Levelling the Score

by Penny Jordan

  In someone else she would have questioned his behaviour, wondering at its cause.

  After lunch he got up and said abruptly to Jenna, 'I'm driving to Cordes this afternoon. I believe it's somewhere that shouldn't be missed. Do you want to come with me, or would you prefer to say here with John?'

  The last two words were added silkily after a slight pause, causing Jenna to stare up at him.

  There was absolutely no movement in his face, nothing to indicate to her that his comment had been made because he might feel it had been expected of him, rather than because he was genuinely jealous.

  He was a better actor than she had ever dreamed, she realised, and when she saw the look of concern that crossed his mother's face, she was so angry with him that she almost challenged him with his deceit.

  'I'd love to see Cordes,' she said calmly instead. 'Can I have half an hour to get ready?'

  She had read about the ancient hilltop town in her guide book, and she took the precaution of taking a shady hat and sunglasses with her, when she went downstairs.

  John was sitting outside chatting to her grandmother.

  'Simon said to tell you that he would wait in the car,' his mother informed her in a slightly flustered voice. She accompanied Jenna to the front door, where she touched her arm lightly. 'Jenna, don't be too cross with him. He's always been inclined to be slightly possessive. I thought he'd learned to control it, but I suppose when you're in love…'

  'John is one of his closest friends.'

  'Yes I know, but Simon's loved you for so long, waited for you for so long, I suppose he won't feel secure until you're actually married.'

  Jenna could think of nothing to say. She had no idea what on earth Simon had been saying to his mother, but it had obviously convinced her that he was quite desperately in love. Much as she longed to call his bluff, she knew she could not.

  Nothing was working out as she had expected. Every day she was falling deeper and deeper in love with him, every day she spent here added to the legacy of pain she would eventually inherit, and yet there was nothing she could do about it.

  She got into the car in silence, avoiding looking at him as Simon started the engine.

  The top was down and the cool breeze welcome. They were driving along a road shaded by trees, but once they started to climb out of them Simon stopped the car, and stretching across her opened the glove compartment and extracted a silk scarf.

  'You'd better wear this,' he told her curtly. 'The sun's hot, and I don't want you getting sunstroke.'

  There was nothing remotely lover-like in the way he spoke to her, and Jenna felt a contradictory impulse to argue with him, even though she knew what he said made sense.

  She took the scarf from him reluctantly, shivering as their fingers touched. What was it about this man alone that could inflame her in this way?

  They were half-way to their destination before he spoke again, turning to her abruptly and saying curtly, 'Leave John alone, Jenna. He's been through a bad time, and he doesn't need you in his life to add to his troubles… '

  So that was the reason for all this. It wasn't jealousy at all! Of course she had known that all along, but still it hurt to know that his concern and care were for John, that she merited nothing at all from him, despite all the years they had known one another…

  'He just wanted someone to talk to.'

  'Yes, I know, a shoulder to cry on, a soft body to comfort him in the aching loneliness of the night.' His voice grew rough. 'How you love to torment them and lead them on, Jenna! I hope they find it was worth it when they eventually get into your bed.'

  Shock drove caution from her mind.

  'None of them…' she began furiously, stopping abruptly as she realised what she had so nearly betrayed.

  'None of them, what?'

  'None of them has ever seemed to be disappointed,' she said sweetly.

  They were starting to climb, and Simon pressed his foot down savagely, causing the car to leap forward, jolting her against the restraint of her seat-belt. She would have a bruise there in the morning, and she added it to the growing list of her grievances in what she already knew to be a pitiful attempt to convince herself that somehow she could make logic outweigh emotion, and stop loving him.

  Cordes, impressive though it was, with its medieval buildings and narrow dusty streets, did not hold Jenna's attention for long. She was aware of the timelessness of the town, its history and its past greatness, but these things only impinged briefly on her consciousness.

