The Easy Part of Impossible

by Sarah Tomp

  For an instant, she blamed Maggie. Then Sean. But seeing Benny’s smirk, she knew it had been all his idea. He always got what he wanted. This place that had seemed so inviting when she arrived now looked dingy, cold, and gray. Chlorine burned in the back of her throat.

  “You still have the grace you always had. But you’re too slow in the flip. If you aren’t going to do the work, you gotta use the board.”

  “I know,” she said around gritted teeth.

  “The NDT is waiting to hear from you.”

  She scrambled out of the pool, onto the firm cement. Then instantly wished she was back in the water. Back where she wouldn’t feel his automatic evaluation. He always watched, judged, measured. Found the nicks and wobbles. The soft and wavering spots. She hugged her own shoulders, trying to fold her body into itself.

  “What did your parents say?” He wore his winning face, cocky and bold.

  “I’m not ready.”

  “You’ve had your break. Enough screwing around. It’s time to get back to work.” His expression shifted, turned to steel.

  She blinked hard. Concentrated on standing in one place, centering her weight, every inch of her pressed down and still. No sudden movements, not in front of Benny.

  “You’re running out of time. The longer you wait, the more they’ll doubt you have what it takes. Everyone knows you freaked out. They’re worried about your head space.”

  She tasted blood, realized she’d bit the inside of her lip. “I can’t. . . .”

  “Dammit, Ria! You already signed with them.”

  “I signed because you told me to.”

  “You signed that letter of commitment because it was the smart thing to do. And now you need to get yourself together and get ready to join them. Now, before they lose interest or find someone else. Goddammit, you’re so stubborn.”

  He used to think that was a good thing.

  Benny stepped toward her, fists clenched. She braced herself, concentrating on standing firm. Ready. Once again she’d pushed him to this point. It was her own fault. Again.

  She hadn’t even realized Sean had joined them from inside. “Hey,” he said. “You guys hungry? We have to clean everything out. We have a ton of peanut butter pretzels.”

  Even Sean knew Benny’s favorite snack. But he was not supposed to interrupt practices. She wondered what he’d heard. He was breaking the rules. Except this wasn’t practice. She was the one who didn’t know the rules anymore.

  Ria snapped, “Don’t you have some laps to swim?”

  Benny laughed. Then, as she bolted, he called to her, “I got you everything you wanted!”

  But everything had changed.

  Eighteen

  Even if it had been Benny’s idea, Ria wasn’t ready to talk to Maggie or Sean. Not with the way her heart pounded and her eyes stung. They’d set her up, with no warning. Sean didn’t even belong to Benny. They knew she was pissed. Either one of them—or both—might show up at her house trying to apologize. Besides, all the telltale wet spots in weird places—over her breasts and hips, her butt—clearly from a swimsuit under her clothes would lead to questions from her parents.

  So, instead of going home, she drove to Cotton’s house. She parked on the street and sent him a text before she could decide if that was a good idea. He didn’t answer, but she knew he didn’t always keep his phone with him. Or even on. But then he came around the corner from his backyard and looked up and down the street until he found her car. She got out and leaned against it. She ran her fingers through her hair. It had finally gotten to where it looked healthy and now she’d gone and let the chlorine back in.

  “Hi, Ria.” Cotton scanned the street as if there might be someone or something following her. Or maybe that was the way she felt. He met her eyes with his brown ones, then looked upward and to the left, the way he tended to do.

  He also looked pretty damn delighted that she was there. He didn’t smile all the time, but when he did, it was worth the wait.

  “You’re wet.”

  She knew she looked like a wild mess. Disheveled and damp. Hair mussed and sticking out in all directions. She pulled her shirt away from her damp body, tried to will it dry.

  “Do you want to come inside?”

  “I’m fine here.” She wouldn’t know what to say or how to act around his family.

  “You look cold.”

  She couldn’t deny it. Not with the way she was shivering now that her fury was fizzing out. “Are you sure I can come in?”

