by Mates, Dates
The girls asked for Cokes, Josh and Spider ordered lager as usual, and when we’d all got our drinks, we stood at the back of the hall and listened to the first band. They were awful. Most of the time, I try to be supportive of fellow musicians, but even Ben caught my eye from the front of the hall and grimaced. Spider, however, wasn’t as subtle and started heckling.
‘Geddoff! Rubbish,’ he called from the bar.
Josh laughed and went to get more drinks, but I didn’t think it was funny. I thought it was really uncool. I moved away from Spider so that the musicians on stage wouldn’t think that I was with him. Josh saw me frowning at Spider and when he brought me another drink, he said, ‘Lighten up, Iz. They are rubbish. Better someone tells them so they don’t waste any more of their time.’
‘Give them a break. They’re probably just starting out,’ I said. ‘I’m sure there was a time when even Robbie Williams sounded bad.’
‘Doubt it,’ said Josh, then took my chin in his hand, looked into my eyes and kissed me quickly. ‘You, my dear Izzie, are far too nice.’
By this time, Spider had started looning about, doing mad dancing in the middle of the dance floor. Josh went to join him and soon people were looking at them and laughing instead of watching the band. I felt so sorry for them, as I know it takes courage to get up on stage.
‘Looks familiar,’ said Nesta, coming over. ‘Please tell me that I was never that embarrassing.’
‘Ancient history,’ I said. ‘And at least you could dance.’
‘And what about Josh? I thought he was ancient history.’
I shook my head. ‘Nah. He’s all right, really. He’s got another side to him, once you get to know him. He’s like a little boy who needs a bit of looking after.’
Nesta took a sip of my pineapple juice, then looked at me with surprise. ‘Might be you who needs looking after if you have any more of these. I thought you weren’t going to drink again after that night at my house.’
‘What do you mean? It’s only juice.’
‘Yeah, right,’ said Nesta. ‘With a good measure of vodka in it.“
‘Ohmigod,’ I said. I’d had two large ones. I was so thirsty and didn’t want my throat to be dry when I sang. No wonder I was feeling light-headed.
‘Didn’t you know?’ asked Nesta
I shook my head.
‘You need to watch it with him,’ said Nesta. ‘Slipping you drinks when you don’t know isn’t on.’
‘No, really, he’s OK. He was probably trying to loosen me up, as 1 told him how nervous I was.’
‘That’s your problem. You always see the best in people.’
‘And that’s yours. You always see the worst.’
Nesta looked at me with concern. ‘No, seriously, Iz. You take care with him. You might have forgotten that he left you stranded the other night, but I haven’t.‘
‘But he apologised for that,’ I said.
‘And that makes it all right, does it?’
I didn’t like the way the conversation was going. It felt like the great party atmosphere from earlier had become heavy. ‘Look, Nesta, he’s OK. You should give him a chance and get to know him. There are things going on in his life that you don’t know about. Don’t be so judgmental.’
Nesta looked hurt and I was about to apologise when Ben waved me over to get ready to go on stage.
‘Catch you later,’ said Nesta. ‘Have a good one up there.’
I felt confused as I watched her walk back to Lucy and her brothers. What just happened there? I asked myself as I went for a last minute lipstick check in the ladies. TJ was in there combing her hair.
‘You nervous?’ she asked.
‘Bit,’ I said.
‘And how’s the stud?’
I lifted the basque and showed her. ‘It’s healed up nicely, see? I’ve been really good about keeping it clean and it seems to have worked OK.’
‘Oh yeah. Looks great. But what about your mum? Did she ever find out you had another one put in?’
‘Sort of,’ I said. ‘It’s awkward. She read my diary. I know I put something about the new stud in there, but I think she feels bad about having read it - knows she shouldn’t have - and it’s been kind of unspoken since then. She knows, I know she knows, but neither of us wants to say anything.’
‘Well, at least she hasn’t told you to take it out again.’ ‘No. If she did, it would bring up the whole diary reading thing again and I guess she doesn’t want to do that.’ ‘Yeah,’ said TJ, slicking on some lip-gloss, then heading for the door. ‘OK. Best of luck up there.’
