by J. S. Cooper
“Oh mom.” My eyes widened. “I’m sorry.”
“No,” she squeezed my arm, “you’re right. I thought I was staying in this marriage for you. That’s what I told myself. But I don’t know why I’m still here now. I don’t want this life anymore.”
“Mom?” I looked at her in shock, surprised to hear her voice firm and clear.
She laughed at my expression. “I know, I know. You don’t expect to hear your old mom talking like this,” she sighed. “I’m sorry, son.”
“Mom, don’t be sorry,” I hugged her tight, “I’m soo proud of you.”
“Well, don’t be too proud until I’m out of this house.” She smiled, weakly. “But that’s enough for now. Let’s go have a party.”
“Let’s go party.” I grinned at her. I knew that tonight was going to be a great night. A really, really great night. I felt like all of a sudden everything was starting to go right in my life. I was soo proud of my mom. I just wanted us to pack our bags and leave, but I knew that it wouldn’t be quite that easy.
DING DONG! The doorbell rang and my mom and I grinned at each other.
“Let’s get this party started,” she smiled and I kissed her on the cheek before running down to answer the door.
“Bro, wassup?” A bunch of my football buddies walked in the door and we gave each other bear hugs. “Looking good, Evans.”
“Hey guys, what’s up?” I was excited to see the old crew of guys. They all looked pretty much the same, though Josh and Ryan had gained weight.
“Great, man.” Ryan threw an arm around my shoulder. “Though I could do with a beer.”
“You sure you old enough to drink?” We all laughed at my joke. Ryan had a baby face and had always looked young for his age.
“Dude, I hope you have multiple kegs.” Ryan punched me in the arm and I laughed. “Oh, hey, Mrs. Evans.”
“Hi, boys.” My mom smiled at the guys and flicked her finger. “Follow me into the kitchen if you want some food and drinks.”
“That’s what’s up,” Josh laughed and ran after my mom.
“What would you guys like?” My mom pulled out a plate of nachos, chicken wings, hot dogs and chips and the guys grabbed plates and started eating quickly. I laughed at the sight and saw how happy my mom was. I’d have to make sure to eat at home more often so that I could make her happy and support her decision to leave my dad.
DING DONG. The doorbell went again and I rushed to answer it. Unfortunately, my dad got there first. “Why hello, Suzannah, what a pleasure to see you again. Why, Meg, you look beautiful.”
“Thanks, Mayor Evans,” they echoed and blushed as my dad complimented them. I hurried over to the door.
“Hey, guys,” I smiled.
“Bryce.” Suzannah walked over to me and stopped right in front of me. “You look wonderful.”
“Thanks.” I looked into her sparkling blue eyes and smiled back, warmly. “You look great as well.”
“Oh thanks,” she giggled, “I try.” She twirled around in her tight, blue dress and I watched as her golden hair flew through the air. She looked as beautiful as ever. Maybe even more than she did in high school as she had filled out a little bit. “Is your girlfriend here?” She looked around and I sighed.
“I don’t have a girlfriend, Suzannah, and no.”
“Oh,” she pouted, “I wanted to meet her.” She grabbed my arm and pushed herself into me. “But I guess that gives us more time to catch up.”
“She is coming tonight.” I tried to pry away from her.
“It’s not that dreadful Mary is it?” She frowned as she looked at me and I saw that cold, calculated look in her eyes that made her look so unattractive.
“Mary what?” Meg came up to us.
“Nothing.” Suzannah rolled her eyes.
“Hi, Bryce.” She smiled.
“Hi, Meg, you look beautiful tonight.”
“Oh thanks,” she giggled. I had always felt bad for Meg. She was Suzannah’s best friend, but she had always lived in her shadow. It was like she didn’t realize just how beautiful she really was. She seemed to think she would have no life if it weren’t for Suzannah. She’d even turned down her acceptance at the University of Chicago so that she could go to the local State school with Suzannah.
“How is Mike?”
“Good, thanks.” She giggled again. “I think he may propose soon.”
