by Mates, Dates
C h a p t e r 1 4
Damsel in Distress
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There was only one person to turn to and luckily he was still awake when I called. He only lived up the road and said he’d come straight out on his bicycle to get me. While I was waiting for him, Josh phoned my mobile and said that he was looking for me but wasn’t sure which way I’d gone when I ran out of the park. I said I was sorry for throwing up and told him to go home as I was all right.
Twenty minutes later, I was curled up safely on the sofa in Ben’s garage with a cup of tea and three rounds of Marmite toast.
‘Thanks,’ I said as I brushed the crumbs away from my mouth. ‘I was starving. I missed supper and only had a snack when I got it after the gig.’
Ben grinned. ‘More like a classic case of the munchies.
It often happens when people smoke dope.‘
‘Have you smoked it?’
Ben shrugged. ‘Gave it a go. Not my scene, though, really. I prefer to have a clear head.’
I was surprised, as he’d never mentioned it before and I thought I knew all about him. Plus he didn’t seem the type.
‘I didn’t like it very much,’ I said. ‘Made my head feel very thick, and back at the gig, it had a weird effect on me, like everyone was watching me. And later, in the park, even the trees seemed to be watching me.’
‘Yeah, well, on an almost empty stomach, the effects would be amplified. No wonder you felt strange. Plus, there are different types of dope and they have different effects. Some can be quite hallucinogenic and make you feel like you’re seeing things, other types just make you sleepy. Plus it’s different for everyone. Some people it disagrees with. Take ecstasy, for example. Some people take just one tablet and it kills them, others seem to be fine. Hell of a risk, though. It’s still early days, and researchers are still looking into its long term effects on the brain. Personally, I’d rather stay clear and not take any chances… And drink, that affects people differently as well. Some people get all happy when they’ve had too much to drink, others depressed and melancholic, others get aggressive and argumentative, others just throw up. I guess it depends on your body chemistry.’
‘Yeah. My stepmother Anna is really funny when she’s been drinking. Something seems to happen to the volume control on her voice. She starts talking really loud but doesn’t realise it.’
‘So, what’s been with you lately, trying all this stuff? I thought you were Miss Straight White and Bright. You know, well into health foods…’
‘I know. I was. I am. I just wanted to try something different. Part of it was wanting to be more grown-up, more sophisticated.’
Ben started laughing. ‘And doing the technicolour yawn all over Josh was part of that, was it?’
‘Not quite all over him, but I think I did get him a bit. I’ve never been so embarrassed in all my life. I doubt if I’ll see him again.’
‘Maybe you will. Maybe you won’t. But throwing up over someone is an interesting seduction tactic. Er, not one I’d try again, though.’
Now that I was safe, fed and warm, I started to see the funny side. ‘Well, magazines are always telling us that when starting a new relationship, it’s good to let someone see the inside of you that you don’t show the rest of the world.’
Ben laughed again. ‘Yeah, but I don’t think they meant literally, as in what you ate that day. At least he’ll never forget you.’
‘Yeah. Oh God, Ben. It’s been such a weird time lately. All I wanted was for people to take me seriously and treat me like an adult and I seem to have done nothing but act like a right twerp.’
‘I don’t think that being grown-up means that you have to smoke or drink or anything,’ said Ben. ‘I think that being grown-up means finding out what you want as an individual and having the voice to say so, regardless of what anyone else thinks. Loads of fakers at our school drink and smoke because they think it looks cool. To me, that’s not what being cool is about. Being cool is being true to yourself.’
‘It’s hard to say no sometimes, though.’
‘Why?’
‘Dunno. It’s like you feel pressurised to do stuff or try new experiences. Like tonight in the park, I didn’t want to seem like a baby, you know, doing stuff for the first time. And I didn’t want to refuse Josh’s offer of drink for fear of offending him. And then, well, later, I didn’t want to come across as uptight.’
‘You’re too nice, Izzie.’
‘That’s what Josh said.’
