Insider (Outsider Series)

by Micalea Smeltzer

  Someone said, “Shut that girl up!”

  Caeden growled and nothing else was said.

  “Sophie, why didn’t you tell me you’re afraid of heights?”

  I stiffened in his arms. “Because, it’s a silly fear,” I mumbled into his shirt.

  “No, it’s not,” he said, rubbing soothing circles on my back.

  “It is,” I said. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t apologize,” he said and kissed the top of my head. “Silly girl, you have nothing to be sorry for.”

  The seat continued to lurch upward and shake. “This wouldn’t be so bad if it would just stop shaking!”

  Caeden couldn’t contain his laughter any longer and his body began to shake which then shook the seat and me.

  I screamed again and bit down on my fist to muffle the sound.

  “Sophie, I’m so sorry,” he said.

  “Not your fault,” I said into his shirt, which muffled my voice.

  “Yeah it is. I should’ve known.”

  “And I should’ve said something. That makes me the dumbass. Not you.”

  “That may be true,” he said and even though I couldn’t see his face I knew his lips were quirked at the corners.

  Time seemed to go on forever before my feet touched the ground. “Oh thank God!” I cried and held onto Caeden’s arm as a wave of dizziness overtook me.

  “Why don’t we head somewhere safe?” he pointed to a food stand.

  “That’s probably the best idea,” I said and tried to quell the queasiness in my stomach. I did not want to throw up all over Caeden.

  Caeden sat me down at a table and came back with a ginger ale and caramel popcorn. I opened the can and stuck in a straw. “Sip this,” he said, “it’ll make you feel better.”

  I took the can from him and did as he said. Within minutes my stomach had settled. “Thanks,” I smiled.

  He leaned over, putting his hand on my face, and tracing my cheek with his thumb. “I will always take care of you.”

  “I’ve never doubted that for a second.”

  He was leaning in to kiss me when Bryce showed up.

  “Hey ya’ll, you’ll never believe what I just heard! Apparently some girl totally flipped out on the Ferris wheel.”

  I paled.

  “Oh God, it was you wasn’t it?” he looked at me and busted out laughing. “It figures.”

  Charlotte sat down beside me and in her quiet voice said, “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine,” I said.

  Bryce was still bent over in laughter so Caeden kicked his knee, knocking him to ground. Bryce fussed, “What was that for?”

  “What do you think?”

  “It was funny,” Bryce cried.

  “You know what else will be funny?” Caeden smiled charmingly.

  “What?” Bryce asked and his eyes narrowed.

  “When you show up to school on Monday with a black eye.”

  “You wouldn’t,” Bryce said.

  “Oh I would,” Caeden grinned and leaned back in his seat, his hands behind his head.

  “You suck! I swear, I’m never allowed to have any fun around you! Fun sucker that’s what you are!”

  “Dramatic much?” Caeden quirked a brow. “You always did look like a girl as a baby. Is there something you’d like to let me know?”

  “I did not look like a girl,” Bryce said between gritted teeth. “I just had luscious hair, don’t be hatin’.” Bryce sat down next to Charlotte and took her hand in his. She looked up at him and for the first time I could truly see the love between them. It was sweet.

  “Want some?” Caeden offered me the bag of caramel popcorn.

  “Sure,” I took a handful. Yum.

  As I was munching Caeden said, “Are you going to name the panda?”

  I looked over at the panda sitting in a chair next to him. I shrugged. “You should name him, you’re the one that won him.”

  Caeden pondered. “Perry.”

  “Perry? Perry the Panda?”

  “See? It has a nice ring to it.”

  Bryce snorted and stood. “Charlotte and I are going to go on one of the rides before you make me ill.”

  I laughed. “You should hear some of the stuff that comes out of your mouth that makes me ill.”

  Bryce shook his head. “Pure awesomness is what comes out of my mouth. I just have a way with words.”

  Charlotte shook her head, her red hair flaming around her. She gave me a look that said, ‘See what I have to deal with?’

  I smiled and twirled my straw around the can.

  “Hey!” Caeden called to someone over my shoulder. He waved them over. I turned and saw Logan.

  Logan sat down and said, “What’s up with you guys?”

  “Nothing much,” I said.

  “Did you hear about the girl-”

  I held up my hand to stop him. “It was me.” Then, I added under my breath, “Man, news travels fast around here.”

  “Small town,” Logan said. “Everybody knows everything.”

  “I wouldn’t say everything,” smiled Caeden. “So, how’ve you been? We haven’t seen you around much,” he clapped Logan on the back.

  Logan shrugged. “I’ve just been…”

  “Dealing?” I sent him a sympathetic glance. After all, only a few months ago I’d been in his position and I was far from being over it. I tried to put on a brave face and act like it didn’t affect me but that wasn’t the case. I fingered my scar. Liar. Caeden was unaware of the nightmares that haunted me. The vision of Travis looming over me and Peter draining my blood until there was nothing left. All I could do was deal with it.

