Meant to Be: A Pride and Prejudice Variation

by Andreea Catana

  “I do not wish your ladyship to have any expectations and be disappointed afterwards,” Elizabeth concluded.

  “Music is of all subjects my delight, Miss Bennet! There are few people in Anglia who have better taste than I have. And Anne—if she could study—would have been very talented, I am sure. We shall hear you, and we shall judge whether you are a good performer or not.”

  ”Very well—I shall try my best—that I can promise.” Elizabeth was angry with herself for being distracted and agreeing with the colonel’s cunning request.

  After coffee, the party seemed to have forgotten the promise she unwillingly made at dinner, and Elizabeth sat on the small sofa in the room, hoping the evening would soon end. But alas, Mr. Collins reminded his cousin of her duty, and the others readily supported it. Reluctantly, Elizabeth sat at the pianoforte, attempting to decide what to play. Finally, she chose a piece that she always played and sang at home for the pleasure of her family. Of all the eyes staring at her, she was disturbingly aware of Mr. Darcy’s blue ones. Strange shivers chilled her skin as she stretched her fingers and cleared her voice.

  Elizabeth’s voice was shaky at first—even she noticed that—and her fingers rather clumsy until her embarrassment slowly vanished and her courage rose. From that point on, she was guided only by the music, ignoring the severe observations of her companions.

  A great sense of relief came over her when she finished the song without missing a beat. She knew it had not been a spectacular performance, but she felt content nevertheless.

  The colonel was the first to applaud while Lady Catherine acknowledged Elizabeth as a good singer who lacked practice. Elizabeth sat on the piano stool, hoping she would be safe there, but both the colonel and Mr. Darcy approached her.

  “Miss Bennet, what a wonderful performance!” the colonel exclaimed.

  “You are too kind, sir; we all know this is rather far from the truth. I only hope I did not disappoint you too much. Surely, you have heard young ladies play and sing much better.”

  The colonel protested, but before he could improve on his praise, he was summoned by Lady Catherine to join her, leaving Elizabeth in Mr. Darcy’s company. Elizabeth looked at him, waiting for a word. As he seemed unwilling to utter anything, Elizabeth stood, ready to return to the others.

  “Miss Bennet, I must second my cousin’s praise. Your performance was lovely indeed. It was a true delight to hear it,” Darcy said in low voice. She blushed, their eyes held, and she had no doubt of his honesty.

  In a state of agitation she could hardly understand, being so close to him, she forced a smile.

  “Mr. Darcy, I appreciate your compliment, but I feel that “delight” is a bit too strong to describe my performance.”

  “I recall your words, Miss Bennet,” he said, his gaze increasing. ”The meaning of something depends on the one who judges it.”

  His words—and his hoarse voice—flustered Elizabeth, and she was lost for words. She excused herself and hurried towards her former seat, struggling to understand Mr. Darcy’s behaviour—but to no avail. She did not know what to make of the man; he was so proud that he could even be seen as unpleasant, but he also had been strangely amiable to her several times for reasons she could not understand. Mr. Darcy confused her completely, for she had never met a gentleman like him before.

  Darcy remained next to the piano in recollection for a few moments. He wondered whether he should have spoken in such a way to Miss Bennet. He did not regret it. However, he began to feel the danger of paying her too much attention.

  Chapter Five

  Elizabeth awoke the next morning with the same thoughts she had on her mind before falling asleep. She could not stop thinking about the events of the past night. Remembering Mr. Darcy made her feel uneasy, and a strange sensation that she was behaving rather silly invaded her soul.

  A radical solution was required, and Elizabeth found it.

  She was resolved not to meet Mr. Darcy again until she left for home. He had never been uncivil with her, but Elizabeth felt she should be guarded. She was not sure why she should avoid him, but she knew she had to.

  Charlotte had mentioned in the morning that Mr. Darcy seemed partial to Elizabeth—her tone of voice even suggesting something else—but Elizabeth had refused to admit or even acknowledge such a thing. No, no, no—Mr. Darcy is engaged to Anne de Bourgh, and he would never court another woman. Least of all, me!

  With these thoughts, Elizabeth decided to walk and clear her mind of these troubles. She knew she was in no danger of encountering Mr. Darcy again, for she had heard from Mr. Collins that the gentleman and his aunt were to travel in the morning to attend to business in town.”