  “Yes.”

  Standing outside the front door, Ria heard voices inside. She took a deep breath, steeled herself; ready to meet this family who had been through every kind of awful.

  Cotton opened the back door and the smell of something baking made her breathe deeply in reflex. Laughter from upstairs rang out and there was a thud of footsteps running overhead. A girl’s voice shrieked from down the hall.

  “I hope you weren’t looking for quiet. Because that’s not here.”

  “You have a big family.” She knew too many facts and details from all the television coverage to ask questions.

  “Yes. There are five children.”

  He was counting Esther.

  Mrs. Talley came down the hallway then, carrying a wilted but large potted plant, yelling over her shoulder, “Jelly, clean up your soccer stuff. And Bo, turn that TV off and get your homework done.” She paused, then smiled at Ria. “Oh. Hello.” She was taller than Ria, but not as tall as Cotton. Her hair was fair, but Ria couldn’t tell if it was more blond or gray.

  “Mom, this is Ria Williams.”

  “Nice to meet you, sweetheart.” She adjusted the plant to one arm. “You’re the diver, right? I read about you in the newspaper.”

  She was hit with a hot panic, not knowing how to reply. She’d seen their name in the paper too many times to count. She’d seen them sobbing and pleading on television. There had been articles in magazines. But this house was so warm, so happy. If Esther made her way home now, she might never leave again.

  “I understand Cotton took you caving.” Mrs. Talley raised her eyebrows in question. “I didn’t realize you two were friends.”

  “Yes. We’ve known each other a long time.”

  “We went to pull-out with Ms. Q together,” added Cotton.

  “Oh, that’s nice.” His mother smiled as if it actually was nice. “Well, Cotton, get your guest a towel.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” He motioned for Ria to follow him. He led her down a hallway lined with shoes, sports bags, and backpacks, and on into the garage.

  There wasn’t room to park a car. One side was full of tools and boxes and clutter. A treadmill stood against the back wall with rags draped over the handlebars. Toys were strewn across the shelves and overflowed out of a large plastic box. In the far corner, there was a couch beside a wooden desk covered with papers and a laptop computer.

  Cotton grabbed a yellow towel from the laundry basket on the floor and handed it to her. It was soft and warm, and smelled like it was fresh from the dryer. Ria eyed the pile of clean laundry. “Can I borrow a sweatshirt, too?”

  The bottom hem came to her knees, as if it was a dress. She pushed up the sleeves to find her hands again.

  Even though he hadn’t asked, she tried to explain. “I was at the pool with Maggie. Then Benny showed up. He’d planned it with her. Sean let him in.”

  Cotton waited silently, giving her time to figure out what she wanted to say.

  “I’m so mad at Sean. I can’t believe he set me up. I’m literally shaking.” Maggie had to do whatever Benny said, but Sean had no excuse. He’d even offered him a stupid snack.

  She pressed her hands against her eyes so hard she saw flashes of light. When she let go, a swirl of dizzy hit her. She breathed in, waited for the feeling to pass.

  “Do you want to sit down?” Cotton pointed to the chair by his desk.

  She shook her head. Sitting was never a way to calm down. She needed to move. To do somethi
ng. It felt as if her body was about to explode.

  “Did Benny hurt you?”

  “No. Why? What did you hear? Who said he did?” The surprise of his question hit her in the chest.

  “You said diving doesn’t scare you, so I thought maybe Benny did something.”

  “He didn’t touch me. Not this time. He’s just impatient for me to make plans with the NDT.”

  People outside never understood. Benny was the only person who cared about her diving as much as she did. Between his intensity and her maddening way of screwing up, it was inevitable they’d have their conflicts. It wasn’t anyone else’s business what they needed to do to make her the best. He’d told her she was the only one tough enough to take it. She was the one he cared about the most.

  She ran her tongue over her teeth, found the chipped spot.

