The Winter We Met

by Samantha Tonge

  ‘A real-life reindeer to ride on? The abominable snowman to liven things up?’

  ‘Idiot,’ I said. ‘Although you are almost right with the last one – to help set the wintry scene that characterises It’s a Wonderful Life, get this… a snow machine company called Pro Snow has offered to create the illusion of falling snow outside for us on the day of the party.’

  ‘Love that idea!’

  ‘Does it snow much in Sydney?’

  ‘Now and then. The last decent fall was in 1836.’

  ‘You’re joking.’

  ‘Sadly not – it’s the price we pay for the ace summers. I can’t wait to see some here – even if it is manmade.’ He hugged his knees.

  ‘You look like a small child on Christmas Eve.’

  ‘Magic is important, even for adults.’

  I shuffled nearer to him. This was it. However annoyingly, at that moment, Oliver popped into my head with all his doubts and unfair accusations. I stared into the distance as something bleeped. Perhaps our friendship, us being flatmates, had come to its natural end. My chest hurt as I recalled the moment I mentioned him moving out. The shock on his face. My shock that I’d actually said it.

  ‘Another email has just landed,’ said Nik. He picked up my phone and passed it to me. I looked at the email address of the sender. It was from a woman called Karen.

  The skin tightened across my forehead. I couldn’t even blink. It was as if the universe had been listening to me and Nik chatting earlier.

  ‘It’s from my mother.’

  28

  I entered the living room and sat down on the sofa. I didn’t take off my coat. Or hat. Buddy jumped up next to me and batted me with his nose. He let out low whines, nudging me as I didn’t react. I’d made my excuses to Nik as quickly as I could. He walked me to the train station, without asking any questions. In a daze I got into my train, needing to be alone. I hadn’t opened the email. This single phone notification had brought back the inner turmoil. Was Mum still married? Had she got another child of her own? Did that mean I had a brother or sister? Perhaps she’d been jailed again. Did she want money? She must have been local to have seen the news article and my email address.

  Oliver padded into the kitchen, wearing his Misty’s uniform. It had just gone midnight. He couldn’t have been in long. He filled the kettle and then went back into his bedroom as it heated up. Seconds later he came out again.

  He stood in front of me and I stared past his shoulder. Buddy licked his hand before sliding down to stretch out on the floor. ‘I’ve thought everything through I… I was taken aback that you wanted me to move out, but it’s absolutely your call. I’ve started looking for another flat and will try to make it happen as soon as possible.’

  Perhaps Mum was ill. Maybe she’d only got months left to live.

  ‘If I can I’ll move out before Christmas. I’m sorry I’ve upset you so much. I really care about you, but that’s no excuse to—’

  I’d started to shiver. He knelt down and frowned. ‘What’s the matter?’ He pulled off my woolly hat and took my hand. ‘Let me get us a cup of tea.’ Minutes later, he was back with two mugs. I sat quietly sipping, in my dress and high shoes. They weren’t really me. My heels had blisters. As if he could sense this, Oliver fetched my slippers and swapped the footwear over. ‘Do you want to talk about it?’ I shook my head vigorously. ‘Okay. I’ll just keep you company. Let me know if you’d rather I disappear.’

  ‘It’s Mum,’ I eventually croaked. ‘She’s got in touch after that article in the Gazette. I got an email this evening.’

  ‘Christ.’ He took my hand again. ‘What does she want?’

  ‘I don’t know. I can’t face reading it.’ I put down my drink.

  ‘You don’t owe her anything, Jess. No one would blame you for just deleting it.’

  ‘What if there’s a message in it for Gran? I can tell from her occasional remarks that, as she’s getting older, the estrangement cuts deeper. I think moving into Willow Court made Gran more aware of her mortality and I expect… I expect she’d like a sense of closure.’

  ‘I expect you’d want answers too. I’d love to ask my parents why they were never around when I was a kid, whether they loved me or not. I know you’ve moved on, Jess – on the surface. But maybe this will turn out to be an opportunity for you and Alice to find a bit of… of solace.’