“Oh, Meg, do stop talking about yourself. You’re insufferable.” Suzannah told her friend off as the doorbell went again. “Let’s go and get a drink.”
“Okay.” Meg followed her friend to the kitchen, meekly, and I sighed as I heard my mom squeal when she saw Suzannah. She had always loved Suzannah and was most probably hoping we would get back together. But then she didn’t know about Suzannah’s betrayal.
“Well it looks like everyone still loves you, eh son?” My dad looked at me with narrowed eyes and I frowned at him.
“I already told you, I’m not going to work for you, dad.”
“It would be a shame if everyone knew what Eddie wrote in his suicide note.”
“What are you talking about?” I looked at him in shock. “What note? I never heard about any note.”
“I kept the note private.” He looked at me with a hint of a smile. “The police handed it to me when they found it on the scene. Still in the envelope. Turns out that Eddie didn’t just decide to kill himself out of the blue.”
“Oh?”
“Turns out that there was an incident—or two incidents—that led to him taking his life.”
“Well, aren’t you going to share them with me, father?” I kept my voice unwavering, I couldn’t let him see how much his words had bothered me.
“No, not now.” He smiled and opened his arms. “Go and enjoy your party and your friends. I would hate for anything to ruin your night.”
“I’m sure.” I turned around and beamed at Suzannah who had walked back out of the kitchen.
“Come on, Bryce, let’s get some music on and some lights out.”
“Sounds good.” I was happy for the opportunity to walk away from my father, but my head was spinning. What exactly had Eddie written? My father had talked about two incidents and I felt my insides shivering. I had a fairly certain idea what the first incident was, but the second one I could only guess at, though I was pretty sure I knew what that was as well. I thought about my reaction from that night and closed my eyes. There were so many things I wished I could change from high school days. Soo many words I said carelessly that had gone on to destroy lives.
And then the doorbell rang again and I rushed to answer it before my father got there.
It was Lexi, my beautiful Lexi. She looked angelic and hopeful standing there in her emerald green dress.
“Hi, Bryce.” She smiled sweetly and I kissed her on the cheek.
“Hi, Lexi.” I felt the words catch in my throat. I hadn’t been sure that she would actually come. I was soo happy that she had. I looked at Anna and Luke standing next to her, with sour looks on their faces, and I could tell that neither of them wanted to be at my party, but who was I to blame them? “Hi Anna, Luke. Thanks for coming.”
“Yeah, well, thanks for the invite.” Luke said, reluctantly, and I had to admire him for his grace. I didn’t know if I would have been so nice. It had been obvious to me for years that Luke had been carrying a torch for Lexi. You had to be blind not to see it. I was envious of their easy friendship and a selfish part of me wanted it to end. I didn’t want this handsome, clever guy hanging out with the girl I wanted so much.
“My pleasure,” I beamed and flicked my hand through my hair. Lexi watched me and I grinned inside. I hadn’t lost my touch. “Come inside please, guys, let’s get some drinks.”
“Your place is wonderful, Bryce.” Anna smiled at me.
“Well, my parents’ place,” I grinned. “I’m sure my first place will be a pigsty.”
“You’re moving out?” Anna looked surprised.
“Yes
.” I spoke without thinking, surprising myself at my quick answer. I hadn’t really thought it out before now. “Yes. I’m moving. As soon as I can find a job and pay some rent.”
“Lucky,” Lexi laughed. “I wish I could move out.”
“Why don’t you?”
“My mom,” she sighed.
“Oh.” I cocked my head. “Well maybe you can move out, too.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea right now,” Luke frowned.
“I think it would be fun. You’re mom is too crazy,” Anna laughed.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about Anna,” Luke admonished her.
“Oh God forbid Lexi moves,” Anna said, bitterly.
“Guys.” Lexi rolled her eyes and grinned at me. “Who knew my moving would be such a big issue? But I’m twenty-two; I want to be on my own now. In my own place.”
“I agree.” I linked my arm through hers and walked towards the kitchen. “I think its weird that so many of us still live at home in our twenties. What happened to wanting independence?”
“The economy,” Lexi laughed and I smiled at her honesty.