‘There will always be people you’ll offend. What’s that saying? You can’t please all the people all of the time. Never go along with a guy just because you’re afraid of offending him. You have feelings too. What do you want? You can’t make everyone like you, Iz. And you shouldn’t try to be someone you’re not just to please a boy. If you do, you’ll lose yourself. Just be who you are. Don’t do stuff with a guy unless you really want to and the time is right. If a guy’s the one for you, he’ll take you at the pace you want to go.’
‘Ever thought of being an agony aunt, Ben?
He smiled and put his arm around me. ‘Auntie Ben. Yeah, if the music doesn’t turn out maybe I’ll go for a new career.’
It felt so comforting to sit there snuggled up to him for a while. No pressure, no stress. If you had to pick an animal to represent how others see you, Ben, I thought, you should pick a big old sheepdog. Cuddly, safe and warm.
At that moment, we heard a car pull up outside.
Ben looked out of the window. ‘Taxi’s here,’ he said.
Ben walked me out and saw me into the cab. ‘Here’s a tenner,’ he said. ‘Should be enough. Got your keys?’
I nodded. ‘And hopefully Mum and Angus will still be happily in dreamland.’ I gave him a hug. ‘Thanks, Ben. You’ve been a real mate.’
‘Talking of which,’ he said. ‘Get together with yours. They’re a good lot and when you’re out, it’s important that you all stick together, look after one another, make sure you all get home safe. And never leave each other alone with boys that you don’t know well.’
I pinched his arm. ‘Since when did you get so grown-up?’
He smiled back. ‘Since you started acting like a five-year-old.’
Song for Ben
Knight on a Battered Bicycle
I was distressed,
In a real mess,
Cast down,
Lost my crown,
No more a princess.
I cried out for rescue and look what came my way.
You’re my knight in crumpled armour,
My hero for a day.
Forget the milk-white charger,
You just peddle up my way.
I cried for help and look what came my way.
Wheels of fire and thunder
Are OK for the Gods,
But a crossbar lift is just the thing
To hold back all my sobs.
Ring your bell and wheel my way,
My knight in crumpled armour.
Ring your bell and wheel my way,
My knight in crumpled armour.
C h a p t e r 1 5
Ground Rules
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Sunday was Mums birthday and Angus had insisted that she have a lie-in as a treat. I went down to the kitchen and prepared a tray - a cafetiere of coffee, orange juice, toast and the chunky marmalade that she likes. Then I cut a rose from the fence in the back garden and put it in a small vase next to my card and present for her.
Angus was already up and pottering in his study. ‘That looks nice,’ he said as I went past.
‘It’s for Mum.’
‘Good for you.’ He smiled. ‘She’s probably ready for a cup of coffee now.’
Mum was still dozing when I tiptoed into her room. I watched her sleeping for a few moments and felt really warm towards her. She looked so young and vulnerable somehow, lying there with her hair splayed on the pillow, one arm thrown above her head. Did you ever sta
y out at night and misbehave? I wondered. Somehow I couldn’t imagine it. She’s always so efficient, organised and controlled. A typical Virgo, according to my astrology book.
She opened her eyes as I put the tray on the bedside cabinet, then got up and sat on the edge of the bed.
‘Is that for me?’ she said, rubbing her eyes.
I nodded. ‘Happy birthday.’
‘Oh Izzie, how lovely. Thank you. And a present.’
I watched as she opened her card and present.
‘Oils for the bath,’ she said, taking the lid off one of the bottles and sniffing. ‘Mmm. Lovely’
‘It’s got lavender and rosewood in it - aromatherapy oils. They’re supposed to be good for relaxation.’
‘It smells divine, Izzie. Thank you so much.’
‘And… and I wanted to say I’m sorry I’ve been a pain lately and that I really do appreciate you as a mother.’
She laughed. ‘OK, what have you done now?’
‘Nothing,’ I said. Luckily, I’d managed to sneak back in last night without waking her and Angus. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her, I thought. ’Mum?‘
‘What?’
‘What were you like when you were my age?’
Mum laughed. ‘Pretty timid, really.’
‘Did you ever do anything stupid?’