  ‘Mum’s forty-seven now. She had me when she was eighteen. Since turning twenty-nine I’ve tried so hard not to focus on the fact that I’m the age she was when she came out of jail and effectively gave me up for a different life.’

  ‘You never said anything.’

  ‘It shouldn’t be a big deal.’

  ‘I disagree. I think about things like that. Like last year, when I was twenty-eight. That’s how old my parents were when they had me. They let slip once that the pregnancy had been a mistake. I sometimes wonder if they’d even wanted children’ Oliver gave a half-smile. ‘See – we all mull over this sort of crap.’

  I rubbed my forehead. ‘I shouldn’t be bothering you with all this, you must be shattered, Misty’s is always crazy busy on a Saturday night.’

  ‘Do you want me to read the email to you?’

  ‘No. Thanks but…’ I wiped my face and sat up straighter. ‘I need to get myself together and deal with this – for Gran.’

  ‘You’re one brave woman, Jess. You can do this.’

  I looked down at our hands. They fitted well together. ‘Sorry about what I said about moving out… I didn’t really mean… It’s just I like Nik and—’

  ‘It’s okay. Maybe… maybe the time is right.’

  What? My stomach lurched.

  ‘I should have backed off. In fact, it’s made me realise… it’s unhealthy, my interest in your dating life. I should be focusing on my own.’ He gave a small smile. ‘So I hopped onto Tinder last night. I’m going for dinner, tomorrow. It’s about time I met someone.’

  ‘What’s she called?’

  ‘Krishna – or rather, Krish.’

  They were already on casual terms.

  ‘She’s a businesswoman – just twenty-six and running her parents’ coffee shop chain. She loves cocktails and going to the gym. That’s about all I know.’

  She sounded glamorous.

  ‘Can I see her photo? It’s only right I’m as nosy as you’ve been,’ I said and sniffed.

  Oliver pulled his phone out of his back pocket and tapped on it for a few moments, then held it up. Long, glossy, black hair. Intense, almond-shaped eyes that drew you in. A friendly smile. She had eyebrows to die for and full lips. Her outfit was sexy yet not too short nor too low. I tried to find something not to like but couldn’t.

  ‘She looks lovely.’

  ‘I think so. Look… I meant what I said – I’ll move out, Jess, honestly, you don’t have to change your mind.’

  ‘I may have moved in here first but after all this time this is our joint home. It was wrong of me to suggest you might be the one to leave. If anyone’s going it should be me, but we can work this out, right? I mean, who would scratch Buddy in the exact right spot, under his chin? No one can do that but you.’

  ‘I’m sure he’d find someone who could.’ He gave a small smile. ‘Invite Nik over again. I promise to keep well out of the way. You think he’s great and so does Alice. I have to accept my instincts got it wrong. I… I just want you to be happy. I’ll start looking at rentals this week.’ He stood up and hurried out of the room.

  Oliver moving out of the flat? But this was his home. Our home.

  I stared at my phone and tapped the email open. She’d put a mobile phone number at the top and then:

  Jess,

  I saw Mum’s photo in the paper. I had no idea she’d gone into a care home. But that’s my fault. I’ve been meaning to get in touch but the time never seemed right. It’s been so long. I’m sorry about that. Really sorry. I don’t know what else to say. Life’s been complicated.

  And you… you
look beautiful.

  Is there any way you’d consider meeting up, so that I can explain? I know I have no right to ask. And I don’t want to hurt you or your gran any more than I already have. If you don’t reply I understand. I’ll respect whatever you decide.

  Please just realise I’ve never stopped thinking about both of you.

  Love from

  Mum X

  29

  Been meaning to get in touch? That was the best she could do? Mum was in for a surprise if she thought I was going to provide a response to that – especially after Gran’s recent upsets. Reading this email might tip her over the edge. Seb sensed something was wrong but didn’t quiz me – well, not once he’d established my date had gone well and that Nik and I were still a possibility. Instead he kept me supplied with coffee and biscuits.

  Nik had rung first thing to check I was okay. With Oliver out on a date I invited him back to ours for takeout, after the planned crafting session at Willow Court.

  ‘Count me in,’ he’d said. ‘And I’ll bring the leftover Lamingtons for the residents to try this afternoon.’

