The Dancers: An Artist Story

by M.L. Cameron

moment of silence.

  “She asked me not to tell you. And she told me you weren’t supposed to be visiting so I have no idea what to say.”

  I sighed and ran my hand through my hair. “Can’t you give me a hint?”

  “I… Why don’t I go get her father?”

  “Actually, it’s fine. Can I just run in her room and grab something?”

  “She didn’t say anything about that…” So the maid let me into the house. I went to Ana’s room and headed straight to her closet. I went to the very back and turned on the vanity light, why she had a vanity table in the back of her closet, I did not know. I opened the top drawer and saw nothing, she had taken her journal with her. So she wasn’t planning on being home any time soon.

  I opened the second drawer and saw a pile of hair bands and different colored clips. “Okay…” I breathed, then opened the third drawer held her mother’s journal. So she was at least planning on coming home… Where had she gone that would mean leaving town? When I couldn’t come up with an answer I sat down in the chair and took a deep breath…

  First, visualize. So I imagined her every possible way that I could. The way she smelled, the sound of her voice, the look of a smile on her face, how impossibly soft her skin was… Until I believed she could just materialize in front of me.

  Second, try and think what she would be thinking. I started trying to think about what she thought about. Dance… Me… her father… her grandparents… And then it felt like I was with her. She was sitting at a table across from an older man. He smiled and I rolled my eyes. What was she doing? Where was she? She nodded and picked up her coffee. Well, she didn’t really drink coffee so it was probably hot chocolate… The man across from her lifted his drink and took a deep breath.

  He started talking again… “She could dance better than any student I had ever taught. When I heard that she had died I was so confused. She was always so careful with her health and with her safety. I heard that she had a daughter and I had seen pictures but once she died it was as if her legacy was gone.”

  “I know that she was pregnant with me after school but… Did it really impact her career that much?”

  “No. She took the nine months off, you were three weeks early and about three weeks after you were born she was on the stage again. She was able to balance her home life and her work life, which not many people could do.”

  “People say I’m a lot like her.”

  “I must say you have her looks and skin tone. She never wore even the slightest smudge of makeup. And her ambition. The fact that you came all the way to New York just to speak with her teachers shows that you have her will. When she wanted something she went after it.”

  New York? As in Julliard? “I was offered the chance to go to school here. With my boyfriend. But he has wanted to go to MIT for… His family says forever and I never would have met him if he didn’t want to go there. I don’t know if I even want to go to college… I just… I want to know if I really should be following in my mother’s footsteps.”

  The man nodded. “I understand what you’re saying and I think that it’s all up to you. In the end all that matters is what makes you happy? Do you want to go to school and continue studying dance? Or do you want to go out and try to find a job without a college education?”

  “That’s the thing, I’ve already been offered a spot in all these tours and shows and performances that I don’t think I need to go to school to continue with my dance.”

  “When you say that you’re following in your mother’s footsteps are you doing that because you want to or are you doing it because it’s what other people want you to do?”

  She shrugged. “Sort of both I guess… For so long my father has wanted me to follow after my mother. And I want to continue on with what she did but I don’t want to have to take anything away from my boyfriend.”

  “Boyfriends aren’t forever Anastasia.”

  “I know… But he’s… Different.”

  “Your mother said those exact words to me when she told me that she didn’t want to go on tour because of her boyfriend. He would be your father now, wouldn’t he? What was his name… Nick? Or something like that.” Ana laughed and nodded. “She knew that he was the one for her and he was completely open to anything she could have wanted.”

  “I know that the boy I’m with will become a man just like my father… If not better. He wants me to go here. He’s giving up all of his dreams to go here with me. But I’m not sure I’m ready to let him do that for me.”

  “It’s only four years. Four years where you can see each other during breaks and on every holiday. It might seem like it’s forever but it really does get easier.”

  “No… I’ve only been gone from home for a week and a half and it’s already horrible to be away from him. I miss him. And I sort of left on a bad note so I can’t call him… I didn’t even bring my cell phone. I don’t really want him to know that I’m here.”

  “If he’s as good a person as you say he is then he’s probably worried about you…”

  And then I realized that the maid was talking to me. I shook my head and rubbed my hand over my face. I grabbed one of my shirts from the top of the dresser and smiled. “My mother wanted me to wear it to a dinner tonight,” I said and she nodded. I left the room and went to my car. I felt like I was about to cry. I started driving, anywhere… Wherever the roads led. I tried not to cry. Surmise men didn’t allow themselves the self deprecating show of tears… But Prelapsarian men did.

  Ana

  I laid out on my hotel bed and shut my eyes. There was a message from my father on the answering machine at the hotel, so he wanted me to call him. I didn’t really want to talk to him but I sat myself up and dialed the house number. “Hello, Faith residence,” I heard my maid answer back in a cheerful voice.

  “Hi Jennifer… Is my father home?”

  “Actually he went to the office about an hour ago. Do you want me to call him for you?”

