Playing With My Heartstrings

by Chloe Brewster

  And then a fretful voice startled me, sending me into the hugest shock of my life. "Sadie, Sadie, Sadie!" he yelled, his voice getting nearer.

  Luke.

  Oh hell.

  Chapter 11

  I froze halfway in my majestic escape, a frosty chill settling into my shocked bones. A noisy clap of trainers trawling upon the bumpy path filled my ears, as extreme fright pummelled my heart into a rapid beat, sending my head into a greater spin.

  What had Luke seen? His near-girlfriend fleeing in a fit of tears, broken-hearted by a boy whom he'd never met or knew? Yeah, that would be one heck of a long story to explain, including a major fess-all about my non-existent romances which I dreamt of becoming a reality. As if.

  Or, if luck had finally decided to be on my side, Luke might not have witnessed anything at all. That was a realistic probability which I couldn't bear to push aside and ignore. I could only pray that it was real.

  But it wasn't meant to be.

  "Sadie, are you alright?" Luke asked, a tentative edge clouding his tone.

  I turned around, sniffing my blocked nose as though I'd just been run down with the annual winter flu, and was greeted with a look streamed with concern and alarm. My much-used intuition alerted that this was a situation that I couldn't get myself out of, whether I liked it or not.

  Well, here goes.

  "No, I'm not," I choked out, tears spilling out of my bloodshot eyes.

  Luke gulped, abruptly nervous by my out-of-the-blue change in behaviour.

  "I think we need to talk," he murmured, moving closer towards my shaking form.

  I instantly agreed. "Yeah, there's a lot on my mind," I truthfully admitted, as my hand reached for Luke's, a burst of light warming the cool darkness I was walking in alone.

  *********

  "The waitresses here must be getting sick of serving us all the time," Luke joked, his third attempt at lightening the sullen atmosphere, gesturing towards the dumbstruck girls dreamily gazing at Luke around the coffee-clustered counter. "Still, I'd rather go nowhere else, if I had to be honest."

  "Me too," was the sole response my muddled mind could achieve and I dully stared at the pale white table, which had an intriguing ketchup stain stuck in the middle. I sighed, grief washing over me and eternal misery the sole emotions I was able to see ahead of me.

  There was no more denying it or running away from my heart's desires: thrills lit me up like a candle whenever I caught a glimpse of Joel's Californian-blonde hair or the very faint hint of a smirk, which left me utterly breathless. Sure, he was a game player and explanations of his never made any sense, but he had definitely put his attractive looks to good use, whilst playing with my heartstrings. I was the clueless fool to have fallen for him and treated him like a saint, gushing over his apparent kindness and mannerisms, and blushing madly when we met up together.

  Though he may not have known it, Joel cast a powerful spell upon me and unless I did something urgently, it would remain unbroken, heartbreak prominent wherever I travelled. It wasn't the perfect future I'd had in mind.

  And what about sweet-as-warm-apple-pie Luke? Whether it was due to my surge in sugar levels by devouring a bowl of chocolate cereal each morning or perceptions were beginning to surface, my heart would twinge with another unknown feeling - a romance, maybe? - when I would wait by the park and Luke would stride towards me, his adorable freckles glimmering in the light and a playful look twinkling in the corner of his soft-as-butter eyes.

  Luke was sweet, caring and the greatest person I could hang out with whenever life was dragging me down: I needed him and, in certain ways, Luke hinted that he was glued to my hip because he followed me wherever I went. Well, not everywhere, otherwise he would've been caught as a freaky stalker long ago, but he was like an eager-to-please puppy: he wanted nothing better than hear my each breath, listen to my every single opinion, laugh at my often poorly-told jokes and perhaps steal some of my chocolate cake, which made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Albeit without a Chanel bag.

  Not even random-with-girls Joel, who'd wrapped me around his finger and led me on to believe that our love was real, would make me give up the fantastic friendship I'd formed with honourable Luke. As if I'd dare.

  "Luke," I breathed, raising my voice from a peaceful whisper, "I-I haven't been fully honest with you about... some things and I need to tell you now before I lose my mind."

  Apprehension flicked across Luke's seriously set expression. "Of course, Sadie, you can tell me anything," he reassured me, calmly, his flawless colours shining through.

  I hesitated, painfully biting my lip, and gasped in need of fresh, cool air. Hm, had anybody noticed how hot it had become inside the cafe? The air conditioner had been switched on full-blast ever since Luke and I coolly strode in, nerves preventing me from daring to look at his face, but all of a sudden, I felt as though I was standing in the middle of the Sahara desert, the sun burning into my exposed skin without a breeze to offer any form of comfort. Panic was setting in...

  "Before I met you, Luke, I'd been involved with s-s-someone else and it didn't, um, well -" I stumbled across my nerves, insecure of how get my point clearly across - "it didn't end the way I thought it would." I breathed a sigh of relief, majorly glad about having got past the important hurdle. "And I guess that I've been dealing with it since."

