Insider (Outsider Series)

by Micalea Smeltzer

  “I feel like I’m going to be shanked after school,” I muttered under my breath to Caeden.

  He looked up and his gaze met that of one of the guys who’d been giving me the stink eye.

  “Don’t worry about it, babe,” he squeezed my leg. “They’re just pissed they got beat by a girl.”

  Bentley snorted. “I’d be pissed too.”

  Bryce balanced a fry on his upper lip. “I just can’t wait to go to a game and watch Sophie beat a bunch of guys asses. It’s going to epic. I can see the looks on their faces now.” Charlotte swiped the fry from Bryce’s lip and ate it. “Hey!” Bryce pouted at her.

  She smiled. “And that’s what they’re faces will look like,” she pointed to Bryce and giggled.

  Chris sat beside Logan and was not her bubbly self. I think knowing how close she’d come to losing her brother scared her. I was glad that Logan was okay. I didn’t want anything to happen to any of my pack but I also had to live with the fact that I’d killed someone.

  “Sophie,” Caeden said, sensing my thoughts.

  I looked up at him.

  “You did what you had to do. Don’t beat yourself up about it.”

  I tore a fry in half and watched its potato guts spew out onto the green tray. “It just seems wrong that we’re sitting here, laughing, talking, having fun, when they’re dead. When we killed them.”

  “Sophie-”

  “I know they were bad, evil, whatever. But they were still people just like us.”

  “They’re nothing like us,” Caeden spat. “You did what you had to do, to save my brother. We did what we had to do,” he lowered his voice and whispered in my ear. His lips tingled the sensitive skin.

  “I know,” I said. “But that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.”

  I pushed my tray away and let my pack have their pickings. I wasn’t hungry, not at all.

  “I feel like I’m losing my soul,” I said to Caeden. “Like I have no control over anything anymore.”

  “Sophie, that isn’t true.”

  “But it is,” I said. “From the moment I got here I’ve had no control over my future, over my destiny.”

  Hurt flooded his blue eyes.

  “I didn’t mean it like that,” I grabbed his arm. He pulled away.

  “I think you did,” his voice was soft, full of hurt.

  “No, Caeden,” I put my hands on his cheeks and forced him to meet my gaze. “I didn’t mean you. I love you. You are my choice. Always.” I pressed my forehead to his and said again, “Always.”

  Caeden let out a breath. “Good… and I do sort of understand what you’re saying. And about the whole Grimm thing.”

  “Doesn’t it bother you?” I played with his ears. “Killing?”

  He turned his head and looked out the back window of the cafeteria. “I don’t know,” he said.

  “You don’t know? That seems like something you would know.”

  He stood and picked up his backpack. I looked around and realized that the cafeteria was completely empty. He grabbed my tray and said, “We better get to study hall.”

  I tucked my hair behind my ear and grabbed my backpack off the ground.

  Caeden and I walked to study hall, not holding hands, not even talking. I felt like there was an invisible wall between us. I wanted to reach out and bang my fists against it in the hope that it would fall. Crumble. Shatter.

  For the first time in a long time I didn’t do any homework in study hall. I was too absorbed in my thoughts. Robert. Hannah. Travis. A distant Caeden. It was all just too much.

  * * *

  “Welcome to the first day of practice,” Coach said. “I expect the most from my players,” he looked at me, “and I want to win this year!”

  Evan snickered and leaned towards me. “Johnston may be the best coach we’ve ever had but we’ve yet to win a game.”

  “A single one?” I asked, astonished.

  Evan shook his head.

  Coach dumped out a bag of soccer balls. “I want you to do two laps around the field dribbling. Get to it!”

  As we dribbled around the field I said to the seven guys, “I’m glad to see you all made the team.”

  Tyler grinned. “Of course we made the team.”

  “We couldn’t let these fuckers terrorize our girl,” Brody dribbled past me.

  “Should I be worried that they’ll do something?”

  “Nah,” Cam shook his head.

  “And if they try something,” Shane winked, “we’ll be sure to stop it.”

  “Yeah,” Kyle said, “we can’t have our best player taken out. We need you.”

  “You’re our secret weapon,” Riley said.

  Evan chimed in with, “The other teams are going to see you and think, ‘She’s hot, what can she do?’ and then you’ll just get out there and show them how soccer’s really played.”

  I laughed. “It helps to have an awesome team backing you.”

  “Awesome?” Riley said. “We are dynamite! Dynamite! Dy-na-mite!” The other guys joined in, even the ones that hated my guts, and I couldn’t help laughing. It felt good to laugh after the day, no not just the day but the week, I had had.

