by Mates, Dates
‘Hi,’ he said.
‘Hi.’
He looked up at me, then down at the floor and shifted uncomfortably. He fumbled in his jacket pocket. ‘First of all, let me give you this back.’ He handed me Ben’s CD. ‘I wanted to hear what your band sounded like. I know I should have told you, but I know a few people in bands and it can be so embarrassing if they’re rotten and you have to fake what you think. I wanted to listen to you in private. It’s good. Genuinely. And you have a great voice, Izzie. Real talent.’
Thanks. I…‘
‘And second,’ he interrupted. ‘I was a real shit last night and I want to apologise. I shouldn’t have left you on your own…’
My jaw dropped. This wasn’t what I expected.
‘So sorry,’ he continued. ‘I don’t know why I did it. It’s weird sometimes with girls. It’s like… I dunno, like when I really like someone, sometimes it does my head in and I cut off. I know it’s mad…’ He shifted in his seat again. ‘Plus things have been crap at home, you know, lot going on…’
‘Tell me about it,’ I said. ‘I seem to have been in the doghouse all summer. So what’s happening at home?’
Josh hesitated. ‘Oh, the usual - parents, school, exams, life,’ he said finally.
‘Yeah. Same ole, same ole,’ I said. ‘Do you have brothers and sisters?’
Josh shook his head. ‘Just me.’
‘So what’s been the problem?’
Josh hesitated again. ‘It’s my dad, really…’ He seemed reluctant to carry on, so I reached over, took his hand and squeezed it.
‘You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want,’ I said.
Josh shrugged. ‘No, it’s not that I don’t want to tell you, just that a lot of people don’t want to know when they find out what my dad does.’
‘Why? What does he do?’
Josh glanced around him, then sighed. ‘Let’s just put it this way: he spends a lot of his time in police stations.’
Even though I tried to look cool about it, I think my face must have registered surprise. Josh scanned my face for a reaction, so I gave him a sympathetic smile as if to say, what his dad did wasn’t going to put me off him.
‘Ever since I was a kid,’ he continued, ‘I never really knew what my dad was up to. Out nights, didn’t know where he’d been when he finally did come home. And the stress it causes my mum — the atmosphere at home is rotten. She wants him to get a normal job, live a normal life, but nah, what can you do?’
‘Oh, I’m so sorry, Josh. It must be hard having a dad who’s been inside…“ I began.
‘Inside?’ Suddenly he grinned as though he found it funny. ‘Yeah. My dad’s a right dodgy geezer, but once someone’s turned rotten, you can’t change them.’ Suddenly, his expression changed to sadness. Ah, I thought, so that’s it. His devil-may-care attitude is a cover for how he really feels. Poor Josh. It must be awful having a dad who’s in and out of prison.
‘I try and keep out of his way as much as I can,’ said Josh. ‘Not that he’s got much time for me. All he cares about is the latest job he’s on. That’s why I don’t like going home much. I don’t want to get into it or know what he’s up to.’
‘Where do you live?’
He jerked his thumb north. ‘Up near Whetstone. But I tell you, I’m off the minute I can leave. I’ll find a way to support myself. I mean, who wants to live somewhere where your dad’s dodgy and your mum is paranoid that you’re going to end up the same way. Like, I didn’t get the grades I needed in my GCSEs this summer and now she’s convinced I’m going the same way as my dad and won’t get off my case. It’s hell.’
I put my hand over his. ‘I’m really sorry. I haven’t been getting on with my mum lately either.’
‘Yeah, but I don’t think my dad even likes me. He’s always picking on me, then mum stands up for me, then they start rowing. I mean, I’ve no intention of ending up like Dad — no way.’
He looked so vulnerable sitting there that I desperately wanted to make him feel better. All my resolve not to get involved went flying out the window. I felt the total opposite of how I felt last night. Then I’d felt used and discarded, now I felt needed. He was confiding in me and
I wanted to show him that I was there for him. He lit up a cigarette and offered me one.
I took one and told him I’d have it later.
‘Want to hear something funny?’ I asked.
He nodded.
‘I wrote something about meeting you in my diary and my mum read it. She said she wants to meet you. As if.’