  She was about to return to Hunsford when, from the entrance of the garden, Colonel Fitzwilliam appeared. Startled at first, Elizabeth composed herself and forced a smile.

  “Miss Bennet, I do hope I have not frightened you.” Colonel Fitzwilliam apologized as he bowed to her.

  “No, not at all. I was just caught by surprise—a pleasant surprise, I might add.”

  “I am glad to hear that—it is more pleasant for me, I suspect. To be perfectly honest, I did not expect to see anyone in this part of the estate. Are you going much further?”

  “I was just taking a walk, and a tour of the park seemed like a good idea.”

  “Indeed it is,” the colonel agreed in a jolly voice. “Will you allow me to accompany you then? I do not think you will find a better guide.”

  Elizabeth agreed, and thanked him. Colonel Fitzwilliam offered her his arm then embraced his role in earnest, offering explanations and answering her questions. The walk soon became even more pleasant than she had anticipated, for the colonel’s explanations and stories were the same yet described in a completely different manner than Mr. Collins’s—about the history of the place rather than the persons living inside—and Elizabeth was grateful.

  “I have heard, of course, that Lady Catherine is on business with Mr. Darcy,” Elizabeth said during a moment of silence.

  “Oh yes—Darcy mentioned to me that he would be attending to business during the course of the day. ”

  Elizabeth knew that this subject—inquiries of Mr. Darcy—was probably not the soundest idea, but she felt an urge to continue.

  “I imagine Mr. Darcy is a busy man.”

  “He is—much too dedicated to his work for my liking,” Colonel Fitzwilliam said with undisguised admiration. “Darcy is an excellent fellow and one of the best gentlemen I have ever come to know. And I speak not just about our family connection; you see, we are both guardians of Miss Darcy, Darcy’s sister. Even if we were not related by blood, I still would have chosen him as a trusted friend.”

  Elizabeth smiled, amazed at the warmth of the praise Colonel Fitzwilliam gave his cousin.

  “It is impressive to hear you speak so approvingly of Mr. Darcy. I am sure everything you say is well deserved. However, he seems not to enjoy gatherings very much.”

  “Of course, he often appears to be proud and aloof. And he does have some strong opinions—much like you, Miss Bennet. Perhaps, he is not the most talkative fellow, but he is a dignified man who can be trusted. But of course, he has his faults…like any of us…”

  “Mr. Darcy has faults? That is quite astonishing. May I dare inquire which they might be?” she inquired, half in jest.

  The colonel smiled. “Well, he is fair and generous, and smarter than most people I have known. But he demands the same from those around him. He is not very forgiving. His good opinion, once lost, is lost forever.”

  Elizabeth pondered what she had learned. The colonel looked at her carefully. A nervous laugh escaped. “I hope you are not equally intransigent, Colonel.”

  “Not at all, Miss Bennet. Quite the contrary, I assure you. And you? Are you more like Darcy or me?” he continued to joke.

  “Hmmm, I never thought of it before, but I promise I shall,” she replied with equal levity. “But Mr. Darcy never changes his mind? Not
even when he is in the wrong?”

  The colonel laughed again. “I have never known Darcy to be wrong, Miss Bennet.”

  Her eyebrow rose in challenge. “Surely, you are jesting, Colonel.”

  “Hardly…” he answered with a large smile on his face.

  ”Mr. Darcy seems to resemble Lady Catherine in this,” Elizabeth concluded in a low voice.

  The colonel laughed openly. “I can see where you opinion comes from, Miss Bennet.”

  “Miss Anne de Bourgh is a fortunate lady, indeed, then,” Elizabeth continued although she had not meant to say it aloud.

  “Anne? Colonel Fitzwilliam looked at her in surprise.

  “Mr. Darcy’s betrothed; I understand from Mr. Collins that there will be wedding bells soon.”

  The colonel became silent as though he wondered whether to continue such a discussion.

  “Forgive me; it was improper of me to mention it,” Elizabeth apologized, blushing.