‘What, like you at Nesta’s the other night?’ ‘Yes. No. I mean, didn’t you used to experiment with, I don’t know, cigarettes? The occasional drink?’
‘Not really,’ she said. ‘Let me think. I did try a cigarette once, but hated it. As you know, I’ve never smoked. Drink…When did I have my first drink? I didn’t really drink until I was at university and then not a lot. Couldn’t afford it on my student’s grant. Oh dear. Am I a terrible disappointment? Boring? I’m afraid I was never one for experimenting much and there wasn’t as much on offer out there, or at least not that I was aware of. My parents were so strict with me, and to tell you the truth, when I did finally leave home and go to college, I thought I’d lived a sheltered life compared to the rest of them. I was a bit of a late developer, really. That’s why… I look at you and you’re so different to how I was — I suppose that’s why I fear for you. My endlessly curious Izzie. You were always the same, from the moment you were born. Into everything. Restless. Always asking questions. We may be mother and daughter and have some similar features — eyes, the shape of our hands… but your spirit is your own and as opposite to mine as it could ever be. And now, so grown-up, still curious, and yet… I don’t know. I can’t help but worry about you and what’s out there. For one thing, the streets felt a lot safer when I was young. I thought nothing about walking home on my own at night. These days, I’d never let you do that.’
Tell me about it, I thought. Last night is not an experience I want to repeat in a hurry. ‘Well, it’s nice to have someone worry about you,’ I said.
Mum smiled. ‘I can’t help it. And I know I overreact sometimes, but it’s only because I care. I know that there are drugs in school and a lot of teenagers smoke and drink. It’s just I want you to enjoy your adolescence, enjoy being young, and yet you’re so busy wanting to grow up and leave it all behind you. And boys… I… I worry that in wanting to grow up, you’re going to feel pressurised to rush into things before you’re ready. Just promise me that you’ll be careful, whatever happens.’
‘I will and I’m OK, Mum. Honest. And I’m learning. Yes, it is mad out there. And yes, you can feel pressurised, but I think I know when to say no or yes. Or whatever.’
‘And… um, how’s your stud? Has it healed up?’
I laughed. At last, she’d acknowledged that she knew about it. ‘Yeah, it’s good now. But… er, how did you know about that?’
She grinned. ‘You know very well. Your diary, of course. I am sorry about that, Izzie. It was wrong of me. I should have respected your privacy. But you know what? No one gives you a rule book on how to be a teenager, and, well, no one gives you a rule book on how to be a mother either. And reading your diary was a mad mistake.’
I smiled back at her. ‘We all make mad mistakes, Mum.’
‘I know,’ she said wistfully. ‘But do you think in the future, we could, well, try and talk about them a bit more? You know, help each other.’
‘Sure,’ I said. ‘I’m game for that. Want to see my stud?’ ‘If I must,’ she said, then she pulled a silly face.
‘So, does this mean you’re back with Ben now?’ asked Nesta later that morning.
Straight after I’d taken Mum her breakfast, I’d called TJ, Lucy and Nesta and asked them to come over. Luckily they were all free, and by twelve o’clock we were all in my bedroom, where I told them about what had happened last night.
I shook my head. ‘No, I’m not getting back with him, but we are best mates. Like you lot.’
Nesta and TJ looked at each other, while Lucy stared at the carpet.
‘Because we are best mates, aren’t we?’ I asked.
‘Course,’ said Lucy. ‘We have bonded for life over the Almighty Pringle, remember?’
‘Maybe we should have done the finger pricking thing,’ I said. ‘Done it properly.’
‘Oh please, don’t start that again,’ moaned Nesta.
‘Don’t worry,’ I reassured her. ‘I won’t. But I did want to see you all today and say I’m sorry. I guess I’ve been a bit distant lately and acting a bit out of character. But last night, it made me realise that you guys are the most important people in my life. Besides Mum and Dad, of course… and… and Angus. It’s weird — like, remember how I used to hate him and call him The Lodger? Well, he’s been cool lately and I’m starting to really like him. So yeah, Angus is important too.’
