Mr. Fox and Other Feral Tales
Page 40
Personally, I think my writer friend could have sent queries to any number of small universities. Maybe he could have found a gig teaching creative writing. He was smart, funny, and engaging—he would have been a natural in the classroom. But he didn't have the confidence. He was afraid to try. So he stuck with what he knew, with no health plan, no benefits, no security. Ten years later, I'm sorry to say that things haven't changed much for him. He's still on the treadmill, but it isn't really getting him anywhere. I wish he'd realized that he had options beyond his computer keyboard.
[23] You'll do a lot a pitching if you go after work-for-hire, but you won't often be paid for the time and creative energy you invest in those proposals and outlines unless you're incredibly lucky. You'll only get a check if the editor bites and gives you the go-ahead on a project, and then it will come after you finish the job and the editor has approved your work. For me, that process spelled danger from Step #1.1 generally plot as I go along, so outlining without a word on the page isn't an easy way to go for me. By the time I've done an outline, I might as well have written a story (or comic script, or screenplay, or... etc.). As a result, producing an outline wasn't a quick or painless process for me, and neither was pitching an idea.
[24] My example's a semi-swipe from the late Karl Edward Wagner. At the first World Fantasy Convention I attended back in 1991, I remember Karl saying that he wouldn't be surprised to receive an invitation for a "haunted woodstove" anthology. Needless to say, he was only half-kidding.
And here I must also plead guilty myself, because I once co-edited an anthology with Marty Greenberg called It Came from the Drive-In, composed of stories that might have been horror/sci-fi movies back in the fifties and sixties. Hey, the end result was a lot of fun judging by reader reaction, and, besides, the whole idea was supposed to be funny. (NOTE; I did get a story out of Karl Edward Wagner for the book, though it didn't include a haunted woodstove.)
[25] a.k.a. books so poorly conceived that they were automatically guaranteed a spot on remainder tables in fine bookstores everywhere, along with a heaping helping of everlasting shame for the writers who contributed to them.
[26] If you don't remember splatterpunk, it would take too long to explain it (and the controversy it caused) a long, long time ago. Let's just say that it was seen from various perspectives as A) a movement, B) a marketing ploy, C) a big mistake, or D) all of the above.
[27] Yeah. I know. Tom Hanks went to Sac State, too. I missed him by a couple of years.
[28] And on one memorable occasion, my first (and last) experience with Southern Comfort. We were listening to a Janis Joplin record. How else can I explain it?
[29] Another story from this period, "The Hollow Man," falls In the same company.
[30] But who's going to tell me if my story doesn't work? you ask. How will I know if I haven't done the job? I've got a simple answer that'll take care of both of those questions: that's why God made editors... and that's why He gave them those rejection slips.
[31] When I was first starting out, I heard tales of a falling out between two bestselling pros over comments made while workshopping a story in a writers' group. Apparently, the discussion got so nasty that they stopped speaking, and one of them quit the group. Fifteen years later (and counting), they still haven't buried the hatchet, though they often attend the same conventions and functions.
[32] My wife sold her first story to George, too. Tia's story, "Number Five in Whiskey Dog," appeared back to back with a story of mine in Guignoir and Other Furies... and that's how we first got acquainted. Thanks, George!
[33] Besides "Cosmos," I sold two other stories to George."Tombstone Moon," appeared in Souls in Pawn, and"Guignoir,"appeared in Guignoir and Other Furies. The latter was the first piece to gain some attention beyond the small press horror pond.
[34] If you do any research, you'll discover there are many accepted spelling variations for the character's name: Stackalee, Stagger Lee, Stagolee, etc.
[35] He's not the "main" character in the story. 'The Bars on Satan's Jailhouse" is told in third person using three primary characters, all of whom weigh in equally. I did write a sequel where Stack was definitely the focus—"Dead Man's Hand, "which was published in my second collection, Bad Intentions (Subterranean Press, 1996).
[36] I still think ’57 Chevys are pretty cool, too. And Elvis.
[37] No mystery there. The Jones is pretty much a real-life cousin of mine. "Mayday! Mayday!" and "You knew the risk!" are two of his favorite lines.
[38] Rich was following in the footsteps of other established specialty presses. I'm thinking of outfits like Mark V. Ziesing, Donald Grant, and Dark Harvest, all of whom were producing books at the time.
[39] Checking in with a few publishers. I'm told that these days POD books cost about $6 per copy to produce. Of course, that's an average figure—it could vary depending on the size of the book, the number of copies produced, etc.
[40] And remember what I said earlier about your works being marketable goods. Give them to the wrong publisher and you've really made a serious mistake. A bad publisher can screw up your novel overnight; it's for sure and for certain that you can't write another one that fast.
[41] If you want to see just how jam-packed the market is with small-press product, check out Matt Schwartz's bookselling site at
[42] If you're hoping to sell a mass-market edition of your book to a mainstream publisher, this is especially important.
[43] Many professionals rely on small press projects for a decent slice of their income; for some, it means the difference between working a joe job and writing full time.