  Stunned into an amazed silence, Luke never interrupted or made any gestures to give a piece of his overworked mind - he held a consistent strong gaze, engulfed with a burning intensity that nearly made my heart happily skip a beat, and never opened his mouth in a half-pout, half-goldfish look, waiting until I'd reached the end of my mini-speech and recovered from the draining vigour it had taken from my low energies.

  "Who was this guy?" Luke whispered, then, with an out-of-place burst of humour, added, "Or girl?"

  "What?" My eyes rolled backwards, astounded by Luke's question. "N-no, I was going out with a guy, Luke, in case I hadn't made my explanation clear." An amused snort cleared my sniffy nose. "Honestly, where did you get that idea from?"

  "I just know how to push your buttons, that's all." Luke winked. "It sure comes in handy at times like these."

  "Yeah, it sure does," I echoed.

  "So, as I originally asked, who was this guy called? I might know him."

  One of my unplucked mane of eyebrows arched into the air, curiosity gaining control over my initial panic. "And why would you know him?" I wondered.

  "Um, I just know tons of guys, no big deal."

  "OK." I nodded. "So, if I hear about one soft-as-cookie-dough catching up with a twice-baked-biscotti and sparks fly, you will tell me that you were involved, right?"

  Luke cracked up, howling with amusement. "And why would you think that I'd have words with the guy in question?" he asked, perplexed.

  I twisted my cross pendant with my fingers, awaiting the perfect moment to respond. "Because you care about me," I stated.

  "Indeed I do."

  That was all my awaiting ears longed to hear. It confirmed my suspicions of Luke's caring nature for me - who would do anything for me within a second, from placing a smile back on my face to climbing a mountain - and restoring my low morale, as everything went up the wall once the image of Joel freely snogging another model-beautiful girl blinded me from seeing the difference between Luke's friendly, heart-warming persona - whose cracking sense of humour and interests were on a par with mine - and Joel's laidback, yet way-to-casual traits were definitely not suited to my needs or anybody else's, really. Three words were all it took to make a once long-lost dream in an existence, and the euphoria was beyond what I'd imagined it would feel like.

  Could it truly have been possible to feel lifted and low at the same time?

  "Anyway, this guy -" I accentuated the pronunciation, the occasionally used word seeming completely alien to my outstretched lips "- had been in my life for a fairly long time. Wait, probably ever since I started school," I corrected, scatters of primary schoo
l memories founding my thoughts. "Yeah, I met him when I was about four years old."

  "What's his name?" Luke queried.

  "Joel," I answered, matter-of-factly. "Joel Henderson."

  Luke put his fingers to his lips, concentration working his mind. "Hmm, I've never heard of him," he eventually said.

  I smirked, amazed that Luke was still adamant about finding out whether he knew Joel or not. "Of course you haven't, Joel lives in another town to yours!"

  "I have plenty of contacts on my phone - probably one of my mates has his number."

  "Like who? A friend of a friend who you've only passed walking down the street?"

  Luke paused. "Look, it doesn't matter anymore, honestly."

  I pursed my lips and glanced at the black and white cat-designed clock hammered onto the cream wall, which stated the time as 2.15pm. Phew, at least Mum wasn't expecting me to arrive back home just yet.

  "Um, what happened between this Joe guy -"

  "He's called Joel, Luke -"

  Luke returned with a weak eye roll, my world-renowned skill clearly having not rubbed off him, and continued, "So, what did you do with Joel?"

  "Barely anything for around six years whilst I attended primary - my friends would joke about my crush on Joel, but it was only a minor thing - then feelings, well, sort of developed once high school started." Embarrassment evidently flared in my cheeks, as the cafe unexpectedly transformed into a humid rainforest, sweat stickily trickling down my back.

  Weirdly, Luke appeared to share a bit of my mortification, albeit to a lesser extent, and he fidgeted with his fingers, wishing he was sitting somewhere cooler and happier. He might as well have read my mind, too.

  "Did Joel know?"

  I shook my head. "Even if he did, he never showed the slightest hint of affection, only greeting me awkwardly at school proms or saying 'hi' to me if I bumped into him at the Game store." A grimace blackened my expression. "But it didn't stop me from daydreaming about going on a date with him or sharing that first kiss..." Uh oh. I'd got carried away on that one.

  Luke glowered, his cheeks brightening to an angered shade of red, and muttered an expression that my ears luckily didn't catch wind of. As always, words spilled out of my talkative lips before realization showed itself, denying me the opportunity to prevent creating a dramatically-created mess. Clean-ups were a chore that Mum never asked me to do; the same applied for relationships as well.

  "And then it happened," Luke said, without questioning it.

  "Yes," I replied. "Though not in the way I'd hoped."

  Luke was dumbfounded. "What do you mean?"

  I shied away from his question, pondering on the wisest response in the hope I'd avoid another heated glower.

  "Well?"

  "Um," I nervously mumbled, nausea rolling in my sickened stomach, "a few weeks ago, Joel asked me whether I wanted to go camping with him in here and I said yes, I would."

  A loud guffaw, muffled by his hands covering his smirking mouth, was the last emotion that I was expecting Luke to experience until I'd realized that my words came out in a manic jumble. Oops.