‘Thanks… Hey, TJ. What do you think of Josh?’ TJ hesitated. ‘Oh, I can’t say, Izzie. This is the first time I’ve met him and we’ve hardly said two words. I can see why you fancy him, but…’ ‘But what?’
‘Well, I know Lucy and Nesta are a bit worried.’ ‘Why?’
TJ shrugged. ‘It’s probably nothing, but he’s, well, he’s not like the rest of us, is he? You can see he’s got an edge.’ ‘So? I think that’s what makes him so attractive.’ ‘I know. Just, Nesta thinks he may be a bad influence.’ Suddenly I felt really sad. So they’ve been talking about me behind my back, I thought. I hate that. I always think if you have anything to say, say it to the person in question. That’s what being mates is all about… but then maybe I’m growing away from mine. It’s felt kind of weird with us all lately.
King Noz did a twenty-minute set and the audience seemed to like it well enough. A few minutes into the first number, they were up and dancing away. I loved it. It’s a real buzz being up on stage when the nerves disappear, the lights are on you and the music’s rocking.
After I did my two numbers with the band, I went and sat with Josh and Spider.
Josh leaned back and gave me a wide grin. ‘Impressive,’ he said. ‘You’re hot.’
Spider gave me a kind of grudging smile. I think that meant he liked it as well. At least he didn’t get up and heckle us.
As we sat to watch the rest of the set, Spider disappeared outside for a short while, then reappeared with a joint, which he handed to Josh then Josh passed to me. I quickly glanced to check that the barman wasn’t looking as I didn’t think teenagers smoking dope in the pub would go down too well, but he was busy serving customers. I noticed Nesta staring at me from the other side of the room. I gave her a wave, then purposely took a puff on the joint so she could see and inhaled like Josh had told me to do. If you think Josh is a bad influence, then I may as well let him be, I thought, as my head began to swim. I saw Nesta glance at TJ and TJ looked over at me and said something to Lucy. I took another puff on the joint and gave them a wave too.
I don’t remember too much after that. Dancing with
Josh. Snogging Josh. Having a laugh with Josh. Falling asleep on his shoulder. The time went so quickly. The next thing I knew TJ was standing over me. ‘Izzie. Lucy’s mum’s here to give you a lift home.’
‘Oh, not yet,’ said Josh as I got myself together to go. ‘It’s too early.’
‘Curfew time,’ I mumbled. ‘Dragon Mother will be waiting.’
Josh laughed and walked with me to the car park where I could see Lucy talking to her mum, then glancing back at me. My God, I thought, who isn’t talking about me? My head felt really thick and dopey and everyone seemed to be looking at me. Want to go home, I thought. Go to bed.
Mrs Levering beckoned me over and Lucy squeezed in the back with Steve and Lai, while I took the front passenger seat. I closed my eyes and we drove for a while in silence.
‘Tired, Izzie?’ said Mrs Lovering.
‘Um.’ I replied.
‘Good gig?’
‘Excellent,’ said Lai from the back. ‘Izzie was a star.’
‘So, you kids,’ continued Mrs Lovering. ‘I remember when I was your age…’
Ah, I thought, opening my eyes and turning to look at Lucy in the back. It’s the ‘When I was your age’ speech. I knew Lucy had put her mum up to this. She shrugged, smiled weakly and stare
d out of the window, trying her best to look innocent.
‘… it was quite a time,’ continued Mrs Levering. ‘Go to a gig like that and everything would be on offer, and I don’t mean just alcohol, know what I mean?’
‘No,’ I said, also trying to look innocent. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Oh, drugs. Pot, acid, coke…’
I had to laugh to myself. So, is that what everyone thinks now? Izzie’s a raving junkie. I’ve only had a few puffs on a joint and now everyone’s on my case.
‘It can be hard to say no sometimes,’ said Mrs Levering. ‘People can pressurise you to join in, even when you don’t want to. All I’m saying is, be careful, guys. I know you’re going to experiment and ultimately you have to make your own choices, but don’t ever feel you have to do something because everyone else is. Right?’
‘Right,’ said Lucy from the back.
