The Winter We Met

by Samantha Tonge

  A tear streamed down her face. Other carers dabbed their eyes.

  ‘You’ve made a bloody big difference to our lives, that’s for sure,’ said Fred in a croaky voice.

  ‘How about three cheers?’ called Glenda.

  ‘Hip hip…’ Everyone else joined in with Alf.

  ‘I’m so glad we’re going to be all together forever, up on Pebble Rock,’ said Pan.

  ‘Talking of which, we’d better make a move,’ I said. ‘Oliver promised Misty he’d drop in to help with the last couple of hours of the Wednesday all-night happy hour. You normally work the whole of that shift, don’t you?’

  He nodded. The carers mingled with the residents, hugs and kisses were exchanged. Nik said goodbye to Glenda. Oliver and Alf chatted.

  ‘I won’t be long, Gran. Are you sure you’re okay with Buddy?’

  ‘Yes. He’s good company. He never argues and is warmer than a hot water bottle.’ She shot me a meaningful look. ‘You haven’t asked about your mum. You think she’s not going to reply or turn up on Sunday?’

  I didn’t answer.

  ‘She always was a last-minute sort of person. I’m not expecting an email response. Karen contacted us as soon as she saw that photo. There’s no doubt in my mind that she’s keen.’

  ‘See you later. Whether Mum turns up or not we’re going to have a fab time.’

  Nik and Oliver were waiting. I joined them and we headed out, smiling at Betty who stood holding her doll.

  ‘Has Betty got a new home sorted?’ asked Nik as we strode out into the dark.

  ‘Yes. Lynn’s worked hard with her family and Social Services. I think there are only five residents now, with uncertain futures and the council has found them temporary placements.’

  ‘It’s a miracle that anyone got sorted in such a short time frame,’ said Oliver.

  ‘I know, although Gran said some had been making enquiries at other homes for a few months, just in case, since the rumours started about Willow Court having financial problems. Has Krish’s grandad got dementia?’

  ‘No. Hearing and sight problems and he’s had a couple of falls – he’s living with Krish’s family, at the moment, recovering from his latest,’ said Oliver. ‘They all work full-time and are worried about him being left on his own. Apparently he was a massive fan of James Stewart back in the day and It’s a Wonderful Life is his favourite film. He’s got a signed photo and has given it to Krish to bring, for the residents to look at.’

  We turned left out of Willow Court and walked past homes and shops decorated inside and out with the reds, greens and golds of the season, then left again at the end by the book shop and over the bridge to the tarmac picnic area, talking about other old movies we’d all seen. The wooden tables glittered with frost. The recent rain had cleared to leave a cloud-free sky that offered no protection from the winter chill. Wishing I’d put on two pairs of gloves, I switched on my torch, like the others, and we headed up to Pebble Rock. The two men talked about a mutual love of hiking and Nik invited Oliver over to Sydney next year, like he had me, to go walking to the Mermaid Pools, whatever they were.

  Breathing heavily, we finally reached the top and Nik pulled me up to the plateau. I was shivering now. The three of us stood, looking out over the bench, down at the lights of Amblemarsh. We set down our rucksacks and chose a spot to deposit the stones. One by one we took them out, placing them carefully into a tight, tidy pile.

  ‘Look at the one Alf painted for Buddy,’ I said and shone my torch. It was a mass of yellow curls with two eyes in the middle.

  ‘I love Alice’s canal boat, on top of the stream,’ said Nik.

  ‘Fred’s fire hose is, um…’ Oliver looked at us both and we started laughing; for a second it felt like old times.

  ‘X-rated, unless you look closely,’ I said. ‘Isn’t Lynn’s sweet – the blue forget-me-nots that fill the front borders every spring?’

  ‘Kind of prophetic,’ said Nik and we stood in silence for a moment.

  My phone flashed as I took photos, making sure Pan and Gran’s stones lay next to each other.

  ‘I’d better get off,’ said Oliver. ‘See you Sunday, Nik.’