He looked chuffed. ‘You wrote about me in your diary? What did you write?’
‘None of your business.’
He laughed. ‘I hope it was flattering.’
‘Might have been. You’ll never know.’
He looked at me seriously. ‘I will come and meet her, if you like.’
I shook my head. ‘No, don’t be mad. She’s just being over-protective. Worrying that I’m seeing some maniac.’
‘I’m good with mums,’ he said. ‘Honest. I can be very charming when I want to be.’
‘I’m sure you can, but no, forget it.’
‘Oh, come on, it’ll be a laugh. I can tell her all about how I want to be a doctor when I leave school.’
‘You never told me that…’
He laughed. ‘I have no intention of being a doctor, but that’s the sort of thing mums like to hear.’
‘So, you’re good at telling women what they like to hear, are you?’ I teased.
Josh shrugged, then laughed again. ‘Yeah. Sometimes all you have to do is feed them a line. They hear what they want to hear and run with it. Anyway, the offer’s there and if it gets your mum off your back, then why not? It would also mean we could see each other without her giving you any hassle.’
That made sense. ‘OK,’ I said. ‘But I’m warning you. She can be major inquisitive.’
‘No problemo. So, you all ready for tonight?’
I nodded. ‘Sort of, but I always feel a little nervous just before.’
‘So how about I come over this evening before the gig and help you chill. We could go together.’
On the way home, I put the cigarette that Josh had given me in the bin, then quickly called in at Ben’s. No one was there, so I posted the CD through the letter box with a note saying, ‘Sorry, found this in my bag. Must have picked it up by mistake. Sorry, sorry. See you later.’
Phew, that’s sorted, I thought, heading home to meet Lucy. She was coming over to help me put my outfit together for the gig, plus I wanted to look good for Josh. I was glad he was the one who had taken the CD, as I wouldn’t have liked a confrontation with Spider and I felt flattered that Josh had wanted to hear what I sounded like with the band. He was different today, I thought, as I walked towards the tube station. All his defences were down and I realised that he’s as insecure as the rest of us. It must be rotten for him. Even though Mum and I have been at war lately, I know that she’s there for me in her own uptight way. I decided I’d give her a hug when I got home.
She was in the kitchen making a sandwich when I got in, so I went over to her and put my arm around her waist.
‘Hey, Mum,’ I said. ‘Had a good morning?’
‘You’ve been smoking,’ she said pulling back.
‘No, I haven’t,’ I said.
Mum sighed. ‘I can smell it, Izzie. In your hair.’
‘I’ve been in a place where people were smoking, but I didn’t. I don’t even like cigarettes.’
‘So you have tried one, then?’
‘No. Yes, well only a puff, but never again. They stink.’
‘What is it with you lately, Izzie? Drinking, smoking. Hanging out with strange boys. What next?’
How can parents switch moods so fast? I wondered. Last night she was being so nice before she went out and now, she’s back on my case. It’s so unfair. I don’t smoke. I won’t smoke. I try something and make a decision that she’d approve of and stil
l I’m in the doghouse.
‘Life is about making choices, Mum. To make choices, you have to know what’s on offer. I did try a cigarette and I’ve decided not to smoke. Everyone my age tries one at some time or other.’
‘But some choices are dangerous, Izzie. What else are you going to try?’
‘Give me a break, Mum. I know what not to mess with.’
‘Do you? Do you? How do I know that?’ she said as she took a seat at the table. ‘You’re still young, Izzie. You need my protection.’
‘Protection, yes. Suffocation, no.’ I was starting to feel annoyed. Then I remembered what Angus had said about how watching your daughter grow up can be a difficult time of readjustment for parents. Slow down, I told myself. Be patient and meet her halfway.
‘Mum, you can trust me.’
‘I hope so, Izzie, because…’
‘Oh, and that strange boy,’ I interrupted. ‘His name’s Josh. He lives in Whetstone and he said he’d love to meet you. He’s coming over this evening.’
Ha. That shut her up.