  The thing everyone forgot, a smack on the water hurt as much as anything. Pain was part of the process. It was all part of getting stronger, better. She was so out of shape now. She wasn’t sure she could get back to where the NDT expected her to be.

  She moved away from Cotton, avoiding the flecks of green within his brown eyes. And the little dimple at the top of his lip. That crooked tooth that was her favorite part of his smile. Instead she focused on the enormous sheet of paper hung from one wall, next to a pegboard of tools. She studied the lines and swirls, the tiny numbers written at various spots, all within long and twisting tube shapes.

  “Is this one of your maps? You made this?”

  “That’s the cave.” He stood beside her, studying what he’d created. “It’s a topographical map. It shows the different elevations and land formations. It can be difficult to translate if you’re not familiar with the codes.”

  He was right. Ria didn’t know how to read the lines and amoeba shapes. She traced one dark line that snaked along the middle. “What’s this part?”

  “That’s the hill you slid down. When the lines are close together, that’s a steep incline. But over here, there aren’t as many lines because it’s almost flat.”

  Ria tilted her head, studied the shapes around it.

  “And the numbers and the shading—that’s to mark the volume. It indicates the ceiling so we know how much room we have to navigate.”

  Slowly, almost more of a feeling than a thought—like that moment of knowing when to open up out of a flip midair—she could see what he meant. The cave she’d seen, heard, smelled, merged with the lines in front of her. She ran her fingers over the paper as if she could find a way inside. “Is this the place you called the ‘back door to Australia’?”

  “Yes. That’s it. You get it.”

  “This is amazing. Except none of this shows how beautiful it is.” She turned to face him.

  “There’s never only one way to see something. You have to get all the different sides and versions.”

  She nodded. Swallowed. Had to look away.

  On his desk, she saw a white card with gold writing across the front: Congratulations! You have received an award. She picked it up and read the inside: You are invited. A night of celebration.

  “Ooh. An award. What for?”

  Cotton shrugged. “I’m not sure. I have to go to the ceremony to find out.”

  “You have no idea? Does that make you nervous?”

  “No. My mom thinks it’s for school or my online classes. Or maybe for the map work I did over the summer. Whatever it is, it’s something I already did. I don’t need to worry about it now.”

  “Impressive. That’s a lot of options.”

  “Was that inappropriate bragging?”

  “No. You aren’t bragging. I’m curious. The only awards I’ve ever gotten were for diving.” Since he still looked uncomfortable, she added, “Tell me how you made this map.”

  “Do you want to see it on the computer?” He plopped down in the chair. “Here’s the program I use.”

  She moved closer, stood beside him.

  He stared at the computer screen. He tilted his head, rubbing his chin and working his mouth so she knew he was thinking. He clicked on one of the icons, then another.

  “This is our map.”

  It looked so precise and official. Hard to believe it was based on the numbers Cotton plugged in. He could make the world look any way he wanted. More hill? No problem. A tunnel to hide in? Let’s put one right here. Except he wouldn’t invent or adjust. He liked facts and measurements. Besides, she’d been there. She could recognize the places he’d reported.

  “If there’s another opening to the same cave, where would it be?”

  “We won’t know until we find it.”

  With Cotton sitting, she was a little bit taller than him. She glanced down at the mess of waves in his hair. It wasn’t one color. There were different shades of brown tangled around reddish highlights. The swirl of it was a little bit like the lines on his maps. She played with her own wet hair so she wouldn’t run her fingers through his. He turned suddenly and met her eyes. His stare was intense and unwavering.

  If he moved to kiss her right here, right now, she wouldn’t stop him.

  Her heart thumped faster, rushing her blood hot and fast throughout her, making her feel too warm, but shivery, too. Except he didn’t try. He didn’t move at all.

  “Do you have a map of the quarry?” Her voice came out shaky and too thick. “Of what’s under the water?”

  He turned back to the computer. After a few clicks, he pointed at the screen, helping her to read the shadows and symbols. It included the old equipment and different rock shelves. She moved closer, trying to align the image with her memory of the place.