  Nik saluted and grinned. He and I sat down on the bench. He put his arm around my shoulders. It felt comfortable. Friendly. I thought back to us meeting on the plane and me sitting in the wrong seat. Fate was clearly determined our paths would cross. I looked sideways at him.

  ‘Thanks for everything, Nik. I’ll always remember the winter we met.’

  ‘Which you did, literally.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Talvi – my surname. It’s the Finnish word for winter.’

  ‘Really?’ I gave a wide smile in the darkness. Alf must never know this. It would totally confirm his theory.

  ‘Thanks to you too, Jess, for welcoming me into your world.’ He pulled me close and kissed the top of my head. ‘And because the last few weeks have confirmed what I need to do to rescue my business.’

  ‘Tell me more.’

  He took his arm away. ‘I want to set up a small sister company, to try something different. My – our – focus, at Junior Magic, has always been on the young. A sister company – Senior Magic – would do the opposite. I had the inkling of an idea for it before I left Australia.’

  ‘Toys for adults? What, gadgets like drones and remote-controlled mini helicopters?’

  ‘No – I mean activity items for people with dementia. I was amazed by Bill’s little wooden workbench and Phyllis’s activity apron and that doll obviously means a lot to Betty. Grams would have loved items like that for her restless hands. A few months ago I saw some featured on a television programme about dementia back in Sydney and it got me thinking.’

  ‘That’s why you got the electronic King Charles Spaniel for Phyllis! Oh Nik – what a brilliant idea.’

  ‘Lachlan’s really excited. It’s a growing market but also the idea’s got heart – his uncle has dementia and suffers from restlessness. I think this new project could be really rewarding for everyone involved.’

  ‘You’re going to leave Junior Magic as it is?’

  ‘No. I’ll pass on what I’ve found out about artificial intelligence to the design department and will discuss it with the board. I think we need to stick to our traditional principles of fun, education and quality, but bring in a modern aspect such as games that, say, focus on climate change and the world today, and recycling... So I’m grateful, Jess. I’m not sure I would have actually gone ahead with Senior Magic without meeting you.’

  ‘I’d never have made a fool of myself if you hadn’t been around.’ I smiled sheepishly.

  ‘Hey… there’s no such thing as being a fool when it comes to following your heart. Talking of which… have you given more thought as to why Oliver disliked me at the start?’

  ‘With Seb’s help, yes, I know why now. Why didn’t you just tell me?’

  ‘I wanted to but wasn’t one hundred per cent sure and reckoned if I was right, you’d figure it out for yourself.’

  ‘It seems obvious now,’ I said, ‘after all these years of living together.’

  ‘What are you going to do about it?’

  ‘Ask Father Christmas to sort it out?’ I said hopefully.

  ‘My advice, for what it’s worth, is to talk. Get things out in the open.’ He stood up. ‘Come on. I noticed a sign in The Silver Swan’s window earlier – let’s pick up Buddy and then I’ll shout you a hot mulled wine before we both head home.’

  39

  The rest of the week at Under the Tree felt like the very best kind of Groundhog Day, helping customers choose the perfect Christmas presents for the little ones in their lives – and fighting over the last doughnut in the staff room with Seb. The evenings were a different matter, with Oliver working the evening shifts as companies’ festive nights out started to take place. I’d missed his company, sitting on the sofa with my meal for one. It was hard to imagine a new flatmate replacing the banter
and easiness between us. So I’d kept busy, ringing back several people who’d called who were involved in the party. Thanks for letting me know and, agreed, it’s probably best if choir members with sniffles don’t turn up as the residents are especially vulnerable at this time of year. Sorry, I’m afraid your dog will have to stay in the car even if he is a great help to you, setting up decorations.

  Buddy kept being Buddy, laying by my side in front of the telly. Undemanding. Affectionate. A good listener. Why did everyone else have to change?