  “Yeah,” Logan said, looking at me through long pale blond eyelashes. His green eyes were paler than usual with dark circles underneath. His pale skin was lighter than normal too.

  I reached out and patted his hand. He snatched it back as soon as my skin touched his. “Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to. I know you-”

  “It’s okay,” I held up a hand, “believe me, I understand.”

  “Yeah, I guess you do,” he picked at the frayed knee of his jeans. “You’ve handled everything a lot better than I am.” He swallowed and glanced at the darkening sky.

  “I had Caeden,” I shrugged. “If I hadn’t had him I don’t know how I’d act. I certainly wouldn’t have handled it as well.”

  Caeden reached across the table and took my hand. We were both reliving memories that haunted us.

  “Well, I’m alone,” Logan said. “Always alone.”

  “No you’re not,” I cried. “You have us. Your pack. Your sister. You can talk to us Logan. Especially me, I understand.”

  He ran his hand over his face. “It just sucks because they’re right.”

  “About what?” I raised an eyebrow.

  “I am an abomination.”

  “No you’re not,” I said with conviction.

  “They kill gays,” Logan’s Adam’s apple bobbed. “I’m just going to end up dead.”

  I wanted to smack Logan over the head for his pessimistic attitude.

  “Caeden and I will never let that happen. Neither will Bentley, Bryce, Charlotte, and Christian. We love you Logan.”

  Logan’s eyebrows raised. “I don’t see how you can love me. I’m not exactly the nicest person.”

  “That may be true,” I shrugged and then gasped when Caeden kicked me under the table. I sent him a glare. “But we do love you.”

  His lips lifted in a small smile. It was the biggest smile I’d ever seen him give. “I’ll try to be nicer,” he said.

  I laughed. “I don’t care if you’re nice or not. I just want you to be you. No more pretending. I think it’s time we all got to know the real Logan Lyke.”

  “What if I don’t know who the real me is?” he asked.

  “Then I guess you better find yourself,” I smiled.

  “Find myself,” he murmured. He smacked his hand on the table and stood, smiling. This was a real smile and I found
myself smiling back. “I’ll see ya’ll later,” he said and melted into the crowd.

  I looked over at Caeden. “This is turning out to be some night,” I said.

  He laughed. “And it’s not over yet.” He picked up Perry and said, “I think we should drop this thing off at the car and walk around. No more Ferris wheel, I promise.”

  “Sounds good,” I stood and stretched. “But don’t call him a thing. His name is Perry.”

  Caeden shook his head, laughing at me. He grabbed Perry and tossed the panda over his shoulder.

  “Car’s this way,” he nodded when I headed in the opposite direction.

  “Oh right. Sorry,” I blushed.

  Caeden put Perry in the driver’s seat of Stella Jr. and went as far as to buckle him up.

  “If Bryce gets mad and rips Perry to pieces I’m going to rip you to pieces,” I smiled.

  “I can always win you another,” he took my hand.

  “But then it won’t be Perry,” I said as we went through the gates again.

  “I guess I’ll just have to make sure we beat Bryce to the car.”

  I smiled and stood on my tiptoes to kiss his scruffy cheek. I was enjoying this night so much. It was so nice to go out and just be a normal couple for a little while. I felt like we were never given many opportunities to do that.

  I decided to just soak in the night. Remember every detail.

  Like the sounds of the games as they clanged and bells went off. Squeals of delight. Groans when someone didn’t win. Children’s happy shrieks. The whirl of the Ferris wheel.

  I sniffed the air and the smells of popcorn and funnel cake flooded me. Underneath that scent was those of the petting zoo, not necessarily pleasant, but I enjoyed it nonetheless.

  Caeden and I spent the evening strolling around and stopping to play various games. Caeden always won. I was going to have a nice collection of stuffed animals. I’d never had that before. I smiled at the thought of my bed covered in various stuffed creatures. Caeden ended up buying a bag to put them all in.

  “I’m hungry,” he announced.

  I rolled my eyes. Caeden was always hungry.

  “Lead the way,” I said.

  We weaved through the crowd and he stopped in front of one of the various food stands scattered around. This one was selling mini burgers. He ordered a dozen, a mountain dew, and a diet coke for me.

  The girl working there handed him a paper bag full of burgers while she looked him up and down. I waited for her to flick her tongue out and lick her lips. I might just rip it off.

  Caeden handed her a wad of cash and took my hand. “Soph,” he said warningly. “Control yourself. Your eyes are flashing.”

  Oh Jesus! I squished my eyes closed and took a deep breath before I opened them.

  “Better?” I looked at Caeden.