  “They searched the quarry looking for Esther. They hired divers and used underwater cameras. It allowed for updated accuracy.”

  Damn.

  “I’m sorry.” She immediately wished she could take the words back. She felt more than sorry. More than wishing. More. So much more.

  “I think Sean had good intentions.”

  Confused, Ria glanced at the chart on the screen, then back at him, trying to figure out where Sean fit in.

  “I’m sure he didn’t know you’d be angry. Benny was your coach, right? Did he know you’d be upset to talk to him?”

  “You’re on Sean’s side?” she asked.

  “Why are there sides? It’s something that happened. You got upset and you came here.” He paused. Then said, “Why are you here, Ria?”

  Maybe it was as simple as the fact Cotton didn’t know Benny. He didn’t have anything to do with diving. He was completely separate from that part of who she used to be. “Because we’re friends. Aren’t we?”

  “I don’t know,” said Cotton.

  He turned in his chair suddenly, away from her. It was clear he was done with their conversation. It was like she’d disappeared. He wouldn’t meet her eyes, not even when she said, “Do you want me to leave?”

  Cotton just kept typing frantically, as if he’d make the right answer suddenly appear.

  Except there wasn’t one.

  Nineteen

  Later that afternoon, Maggie tiptoed into Ria’s room, looking wary and carrying a plate of peanut butter fudge and brownies. “Do you want to have a horror marathon?” Except they both knew she said it as whore-er in honor of all the poor slutty girls who’d fallen to their deaths immediately after having sex.

  Ria raised her eyebrows. “Can we fantasize that Chrissy is the first to go?”

  “Of course. Are you okay?”

  She shrugged away the concern she heard. Maggie knew Benny, almost as well as Ria, but almost wasn’t an exact match. With all the not-talking they’d done, she’d lost track of what Maggie knew to worry about. “You brought me sweets and promises of bloodshed. What else could I need?” She’d always loved a good solid night of terror. It was a way to flirt with fear.

  As Maggie sat beside her, she reached out and pressed her finger against Ria’s arm.

  “Ouch! What are you doing?”

  “What are you doin
g? That’s one helluva bruise.”

  Ria turned her arm so she could see it better. Maggie was right. The large yellowish spot traveled from her elbow halfway to her wrist. She didn’t remember hitting her arm specifically, but all the many bumps and knobs inside the cave were hard to see. There was a fair amount of crashing into things. “From this angle it looks like a penguin. See the feet?”

  “Maybe. How’d you get it?” Maggie twisted her head around, obliging.

  “I must have bumped it on a rock,” Ria said.

  This might be the time to tell Maggie about caving. Except how could she explain it, and whatever she felt about Cotton, when she didn’t understand it herself?

  “Are you diving with someone else? Did your parents get you a new coach?”

  She stared at Maggie, not following this ricochet of thoughts.

  “You have that bruise. And others, too. I saw them when we were at the pool. You’re still as strong as ever. Is that why you were upset to see Benny?”

  She’d certainly had bruises from diving before. Bruises meant she was pushing past easy, making progress, moving on to something tougher. But to have Maggie question her now made her suddenly aware of the giant chasm between them. On the one side they had all this history, all this shared experience. But on the other side were the places they didn’t go together anymore. Futures that had nothing to do with each other. She had to be careful where she stepped.

  “That was the first time I’ve been on a board since LA.” Not meeting Maggie’s stare, she tried to shift the focus back to the comfortable topic of horror. “So, what movie should we watch? Remind me, which one made you cry?”

  “They’re all sad. Everyone always dies.”

  “That’s the point!” Ria laughed, until she looked up. “Are you already crying?”

  “Are you breaking up with Sean because of Benny?”

  “What does that even mean?”

  “Sean told me you aren’t answering his texts or calls. I know you’re pissed that Benny showed up at the pool. But that wasn’t Sean’s fault. That was me.”