  The only person I wanted to be different was Mum. I got up Sunday morning and stretched and padded into the bathroom. I switched on the kettle and looked at my phone as I did every morning. Gran had said she’d let me know if she’d got in touch. She hadn’t, Gran had simply texted to say that Cynthia had dropped off the eggnog pies and spiced rum fruitcakes and they smelt delicious. Yawning, Oliver stumbled into the kitchen wearing jeans, and a T-shirt on back-to-front, his hair spiked up in all directions. I stared fondly at him, wanting to ask if he was moving in with Krish’s brother but afraid of the answer.

  ‘I can hardly open my eyes,’ he said and collected Buddy’s lead from the coffee table. ‘Last night we had a nightmare of a Christmas party held by a law firm. One of the partners sat at the bar, on his own, giving me the gossip. They’d been out for a meal and were already loaded by the time they got to Misty’s. We’re talking married co-workers snogging and juniors telling bosses to eff off. It ended with someone throwing a punch.’ He gazed at Buddy. ‘Shall I take his Lordship out for his morning walk and pick up strong coffees and pastries on the way back, instead of us making our usual Sunday brunch? We’ll be eating at Willow Court all afternoon.’

  ‘Great idea. I’ll take a shower. Is Krish meeting you there?’

  ‘Yep. I can’t wait for her to meet you.’

  Telling myself it was nothing to do with Krish, I made an extra effort with my makeup and put on my best Christmas jumper – not the quirky pixie one with big gold buttons down the front and a matching hat, but the more sophisticated baby-blue one Seb had bought me last year, with a sparkly silver bunch of mistletoe down the front. Oliver wore his festive jumper covered in lines of Christmas trees. It was chunky, masculine and accentuated his sturdy frame. We went out into the chilly air, Buddy tugging at the lead as he headed to smell other dogs’ signatures on a lamp post. We drove listening to Christmas music playing on a popular radio station, rather than talking. I parked up and Nik arrived at the same time and was able to help Oliver inside with the cocktail ingredients. I’d driven him to work yesterday evening and we’d loaded the boxes into the boot before his shift began and I’d brought them back to the flat so that he wouldn’t have to worry about it at the end of a long shift.

  Lynn let us in and the others headed over to the hatch in the lounge, taking Buddy with them, whilst I signed us in. Oliver had said something about them being all men together and Nik had shot him a conspiratorial grin. Her face broke into a smile.

  ‘The last residents are just finishing off their light lunch – a suitably themed chestnut soup. Alice has finished and gone up to her room to change.’ Lynn looked at her watch. ‘The caterers and party organisers with decorations should be here any minute, it’s almost one.’

  I pulled off my woolly hat. ‘Okay. I’ll just pop upstairs to see her and then I’ll wait down here for them to arrive. Pro Snow should arrive shortly afterwards. Normally they only keep snow falling for an hour when they are booked for a party, but they’re bringing enough of the fluid they use to cover when people arrive, the hours of daylight and then they’ll switch it on again for when people leave. So I thought they could come in for a hot drink and food around four, half four, before going out again.’

  ‘People have been so generous.’

  ‘Yes. The Gazette’s been brilliant and the local community. The plight of the residents really seems to have struck a chord.’ I walked past the lounge. Lynn’s Big Band Christmas CD was playing.

  ‘It’s not right that you’ve been let in and I’m not allowed out,’ said Betty.

  I touched her arm. ‘There’s going to be a party today, Betty,’ I said gently. ‘Lots of people will be allowed in but that’s to help us all celebrate Christmas.’

  She stared blankly at me for a few seconds. ‘I need to get home. My Jim needs his dinner and the children need their bath. They’re always so scruffy after a day at school.’ Betty walked towards the entrance door and peered out.

  I passed the reception, turned left and walked along the corridor to Gran’s room. I knocked sharply before going in. She was wearing her fancy rose gold striped trainers and…

  ‘Oh Gran. I haven’t seen you in a dress for so long! It’s really pretty and matches your coral fleece to a tee.’ It was long. Navy with big orange flecks with an embroidered neck – not her usual style at all.