  The narrow streets were busy and every time crowds jostled Simon against her, she felt her body's reaction to him. It was ridiculous that she could be so easily aroused here in the street, by the most casual of physical contacts, and yet it was happening.

  Simon found a shady bar where they could sit out of the heat and have a drink.

  The lemonade Jenna ordered was icy cool and fresh, and she sipped it eagerly. Here in the shade she could take off her hat. She pushed her fingers through her hair to brush it off her face, and found that Simon was watching her with a peculiar intensity.

  Her fingers stilled and, as though everything was taking place in slow motion, she saw Simon reach out and tuck an errant lock of hair behind her ear.

  His fingers felt warm and hard against her skin, sending a quiver of tiny vibrations racing over it. Her body stilled, her pulses leaping in frantic excitement.

  'Jenna…'

  She held her breath and waited.

  What was he going to say to her? What was causing this curious sensation of hope and expectancy to burgeon inside her?

  She only realised how idiotically foolish her hopes had been when he said curtly, 'Try not to spend too much time alone with John. We're supposed to be engaged, and much as you so obviously prefer his company…'

  Disappointment and pain made her lash out at him.

  'Have you brought me all the way here to lecture me about John, Simon?' she demanded bitterly. 'When we came out here it was so that we could show our families how unsuited we are—remember?'

  'John loves Susie.' He said it flatly, threateningly almost, his mouth a hard, tight line.

  'But Susie isn't here, is she?' Jenna goaded. 'I'm not a child, Simon, and I won't be told who I can and can't have as a friend—or as a lover,' she added for good measure. 'I'm tired. I'd like to go back now, if the prosecuting counsel allows.'

  He ignored her dig, and stood up, almost wearily, Jenna noticed with a sudden spasm of concern. For so long she had thought of him as inviolate and impregnable that she tended to forget that he was human.

  As they walked back to the car, someone jostled her and she lost her balance. Instantly Simon's arm came round her, supporting her, protecting her, she thought hazily as she relaxed against it. She was trembling slightly and he drew her to one side of the busy street, frowning down at her.

  'Are you hurt?'

  Only by him, and she could scarcely tell him that!

  'You're shaking.'

  She was still trembling—that was the effect he had on her. His arm was still round her, supporting her against the solid warmth of his body. She ached to lean into him, to close her eyes and rest her head against his shoulder, to… With a tiny shudder she drew away.

  'I'm all right. It was just the shock.'

  Determinedly she freed herself and started to walk down the street, leaving him to catch up with her. When he did, he was frowning.

  'All right, Jenna, you've made your point. You can't stand me touching you. I suppose if I'd been John…'

  'But you aren't, are you?'

  They were quarrelling again, she realised abruptly, turning away from him to hide the sudden glitter of tears burning her throat and swimming in her eyes.

  'I'd like to go back to the farm, Simon. I'm hot and tired.' And lonely and defeated, and aching with love and desire for him, but she could not tell him that.

  The drive back was nearly as silent as the one there, but as they drew nearer to the farm, Jenna
made a concerted effort to make stilted conversation.

  Simon's mother looked rather disconcerted when they walked in.

  'Oh, I thought you were going to be out for dinner.'

  She looked questioningly at Simon, who replied briefly, 'Jenna wasn't feeling up to it. The heat… '

  'Oh yes, of course… well, never mind. Perhaps another evening.'

  Jenna found that the tension that had gripped her all afternoon only abated over dinner when John talked to her about his life in Canada. It was a country she had always wanted to visit, and soon the two of them were engaged in conversation.

  'A pleasant young man, that,' her grandmother commented afterwards, when she and Jenna were alone. She looked at her granddaughter shrewdly. 'But not for you, Jenna. He wouldn't be enough of a challenge.'

  What could she say?

  'I'm engaged to Simon—remember?' she said shakily, standing up.

  She went to help Simon's mother, who was making coffee in the kitchen.

  'Simon's in the study making a phone call. He won't be long.' She glanced worriedly at Jenna. 'Engagements can be such a trying time. I'm glad that you and Simon were sensible enough to opt for such a short one.'