‘Well, we’ve been worried about you, Iz,’ said Lucy. ‘It was like you didn’t want to be associated with us any more.You used to phone or e-mail every day, but this last week, I’ve hardly heard from you. Like you’d moved on and thought we were too childish for you or something.’
‘No way,’ I said.
‘Last night, you hardly spent any time with us,’ said Nesta. ‘We all thought you were ashamed of us or something, because we didn’t want to drink and smoke and be in with your new crowd.’
‘Ashamed of you? I thought you didn’t want to be with me and you didn’t like Josh or Spider.’
‘Didn’t like Spider. He’s kind of creepy,’ said Nesta.
‘Maybe that’s why his nickname is Spider,’ said TJ. ‘Creepy crawly. So what about Josh? Are you going to see him again?’
‘Doubt it somehow,’ I said. ‘I think throwing up just as he was getting snuggly was probably a bit of a turn-off, don’t you think?’
‘Dunno,’ laughed TJ. ‘But you could probably make it work if you wanted. Phone him up and apologise, and so on.
‘Nah. Think I’ll give him a break for a while. It’s kind of done my head in this last week. Part of me felt sorry for him because he’s not happy at home. I thought I could make it better, I guess. I thought I could change him, but…’
‘As you told me your mum said once, the only time you can change a man is when he’s a baby,’ said Lucy.
‘Exactly,’ I said. ‘It was exciting being with him, but also exhausting. I didn’t feel like I could totally be myself. I was trying to be something different for him.’
‘So why not go back with Ben?’
‘Dunno. It’s like, being with Ben was safe and secure and Josh was the total opposite, unpredictable and exciting. Maybe there are some boys who are a bit of both. Do you think?’
‘I think my brother’s a bit like that,’ said Nesta. ‘Don’t you think, Lucy?’
Lucy blushed. ‘Yeah. He’s pretty cool. And my brothers are a bit of each. Lai is pretty mad, whereas Steve is pretty sensible.’
‘Yes, but he’s not boring sensible,’ said TJ. ‘And he can be mad sometimes.’
I looked around at the three of them and sighed with relief. It felt good. We were talking again.
�
�You know what?’ I said. ‘I really really don’t want to lose you guys as friends. I’m sorry if I’ve been acting like a prize prat. I don’t know what came over me.’
‘Maybe it’s because we’ll all be going into Year Ten tomorrow,’ said Lucy. ‘Makes you think about the next chapter. Like where are we going next.’
‘Yeah. It’s going to be weird being back at school,’ said TJ. ‘It’s like, in the holidays, all the days just flow into each other. No Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, weekend and so on. When we’re at school, the whole week is punctuated. Sunday night, get ready for school. Monday, go to school. Wait for Friday. Then the weekend.’
‘I know what you mean,’ I said. ‘Back to the old routine after a mad, mad summer.’
‘How’s things with your mum?’ asked TJ.
‘Better,’ I said. ‘I mean, she’ll never be cool like your mum, Lucy. She’ll always be straight, but that’s who she is. We had a good talk this morning and she’s even OK about me having my stud now.’
‘Yeah, but you really started something, Izzie,’ said Lucy. ‘I think it was because of last night when Mum drove us home. She was a bit concerned about you, then started asking if I ever smoked or drank. You know, the whole interrogation. This morning at breakfast, she said she wanted to “have a talk”. It was so embarrassing. One of those “Let’s talk openly about things” type talks. Steve and Lai looked like they wanted to die.’
‘Have a talk about what?’ said TJ.
‘First, drink - how when you drink, you’re not always in control of your thoughts or actions and must be carefulvnot to be in the wrong place or somewhere unfamiliar. Then how smoking wrecks your skin…‘
‘I think it does,’ I said. ‘I’ve got two aunts - one has smoked all her life, the other never has. The one who smokes is ten years younger than the other one, yet looks ten years older. Her skin is sort of crepey and dried out.’
‘Well,’ continued Lucy, ‘then we got how drinking can wreck your liver. As if we’re going to be drinking bottles of the stuff…’
