She should be over the moon. This show was what she had dreamed of since she started her nonprofit. But instead of elation, she just felt exhausted.
Her finger kept her place in her notes as the volunteers led each rider in. There were three volunteers with each horse for the young set, one on each side to “catch” and one leading. Arabella, an adorable five-year-old girl with Down Syndrome, was up next.
“Arabella is five years old and her favorite food is cupcakes.” The little girl’s mom had dressed her in a cowgirl outfit with hot-pink boots, and as Arabella did her circle around the ring, she blew kisses to the crowd, who ate it up. “Arabella is riding Bartlet and she is being escorted by Lila, Cate and Violet.”
Their spectators cheered as loudly for the volunteers as they did for their kids. More than a few of their dedicated volunteers had tears in their eyes as they left the ring.
“Our final rider in this group is Levi Wheeler.” The kids from Red Hill Farm went crazy. Jordan tried to speak, but she was so proud of Levi and so overwhelmed that the words only squeaked out. “Levi is three years old and he’s up on Leo today. His favorite food is—”
“Cookies!” Levi shouted from Leo’s back, which drew a hoot of laughter and only added to the lump in Jordan’s throat. When he first came to her, he didn’t speak and had no confidence in himself or anyone else. Her little guy had come so far.
The volunteers stopped Leo in front of the parents. “Levi is being escorted by Amelia, Jonah and Everleigh.”
As the five youngest riders took their last walk around the ring, Jordan searched the crowd for Ash. She had been sure that he would come for Levi, but he was nowhere in the crowd.
And that hurt, too.
There were two more groups of escorted riders. The final group was three teenagers. Two of those rode alone to circle the ring and one was escorted by Amelia on horseback. She had to hand it to this crowd. They were as enthusiastic for the last rider as they had been for the first.
When the last rider had left the ring, Jordan walked to the center. She was dressed in jeans and boots. No flannel in June in Alabama, but she had a T-shirt on with the Triple H logo on the pocket, like the volunteers wore when they came out.
“Before we go, I’d like to thank our volunteers. If you see someone wearing a bright orange shirt like this, please say thank you. Not one of them gets paid except in smiles and kisses. We couldn’t operate Triple H without them, especially this one, my assistant, Allison.”
Allison stepped into place beside Jordan. She wore a volunteer T-shirt, too, over white jeans that somehow didn’t get dirty. She also had her hair done and a dozen thin gold bangles on her wrist. Jordan had no idea how she did it.
Jordan looked around. “I just have a few announcements before we adjourn for cookies and punch. Starting this month, we’re taking reservations for a Royal Birthday or Cowpoke Party on Saturdays. I have some brochures for anyone interested. We’ll also be offering a select few riding lessons in the slots we don’t have clients. And finally, we’ll be hosting a Fun Night on the Farm in October and part of the fun will be a silent auction. Please ask around and collect donations when you can.
“Finally, I’d like to thank you, the parents, for trusting us with your precious kids. We love them and are so grateful for the privilege to share them with you. Thank you so much for coming.”
Allison took the mic from her with a sly smile. “Before we adjourn for cookies and punch, I want to add thanks to one other person without whom all this would not be possible. Triple H started with one person who had a dream and worked her heart out to make it happen. Thank you, Jordan.”
Allison threw her arms around Jordan until she was gasping for air as the cheers and applause from the audience poured over her. She hadn’t done this—any of this—for applause or thanks, but it was so nice to hear it and know that Triple H made a difference in people’s lives.
She spent the next half hour taking pictures with the kids and the horses. It made her mad that this horse show was the culmination of so much hard work, and her mind was on Ash Sheehan.
“This was wonderful. The weather. The kids. The horses. It was absolutely perfect.” Allison caught her arm and took a good look at her face. “Except that’s not the face of someone who had an absolutely perfect morning. Are you okay?”
Jordan nodded. “Cover for me? I just need a few minutes.”
Allison’s eyes were full of questions, but she nodded. “No worries. I got this.”
Jordan stepped through the fence into the ring and caught Leo’s reins. She swung into the saddle and kicked her surprised horse into a trot.
She turned him into the woods and slowed to a walk. She needed to be on her horse and she needed to take a deep breath, maybe a few of them. The sun was high in the sky, but the woods were cool. Leo took advantage of her momentary inattention to munch on some honeysuckle.
“Come on, old buddy, stick with me here.” The trail seemed much shorter on horseback. It wasn’t long before she broke through the trees into the small clearing where she’d broken up with Ash.
She slid to the ground and let Leo have a drink of the clear, cold water. She closed her eyes and listened to the bubbling spring. For hundreds of years at least, people had been coming to this spring for water, for refreshment. They came tired and thirsty and they left renewed.
She wondered if any of them had been afraid they were making the wrong decision, settling here with their family, or moving their children to a strange land. Either way, they hadn’t let their anxiety cripple them.
That was exactly what she had been doing, letting her fear take control of her decisions. She wasn’t going to do that anymore. So she didn’t know what was going to happen with Levi; no one could see the future for their kids.