Line for Lucy’s T-shirt Collection
As ye smoke, so shall ye reek
C h a p t e r 1 2
The Big Night
Contents - Prev / Next
True to his word, Josh arrived on my doorstep early evening, carrying a bunch of flowers. I was feeling really good, as Lucy had popped over earlier as promised and we’d put together an amazing outfit for the gig. She’d lent me a black corset-type basque that she’d made. It had criss-cross laces at the back, was low at the front and looked great with my tight black jeans and high boots. Nesta lent me a black beaded choker and I did my make-up darker than normal. When I’d finished, I thought the whole effect looked very rock-chick and cool.
Josh let out a long whistle when I opened the door. ‘Whoa, you look amazing,’ he said, looking me up and down. Then he laughed and indicated his jeans and fleece.
‘And look at me, dressed all safe and normal, ready to meet Mummy dearest.’
‘You look great,’ I said, then I showed him into the hall. He did look good — even out of his usual bike leathers, he still gave off a vibe like he was all coiled up with energy, raring to go. And so sweet, he’d brought me flowers.
‘Those for me?’ I asked, pointing at the flowers.
He shook his head. ‘For your mum.’ Then he whispered, ‘From the garden on the corner of your road.’
At that moment, Mum came out of the kitchen. She looked a bit shocked when she saw me, but didn’t say anything. Instead she focused on Josh and shook his hand. ‘So you’re Josh,’ she said.
He smiled back at her. ‘And you must be one of Izzie’s stepsisters.’
‘No. I’m Izzie’s mother,’ she replied, and I could swear that her cheeks coloured a little.
‘No way,’ he said, handing her the flowers. ‘You don’t look old enough.’
Mum raised an eyebrow as though she didn’t believe a word of it, then she laughed. ‘Izzie never told me that you were so charming. Now, what can I get you?’
Cigarette and a can of lager, I thought, knowing Josh. But he just asked if she had Earl Grey tea.
‘That’s my favourite too,’ she said, heading back for the kitchen. I’ll bring it up to you. Izzie, do you want anything?‘
‘No, no, let me help you,’ said Josh, following her, then turning back and giving me a conspiratorial wink.
I had to ring Ben to confirm a few last minute arrangements for the gig, so I left them to it in the kitchen. As I dialled Ben’s number on the phone in the hall, I heard Mum laughing at something Josh said. Boy, he really is good with mums, I thought.
Over tea, he and Mum got to talking about his career. Anyone would think he’s a prospective husband, the way she’s sizing him up, I thought, as she asked about his aims and ambitions in life. He didn’t seem to mind, though, and chatted away happily about plans for college. He even did the ‘I may study to be a doctor’ schpiel.
‘Come on, Josh,’ I said after Mum had plied him with cakes and biscuits. ‘I’ll show you my room.’
‘And you must come and have supper with us one night,’ said Mum. ‘I’m sure my husband would like to meet you as well.’
‘That would be great,’ said Josh, getting up.
Once we got upstairs, I showed him my room, then quickly went to the bathroom. The pre-gig nerves were beginning to kick in and even though I’ve performed a number of times before, I still get jittery inside. When I went back into my bedroom, Josh was hanging out of the window, smoking a cigarette.
‘Hey, don’t do that in here,’ I said, closing the door in a panic. ‘Mum will kill me.’
‘She won’t smell it,’ said Josh. ‘I’m smoking it out the window.’
‘You don’t know my mum. She has the nose of a sniffer dog,’ I said and quickly lit a joss stick, then sprayed the room with vanilla room spray. Josh stubbed out his cigarette and threw himself back on my bed. It felt so weird to actually have him there in my room, lying on my bed. If I was to choose an animal for how others see him, I thought, it would be a panther. Lean, beautiful and ready to pounce. Suddenly I felt awkward. I didn’t know where to put myself or how to act. I think Josh was well aware off the effect he was having on me, and he caught my hand and pulled me down beside him just as there was a knock at the door.
‘Izzie,’ called Mum. ‘Can I have a word?’
I sprang away from Josh and gave the room another spray. Oh poo, I thought. Is it because I closed the door when I’ve a boy in my room or because she’s smelled the smoke. I went out into the corridor and shut the door behind me.