  But once I thought of lunch today I couldn’t get the image of killing Robert out of my mind. I understood that he was evil and that he was going to kill Bryce, but that didn’t make it any easier for me to deal with. A life was life.

  * * *

  Caeden wasn’t waiting for me in the parking lot but he had dropped of my Pilot. The key was in the ignition. I tossed my bag onto the passenger seat and then leaned back, closing my eyes. I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose.

  I thought that the Grimm Pack being gone would solve our problems but obviously they were just beginning.

  Opening my eyes I started the car and drove home.

  Caeden wasn’t home but Gram was. She’d made grilled chicken for dinner.

  “How did practice go?”

  “It went,” I muttered, going into the bathroom. I took a long shower and when I got out I even took the time to blow dry my hair. I clipped a portion back so that it wouldn’t be hanging in my face.

  When I joined Gram at the kitchen table Caeden still hadn’t come home.

  “Gram,” I said, pushing a piece of chicken around my plate. “Does Caeden seem a bit strange to you?”

  She wiped her mouth on a napkin. “He seems a bit distracted. Distant,” she resumed eating.

  I felt better knowing that I wasn’t the only one picking up on Caeden’s odd behavior.

  “But,” Gram shrugged, “going through something like you all did changes a person. Wouldn’t you say that you’re changed?”

  I swallowed. “Of course.”

  She smiled reassuringly and patted my hand. “I’m sure Caeden’s struggling just like you are. He’s a man so he’s not going to be as open about his feelings. Give him time.”

  Give him time. “I can do that.”

  She sat back and pointed at my plate. “Now stop worrying and eat your dinner.”

  * * *

  Caeden slipped into my bed around midnight. I folded my hands under my head and rolled over to face him. “Where were you?” I asked. I tried to keep any tone of accusing out of my voice. I honestly didn’t even know what I could be accusing him of.

  “I went for a walk. I needed to clear my head.”

  “You went on a walk for nine hours?”

  “I was looking for something.”

  “Did you find it?”

  “No,” he sighed. “I didn’t.”

  “What you’re looking for… is it important?”

  “Very.”

  “I could’ve helped you,” I said.

  Even in the dark I could see his brow furrow. “No, this is something I have to do on my own.”

  “Are you mad at me?” I asked after several tense moments of silence.

  “I can never be mad at you,” he rolled over to face me. He smiled. “Besides, as far as I know you
haven’t done something I should be mad about. Have you?”

  “No,” I said. “I just feel like there’s a wall between us,” I pointed at him and then me.

  Caeden let out a breath and wrapped his arms around me. “I’m sorry I’m being such a crappy boyfriend,” he kissed the top of my head. “I just have a lot on my mind. From this moment on I’ll just be Normal Caeden not Grumpy Caeden.”

  “That sounds good,” I said as his hand smoothed down my back causing me to shiver. I was sure we’d be ninety and Caeden’s touch would still affect me the same way.

  Seventeen.

  I knocked on the door and Evan opened it, grinning. “Our girl is here!” he called into the locker room. “Don’t worry, we’re all dressed.”

  I blushed, that had been what I was worrying about, was it written so plainly on my face? “Coach told me to come for the pre-game speech.”

  “You should’ve run the other way,” Brody said as he made room for me to sit down.

  “Are they that bad?” I asked.

  “Yeah,” all the boys chorused.

  Well then.

  “Is princess here?” Coach called from his office.

  “The she-wolf has arrived!” Evan yelled back.

  Coach emerged from his office and stood in front of us.

  Oh God, he had the short shorts on again.

  “I think I just threw up a bit in my mouth,” I said to no one in particular.

  “Me too,” Cam said.

  Coach smacked his hands together, completely unaware of his nausea inducing shorts.

  “I want ya’ll to go out there and show that team what we’re made of! Show them that we’re not a bunch of pansies! We are Warriors!”

  “Warriors!” The guys’ fist bumped the air and I joined in with much less enthusiasm.

  “And this year we have a secret weapon! The she-wolf!” he pointed to me.

  “Oh God, kill me now,” I whispered under my breath.

  The boys began to howl.

  The other guys had reluctantly accepted me as part of the team. They no longer gave me dirty looks but there was a particular iciness radiating from them. That was fine with me.

  “We’re gonna win this year,” Coach rubbed his hands together, “I can feel it.” There was a bit of a manic gleam to his eye. “Win! Win! Win!” He fist bumped the air. “I want to win,” he said.

  My eyes widened and I looked at Evan. He shrugged. “Normally it’s worse.”

  “Now let’s get out there and show those pussies what real men are made of!” Coach pointed to his shirt.

  “Red and black! Red and black! Red and black!” We all chanted.

