Her Last First Date

by Susan Mallery

  “I didn’t care,” he continued. “I wanted whatever time there was. She kept putting me off, but eventually I wore her down. We started dating. When I proposed, we went through the whole thing again. She didn’t want to tie me down to someone who could get sick at any moment. I didn’t want to live without her.”

  He glanced at her. “Is this more information than you wanted?”

  “No,” she said automatically, even though it was.

  Part of the problem wasn’t the words, but how he said them. Love thickened his voice, making her aware that he was still very much in love with his late wife. It also made her wonder if any part of his pursuit of Stacey had been because she was safe. There was a finite quality to their relationship that most people didn’t have. Then she told herself she was searching for demons where they didn’t exist.

  “It took nine months of me begging, but she finally agreed to marry me,” he said. “We had almost four years.” He frowned. “She’s been gone longer than we were married. I never thought of it that way before.”

  “Did you pick your specialty because of her?”

  “She was part of the reason, but mostly it was the kids I met on my rotation. I wanted to save them all. I was arrogant enough to think I could.”

  “Were you wrong?”

  His eyes darkened. “Sometimes.”

  “You keep putting my life in perspective,” she admitted, still uncomfortable with the intensity of the conversation. “I don’t really have the right to complain about anything.”

  “Don’t say that. We all deal with stuff. It’s relative. Just because you’re not facing a life-threatening illness doesn’t mean you can’t worry about what’s happening in your life.”

  “Is that what you tell yourself?” she asked.

  “I try.”

  “Does it work?”

  “Not when I have a sick kid in my office.”

  “You worry about what’s important,” she said. “Maybe that’s a better use of our time. Maybe we should all remember not to sweat the small stuff.”

  “I’m not sure those lessons last,” he said, then straightened. “Okay. This isn’t what I’d thought we’d be talking about. Change of topic here. How was traffic?”

  She smiled. “There wasn’t any.”

  He walked around the island and took her hand. “Come on. I’ll show you my barbecue. It’s big and manly. You’ll be impressed.”

  “I’m sure I will be.”

  She appreciated that he was trying to lighten the mood. Crissy didn’t want to spend the evening talking about or even thinking about Josh’s late wife. Yet in some ways Stacey was there, with them.

  She was the absence of life in the town house, the reason Josh hadn’t been out with a woman in years. She was the ghost who was never far from his thoughts.

  What had Stacey been like? A saint? Or just a regular person? How was she, Crissy, different and how was she the same?

  As they walked out onto the patio, she wondered what would happen if she really was pregnant. Would Josh want to embrace a new life or was he too deeply stuck in the past?

  What about her own feelings? He was a great guy and she sensed a lot of potential between them. But was she willing to trust her heart to someone who might still be in love with someone else?

  Brandon was already a complication and a baby would just make things worse.

  There wasn’t a baby, she reminded herself. There couldn’t be. As if willing it so would change anything.

  After dinner they moved back into the living room. Josh put on an instrumental CD, then joined Crissy on the sofa. The steaks had turned out well, she’d seemed to like the salad selection he’d provided. So far his first dinner at home was going well.

  He’d wondered if the evening would be awkward. Except for Pete helping him install his large television, he hadn’t had anyone over to the place. He barely spent any time there himself. He was usually working long hours or hanging out at Pete and Abbey’s house. The town house was where he slept and kept his clothes. It wasn’t home. He hadn’t had a home since Stacey died.

  Stacey. He hadn’t meant to talk about her so much earlier. Despite the potential for disaster, Crissy hadn’t run screaming into the night, so that was something.

  Now she tossed her head as she looked around the room. The light caught the colors in her hair and illuminated her beautiful face.

  “I can’t stand it,” she said. “You need some stuff in this room.”

  “Stuff?”

  “Magazines, books, pictures on the wall. A throw.”

  “Guys don’t have throws.”

  “I could knit you one. Maybe. Probably. Then it would be a gift rather than a decorator piece.”

  He liked the idea of her making something for him. “You’ve told me about your knitting ability,” he teased. “Would I know it was a throw?”

  She wrinkled her nose. “I’m not that horrible.” She sighed. “Actually I am, so maybe a throw isn’t a good idea. But you need something bright and cheery in this room. Something personal. Although I’m totally the wrong person to be giving advice. Now Noelle has a great house. It’s perfectly decorated. Of course Dev, her husband, used a decorator before he met Noelle. So you need a decorator.”

  “No, thanks.”

  She leaned toward him. “It’s because you’re afraid, isn’t it?”

  “I want to be comfortable in my house.”

  “The assumption being you wouldn’t be comfortable?”

  “I’m not into little animal statues on coffee tables.”

  She laughed. “Me, either. But I love the theory. Noelle has all those female talents. She’s done a great job in the baby’s room. I’ve told you she’s seriously pregnant, right?”

  “You mentioned it.”

  “She’s going to pop in the next couple of weeks. Her baby shower is tomorrow. I can’t wait. I don’t actually like showers, but I’m compelled to attend them. It’s the delicious food and really fun, if weird, games.”

  He’d never been to a shower of any kind. “You play games?”