And Ash—he had done everything possible to show her that he cared about her, and when it really mattered, she pushed him away. Worse, she had pointed out differences that didn’t matter a whit. She didn’t care what he wore or drove or what kind of shoes were on his feet. It was the man that she loved.
She loved him.
She loved him and she trusted him. Letting him go had been the biggest mistake of her life and she needed to tell him that. He may not take her back, but she had to put fear behind her and take a chance.
* * *
Ash sat at the island in the farmhouse kitchen, sulking. Joe was shoveling baby cereal into Sweetness’s mouth at a frightening pace.
“I don’t understand why you don’t just go out there. If you want to see Levi ride, go see Levi ride. You’re a grown man. Make the decision and do it.”
Ash took a drink of his diet root beer and scowled. “I told her I was a relationship risk. I was honest. She should’ve told me...” The words trailed off. He didn’t even care if he finished his thought. He was so done talking about it.
His brother was not. “Told you what?”
“That she didn’t love me. Instead, she let me believe that she was falling in love with me, too.” Ash pressed his fingers to his eyelids as if stopping the pain that seared through his head would stop the pain in his heart.
Joe tossed a handful of puffs onto the baby’s tray. “Dude. I think you’re missing something here. Also, you need to eat. You’re getting a little maudlin. Maybe it’s your blood sugar.”
Snagging an apple from the bowl on the island, Joe put it on the cutting board and whacked it into pieces. He grabbed the warehouse club-sized jar of peanut butter and a serving spoon and shoved it all at Ash. “Eat this.”
Ash dipped an apple slice into a spoon of peanut butter while his brother flipped around a bar stool and sat on it, his muscular forearms resting on the back, feet hooked on the rails.
“Ash, listen to me. Everyone is a relationship risk. But in this case, Jordan and Claire have good reason to be a little gun-s
hy. Their biological mother died when they were newborns and it was their biological father who gave them up for adoption.”
He narrowed his eyes at his brother. “I didn’t know that.”
“Then their first adoptive family wanted them until Jordan had to have heart surgery and it was the dad who wanted to back out. They were raised by a single mother. It just isn’t their experience that men have sticking power. In fact, it’s the opposite.”
“I didn’t walk away from her. She did the walking.”
“Maybe because she didn’t want you to feel trapped. Or maybe she’s scared that with Levi, it’s just too much. It would be, for a lot of people.”
“It’s not for me. I love her and I love that little boy.”
Joe shrugged. “You need to tell her that. Think of a way to show her. She’s signing the adoption papers on Monday.”
Sweetness squealed in the high chair.
Ash stood up. “I’ll get her. I think I heard crying upstairs.”
“There’s always somebody crying in this house, but in this case, Josiah is the only one here. He was taking a nap and the other kids are with Claire watching the horse show.” Joe started down the hall as Ash unlatched the high chair and picked up his foster niece. She promptly stuck her finger up his nose.
“That’s not cute, Sweetness.” Ash took her out the front, away from the hullabaloo of the horse show, patting her back and bouncing a little as she put her head on his shoulder. Full tummy, sleepy baby.
He paced the front porch, which suited Sweetness and calmed his ragged nerves. How did a guy who was a serial dater, a confirmed bachelor and a die-hard relationship-avoider get into this situation? He was—he almost gagged at the thought—lovesick over Jordan. He just had a talk about relationships with his brother.
There was only one explanation. He couldn’t live without her. He didn’t want to live without her. And somehow, he had to show her that he was in this for the long haul. He was sticking.
Right then the thought struck him that maybe he hadn’t been fully committed to Jordan. He’d shared some things with her but he hadn’t shared his deepest fears and his wildest hopes.
In so many ways, their fears were the same—that their brokenness would be too big for the other person to handle. But they were in it together. She didn’t just hold his heart in her hands, he held hers, as well.
As he cradled the now-sleeping foster baby, whom he had chosen to love as a part of his family, he understood that he was at a crossroads in so many ways. His life was about more than just being a good person and doing good things. He needed to be fully committed, no holding back.
He pushed open the door to the big, old farmhouse and placed Sweetness in her crib. He had some planning to do.
* * *
Sunday afternoon Jordan folded the bunting into a Rubbermaid tub with the rest of the supplies for their horse show. These would go into the attic of the barn until the next time they were needed, probably sometime next fall.
Mrs. Matthews was putting Levi to bed and Jordan was going to find Ash. She’d swapped her jeans for khaki shorts and her boots for wedge heels and a pinpoint oxford cloth shirt that she tied at the waist.
It was hard to admit, even to herself, how wrong she had been. Jeans and flannel were comfortable, but she could step out of her comfort zone for someone as important to her as Ash.
The horses had been let out to pasture, tack cleaned and put away. One of the cats wound through her legs, her belly fat with babies again. Jordan had no more excuses to procrastinate. She was closing the tack room door when she heard the sound of a huge engine idling outside the barn.
She slipped the padlock into the latch and clicked it closed before walking through the open door. A huge red truck sat in the driveway, so shiny she could see her face in the mint new paint job. The driver’s-side door opened and one booted foot stepped onto the running board.