“Oh, money.” I nodded.
“I don’t think you have a problem with money though, Bryce,” Luke interjected. “At least you never did in high school.”
“Well my parents were responsible for my upkeep then.” I kept my tone normalized.
“You and your friends always seemed so entitled,” he continued.
“Luke.” Lexi turned around and punched her friend in the arm and I felt a wave of jealousy roll through me. I didn’t like to see Lexi touching another guy, especially not a guy I knew had the hots for her.
“Hey, Bryce, let’s do shots, man,” Ryan called out to me as we walked into the kitchen.
“Sure, what do you want?”
“You got any Tequila?”
“Mom?”
“Look in your father’s bar.” She looked at me and her eyes widened as she looked at Lexi, Anna and Luke. “Hi, I’m Bryce’s mom. I’m not sure we’ve met before.”
“Hi, I’m Lexi.” Lexi flushed and I knew she was embarrassed. “These are my best friends Luke and Anna.”
“Nice to meet you all.” My mom smiled a weaker smile this time and tapped her forehead. “Alright guys, I’m headed up to bed now.”
“You don’t have to go, mom.”
“I’m sure y’all will have a better time without me.” She quickly exited the kitchen and I frowned. Something in her mood had changed.
“Evans, turn the music up and let’s do some shots,” Ryan shouted and I hurried to my father’s study, with both Suzannah and Luke staring at me intensely.
I walked into my dad’s study and quickly looked through the bar to see what liquor he had. “The party looks like it is going well,” he said, smarmily, and I sighed as I looked up.
“It’s going fine.”
“Interesting choice of party guests.”
“Really? I hadn’t noticed.”
“I didn’t realize you liked to mix with the other side of town.”
“The other side of town?” I frowned.
“The riff-raff.”
“I guess I got it from you then.” I stared into his eyes coldly.
“Then you’ll know they are good for a quick fuck and that’s it.”
“It’s never a quick fuck when I’m in the bed.” We stared at each other in silence, until I heard someone clearing their throat. I looked towards the door and saw Luke staring there and sighed inwardly. I wondered how much he had heard.
“Can I help you, Luke?”
“Lexi thought you might need some help, but it seems like you and your father are otherwise entertained.” He gave me a disgusted look and walked out of the door.
“Fuck,” I cursed under my breath. I could only hope that Luke wasn’t going to go straight to Lexi to tell her what he had heard. I knew that the words did nothing to help my cause. I could feel myself starting to panic. I needed to be alone for a bit. To think and to relax. I knew, from the war, that when I felt like this it was better for me to be alone. I quickly exited the room and ran upstairs to my room. I ran into my room and pulled out two pills and downed them quickly. I wasn’t supposed to mix them with alcohol, but I knew I wouldn’t be okay without them. I already felt like I was falling out of control. I splashed some water on my face and lay down on my bed and counted to ten. I quickly checked my reflection in the mirror and then ran down the stairs again.
“Hey, Evans, where you been? Where’s the tequila?”
“Sorry. We didn’t have any. Just beer tonight, guys.” I smiled apologetically and looked to make eye contact with Lexi. She smiled at me sweetly and I felt my nerves stop. “Who’s ready to party?” I shouted, suddenly happy and I pulled Meg into my arms. “Let’s dance, folks.” We worked our way into the backyard, by the pool and blasted the music and danced.
“Hey, cutie.” I sidled up to Lexi as she walked into the kitchen to get a drink. “Can I get you anything?”
“No, I’m fine, thanks.”
“I’m sorry our first date is at a packed party,” I whispered in her ear.
“This is a date?” She raised an eyebrow at me.
“I hope so,” I grinned and stroked her hair. “I really hope so.” I felt my heart pounding as I stared at her. My head felt like it was going to explode and I knew my body was reacting from the alcohol and the pills.
“Well, I don’t want to disappoint you.”
“Good.” I leaned over and stroked her collarbone. “I wish it were just you and me right now. I’d love to take you upstairs and have my wicked way with you.”
“Oh really?” She blushed.
“Yes. Do you know what I would do to you?”