  “Uh-huh. You’d hate them. So girly. And there’s usually a color scheme and the drinks and mints and napkins all match. I’m guessing with Noelle and Dev knowing they’re having a girl, everything will be pink.”

  She looked delighted. A baby shower sounded like his idea of hell, but then he wasn’t female.

  “Have fun,” he told her.

  “We will.”

  She smiled at him and something shifted inside him. Something hot and hard and hungry.

  It must have shown because her eyebrows raised as she asked, “What are you thinking?”

  “Nothing in particular.”

  “I find that hard to believe. You must be thinking something.”

  Rather than explain, he leaned across the distance between them and kissed her. At the same time, he buried his hand in her hair, letting the soft, silky strands slip through his fingers. She wrapped both her arms around his neck and melted into him.

  Her body had started to become familiar to him. He could anticipate the combination of curves and soft skin settling against him. Blood pooled in his groin, making him hard in an instant.

  As much as he wanted to take her right there on the sofa, he enjoyed the waiting nearly as much. Knowing what would happen when he took her to bed, how she would look at him, how her breathing would quicken, her body would writhe, all added to the moment. He would take it slow tonight—all the better to please both of them.

  Crissy let herself get lost in Josh’s kiss. She hadn’t been sure she was ready for them to make love again. They hadn’t defined their relationship, nor did she know if she was pregnant or not. Still, now that she was here, in his arms, she didn’t want to stop. There was something about the man that made her weak in the knees.

  She parted her lips to let him sweep inside. He tasted of the wine they’d had at dinner. As his tongue circled hers, she felt her body flushing. Heat poured into her belly, t
hen slipped lower, making her ready.

  He shifted his hand toward her breasts. She tensed in anticipation. But just as they were about to get to the good part, he pulled back, then stood and drew her to her feet.

  “We’ll be more comfortable upstairs,” he murmured, then pressed his lips against the side of her neck.

  She tingled where his mouth touched her. While the sensible part of her brain knew that a bed made a lot more sense than a sofa, the eager, swollen woman bits were anxious to get the party started.

  Still, when he stepped back and took her hand, she followed him willingly.

  The upstairs was as plain as the downstairs. Crissy caught sight of a hall bathroom and an open door to what looked like a home office. Then Josh led her through open double doors into a spacious master bedroom with a king-size bed.

  The only light spilled in from the hallway. The rest of the furniture was in shadow, which she didn’t mind. The bed was the only piece that interested her.

  She kicked off her shoes before turning to him. He pulled her against him and kissed her mouth. Once again she welcomed him inside, loving the feel of his tongue against hers.

  They moved eagerly, but with a rhythm that made her feel as if they were meant to be lovers. Just as she thought about pulling off her sweater, he tugged at the hem. She reached for the buttons on his shirt the exact moment he began tugging it from his waistband.

  Slacks and socks and panties and briefs followed until they were both naked, but still standing. Then Josh broke their kisses and dropped to his knees in front of her.

  “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered as he kissed his way across her belly. “Everything about you gets to me.”

  His mouth was warm and erotic. He used his tongue to draw circles on her skin. His hands slipped up and down the backs of her thighs. Then he slipped around to the front of her legs and eased toward the apex of her legs. Before she’d figured out what he was doing, he parted her curls, leaned in and licked the very core of her.

  She sucked in a breath, then groaned in perfect pleasure as he played with her. He circled and brushed, then sucked until she began to tremble. Heat poured through her. She wanted to spread her legs more and beg him to take her to climax. She wanted to hang on to something so she wouldn’t fall. She was off balance and aroused and terrified he would stop what he was doing before she was done.

  But he didn’t stop. He stroked her over and over again until she couldn’t think about anything but how good he made her feel. Still touching her with his lips and his tongue, he urged her backward.

  She took one step, then another, until she felt the bed behind her. She sat, then lay back and drew her legs as far apart as they would go. Her feet didn’t touch the ground, but that hardly mattered. Not as long as Josh knelt there, pleasing her with his hot, wet caress.

  He shifted slightly, then stretched out his arms until his hands closed on her breasts. He rubbed her curves before lightly brushing her tight nipples with his fingertips.

  It was too much, she thought hazily. Too much pleasure, too much sensation. Tension built until it filled every part of her. She drew back her knees, exposing herself more, then grabbed onto the bedspread in an attempt to hold out for a couple more seconds.

  It was too late. Her climax shuddered through her, making her cry out as the wonder of it filled every cell. She lost herself in the pleasure of her body responding to his touch. Ripples of release went on and on until they finally slowed and she could breathe again.

  Only then did Josh move to her thigh and kiss her lightly. He moved his hands to her side. She straightened her legs and let her feet dangle. Finally she opened her eyes.

  “Amazing,” she said, then laughed at how low and froggy her voice sounded.

  “You liked it?”

  She raised herself on one elbow and looked at him. “You’re kidding, right? You have to ask?”

  “A guy likes a little flattery.”

  “You make love like you mean it and speaking as the recipient, I’m incredibly grateful. And relaxed. I think entire body parts melted.”