  “I have no knowledge of such a thing,” the colonel finally answered. “Our aunt makes claims of their being promised to each other since infancy, but…I would not count much on the information provided by Mr. Collins.” The colonel evaded the subject as though he knew the matter well but was not at liberty to speak further. “Besides, Darcy is currently engaged in other more pressing affairs.”

  Colonel Fitzwilliam’s tone of voice left Elizabeth puzzled, but she would not dare inquire more. Besides, a moment later, the gentleman seemed to regret his statement and hastily changed the subject, asking Elizabeth when she intended to return home.

  “I should be home no later than a fortnight,” she answered.

  “We are set to leave too. I am just waiting for Darcy’s final decision. Honestly, I thought we would have been gone by now. We were only to be here for a few days, but it has been rather a week. Lady Catherine insists she has business with Darcy, and I am afraid that being in the countryside does not agree with me. I feel rather rusty. ”

  “I enjoy the countryside; I much prefer it over town.”

  “Darcy is of the same opinion, but I favour the tumult of the crowds—balls, parties, large gatherings—they keep my soul alive.”

  Elizabeth smiled; she never thought of having anything in common with Mr. Darcy.

  “You must think me much spoiled by the vices of the modern world, Miss Bennet.”

  “No, not at all, Colonel. It is a surprise, however, to know that Mr. Darcy is a man of the countryside. He seems so…” Elizabeth searched for the right word, but nothing came to her other than “proud.”

  “Arrogant?” Colonel Fitzwilliam came to her aid.

  “No, I rather meant…but perhaps you are right; Mr. Darcy does seem inclined to solitude and silence over agitation and noise.”

  With these words, Elizabeth remarked that they had reached the parsonage, so the colonel thanked her for a pleasant walk and promised that he would visit them soon.

  Elizabeth entered the house with renewed spirits. As Charlotte had not returned from her daily visits, Elizabeth began another letter to Jane in which she detailed the previous night at Rosings. She said little, however, about her interest in Mr. Darcy and the revelations about him from his cousin. Her thoughts about the gentleman were not clear, and writing about them would be difficult and unhelpful. His manners displeased her as much they intrigued her, and she was afraid to give him any significance in her thoughts.

  ***

  A few days later, after dinner with Charlotte, Elizabeth was having a cup of tea when Mr. Collins entered hastily—just returned from his regular walk and carrying the most surprising news. Lady Catherine had decided to throw a ball at the end of the week, and they were invited to the promising event.

  “Mr. Collins, are you quite sure her ladyship invited us?” Charlotte asked incredulously with a pleased countenance.

  Mr. Collins nodded. “Yes, my dear Charlotte, she had the kindness to inform me herself tonight when I visited her briefly to pay my respects.”

  “This is most surprising! As you have said, Mr. Collins, Lady Catherine is not inclined to give balls.”

  “It is true; I have never heard of a ball at Rosings before—at least not since I have been here—but I am sure her ladyship has excellent reasons to hold one now.”

  Elizabeth listened carefully to the discussion between Mr. and Mrs. Collins, although her interest—or enthusiasm, for that matter—was moderate.

  “Oh, Lizzy, this is so wonderful! A ball! Can you imagine? And we are invited! It must be proof of Lady Catherine’s appreciation, would you not agree?”

  Elizabeth praised Lady Catherine’s generosity in a low voice and no little distress.

  “Dearest cousin, you are invited too!” Mr. Collins said.

  Elizabeth remained silent although she knew her countenance betrayed confusion.

  “Yes, Cousin Elizabeth! Her ladyship expects us all. Now you may show your effusion, dear cousin—do not be shy.”

  Elizabeth knew not what to say, and Charlotte, pondering the reason for such a party, intervened and distracted her husband.

  “Mr. Collins, I think I know why her ladyship is giving this ball. She is to announce Mr. Darcy’s official engagement to Miss de Bourgh!”

  Elizabeth turned to Charlotte, who was beyond herself for having found a perfect explanation for the ball, and struggled with an unsettling stir in her stomach.

  “I do not think that is the reason for the ball, Charlotte.”

  “And why do you find it impossible, Cousin Elizabeth?” Mr. Collins inquired, genuinely puzzled.