I turned around and gave her a cheesy smile. ‘But Lucy’s had Coke tonight, haven’t you, Luce?’
‘Coca-Cola,’ said Lucy quickly.
For some reason, I thought this was hilarious and started giggling to myself, then I tried to make my face go straight. Boy, I do feel a bit weird, I thought, as I gazed out the window. A man at a bus stop gazed back. Not you too, I thought, as we whizzed by. I wish everyone would stop looking at me.
Parent Speak
Says:
Means:
When I was your age…
Prepare for a lecture about how when they were your age, they were a lot better behaved.
What’s this lying on the floor?
It’s yours. Pick it up immediately.
We need to have a ‘word’.
Prepare for a telling-off.
That TV programme doesn’t look very interesting.
Turn it off.
It’s getting late.
Go to bed.
Your room’s a mess.
Tidy it RIGHT NOW.
Are you watching this TV programme?
Turn over, I want to watch something else.
It’s time you learned how to look after yourself as I won’t be around forever.
Wash up.
C h a p t e r 1 3
How Embarrasing !
Contents - Prev / Next
When I was in Year Seven, I used to get a magazine that had a section in it with people’s most embarrassing moments. People sent in all sorts of anecdotes about being caught naked, or a bee flying down their shorts, or pulling people’s wigs off, and so on. I think I now qualify for the star prize.
I’d been home an hour, all snuggled up in my lovely bed after the gig, when my mobile rang. It was Josh.
‘Want to live dangerously?’ he said.
‘Dunurrh…’ I said sleepily.
‘I’m outside. Meet me at the bottom of your road in five minutes.’
That woke me up fast enough. ‘Outside? But it’s midnight.’
‘So? You going to turn into a pumpkin or what? Come on, Iz. You start school again Monday. You can be a good girl then. Come on, come out and play.’
I wasn’t feeling too good after the spiked pineapple juice and the joint earlier, and the thought of snuggling back down to sleep was very inviting. But so was sneaking out to be with Josh. I’d never done anything like that before. Why not? I thought. Everyone seems to think I’m bad. So why not live up to my reputation for once?
I pulled on my jeans and a fleece, grabbed my mobile and tiptoed out into the corridor, past Mum’s room where I could hear Angus snoring, then down the stairs and into the front garden.
Josh was waiting for me at the gate. ‘Excellent,’ he said, putting his arm around me. ‘Where shall we go?’
‘Dunno,’ I said.
‘OK. I parked my bike at the end of the next road. I’ll take us down to Queen’s Wood.’
Five minutes later, I was clinging on to Josh’s waist as we roared through the empty streets. It felt totally exhilarating and daring.
When we got to the park, we found a shelter near one of the gates and Josh produced a bottle of Malibu and a joint. ‘Picnic,’ he said.
‘I wish,’ I said. Apart from a piece of toast when I’d got in, I hadn’t eaten since lunchtime. I suddenly realised I
was starving. I shook my head when he offered me the bottle.
‘No thanks. But you haven’t by any chance got a cheese sandwich on you, have you?’ I said, wishing I hadn’t binned the one Mum had made me earlier. My stomach felt really peculiar.
Josh pouted. ‘But I bought it specially for you,’ he said, looking at the Malibu. ‘It’s not my thing. It’s a chick’s drink.’
I didn’t want him to feel that I didn’t appreciate the gesture so I took a swig. Then he offered me the joint.
‘No thanks. I don’t really like it,’ I said.
‘Give it another go,’ he said. ‘I don’t want to get stoned on my own.’ Then he looked away, his expression really sad. ‘Dad’s down the police station again. Don’t know when he’ll be back this time. I’m not ready to go home yet and I… I don’t want to be on my own.’
Poor Josh, I thought. It must be awful having to stay out for fear of going home to bad news. I took the joint and had a quick puff, but this time, I tried not to inhale. It didn’t seem to make much difference, though, as once again, my head began to feel woozy.
‘Hmm… it’s weird this, isn’t it? Makes you feel funny.’