  ‘My waistline says please don’t,’ I’d replied.

  I came off the phone feeling brighter and decided I wouldn’t think about Mum’s email for a couple of days.

  I’d just enjoyed a gingerbread latte from the coffee shop over the road before leaving for Willow Court. Angela had come in to help and try to get through some paperwork. I’d treated the three of us. Seb had swapped a shift again, so that I could leave at two. Angela didn’t mind as long as I kept on top of the stock and was on call to drop everything and go in if it got super busy or an emergency arose. Grateful, I’d gone to the shop a couple of hours before opening to get ahead with cleaning and replenishing the shelves. I’d hardly slept so it had made no difference to me to get up before the sun did. And when Angela discovered several invoices were missing, I promised to work through my lunch hour tomorrow and search the little office from head to toe.

  It didn’t feel like work. I was lucky. Since Angela had started spending less time at Under the Tree I’d put my personal stamp on the office, with a cactus on the windowsill in a plant pot the shape of a Buddha. I’d rearranged the furniture so that there was room for another chair opposite my desk – this made the layout better for when Seb and I brainstormed ideas, away from the temptation of sweet treats in the staff room. I bought a toy aquarium I’d always loved that looked like a live tropical fish tank, to place on top of a filing cabinet. As it needed it anyway, Angela was more than happy for me to give the room a lick of paint and I chose a relaxing pale blue colour. Seb painted motifs of building blocks and teddy bears in the corners, and balloons on the ceiling.

  ‘You’re seeing Mr Down Under again tonight?’ he asked.

  ‘How do you manage to make so many things sound rude?’

  ‘You’ve no time to lose,’ he continued. ‘Isn’t the Christmas party just two weeks today?’

  Seb was right. I’d turn off my phone, settle Buddy in Oliver’s room and I’d send my flatmate a reminder not to come back before midnight – although maybe that wasn’t necessary. Maybe Krish would invite him to stay over.

  A sense of unease washed over me. She could be The One. Although that could be a good thing and give me the push I needed to sort out my own life. Oliver and I couldn’t share the flat forever. Thirty was looming – a new decade, a time for change. I needed to look at this positively. Oliver couldn’t make it to Willow Court today but would definitely be at Wednesday’s crafting session. He was at Misty’s all afternoon and then heading straight into London to see Krish. We’d cancelled our usual Sunday brunch as I’d wanted to get in early to work, but had met briefly, over bowls of cereal, and he hadn’t mentioned Nik or Mum’s email. However, he did give me a tighter hug than normal and let me have the last of the coffee.

  Nik was already at Willow Court. Lynn had set up tables bearing the forest twigs and cones, and cans of white sprays plus tubes of glitter. Alf was handing out the invitations he’d written to those who still hadn’t got theirs. Nancy sat by the window, next to her record player and was swaying in time to a tune by Duke Ellington’s Orchestra. I gave Gran a kiss and squeezed Pan’s shoulder. Nik was chatting with Glenda.

  ‘Internet banking can seem daunting at first but you’ll soon get the hang of it.’

  ‘Having another pair of common sense eyes help me set it up is making it so much easier. You’re very kind,’ she said, looking especially smart today. She’d dyed her hair a warmer shade of brown and her red lipstick was a little brighter.

  ‘We can carry on our chat about where you move to next. I’d sure love to help. How about lunch out tomorrow, Glennie? My treat. We could go to The Silver Swan.’

  Glennie?

  ‘No, my treat, darling. I insist.’

  Darling?

  Nik beamed. ‘Okay. It’s a date.’ He turned to me as Glenda busied herself with the black and white photos. The collection seemed to have grown since just two days ago.

  He clasped my hand and gave it a squeeze. ‘Hi, Jess. How was work?’

  ‘Great! Although I’m already looking forward to chilling with takeout tonight. Have you thought about what sort you’d like?’

  ‘How about your childhood favourite, pizza? I haven’t had one yet, since getting off the plane, and I’m suffering from withdrawal symptoms.’

  ‘Deal.’

  ‘My fave back home has barbecue sauce as a base instead of tomato. And olives.’