“No.” Her words were a whisper and I traced my fingers across her luscious and full lips.
“Well, I’d better show you.” I leaned down and kissed her softly, melting into her embrace. Kissing her felt so good and all I wanted was to consume her. I needed her like I needed air to breathe. I brought her head in closer to mine and stuck my tongue in her mouth. She kissed me back, passionately and sweetly, and pushed her body into mine. I pushed her back against the cupboards and I could feel my body stirring with lust. I wanted her: here, now, immediately. I felt my hand run up the back of her dress and I could feel her heart pounding beneath me.
“Bryce, what’s going on?” Suzannah’s voice cried out behind me and I sighed as I turned around and saw her, Meg and Mary standing behind me. “That’s the girl you’re seeing?” She looked back and forth from me to Lexi and frowned, disbelieving. “You have got to be joking.”
“Suzannah.” My voice was harsh. “Shut up.”
“Don’t tell me to shut up.”
“I swear Suzannah.” My voice rose and I felt my face flushing with anger.
“You swear what?” She smiled an evil smile.
“Bryce.” Lexi touched my arm and looked at me with concern. “It’s okay.”
“Listen to your little pauper girlfriend, Bryce,” Suzannah laughed. “You can’t expect me to believe you’d rather be with her than with me.”
“Get the fuck out of my house.” I banged my hand down on the counter. My head was pounding and everyone was starting to look blurred.
“You’re only dating her because you feel guilty that your best friend tried to rape her and then killed himself.” Suzannah’s voice rang out loud and clear and the room was silent.
I turned to look at Lexi and her face was white with shock and embarrassment. I touched her shoulder and she recoiled from me with a hurt look in her eyes. “I didn’t tell her, Lexi,” I pleaded with her. I couldn’t have her thinking I told anyone. “It was Eddie.”
“It’s okay,” she whispered, with unshed tears in her eyes. “I should go.”
“No.” I pleaded with my eyes. “I was hoping you would stay tonight.”
“No. I should go.” She looked faint and my surroundings started to sway.
“Lexi, please.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Let it go, Bryce.” Luke pushed past me and grabbed Lexi. “I’ll take you home.”
“Thanks, Luke.” She gave him a huge smile and he gathered her in his arms and they walked towards the front door. I watched as they left and felt something inside of me crumble. I was coming apart. The pills hadn’t worked. I wondered if I should take two more.
“Hey, Bryce. I’m always here for you.” Suzannah smiled and purred up at me and Mary winked at me. I felt nauseous and couldn’t believe I had put up with these girls in high school.
“Hey, what’s going on everyone?” Anna walked into the kitchen with a huge smile and a buzzed look on her face.
“Your friends just left, rat face.” Suzannah laughed at her.
“What?” Anna frowned.
“Lexi and Luke left.” Suzannah laughed. “Ha, even their names go together. I guess they do make a cute couple.”
“They aren’t together.” Anna and I spoke at the same time and I gave her a small smile.
“Do you really think they’re not going home to fuck right now?” Suzannah laughed. “You two are soo gullible. I’m sure they’ve been fuck buddies for years.”
“Wash your mouth out, Suz,” I growled at her. I turned away from her and walked up the stairs quickly. I needed to lie down for a second. My head was pounding and I could barely keep my eyes open.
***
I woke up in the middle of the night in pitch black and confused. I couldn’t really remember the events of the night before and I wasn’t sure how I had gotten in bed. But I sensed immediately that there was a naked woman next to me. I could feel her body pressed up against mine and I stilled. I turned to peek at her face, but it was so dark that I wasn’t sure who it was.
All I could remember was that Lexi had left with Luke and Suzannah telling me that Lexi and Luke had been fuck buddies for years. Lexi had fooled me by telling me she was a virgin. I had always suspected that she and Luke had more going on than they pretended to have. I felt a jolt of pain dart through my heart and I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to think about Lexi. I couldn’t afford to think about Lexi. She was nothing to me. She didn’t want me now and if she knew the truth about the night with Eddie, she wouldn’t want me then either.
