you so much! They look really nice. Are you sure you don’t want any money for them?” I asked.
“No, really, we’re just glad we found someone who needed them. I'd hate to throw them out, but we really don’t have storage room,” she said, sounding winded again.
“Okay, well thanks. I have my Jeep backed up to the the door, so I’ll make a few trips in and out. Do you have something I can prop open the door with, so I don’t have to keep buzzing you?” I asked her.
“Oh yeah, and here I’ll help you,” she said, as she bent down to pick some up.
“Oh, no. Really I can do it. I don’t want you to work so hard. Seriously, I’ll just make a bunch of trips,” I told her.
“It’s okay really. I'm fine, and I've been unpacking all week. Empty boxes are nothing,” she laughed. I chuckled too and grabbed an armful and followed her out the door. She propped the door open with the garbage can that was nearby as
I unlocked the Jeep. I folded the back seats down so I had plenty of room for all sixty boxes. It was probably a few too many, but I'd take them anyway.
We were on load three and almost done when she said, “Oh shit!” I turned around and saw her light gray, sweat pants gradually getting wet in the crotch.
“Holy crap!” I yelped, covering my mouth. “Did your water just break?”
“Uh, I think so. This is my first baby, but I'm pretty sure.” I ran over to her and grabbed the boxes she was still holding. I tossed them down and told her to come back to the apartment. I yanked my phone out and called Joey. He sounded really excited and said to keep her there. He'd be there in five minutes.
I walked her into the living room and put a blanket down on the couch and then another and one more for good measure. That seemed to be all the blankets in the room. Then I told her to lay down and not push. She laughed and said okay. After I told her that Joey was on his way, I quickly took the last two loads of boxes to my Jeep, then went back to wait with her. I asked her if they knew if it was a girl or boy, and they didn’t. My cell phone rang. Cool, first incoming call! It was Joey.
“Hello?” I answered, thinking I’d change the ring tone as soon as I had a chance.
“Hey, it’s Joey,” he said out of breath, “I went to my car and the dang tire is flat again, so I'm running there as fast as I can. I'm two blocks away. Is she okay?”
“Oh no! Yeah she's fine. She doesn’t seem to be having contractions, her water was just . . . spilling out.” I said, looking over at her, smiling. She was just laying there smiling back. I looked around the room and saw a lot of boxes left to unpack. I felt kinda bad for her.
“Tell her I'm coming,” he said, out of breath and hung up.
Lost and Found: Sara Martin Series Page 6