  The boys filed out of the locker room but Coach held me back, grabbing me by my jersey top. I eyed his hand and he let go. I smoothed out the red and black mesh material.

  “Ready princess?” he asked.

  “I’ve been ready.”

  “Good,” he put his hands on his hips.

  “Can I… uh… go now?” I pointed to the door.

  “Yeah, course princess.” I was pushing the door open when he said, “I’m really sorry about the way I acted at tryouts. You deserve to be on this team.”

  “Thanks Coach,” I said.

  * * *

  I was nervous. So nervous, and I didn’t even know why. I was wiping my sweaty palms on mesh shorts when Shane walked up to me.

  “Don’t be nervous she-wolf,” he clapped me on the back. “You’re going to rock this.”

  As if to back up his words a chorus of, “She will, she will, rock you!” I turned to see my pack, Gram, and Amy in the stands. Bryce had obviously been the culprit to start the chant. His face was painted with our team colors, red and black.

  “Do I look that nervous?” I asked him.

  “You look like you’re going to throw up.”

  “Great.”

  He chuckled and sat down on the bleachers. There was a sizable enough crowd but nothing compared to football nights. This town made a big deal out of football games.

  Before I knew what was happening the game was starting. A guy from the other team looked me over. “But you’re a girl,” he yelled and looked over at his coach. “She’s a girl!”

  Bryce stood up in the stands. “No dip dumb shit! Of course she’s a girl! She has boobies and a-” Caeden tackled Bryce before anything else could slip out of his mouth.

  “Just play the game!” the other team’s coach yelled back.

  The boy in front of me looked me up and down. “I can’t believe they let you on the boy’s team. Do you even know what a soccer ball looks like?”

  “Apparently you don’t,” I said as the soccer ball flew in his direction from one of his teammates.

  “Huh?” he said but it was too late, I had control of the ball.

  I ran down the field, I could hear howls and chants of ‘she-wolf’, but it didn’t faze me, not when I was in the zone.

  The goalie seemed confused to see me so I used that advantage and sent the ball soaring straight into the net.

  “Goal!”

  My team ran to me. “Guys it’s just one point,” I said.

  Evan stopped in front of me. “Who cares? That was fucking awesome! Did you see that dude’s face?”

  I ignored them and stole the ball from one of the other team’s players, who was almost to our goal.

  “I don’t think so bud,” I said as I swiped it out from under him.

  “She-wolf! She-wolf! She-wolf!” the people in the bleachers chanted.

  “Goal!” someone called.

  Before I knew it, the game was over. I didn’t need to look at the scoreboard. I was well aware of the outcome.

  “We won!” Coach screamed, throwing his arms out. “We won! Oh my God we won!” He took his baseball cap off and threw it on the ground before jumping up and down like an ecstatic five year old girl. “Yes! We won! In your face Franklin! In. Your. Face.” He pointed at the other team’s coach.

  Evan bumped me with his shoulder. “You were incredible, she-wolf. We couldn’t have done it without you.”

  I smiled. “That was so much fun!”

  Evan laughed. “Most fun we’ve had on the field in a long time.”

  “I’m glad I could be a part of it.”

  Brody jogged over. “Hey Sophie, are you going to come get pizza with us?”

  “Pizza?”

  “Yeah,” he said, “the team always goes out for pizza after a game. Did no one invite you?”

  “I was getting to it,” Evan bit out.

  I laughed. “I’d love to come. Is it okay if my friends come too?” I pointed to the stands.

  “Of course,” Kyle came up to us, rubbing a towel over his sweat-drenched face. “Friends, family, the more the merrier,” he grinned.

  “Great,” I smiled, “Let me go tell them.”

  I ran up to the bleachers and into Caeden’s waiting arms.

  “Babe, you were great,” he said and kissed me. “Absolutely fantastic.”

  “And covered in sweat,” Bryce said, giving me an icky face.

  I turned towards Caeden’s younger brother, “That’s what the showers in the locker room are for. Water comes out and then you’re clean.”

  “I always wondered what those nozzle things were for,” Bryce grinned. “Showering? Who would’ve ever guessed?”

  “I’ll meet you in the parking lot?” I asked Caeden.

  “I’ll be in the Jeep.”

  I waved over my shoulder to the others before running back onto the field.

  Riley caught me in his arms when I reached the field and threw me over his shoulders.

  “Put me down,” I giggled, beating his back.

  “No can do, she-wolf,” he said.

  “Help me!” I implored Brody and Evan.

  They just laughed.

  Riley carried me into the school and didn’t let me go until we reached the girls locker room. “I hate you,” I stuck my tongue out him.