Like the truck, the boots were shiny new leather and she thought, Greenhorn.
And then the fingers curved around the door and her heart rate picked up. She knew those fingers.
Ash slammed the door and walked toward her, swaggering a little. She caught her bottom lip between her teeth, hiding a smile.
With the brand-new boots, he had on jeans that were snug in the seat and just a little worn. She swallowed hard. He had on a Stand Up to Cancer T-shirt with a flannel plaid shirt loose over it, sleeves rolled up.
She shook her head, not sure whether to laugh or cry. “What are you doing?”
He took a few steps toward her and winced. She imagined the brand-new boots were pinching, and her heart felt like it might explode.
A couple more steps put him square in front of her. He reached for her hands and she slid them into his. She looked at their joined hands. Her voice was soft. “I’m sorry I walked away from you the other day at the spring. I was wrong.”
He shook his head.
She smiled. “No, I was wrong. We’re not mismatched. We’re boots and loafers and flannel and oxford cloth and khaki and denim and we complement each other perfectly. I love you, Ash, and my life isn’t the same without you in it.”
Ash gave her fingers a tug and somehow she ended up in his arms. “You have no idea how much I wanted to hear you say that. Can you go for a ride with me in my new truck?”
“Yes. Mrs. Matthews is putting Levi to bed.”
He drove them to the river house, pulling to a stop and jumping down first, so he could open the door for her. “I want to show you something.”
Her stomach was in knots, but she nodded and slid her hand into his. They walked around to the front of the house that looked over the river. The sun was going down, a huge red ball in the sky, when she saw it. He had built a ramp leading from the driveway to his front porch. Her eyes welled. “Ash.”
He turned her toward him—this amazing, generous soul—and she looked into his beautiful Sheehan-blue eyes. “When I walk around my house and imagine what it will look like finished, I see you. I see Levi playing in the front yard and fishing off the dock with me. I don’t just want a relationship with you, Jordan, I want a future, our future. I love every boot-loving, jeans-wearing, flannel-clad inch of you.”
Jordan laughed, but her chest so tight with emotion, she could barely breathe. “I come with strings attached. Are you really sure you’re okay with that?”
“I come with strings, too. It’s choosing to love each other that matters. I choose you. And I choose Levi. Every day, from now on.”
Ash pulled the ring out of his pocket, an opal surrounded with deep red rubies. “Please marry me, Jordan.”
She held out her left hand, fingers trembling, and he slid the ring onto her finger. “Perfect fit.”
Epilogue
“One small thing,” Ash said as they pulled into the farm. There was already a line of cars parked halfway out to the highway. “I’d really like to get married tonight. When you sign the adoption paperwork saying you want to be Levi’s mom, I want to be there promising to be his dad.”
“I love the idea, but I’m signing the adoption agreement paperwork tomorrow.” She looked out the window. “What are all these cars doing here?”
His heart was hammering inside his chest as he parked the truck next to the farmhouse. Why had he thought this was a good idea? “If you’re okay with it, we’re having a wedding tonight. If you’re not okay with it, we’ll have a big party and pretend this never happened.”
“What are you talking about? We can’t get married tonight!” Her voice was a high squeak. “I’m wearing shorts! There’s no plan!”
There was a knock on the passenger-side window of Ash’s brand-new truck. Claire pulled the door open. She, Wynn and Allison stood in a semicircle around the open door. Their dresses were different styles, each a shade of pale blue.
>
Claire’s eyes were suspiciously shiny, but she held out a hand to Jordan. “We’re your bridal party. We have everything you need inside. Come on. We have a lot to do!”
Jordan looked back at Ash. Her eyes were wide and sending him a message. Something like, I love you and can’t wait to marry you. Or it could be, I’m gonna kill you when all these people are gone. He wasn’t quite sure which.
She reached back into the truck and grabbed his hand. “Are you sure you want to do this?”
“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. I love you, Jordan.”
She nodded. “Okay. Okay. We’re really doing this.”
He got out of the truck and watched as the women led her into the house to get ready. He was getting married tonight!
The guys had the lights strung across the backyard and the twins were setting up chairs. His mother bustled by with a big box of flowers, stopping to give him a one-armed hug. “I could just kill you for doing this on such short notice, but I’m so ridiculously proud of you.”
“Thanks, Mom. I love her. Now, does anyone know where my son is?”
Joe looked over from where he was stretching an extension cord across the yard to where the band was setting up. “Yeah, he’s at the cottage with Mrs. Matthews. Your clothes and the ones Claire got for him are in his room.”
Ash walked around the pond to the small cottage where Jordan lived with Levi. He found Mrs. Matthews sitting on the floor with Levi and his blocks. Ash smiled at Levi and would have sworn he could feel his heart expanding. “Hey, Mrs. Matthews. I’ve got him from here.”
Levi looked up with a big toothy grin. “Doc!”
Mrs. Matthews stood and gathered her book and reading glasses. “I don’t mind staying.”
“Thank you very much, but me and the little guy here need to have a man-to-man talk.”
A Baby for the Doctor Page 17