  He chuckled. “Nice flattery.”

  “I wasn’t kidding.”

  He stood and stretched. She took a moment to admire his erection and anticipate what it would feel like buried deep inside of her. Her belly clenched.

  He lowered his arms and looked at her. “Like I said before. Beautiful.”

  She shifted back on the bed to make room for him. “Thank you.”

  He bent down to his nightstand, opened a drawer and pulled out a condom.

  For a second she wondered if it was too little, too late, but decided not to go there. “Are they new?” she asked.

  He shrugged. “Yes. I should have thought of them before. It’s just…”

  She knew what it had been. Four years of abstinence after losing his wife. Why would he be traveling with protection? She’s the one who should have thought of it. Only Josh had caught her unawares, in more ways than one.

  She smiled. “Okay, big guy. Put on a cowboy hat and let’s party.”

  He knelt on the bed, then slipped on his condom. “You do have a way with words.”

  “I’m charming.”

  “Yes, you are.”

  He shifted between her legs and stared into her eyes as he slowly, deliberately, moved inside of her.

  He filled her completely, stretching her, making her breath catch. Despite her recent release, the feel of him made her hungry again. She wrapped her legs around his hips and ran her hands down his back.

  He shuddered. “You’re a temptation.”

  “So are you.”

  He withdrew, only to push in again. With each thrust, she tensed and wanted more. She sensed he was holding back.

  “More,” she murmured, still holding his gaze and watching the need dilate his eyes. “You don’t have to hold back.”

  “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “You won’t.”

  He hesitated for a second. She gave a little thrust with her hips to urge him on. Apparently taking her at her word, he pushed in hard, faster, filling her until she wanted to scream, then pulled out again. He moved with purpose and she felt the exact moment he lost control.

  His eyes closed and his face tightened. His body tensed and he took her with a force that pushed her over the edge to her own release. Seconds after her muscles began to convulse, he cried out, then shuddered and they were lost together.

  Later, when he was asleep, Crissy listened to the sound of his breathing and wondered if she was in danger of getting in too deep with this man. Was there still time to protect her heart or had she fallen so far, so fast, there was no going back?

  Chapter Seven

  C rissy still hummed with contentment from her activities the previous night. She parked on the street by Noelle’s house, collected the large teddy-bear-topped package containing her gift of adorable dresses for the well-dressed newborn through two-year-old girl and stepped out of her car. She saw Rachel and waved.

  “How are you feeling?” she called.

  Rachel touched her stomach. “Good. I’m going to take notes so that when I have my shower, I know what to register for.”

  Crissy laughed. “Are you seriously worried?”

  “No. Carter and his family will make sure I’m well taken care of.” Rachel looked happy as she spoke, as if she was confident that the Brockett clan would look out for her.

  Crissy hugged her friend, then linked arms as they walked up to the large, beautiful house.

  “When I marry a millionaire,” Crissy said, “I want a house just like this.”

  Rachel grinned. “You won’t have to marry a millionaire. You’ll make your own millions. You probably already have.”

  “Not technically,” Crissy said. “I live modestly.”

  “More modestly than you have to?”

  “Maybe.”

  The gyms were doing well. Crissy probably could afford a bigger place, but right now she was in grow
the-business mode. All her spare cash went back into her work. If she was pregnant, that might have to change.

  Not that she was. Denying the possibility was her new plan. It made things much easier.

  “You’re not going to see me on the Fortune 500 list anytime soon,” she said.

  “But one day,” Rachel told her. “I used to think I’d be all about my career. Maybe switch from teaching to administration, but now I don’t think so.”

  “Too focused on the baby?”

  “Yes,” Rachel admitted. “I’m not sure I’m even going to come back after my maternity leave. Is that too traditional? Do you hate me for that?”

  “Why would I hate you?” Crissy asked. “We can want different things and still be friends.”

  “I know, but sometimes, when I look at all you’ve done, I feel like a slacker.”

  “You’re not.” Crissy knew she was totally intent on her career. It had been more satisfying than the disaster that had been her personal life. Maybe all that was about to change. Not that she would give up work, but a little more balance could be a good thing.

  “What did you get for the baby?” Rachel asked.

  “Impractically beautiful dresses. A couple for each size between newborn and age two. I meant to be more sensible, but when I saw those tiny dresses, I couldn’t help myself.”

  “Sounds more fun than the month of diaper service I got,” Rachel said, waving an envelope. “Noelle said she wanted to avoid disposable diapers as much as possible. I’m being supportive.”

  “She’ll love it. Plus, your gift makes more sense. Honestly, who puts a newborn in a fancy dress?”

  Rachel laughed. “Noelle will. You know she will. If the baby has hair, she’ll put in coordinating bows. If the baby doesn’t, they’ll be stuck on somehow.”

  Crissy chuckled at the thought and knew Rachel was right.

  “I’m not the least bit maternal,” she murmured more to herself than Rachel. “That could be a problem.”

  “You have other skills,” Rachel said as they approached the front door. “But I know what you mean. I worry about the baby stage. Give me a four-year-old and I’m totally comfortable, but the floppy months make me really nervous.”