  ‘I love ham and pineapple.’

  ‘Swap that fruit for mango and I’m in.’

  He and I, along with Lynn, manned the crafting tables although most of the residents were very capable. Another care worker had set up an area to start making the crackers, whilst supervising a resident at the table next to her, Bill, who was fiddling with a mini dementia wooden workbench that had hammers, screws and nails, even a vice. His face was totally relaxed as he busied himself with it. When we took a break after an hour for tea and Lamingtons, Nik sat down and helped him eat some of the chocolate cake before, between them, they hammered in a nail.

  Alf kept looking at Nik and writing notes like he had on Friday.

  ‘Another conspiracy theory?’ I asked.

  He put his fingers to his lips. ‘I’ll tell you when I’ve gathered enough evidence.’

  I went to the front, near the hatch and yawned. Gran should have been by my side, calling the shots, but she just sat quietly, wearing no particular expression. ‘If I could have everyone’s attention,’ I said. ‘I’d just like to fill you all in on the amazing emails I’ve received, following the article in the Gazette.’ I’d gone through them in the early hours, as I couldn’t sleep. ‘I’m really excited about the local mum I’ve already mentioned to some of you who’s American and has offered to make us spiced rum fruitcake and – I’m curious about this one – eggnog pie!’

  ‘It sounds just wonderful,’ said Glenda and several people looked at her, eyebrows raised.

  I explained about the catering company and scouts and the Christmas tree company that had offered us a spruce for free, and the other emails that had come in this morning – a local choir was going carol singing throughout December and would make sure they called here on the 6th. ‘But most exciting of all…’ I smiled. ‘A snow machine business has offered to create falling snow in the front garden, so that Willow Court really looks like a winter wonderland.’

  Pan clapped her hands. She wore bright orange nail varnish that wasn’t applied as neatly as usual. The usually smooth foundation appeared blotchy, and deeply set in her wrinkles. That had happened a few times recently. I waited for Glenda to give her usual moans about snow – how it was slippery and mushy and altogether unpleasant, as well as a threat to any pensioner’s health if they went out for a walk in it. However, her face looked radiant as she spoke to Nik.

  ‘That must be exciting for you. I remember visiting Adelaide with work, one winter, and getting to know a young
woman who’d never seen snow. The following year she visited our offices. The look of wonder on her face when we had a blizzard – I’ve never forgotten it. She went outside and the snowflakes ruined her styled hair and her mascara ran, but she didn’t care one jot.’

  ‘It snows a lot where my family originally comes from in Finland,’ said Nik. ‘When I was a child Mum and Dad would take me to visit. Much as I love the sun, I never feel more at home than when I’m sitting outside on a porch, in thermals, drinking steaming coffee and looking out onto a white landscape.’

  Alf cocked his head, his eyes widened and he wrote something down.

  ‘So I’ll see you tomorrow morning, ten o’clock sharp,’ I said to Gran as Nik and I prepared to leave.

  ‘Fine,’ she mumbled.

  ‘Are we going now?’ said Betty to Nik. ‘We need to get home. The children will be waiting.’

  Nik pulled up the arm of her raincoat that had started to fall down. Over recent months Betty had lost weight.

  ‘They are tucked up in bed, having an early night,’ he said softly. ‘There’s nothing to worry about, Betty.’

  She stared at him, her frown lines disappearing for a second.

  I sat down next to Gran. ‘How do you really feel about visiting Darkthorn House tomorrow?’

  ‘I’ve just got to make the best of a bad situation.’

  ‘No, you don’t. We’re not signing up to anywhere you aren’t one hundred per cent happy with. I know there’s only three weeks to moving out but I promise we’ll find you the right long-term fit.’

  ‘Sorry for not being much help lately,’ she said. ‘I’m just not in the mood for this party. What’s the point? And it shouldn’t be you worrying about all of this. I should have your mum here to help. You should be out dancing in clubs and partying – not stuck inside with a bunch of old fogies.’

  ‘When did I ever party?’ I said, smiling, but my conscience niggled about not having mentioned the email. ‘Surely you wouldn’t still want Mum around – not after she’s kept away for so many years?’