‘Yes, Mum?’
She beckoned me into her bedroom.
‘Close the door,’ she said once we’d got inside.
Oh dear, she definitely smelled the cigarette, I thought, as I shut the door. What a shame, after it was all going so well.
‘I’ve taken on board what you asked the other night about not saying things to you in front of people, so…’
‘It wasn’t me smoking,’ I started.
‘What do you mean? Smoking?’ she asked, looking puzzled.
‘Um, er, didn’t you… I mean… Why is it you wanted to see me?’
‘Have you been smoking in your room?’
‘No. No. Course not.’
‘Because I won’t tolerate it if you have.’
‘I told you I don’t smoke.’
‘So what are you talking about, then? Is Josh smoking in there?’
‘No,’ I said. It was the truth. He wasn’t smoking in my room. At least, not any more. ‘Mum. What is it you wanted?’
Mum looked at my outfit. ‘I can’t let you go out looking like that,’ she said. ‘That basque you’ve got on is too provocative. It gives out a message to boys, plus you’ve got far too much make-up on for someone your age.’
‘But I’m performing, Mum. On stage. Not going shopping in Tesco’s. I have to make an effort.’
‘Just wipe a bit of it off,’ she said. ‘Your eyes are too heavy and that lipstick’s too strong.’
‘Fine,’ I said. ‘I’ll wipe it off. Can I go now?’
‘Yes, but please don’t be sulky about it. I bet that nice young man of yours would agree with me. Most men prefer girls to look natural.’
‘Yes, fine. Whatever,’ I said, heading for the door.
‘No, Izzie, I mean it. Find something else to wear or you’re not going.’
‘I’ll wear my velvet top. OK?’ I said, thinking that the sooner Josh and I get out of here, the better. And I knew I’d better act compliant as I was about to tell her something else. ‘Oh… and Josh said he’ll give me a ride on the back of his bike, so you don’t need to drop me.’
‘Bike? What bike?’
‘Motorbike.’
‘No, Izzie. I’m not letting you go on the back of one of those things. They’re dangerous. I’ll drop you and Mrs Levering will pick you up. I spoke to her earlier and it’s all arranged. And eat something befo
re you go. I left a sandwich downstairs for you, as you’ll miss supper.’
‘I’m really not hungry, Mum. I can never eat before a gig.’
‘Then take it with you and have it later.’
Poo and stinkbombs, I thought as I went back to my room. She’d have me going to the gig with a flask and cucumber sandwiches if she had her way. She really has no idea. And I’d really been looking forward to arriving at the gig on the back of a cool motorbike. The boys in the band would have been well impressed, but no, Mrs Killjoy had to have her way again. It’s not fair. I met her halfway and brought Josh here and yet she still insists on treating me like a little girl who has to do as she says.
As soon as Mum dropped me off, I made a dive for the ladies, where I binned the sandwich she’d made me, reapplied my make-up and took off the top that I’d put on over the basque. Mum really didn’t understand. I couldn’t possibly get up on stage in front of everyone, looking like I was dressed for afternoon tea with my grandma.
When I came out, I saw that Spider had turned up and was standing with Josh at the bar, and my heart sank. He gave me his greeting sneer, and for the first time, I started to feel sympathy for the boy that Lucy had dumped for being too possessive. It’s hard when you like someone but don’t want to hang out with their friends or family, because people come as a package. It’s like - like me, accept my mum. Like Josh, accept Spider.
Not long after, all my mates arrived - Nesta and Tony, TJ with Lucy’s brothers, Steve and Lai, and of course, Lucy.
‘Bring on the show,’ Lucy said, grinning. ‘Your fan club’s here.’
I grinned back. ‘Thanks.’ It felt great to have them all there and made it feel more like a party than a performance in front of a strange audience.
I introduced Josh to everyone and he insisted on buying a round of drinks.
‘What would you like, Izzie?’ he asked.
‘Pineapple,’ I said. ‘Need to keep a clear head for the performance.’
‘A drink drink might take the edge off your nerves.’
‘Maybe later,’ I said. ‘In the meantime, I have to remember my lyrics.’