  “You’re good,” he led me to another table like the one we had sat at earlier.

  He pulled out a burger and handed it to me. “This will be the best thing you’ve ever eaten.”

  I gave him a, ‘yeah right’, look and took a bite.

  “Ohmigod,” I moaned in ecstasy. “You’re right. This is delicious.”

  “I told ya so,” he said and bit into his own burger.

  I grabbed a second.

  “So good,” I said.

  Caeden chuckled and wiped his mouth with a napkin.

  We finished eating and Caeden rolled up the paper bag and tossed it into the trashcan over my head. “Score!”

  Just then his phone beeped. He pulled it out of his back pocket and scanned the text. “It’s Bryce, he says to meet by the car. They’re ready to go home.”

  “Can you drive?” I asked, shuddering at the thought of Bryce driving.

  “Do you really think Bryce is going to let me drive Stella Jr.?”

  “Gag him if you have to!”

  Caeden laughed. “Oh Sophie. Don’t you think if he was easy to gag I would’ve done that a long time ago?”

  I laughed as we strolled along. “That’s true.”

  As we were about to leave I saw a cart with balloons. “Ooh! Caeden! Balloons!”

  He smirked. “You want one?”

  “Yes!”

  He chuckled. “Most girls want jewelry. Instead you want a balloon. How did I get to lucky? Which color do you want?”

  “That one,” I pointed to a pale blue one.

  The gray haired man running the balloon cart seemed to find Caeden and me very amusing.

  “Mommy! Mommy!” A little kid behind me shrieked. “I want one! Boon! Boon!”

  “No,” she said, from the tone of her voice I could tell she was exhausted.

  “Boon! Boon!” the little girl cried as the mom picked her up and balanced her on her hip.

  I looked over at Caeden and saw him holding two balloons. He grinned. “What? I heard someone else wanted a balloon and I just can’t resist a damsel in distress.”

  I took my balloon from him and kissed him. “I love you.”

  “Love you too, babe,” he grinned.

  “I think your damsel’s getting away,” I nodded towards the thinning parking lot.

  “Crap,” Caeden said.

  I trailed behind him as he jogged to catch up with the mom.

  “Ma’am!” he called. “Excuse me,” he said when she turned, “I just overheard your daughter asking for a balloon so… here,” he thrust the balloon into the little girls tiny hand. “I hope pink’s okay?”

  The mom smiled and was so overcome by the gesture that I feared she’d cry. She pushed her blond bangs out of her eyes. “Pink’s great,” she said. “Thank you, that was really sweet and you certainly didn’t need to do that. Say thank you Lexie,” she prompted the child.

  “Tank you,” she said.

  Caeden smiled at the little girl. Her hair was super curly and pale blond. She was dressed in a pink and green flowered dress and was probably the cutest thing I had ever seen. “Can I have a high-five?” he stuck his hand out.

  The little girl smiled, her teeth white a spaced apart. She smacked her tiny hand against Caeden’s large one. My stomach lurched with some unknown emotion.

  “Thank you, again,” the mom said.

  “No problem,” Caeden waved and returned to my side.

  He wrapped his arm around me and kissed the top of my head.

  “That was really sweet,” I said.

  “What can I say? I’m a sweet guy.”

  “The sweetest.”

  Bryce and Charlotte were already in the car. Perry was tossed haphazardly in the back seat. I dropped the bag of stuffed animals that Caeden had won for me, on the floor, and held Perry in my lap. As Bryce drove, too fast down the road, the balloon threatened to fly from my hand. If it did, I was going to make Bryce turn around and buy me twelve more.

  Bryce skidded the Jeep to a stop in front of Gram’s house. Luckily for his wallet my balloon hadn’t flown away.

  Caeden grabbed Perry the Panda from my lap and the bag at my feet.

  “How come you didn’t win me anything?” Charlotte asked Bryce.

  Bryce looked at the smorgasbord of stuffed critters that Caeden had won for me. “Because babe,” he turned to her, “I don’t do clichés.”

  Caeden looked at me and rolled his eyes. He held his hand out to help me down from the Jeep.

  “Bye Bryce, Charlotte,” I waved.

  Charlotte smiled. “I’m so glad you came with us Sophie.”

  “Me too,” I smiled widely. “It was fun to get to do ‘town’ stuff.”

  “Just wait for the parade!” she called over the roar of the Jeep as Bryce took off. That boy was going to get them killed if he kept driving like that.

  The door to the house opened and Gram ushered us inside. “Don’t just stand outside like that,” she scolded. “The neighbors are gonna think ya’ll are up to no good. Especially with that delinquent brother of yours,” she pointed at Caeden. I think Gram thrived on poking fun at Bryce, whether he knew it or not.

>   I tied the balloon around the doorknob to my room and said, “We’re going to bed Gram.”