[44] The latest misstep I've noticed: micro-editions, i.e. books with extremely high prices and print runs of TOO copies (or less). This might work in the case of a really fine collector's edition of a classic work that's also an impressive example of the bookmaker's art, but publishing an original work in a very small edition can be dangerous for a writer. Your readers might be upset that you've written a book they can't possibly afford. And even if they can afford the book, you'd better hope that it pays off as both a creative endeavor and a collectible. Otherwise, your not-so-gentle reader's going to end up feeling like he just got taken at a very expensive Tupperware party.
[45] I think it was Les Daniels who first coined that phrase in an interview with Stan Wiater.
[46] There were other trends, too. One was to write a knock-off of one of Stephen King's most popular novels. I read countless variations on 'Salem's Lot, novels that substituted zombies or werewolves or teenage wendigos for King's vampires. Ditto other King novels, like The Stand or The Shining or It. There were a lot of "evil little kid" books, too, most of which took their inspiration from The Omen. Add to that the ubiquitous vampire novels—lots and lots of vampire novels. Not to mention books about creatures in the cellar, demons freed from desecrated Indian burial grounds, things from the sewer, toxified animals on a rampage, flies and spiders, and...well, I could go on and on.
[47] The main factors I took into consideration when choosing an agent were these: who were his clients and what had he sold for them, what genre did those clients work in, and what publishers did he regularly do business with.
[48] Which always made me want to ask: "Gee, who do you like in a Jim Thompson novel?"
[49] At one point, I figured that the only way I could sell Slippin' into Darkness to a New York publisher would be to offer a free bottle of Prozac with every copy.
[50] Entitled�
��surprise—Vampires!
[51] After all, I'm just a guy named Partridge. What the hell do I know about Crows?
[52] The other story was "Wrapped Up in White Linen and Cold as the Clay" by Gregory Nicoll and Patricia Ross.
[53] And, yes, I am ashamed to admit that said undead horde was to spring from the hoary locale found on every map of cliches—the old Indian burial ground.
[54] My brother had a night class to attend and didn't think twice about finding something for me to do on my own. I guess you wouldn't send a kid off alone to see a play today, but I'm thankful it wasn't that way back in the seventies.
[55] And sometimes, the opposite would hold true. I'd lose interest in a writer because his characters behaved in ways diametrically opposed to the Macbeth school. It's one reason I could never connect with Lovecraft (though I could certainly appreciate his particular talent and view of the world). I just couldn't take all those protagonists fainting dead away or settling into the darkness while fate (& the Old Ones) rolled over them like some eldritch steamroller.
[56] And online promotion can be very effective—check out a few online journals written by professionals in horror and fantasy. Try Neil Gaiman's, or Graham Joyce's. Both are thoughtful and fun, and they keep you apprised of the author's new projects in an entertaining manner. (Can't find 'em? Google 'em!)
[57] Remember the old Famous Monsters of Filmland magazine? it featured advertisements for high-end monster masks produced by Don Post Studios, pricey stuff that made any teenage monster fan drool. Of course, most of us couldn't afford those, so we settled for the "budget" versions which were also available. The most notorious was the "budget ape" mask. The picture in the magazine looked pretty scary, but the reality was something different, and most kids who ordered a "budget ape" ended up having their first lesson in hype vs. reality. Put on a "budget ape" and it'd just kind of hang there off your head. Lay it on a table, that thin hunk of painted rubber would collapse and end up looking something like a burnt waffle with fun fur.
[58] Yep...in those days you couldn't just log on to AOL and shoot someone a manuscript as an attachment. I'm not even sure you could easily send most folks a fax at that point. FedEx was the answer when you needed next-day-service. Even for a short story, it'd cost you ten or fifteen bucks to send something that way. Boy, does my wallet love e-mail.
Table of Contents
Foreword: The Passion of the Norm
Introduction: Learning The Trade
Little Bookshop of Horrors
MR. FOX
Hard-Boiled Horror
THE BADDEST SON OF A BITCH IN THE HOUSE
Rejection, Resolve and Respect
BLACK LEATHER KITES
The First Dance
SAVE THE LAST DANCE
Building Your Sandcastle
SANDPRINT
Seeing the Wizard
VESSELS
On Zombies … And Hunger
IN BEAUTY, LIKE THE NIGHT
A Keyboard Built For One
BODY BAGS
You Can’t Write With a Bowling Ball
COSMOS
An Oxblood Stetson Hat
STACKALEE
A Couple of Wolves At the Door
TOOTH AND NAIL
Coming Soon: The Small Press Apocalypse
THE ENTOURAGE
The Care and Feeding of First Novels
KISS OF DEATH
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
A Few Recommendations
DR. FRANKENSTEIN’S SECRETS OF STYLE
A Word From the Editor[s]
TREATS
Writing For Them & Writing For You
VELVET FANGS
The 3” x 5” Secret to Good Outlines
¡CUIDADO!
The Macbeth School of Horror
WHEN THE FRUIT COMES RIPE
It’s the Steak, Not the Sizzle
WALKERS
When Opportunity Knocks…
THE SEASON OF GIVING
Afterword: Head, Heart & Guts
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