  Simon came in just as Jenna was pouring the coffee.

  'Fancy a walk?' he asked her casually.

  Mentally she pictured the two of them walking hand in hand through the warm, velvet darkness of the summer's evening, and then perversely shook her head. She was far too vulnerable to him to risk anything like that.

  'No thanks,' she told him shortly. 'I'm rather tired. Too much sun, I suppose. I think I'll have an early night.'

  She didn't sleep well, her slumbers punctuated by odd, confusing dreams in which Simon featured heavily, but when she woke up in the morning she couldn't remember the details, only the tremendous feeling of pain and loss they had evoked. They had also left her with a headache.

  The day seemed to drag. She purposefully kept out of both Simon and John's way, but in the afternoon when she came downstairs from her room John waylaid her in the shadowy darkness of the hall, his face puckered in an expression of concern.

  'Look, if I've caused any problems between you and Simon… Would you like me to have a word with him? Explain that you were simply taking pity on me, commiserating with me, and letting me bore on about Susie?'

  Jenna shook her head.

  'There isn't really any need.'

  'He always was oddly vulnerable where his emotions were concerned, and he's waited for you so long that he's bound to feel possessive.'

  Jenna opened her mouth to tell him how wrong he was, and then closed it again.

  The turbulence of her own emotions, the heat, the total unreality of the situation she was in had combined to produce a kind of inner lethargy that refused to let her submit to anything that involved any kind of effort, either physical or emotional.

  'Jenna,'

  The sharpness of Simon's voice made her tense.

  'I was just coming.' She stepped past John. At his mother's insistence she and Simon were spending the afternoon alone. There had been no way she could get out of it. The others were all going out, and taking John with them.

  This morning over breakfast, he had announced that he mustn't impose on them any longer. Soon he would be leaving… Maybe then she and Simon could get on with the business of convincing everyone that they were not cut out to be marriage partners.

  As soon as the others had gone Jenna got up from the garden chair she was sitting in. 'I think I'll go upstairs and lie down. I'm still feeling rather tired.'

  As she made to walk past him, Simon's hand shot out, his fingers imprisoning her wrist.

  'Oh no, you don't,' he told her angrily. 'What is it about me that's so repulsive, Jenna? What is it that I lack? You go out of your way to avoid coming anywhere near me, like a fastidious little cat. Do you do it to be deliberately provocative, I wonder? Or is it genuine?'

  'Do you really need to ask?' Her voice shook and so did her body. She hadn't expected him to touch her and had been ill prepared for it. He was right, she did try to avoid any contact with him, and thank God he didn't realise why. 'You're forgetting,' she told him acidly, 'that you and I have never got on. I'm not the actor you are, Simon. This whole thing is a strain. We've been here three weeks now and we're no closer to breaking this charade of an engagement… '

  'Is that what you want… to break it? So that you can be comforted by John? He doesn't love you, Jenna,' he told her cruelly. 'He loves Susie and he always will.'

  'I'm sure you're right,' she said, with all the polite disinterest she might have accorded a stranger, still trying to tug her wrist free. 'Let me go, Simon!' She was getting angry now, angry and vulnerable.

  'What if I don't want to?'

  It gave her an odd swimming sensation in her head to look down into his face. His mouth drew her gaze like a magnet, her own lips parting slightly as she felt the coil of sensation tighten inside her.

  She shivered, her eyes glazing with emotion. She loved him so much, too much… She tensed and tried to pull away, biting back a gasp as his grip tightened.

  'What is it about me that revolts you so much? You look like a virgin facing the prospect of rape,' he told her harshly, his face contorting with an anger she couldn't understand.

  'Jenna.' He was tugging her down towards him. She felt her heart slam against the wall of her ribs, her resistance and her grip of reality fading.

  Another moment and he would kiss her… She could feel her inside churning at the thought.

  'Break it up, you two… I'm too young and innocent for this.'