  Elizabeth was now under the scrutiny of both Mr. Collins and his wife, and upon realizing that they were expecting a clarification, she regretted her indiscretion. She could not reveal the details of her conversation with the colonel. Her discoveries about Mr. Darcy had been told in the strictest confidence, although the colonel had not bound her to such a promise.

  And thus, Elizabeth, upon clearing her throat, corrected her previous words. “Of course, Charlotte’s explanation is perfectly reasonable. A young man like Mr. Darcy must desire a companion—a wife from his own circle. It is only natural.”

  Elizabeth lowered her head to avert further questions, and after thoughtful consideration, she concluded the discussion, placing her teacup on the tray. “You must be right, of course. It would surely justify such a ball. But I am afraid I shall not be able to attend.”

  Mr. Collins’s jaw dropped in disbelief, and Charlotte was alarmed. “What do you mean? Surely, you cannot consider refusing!”

  “We must go—this is beyond discussion!” Mr. Collins added in a panic. “Cousin Elizabeth, Lady Catherine will be offended if you refuse to attend.”

  “Sir, I am sorry to pain you or her ladyship,” she retorted as calmly as she could, “but when I prepared to visit you, I never thought of going to a ball. As you can imagine, I have no appropriate gown for the occasion.”

  “Nor do I, and there is no time to have one made,” Charlotte said, looking at Mr. Collins as she sided with Elizabeth in regard to this difficulty.

  “Put on your best gown, dear cousin.” Mr. Collins addressed Elizabeth first. “We are not to be the centre of attention after all. As for you, my dear Charlotte, you must be certain of my admiration in any gown. Just be sure you choose one that Lady Catherine would approve.” Mr. Collins spoke with the conviction of having found a solution for both ladies.

  Elizabeth and Charlotte exchanged looks in silence then nodded in approval, as there was little else to do; shortly, Elizabeth excused herself and retired to her chamber.

  ***

  In the darkness of her room, Elizabeth had time to ponder the week’s happenings, and it cost her half a night’s sleep. She opened the window and allowed the cool, night air to rest on her face, wishing she understood herself better.

  She had come to Rosings without expectations—other than to be in the company of a dear friend. Instead, she was entertaining thoughts of a different nature. Elizabeth fel
t largely discontent that a nagging feeling inside of her prevented sleep. Mr. Darcy officially engaged? Elizabeth sat up in bed, wrapping her arms around her knees. She was shivering, not only from the outside breeze but also from reasons she could not explain or control.

  Why should this bother me? There is every reason it could happen, regardless of Colonel Fitzwilliam’s account. Mr. Darcy and Miss de Bourgh have known each other for a long time. Still, words were not enough to settle her mind, and Elizabeth had only to recall the interactions between Mr. Darcy and Miss de Bourgh to finally settle her mind.

  She remembered nothing exceptional; Mr. Darcy’s manners were no different when he was around any other young lady in the room. He had not shown his cousin any preference—beyond the bond that family ensures—nor particularly sought her company. Is that the result of knowing someone for a long time? Does such a relationship numb her entirely? Elizabeth pressed her knees against her chest and rested her face on them.

  But then again I hardly know him. The encounters I have had with Mr. Darcy offered me only a glimpse of him. Yes, he is proud—cold at times—but also there is something I— Elizabeth’s thoughts were confused. No, I shall not think of him that way. I refuse to allow Mr. Darcy to enter my thoughts in this manner. I shall go to the ball and be prepared for any outcome.

  Elizabeth stood up, determined, and looked through the gowns in her trunk for a white muslin one.

  Even if the candlelight was pale, Elizabeth knew she had made the perfect choice. This was the gown she would wear to the ball. She loved it because it was simple and without adornment—charming on the whole. Elizabeth put it against her body and looked at herself in the mirror. It was pretty, but alas, not suited for such an elegant event.

  She laid the gown on the edge of the bed, thinking how easy it had been to reach a satisfactory conclusion. At last, Elizabeth blew out the candles and snuggled into bed. She fell asleep almost instantly.

  ***

  The following morning, Mr. Collins was summoned to Rosings, leaving the two ladies to their usual activities.

  Charlotte decided to work in the garden while Elizabeth remained in the parlour, determined to answer Jane’s last letter. She had received it a day earlier, and although it contained nothing urgent, she was pleased to be able to answer it as soon as possible.