In Her Arms

by Gayle Keo

  She sipped on her beer, looking around and seeing if there was anything that she could do.

  “Hey there pretty lady, you alone?” a man asked.

  She looked over. He looked like a totally stereotypical creep, like the ones that a woman might see at a bar. This worried Amber greatly, immediately causing her to put her guard up around the bastard.

  “Yes, but I’m not interested in you,” she told him.

  He paused, immediately noticing the way that she looked. Amber did pass, but sometimes some people could catch on right away, and it seemed like this guy was one of them.

  “Wait a second, are you a fucking tranny?” he asked her.

  She immediately grew upset. Who the hell would call someone like her that? Some people had no class.

  “No, I’m transgendered. Not some fucking little slur that makes you feel good at night to say that’s completely rude,” she told him.

  “Oh I’m sorry. Maybe you could show me your skills sometime. Want to have some fun together?” he asked.

  Amber couldn’t believe this. So not only was this man disrespecting her, but he was also trying to hit on her after being a total asshole? What the hell! She was definitely not going to be able to deal with this shit, that’s for sure.

  “Listen you…” she started.

  “What, you and your hormone-inflicted voice going to sass me off?” he said.

  She immediately grew upset. He started to try and grab her, pulling her towards him.

  “Let me go!” she cried out.

  “No miss. You and I are going to have some fun tonight. I’ll get you a few drinks, and then I’ll get to know you,” he told her.

  She couldn’t believe this. Suddenly, she felt a person grasp his hand away. Then suddenly, he was struck right in the face.

  “Oww!” he cried out.

  “Stay away from her,” the man replied.

  She looked at the man in front of her, and immediately her eyes widened. Normally, Amber took a bit of time to see if a person was attractive or not. She was the type to fall for the trap of a pretty face because they typically had pretty awful personalities even if they had hot bodies. But, when she glanced over at this man, she had to admit that he was something else. He looked hot as hell, and for Amber, this was something that she could get into. She definitely felt a connection, and not just because he saved her from this creep.

  “What the hell Matt?” the man said.

  “Get the fuck out of here Travis. Pick on your own hoes. As you can see, this woman has class. She would never want to be with a creep like you, he growled at Travis. Travis glared at Matt, and then he looked at Amber with lewd eyes.

  “I’ll be back,” he said.

  He scampered away and Amber immediately started to feel a bit better. She didn’t know for sure what to say at this point, other than the fact that she could probably kiss the ground for the man that saved her.

  The man looked at her with a blush on his face. Wow, that’s different. Typically, men didn’t show this sort of reaction to her, but she was definitely happy.

  “Thank you back there. That creep was very disrespectful and he couldn’t take no for a damn answer,” she said with a sigh.

  “I know. He’s a total pig and wants nothing more than to disrespect women. I can’t believe that he was bothering you like that. He doesn’t deserve to get to know you,” he told her.

  “Thanks. I’m Amber by the way,” she said to him, extending her hand. He seemed so different, so nice, and for her, she felt like she could be something to him.

  “Well, I’m Matt. I’m surprised that he kept up with that whole thing, when it was obvious you looked uncomfortable. I only caught the end where he was grabbing your hands, but judging from the way he was acting, I take it he said some nasty things to you,” he mused.

  Oh, if he only knew. Amber sighed, turning to him and looking at him with a gaze that said it all.

  “Well, stranger things have happened. I mean, it’s sad that I am a bit used to it, but it’s happened before,” she said to him.

  “Well don’t worry. I’ll protect you. Would you like to go sit out on the side and get drinks or something?” he asked.

  She thought about it. Oh how she really wanted to tell him everything. He seemed sweet, not like the other fuckboys that she seemed to have a bad habit of reeling in. He went up to the bar and got her a fresh beer. Amber watched as he paid for her tab, as well, before heading over to where the patio area was.

  It was quiet, and for her, she was happy about that. It meant that they could be alone, and she felt a bit nervous about the encounter as well. This was the nicest man that she had ever met at the bar, that’s for sure.

  “So Amber, how in the world did you end up here. I mean, I know that’s a strange question to ask, but I’m definitely curious. You’re not type of person that this type of bar caters to. Most of the people here are bikers, myself included,” he said.

  “You’re a biker?” she asked.

  “Yeah. I run one of the largest biker gangs here, rivaled only to Travis. Travis knows better than to harass women here, but I guess he thought he could get away with it since you’re new. That’s why I’m happy I showed up when I did,” he said to her.

  She stared at him, wondering what to do next.

  “Well, I haven’t really found a place where I can go, or a bar where I’ll fit in at. I’ve tried so many around the city, but they all seem to be a bit out there. But I do like this one. The drinks are cheap and I get hit on less. Of course, I wasn’t expecting Travis to do that,” she admitted.

  “It’s happened before, and I hate that he does that. You’re a sweet woman too, and you shouldn’t be harassed like that,” he said.

  “It’s okay. I mean, maybe it just comes with being new. I don’t like him at all. Truthfully, it’s so hard for me to really connect and get to know someone. I have to be very comfortable and close to someone before I can get really serious about anyone,” she told him.