  ‘I feel like a bloomin’ Christmas bauble in it but Pan does a lot of online shopping and she got really excited about this outfit. As soon as she saw it Pan said it had my name on it.’ Gran sat down in her chair and looked out at the canal. ‘Love Pan as I do, normally I’d have told her to bog off, but… I didn’t have the heart, seeing as we won’t be living together for much longer. I told her I’d remember her every time I wore it. But listen to me, getting morbid. I’m really looking forward to the party. Everyone’s worked so hard for it.’

  I sat on the bed next to her. Sunshine broke through the December cloud.

  ‘I know what you’re going to say – that I’ve been a fool to expect your mother to turn up.’

  ‘No. And there’s still a small chance, I suppose,’ I said, hating her flat tone.

  Gran turned to face me. ‘No. Karen won’t come and to be honest I’ve known that all along. But it’s enough for me that she got in touch. It shows that she cares. She’s obviously still having problems. Maybe one day I’ll meet her again – maybe I won’t.’ She took my hand. ‘Are you disappointed, sweetheart?’

  ‘No, I’m not. I closed that chapter of my life a long time ago. You and me, Gran. The day to day. That’s family. That’s love. That’s what gets me through. It’s real. Whereas Mum – she’s just become some kind of fantasy figure.’

  Those words could equally apply to my situation with Nik and Oliver.

  ‘She’s never been there for the tough times. Not like you have. You’ve been more of mum to me than she ever was or ever could be. I don’t need anything more. I know it’s different for you, she’s your daughter, you gave birth to her. It must feel as if a part of you is missing. But it’s not the same for me. You’ve filled any mum-shaped hole in my life.’

  We sat holding hands for a few minutes.

  ‘Right, I’d better go and welcome the caterers and help them set up.’

  Gran’s eyes filled.

  I rummaged in my coat pocket for a tissue and wiped her cheek. ‘I’m sure you’ll meet Mum one day again.’

  ‘It’s not that. Gordon Bennett, I’ve become a soppy old sod recently.’ She blew her nose. ‘It’s been fun, as it always is, making the decorations and seeing the tree go up. I can’t wait to see snow falling – the fake stuff is much better, as we won’t slip on it tomorrow. And I’m looking forward to hearing the choir and Lynn’s brother play. Cocktails and festive food – my mouth is watering just thinking about it. But…’ Gran’s stiff fingers covered her face. The hunched shoulders moved up and down. Drops of water fell onto the embroidered neckline of her new dress. ‘This party is the last and first,’ a stifled voice said. ‘The last time we’ll celebrate Christmas together and it’ll be the first of many farewells. I feel like this year is coming to an end and the next one is creepily waiting around the corner – an unfamiliar void.’

  My eyes pricked and I took her hands away, I removed her glasses and wiped them with another tissue. She blew her nose and I put the glasses back on her face.

  ‘It is unfamiliar but not a void, Gran. We’re going to arrange regular meet-ups with Pan an
d Glenda, Fred and Nancy are moving with you. Who knows what new friends you will make? There might even be a dishy man.’

  ‘I don’t want to laugh,’ she muttered. ‘I want to sit here and wallow. None of this is fair.’

  ‘Life isn’t, Missy. Get used to it. Years are like oysters. Some have pearls in. Some don’t. The exciting thing is that we never know which is next. Who knows what the future holds?’

  Gran raised her eyebrows. ‘I’d forgotten that used to be my stock phrase when you were younger and having a hard time at school.’

  I needed the reminder as well and felt a little bit braver. I’d had several great years with Oliver. Things were never going to stay the same forever.

  ‘That’s karma,’ I said, hoping my eyes didn’t look as wet as they felt. ‘You’ve got new responsibilities now, Gran. Silver’s waiting over in Darkthorn House – you promised him a fancy new tank and Buddy’s expecting you to introduce him to a whole new stack of friends.’ I’d checked and, like Willow Court, they didn’t mind well-behaved dogs visiting. ‘Then there’s that book club to organise.’

  ‘I suppose,’ she said and we looked at each other. ‘And the first step to making my new room homely will be to put up that lovely little cuckoo clock you bought me in Germany.’