  "Honestly, Sadie, I can't see how you would've been legally allowed to set up a tent and roast marshmallows behind the counter!" Luke snickered, lightly banging his fist upon the table, sending a wobbly quake through our unstable chairs.

  A grin eventually won me over and I smiled in spite of myself, until Luke calmed down and gave me an expectant look, clearly awaiting the rest of my explanation. Oh well, laughter couldn't last forever, I supposed.

  "Actually, I meant that Joel asked me whether I wanted to go with him whilst we were hanging out here," I corrected, "and since this was the first time that he'd ever asked me to go out with him, I felt inclined to say yes. I would've beaten myself up if I didn't," I included, revealing my deepest thoughts.

  All traces of humour drained from Luke's face, only leaving behind a scowl as hard as a rock solid statue, without the faintest sign of compassion.

  "Then, a few days later, my mum drove Joel and I to the local forest, where we intended to spend the whole weekend, however we only shared the Saturday together - not even the whole night, I think," I said, in a frantic rush.

  Recalls of our short, yet lively journey to the forest flashed in my mind, and I was quickly transported to another space in time, which still felt like yesterday to me. I remembered Joel cracking jokes about my wanting to dye my hair another colour and he commented that it was absolutely perfect in its natural state...

  "Sadie, what happened?" Luke pressed, his desperate tone sounding blurry to my far away ears.

  I choked down a lump, which had formed in my throat, and sadly sighed. "Everything had been perfectly fine during the afternoon - Joel and I gathered twigs and woods for our campfire and spent ages setting up our tent, which collapsed on me twice -" I giggled, my amusement of the incident flooding my delicate pink cheeks "- and we fried sausages over the fire, desperate to be able to cook a meal ourselves without resorting to calling our parents..."

  "Then what?"

  Oh. Come on, Luke seemed to be in touch with his feelings - couldn't some sort of manly instinct be giving him an early warning that a kissing scene would be up on the agenda soon? Unlike the majority of boys I'd encountered in the classroom or on various trips, Luke was definitely intelligent; and whether he couldn't stand the thought of not, he had to realize that love had clearly played an all-important role in my problem, otherwise I wouldn't have run in an unknown direction after witnessing Joel's kiss with the she-devil. Hm, I still didn't know her name as of yet. She-devil would simply have to make do for the time being.

  "Luke," I pleaded. "Don't make me say it!"

  "Say what?"

  "You know, the K word!"

  Luke got confused. "Sadie, I already told you - you can tell me anything. Don't forget that."

  Phew. Having gotten to get under his skin and find out what made him tick, Luke's promise absolved my fears. "OK, I'll tell you. That night, Joel and I k-k-k - we shared our first kiss together."

  His face crest-fallen, Luke looked daggers, having been astounded by my frankly-admitted honesty. Just as my heart secretly feared. "So...." he trailed off. "Did you, er, li-"

  "Like it?" I suggested.

  Luke bowed his head in agreement.

  I sighed. "Yeah, it was... nice for the occasion, I guess; the stars played more of a role, but it was fine, nothing more." Still, as my dishonest comments flew out of my wobbling mouth as quickly as wildfire, it became certain that Luke wasn't going to be taken for a ride. Sigh. At least I tried to steer him away from any more pain.

  "But Sadie, if that kiss was only fine, then why are you talking about Joel in the first place?" Luke wondered, setting the facts straight.

  Taking notice of the shame clouding my gloom, Luke softly groaned. "If only you could've told me about this sooner - you can't even begin to imagine the guilt that I'm carrying around at the moment, Sadie. I just want to help you."

  An unquenchable sob rose in my throat, echoing around the enclosed walls and garnering stares by fellow customers, before turning their highly-valued attention back to their cups of milky tea and sugared coffee.

  "I-I'm so s-s-sorry, Luke," I cried, pearls of salty teardrops streaming like an overflowed river down my soaked-through face, yesterday's apply of mascara washing away. "I just don't want to drag you into my problems - why should I when it was myself who caused it all?"

  Luke leaped out of his stiff chair, and moved over to give me a warm, teddy bear-like hug, which smelt of burnt toast, cheese sandwiches and a musky aftershave that was the essence of heaven.

  "Mmm, what's that nice smell?" I asked, laughing into Luke's dark grey t-shirt. "I want some of it!"

  Luke warmly chuckled, noisily catching a whiff of my apple-scented hair. "I'd like a bottle of your shampoo, too," he joked, his quiet murmur only loud enough for my ears to catch.

  We unwillingly pulled apart, my gut instinct to leap into
his arms and never let go - safety was the most dominant sensation that my won-over heart become aware of when Luke and I were together; somehow, my mask of shyness was granted the liberty it strived on to be taken off and reveal my true, honest colours if Luke was in my presence, unlike Joel, whose coolness forced me to be on my strongest guard and hide my thoughts and fears. Luke wouldn't drop and shatter me into thousands of pieces if fragility was haunting me; he would listen to my opinions, offer me comforting solace and even when darkness was overpowering light, Luke produced a net embellished with security and freedom, and I would happily live inside it for forever, knowingly cherished by a reliable, mature guy.