  “I guess we’re similar in that way. I mean, I don’t have a girlfriend for that very reason. I just don’t connect well with most women. They’re typically dainty, trying their best to not get too deep in the dirt, and the women around here are just cheating whores,” he said.

  “Well I’m not like that. If I find someone that is cool, I’ll hang with them. Plus, I like to get dirty and riding a bike sounds fun. I don’t typically do it because I’m working a lot, but when I do get on a motorcycle, it feels nice,” she said to him.

  “I like that. I like your way of thinking Amber. You’re certainly something,” he said to her.

  She blushed, feeling happy about it all. The two of them stayed on the patio, talking a little bit about themselves.

  “Yeah, I’m glad I did come in here then. I wasn’t going to initially, but I wanted to say hello to the bartender and everything,” he said.

  “Yeah. I’m glad you showed up too,” she replied.

  After a bit, she looked at the clock, nearly gasping in shock.

  “Crap! I have to head on back. It’s super late and I have work tomorrow afternoon,” she said.

  He turned to her, and for a moment, she felt a small spark. Was this what a connection was? She had never felt this way about a man before, and when she stared at him, she felt like her body was going to grow rigid with excitement.

  “You’re a great girl Amber, and I would love to meet up with you here again. Here’s my number too. Maybe we can go for a ride together sometime,” he told her.

  He gave her a sheet with his number on it, and she pocketed it, staring at him with a smile.

  “Thanks. I hope you have a great night,” she told him.

  “Same to you. Be safe getting home and stuff,” he said with a grin.

  She nodded, feeling a blush dust over her face as she got to her car. She couldn’t believe her luck! At the same time though, she felt nervous about this. Would Matt be cool with the revelation she would have to make when the time
was right? To be honest, she could only hope, but even then, she didn’t know for sure if it would turn out to be a good thing or a bad thing. For now, Amber just felt something she hadn’t felt in the past before and something that made her change her thought process.

  She felt giddy about the way everything was going, and she felt like it would be all right. Although she wasn’t used to staying in a hot and heavy relationship, or even doing anything sexual, she felt a connection with this man that was by far beyond what she was expecting and unlike anything she was going to be ready for now, or in the future.

  *****

  Amber started to feel different. She had never expected to feel this way about a person before. But once they parted ways, she looked at herself, her body and immediately started to grow nervous.

  “What if I tell him the truth? What is he going to think of me then?” she asked herself.

  For Amber, telling Matt of her sexuality and her gender definitely made her feel insecure. Many times, she never felt like she belonged. Even in the community she was a part of she felt like she was the outsider. It wasn’t because she was bad or anything, but more along the lines of it seemed everyone was out with pride. While Amber was able to pass in a reasonable manner, she still felt like there was a lot that she was worried about. She didn’t want to come off as a freak of nature or anything, but rather she wanted to be someone who was accepted.

  Matt and she hung out once again about a week later and Amber started to feel a bit relaxed when she sat with him. The two of them hung out at the bar, but they weren’t part of the bar scene. Rather, they were more of the types of people who were out on the patio, talking about life.

  “By the way, would you like to go for a drive next week? I mean, I don’t want to push anything right now, but if you’re cool with it, I am,” he said with a smile.

  For Amber, this felt like it was almost too good to be true. Maybe by then she would muster up the courage to tell him everything.

  “Sure. I mean, it sounds like fun to me. I don’t have a lot of experience on bikes though,” she told him.

  “It’s all good. I’ll show you a few things. And I’ll keep you safe,” he told her.

  She smiled at him, a true, happy gaze that made her feel like at the end of the day it would be okay. For Amber, she thought that this was almost like a dream, but at the end of it all, she knew of the reality.

  Things were only getting more awkward from there. For Amber, she wanted to tell him the truth and not keep secrets from him. She was starting to act nervous the whole time around him, feeling as if she was going to burst hiding the truth from him. It made her wonder if it was a good idea to keep this bubbled up, but at the end of it all, she knew that she would have to tell him everything if she had any hopes of them being serious. That was what she wanted, but the fear of being judged did hold her back.

  A week later, the two of them were getting closer by the second. Amber felt like she was meeting the perfect man for her. She didn’t want to push anything, but the fact that he was so interested in her made her wonder if this was a good idea. She imagined that it was, but even now she was feeling the nerves getting to her.

  It all culminated to that ride that night. She got to the bar, and immediately she saw Matt. He was clad in all leather, wearing a black helmet and holding onto the sides of his bike. He drove towards her, and immediately Amber blushed.

  “You ready for this?” he asked her.

  She blushed, feeling nervous about it all. Would it really go well for them? She had never been so close to a man before, and she tried her best to hide her body from any hints of it.

  “Sure. I’ll get on,” she told him.

  She braced herself, grabbing the helmet that was on the back of the bike and strapping it on.

  “Just hold onto me. I’ll take care of everything,” he said with a reassuring smile.

  For Amber, this would be the moment of truth. Would he get grossed out by her, say that he didn’t want to get near her like the rest of them, or would he accept her for who she was, her body and everything.