  Jenna was shocked into immobility.

  Susie! What was Susie doing here?

  She felt Simon release her and stand up.

  'The wanderer returns,' he drawled, going forward to greet his sister. 'And just in the nick of time by the look of things.'

  As Jenna looked on in shock, brother and sister exchanged a look she couldn't understand.

  'Where's everyone else?'

  'Out sightseeing… John arrived here the other evening, by the way.'

  Again there was an odd pause, a studied peculiarity about the way Simon delivered the information that made Jenna stare at him.

  As she looked from brother to sister, she wondered what had happened to the rage and resentment Susie had evinced the last time she had seen her. And where was her latest conquest? She looked discreetly at her left hand… no wedding ring.

  'Er—what happened to Peter?' she ventured to ask.

  'Oh, it didn't work out,' Susie told her carelessly. 'We weren't suited.'

  Jenna was lost for words. So much emotional anger over the man, and now he was so easily dismissed, but then that was Susie all over.

  'I feel very hot and sticky. I think I'll go and have a shower. Why don't you come with me and we can catch up on our news?' Jenna suggested casually. She wanted to find out exactly what had happened after Susie had left her flat that day, and to warn her about her own extraordinary situation.

  'No. I think I'll stay down here, and make sure that Simon behaves himself and doesn't follow you. It's just as well the two of you are only having a short engagement,' she giggled. 'From what I know of it, my dearest brother isn't renowned for his celibacy.'

  Jenna stared at her. How did Susie know they were engaged? And what did she mean by implying that their engagement was actually real?

  'Susie…'

  'Look, I'm dying for a drink. You go and have your shower, Jen. We can chat later.'

  Why did she have the impression that Susie was trying to avoid being alone with her?

  'How did you know about our engagement?' she asked suspiciously.

  Jenna didn't miss the flustered look Susie gave her brother. 'Ma left you a note, didn't she?' Simon interjected.

  'Oh, yes. Yes, she did…'

  'I see…' But she didn't and she was hurt that Susie was holding her at a distance.

  'You go and have your shower,
' Simon told her. 'I'll put Susie properly in the picture while you're gone.'

  For some reason Jenna delayed going back downstairs. There had been an open degree of complicity in the look Susie and Simon had exchanged, a oneness that had excluded her and left her feeling raw and hurt. She didn't want to go back down to them.

  She lingered until she heard the others return, and then quietly insinuated herself into a chair slightly away from them.

  'I gather Susie's arrival wasn't entirely expected.' John's quiet voice held a tinge of irony.

  'Not by me,' Jenna agreed, quickly frowning when she realised how hard it must be for John to see her. She reached out to touch his hand, wanting to comfort and reassure him, and at that moment Susie turned her head.

  Anger flashed openly in her eyes as she looked at them. Jenna dropped John's hand as though it were a hot coal.

  She had had enough of this, she decided bitterly. She was going to find out exactly what was going on.

  Only Susie managed to avoid her right until they all sat down for dinner. It was frustrating to sit almost opposite her friend, and yet not to be able to question her as she wished.

  Susie was even behaving a little coolly towards her, most of her attention concentrated on her parents and Simon, while she and John were virtually ignored. She could understand why Susie might want to avoid any embarrassing conversation with her ex-fiancé, but she was virtually her best friend—had lied and covered for her with the direst of consequences, and now she was being treated as though she had broken the eleventh commandment.

  Jenna tried to concentrate on her food. Susie was chatting eagerly to her mother.

  'Such a lovely surprise,' she heard Simon's mother saying bemusedly.

  'Well, yes, but when Simon rang me and told me what a wonderful time you were all having…'

  Simon had rung Susie? Jenna stared at her, and as though suddenly aware of her slip, Susie hurried into a garbled tale about the holiday she should have taken with her friends which had fallen through.

  She waited until dinner was over and Susie had slipped upstairs, and then she followed her, walking into her room after the briefest of knocks.