Josh smiled and pulled me close to him. ‘Yeah, but funny in a cool way. You looked great tonight, did I tell you that?’ He started kissing me, which felt really nice, then after a few minutes, I noticed his hands starting to stray from my back and around to my front.
I pushed him away.
‘What’s the matter?’ he asked.
I felt confused. Ben had never tried this on with me and I didn’t know what to do. Suddenly I was aware that I was in a park in the middle of the night and if Josh got annoyed, he could well abandon me again. Josh handed me the Malibu bottle. ‘Here, have some more drink.’
‘No, really,’ I said. ‘I don’t want any.’ My head was feeling thick again, my stomach was rumbling, I was cold and starting to feel a bit nauseous.
Josh moved in and started the wandering hands act again. Once more, I pushed him off. He sat back and handed me the bottle. ‘Look, have a drink. Most girls find that it helps loosen them up.’
Well, I’m not most girls, I thought. But then I do like Josh, so maybe I should just go along with it and see what happens. I don’t want him to think that I’m uptight, plus the drink might take my mind off the fact that I’m starving.
I took the bottle from him and had a good long glug.
‘Good girl,’ said Josh, snuggling up. ‘It can help you chill out, that’s all.’ He started kissing me again and his hands started roaming around again. I could tell he was getting worked up because his breathing changed. It got heavier and his kisses got more urgent. At one point, he put his hand on my tummy.
‘Oh, be careful,’ I said. ‘I’ve got a new stud.’
‘Really?’ he said and lifted up my fleece. ‘Cool.’
And then it happened…
I threw up.
‘Eeeeww,’ he cried in surprise and sprang away.
I was horrified. I leaped up, ran for the gate and scrabbled around in my pockets for a tissue. I felt awful. My first encounter with a boy that goes a bit further than snogging and I throw up. It’s never like this in the movies. I’ll never live it down. I’m useless, I thought, as I ran out on to the pavement. My first drink and I fall asleep behind Nesta’s sofa. My first cigarette and I gag on it. My first puff on a joint and I think everyone’s watching me. And my first grope with a boy and I puke! How grownup is that? Not at all. I felt close to tears and anything but fourteen. I felt like sitting on the pavement and crying like a baby.
All I wanted to do was get away. I went and stood at the bus stop, praying that a bus would come along so that I could get home, get into bed, wake up in the morning to find
out it was all a bad dream.
‘A bus has just gone,’ said a lady going by with her dog.
Oh, now what? I thought as I looked around. The tube would be closed at this time. The streets were empty apart from the occasional car and the trees seemed alive somehow, shadowy, monstrous and threatening. I thought about going back to find Josh, but the woods looked so dense and dark. I didn’t want to risk it.
A black Golf drove past filled with lads, then it reversed and slowly came back. ‘Want a lift, darling?’ called one.
I shook my head. ‘My dad’s coming to get me,’ I said. Oh, where’s Josh? I thought. Why hasn’t he followed me? Oh God. What a disaster. He’s probably trying to wipe off puke from his fleece where it splashed him. Luckily the boys in the car drove off and I sighed with relief. This is really, really stupid of me, I thought. A mad, mad mistake. There are stories every other week about girls my age disappearing, never to be seen again. I’m an idiot to have come out so late. I never do stuff like this normally. I’m not thinking straight with everything that’s happened and the stupid Malibu and that stupid joint. It all kind of made everything feel unreal for a while, but it is real. It’s past midnight, very dark and I’m out on the streets on my own. I wish Lucy was here, I thought. And TJ. And Nesta. They’ll all be tucked up in their beds, like I should be, so no way can I call them so late. Dad? No, he’d take too long to get here from Primrose Hill and I don’t want to stay out on my own a moment longer than necessary. Then I thought about Mum asleep at home, thinking that I was safe in my room nextdoor to her. I want my mum, I thought. I wish she’d just drive by and pick me up. I don’t want to be grown-up any more. I want to be looked after. Should I phone her? I asked myself. No. No way I can call her. I’ll be grounded for a decade and never see daylight again. She’d go ballistic and she’s got good reason, I said to myself as another car drove by and the male driver looked out at me. What on earth am I doing out here in the middle of the night on my own?