  “No, I’ll just call him at the office. I just figured that I would try home first.” And I was avoiding the act of actually talking to him.

  “Anastasia, your boyfriend came by today. He didn’t know that you had left?” I didn’t say anything. Of course Luke didn’t know I had left, I didn’t want anyone to know that I had gone to see my mother’s old school. “He asked if he could look for something in your room and I said sure… Anastasia, he’s worried about you. Why didn’t you tell him you were leaving? Even if it is only for a few days?”

  I wiped at the tears in my eyes and didn’t answer her questions. “I’ll call my father at work,” I whispered and hung up. When I went to dial the phone again my fingers automatically went to Luke’s cell phone number… I would call him after, when I had more time. And then I dialed my father’s work number and his secretary answered in her happy-go-lucky voice. She connected me with the main office and I waited for him to say something.

  “Anastasia? I know that you don’t want to come home but everyone is worried about you.”

  “Everyone?”

  “You know that I’m worried. And Luke has been completely out of it for the past week. But I can’t tell him where you went because you asked me not to. I figured when you asked me that, that you meant you were going to tell him. But no, he calls at least five times a day asking if you’ve come home or if you’ve called. When he calls again I’m going to tell him where you are.”

  I shut my eyes. “Okay… I can’t do anything if you want to tell him. I’m going to go and get something to eat… Bye dad.”

  “Come home soon Anastasia.”

  I set the phone on its cradle and took a deep breath. If I didn’t call Luke my father would, and that would just cause a fight. I didn’t want to fight. I just wanted answers and I wasn’t sure if Luke would be able to understand that. But I had to think that he would as I dialed his cell phone number. “Hello?” he answered on the first ring.

  “Luke…” It felt so good just to hear his voice.
>
  “Ana?”

  “Yeah… It’s me…” I rolled over onto my side and shut my eyes so I could imagine him.

  There was a long moment of silence, but it didn’t seem all that uncomfortable. “I love you,” he whispered and very suddenly I felt horrible. Why hadn’t I called him? Or at least told him what I was doing? Why did I let him worry about me?

  “I’m sorry,” I murmured and he sighed.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I didn’t tell anyone… If that helps. I didn’t know where I was going. I just told Dad that I had to get out and he gave me a credit card. So I went to the airport and flew to New York. I don’t know why I just didn’t know where else to go.”

  “I don’t mean about that. I understand the need to leave. I just… Why didn’t you tell me that your mother went to Julliard?” I didn’t answer right away. “Ana?”

  I shut my eyes. “I didn’t know that she went to Julliard. I walked on campus for a tour and someone said I needed to go and talk to the admissions officer because I didn’t put an alumni status on my application. I didn’t know… Even though my father must have told me a dozen times as a child.”

  “Ana?” I waited for him to continue. “Are you serious when you say that you really don’t want to go to college?”

  “I don’t know anymore. I really don’t. I want to go but I don’t want you giving up anything. I don’t want you to give up what you worked so hard for… Luke, I love you. I’ll always love you. I’m never going to love anyone else the same way. And maybe everyone is right… For me it’s only four years. And then we would be together again.”

  Luke laughed a little and I knew he was shaking his head. “No. I’m not going four years without you. We might see each other on breaks and over the summer but I don’t think it will be enough. I don’t care about going to MIT. If I’m a Dancer then I should be going to the art school.”

  “Then I’ll go to MIT.”

  “What?”

  “Money can get you anywhere. And then we wouldn’t be apart. And you can still live your dreams. I can live mine without going to school at Julliard.”

  “No.”

  “I can do anything at MIT, I don’t have to do the whole math thing. I could study American Literature or something history related.”

  “You haven’t even applied,” he murmured.

  “I can apply with the late admissions and get my father to pull some strings. Let me do this Luke. I want to stay with you but I want you to be where you’ve always wanted to be. Please?”

  And when he was silent I knew that he would do it and that he wanted to do it. “Luke?” And it was his turn to wait. “I still want a baby.”

  “Ana…”

  “Not now… But in a few years… Maybe before we’re out of college. I would want to actually talk about it first. And not just like me and you… But I would want to talk to your parents and my mother’s parents. I would want to ask them what they thought about it and what happens. Obviously we aren’t human and it would be different. I love you Luke. For forever and sixteen days.”

  Scarlett

  I sat in the visiting room while I waited for my mother. She visited at least three times a month but it took a while for the stupid security to get her through. I saw my bunk mate across the room, she was talking to her brother. She wouldn’t tell anyone why she was even in the detention center and she was punished for it. Out therapy meetings were supposed to be for us to talk about what happened. Some people refused to say anything.

  The doors rattled as metal scraped against concrete. I looked up and smiled, expecting my mother. When I saw who was walking in the door though, my face fell and I started to stand up. Anastasia sat down on the bench across from where I was standing. She adjusted her white skirt and tugged on the hem of her shirt. It was pink,