  She slid her legs onto each side, thankful that the jeans she had on today weren’t too tight. He didn’t seem fazed at all, so Amber just assumed he hadn’t known about the truth yet. He revved up the bike, and immediately her hands were against his, holding him desperately.

  The drive was peaceful, that’s for sure. She didn’t feel like she had to pretend anything here. They went along the highway, heading off into a side road and going around. There were mountains everywhere, a sign of where they were, and for Amber, this felt like a peaceful existence.

  Here, she wasn’t trying to pretend to be something she was not. Here she wasn’t trying to pretend that everything was okay, nor was she afraid of the truth that she had and was about to be exposed. Rather, she was being herself, and as she held onto him, smelling his scent, she wondered if now would be the apt time. It seemed right, real, and sure, and in truth, she wanted to say everything. She wanted nothing more than to tell him, to speak the truth that she so desperately wanted to say.

  When they got to a small clearing, he stopped the bike, heading off of it. Amber got off as well. He went to the storage compartment, grasping a blanket that he placed in there, along with two water bottles.

  “For you my dear,” he said.

  She held it in her hands, looking at him as she took a sip. She wondered if he knew just yet, if he realized who she was.

  “So, what did you think?” he asked.

  “It was great, really. I mean, I know that it’s a bit quiet out here, but it’s peaceful. It’s given me some time to think about things. About life, the way I’ve been living it, and everything in between,” she admitted.

  He paused, and for a moment, she wondered if he knew everything as of yet.

  “Well, is there anything on your mind? You’ve been quiet,” he told her.

  She looked around, and Amber was trying desperately to think about how to put the feelings that were within her out on the table.

  “Let’s go sit on the blanket. I would rather explain everything in a more intimate setting,” she said to him.

  He nodded, looking at her with a smile. They went over to the area, sitting down next to one another. He grasped her hand, squeezing it softly.

  “If there is anything that you need to tell me, I’ll listen. I don’t know how much help I’ll be, but I’ll listen to you no matter what,” he said to her.

  Amber nodded, taking all of that in. In truth, there was so much she wanted to say, so many damn things that were eating away at her, and in truth, she wanted nothing more than to spit them out for him to hear.

  “Are you sure? It’s embarrassing,” she admitted.

  “Girl, you and I both know that you’re a strong woman, someone who is able to express herself. I mean, you’re amazing, really, and I’ll accept you no matter what you have to say. I do care Amber, and I know that it’s hard, but I promise I won’t get mad,” he said.

  Amber paused looking into Matt’s face. He seemed to understand what was going on, and for a moment, she felt her heart swell. In truth, she was ready to explain it all, but at the same time, she wasn’t ready for the potential problems that could arise.

  “Are you sure? It’s a bit awkward, and I’m worried that you’ll be mad,” she admitted.

  “Why would I be mad? Why would I get mad about this? I mean, we’ve grown close,’ he told her.

  “Yeah, there’s that, but I’m worried about what might happen if I do tell you these secrets. It’s something even I’m worried about, something I don’t know if you’ll accept or not,” she told him.

  He sighed, turning to her and nodding.

  “I promise I won’t be mad. Just be honest with me,” he told her.

  She then sighed, realizing what she was doing. This wasn’t going to be easy. This would be the first time she’s been out with a guy that she liked.

  “Fine. But first I have to ask you a question. How of
fended would you be if someone came out to you?” she asked.

  He looked at her with a puzzled expression.

  “I wouldn’t be mad at all. But what does that have to do with anything?” he asked her.

  “It’s because of what I’m about to tell you. I’m worried you’ll freak out, and you’ll run away. I’ve never fit in, and this only makes it harder on me,” she told him.

  “Well just tell me Amber. I won’t be mad,” he said.

  The anticipation of telling him was coursing over her body, and in truth, she sighed and knew what she had to do. It was time. Time for her to expose her secret.

  “I’m transgendered,” she said.

  She was expecting him to run away, to tell her that she was a freak and that she should fuck off. But instead of getting that, he just got a nod.

  “Okay. That was all?” he asked.

  “Yeah. I’ve been terrified of telling you. In truth, I’ve always been like that with everyone, and I’m worried that one day I would find someone that I liked as more than a friend, and then I would have to explain everything to them. I’ve only gotten on hormones and had top surgery. I plan to get bottom eventually, but I’m worried about what that will make me,” she told him.

  He looked at her, but instead of having a glance of scorn that she was expecting, he instead smiled.

  “Don’t worry. You’ll do that when you’re ready. In the meantime, just be yourself,” he said.

  She nodded, feeing happy about it all. “So you’re not mad at me?” she asked.

  “Why should I be? Because your body is different from others? Why does it matter? You’re a woman, a beautiful one at that, and in truth, I’ve never felt so honored to know someone like you,” he told her.

  She paused, realizing what was going on. This was it. She said it, and he wasn’t terrified of her.

  “Thank you. Thank you for not being scared of me,” she told him.

  “You’re welcome Amber. Besides, there is something I wanted to give to you as well,” he replied.