Bridge of Doom

by George McCartney

  'Okay, what happens after I find them?’

  'Right, that's where the low-tech, old-school bit comes in. I go round to see the grower, with a couple of the boys, to have a wee chat about how they see their future career development prospects. I'm a reasonable man as you know, Danny, and if they agree to get with the programme, I'm prepared to offer them a fair price for all the weed they can grow. In addition, I'm offering our full protection and customer support.'

  'Yeah, but what if they don’t want our protection?'

  'Well it's their choice. But that wouldn't be a smart move, at all.'

  'Great … is that when I go round with ma crew and give them a good doin'?'

  'No. That's the beauty of my plan, because we don't need to resort to violence. Because, like any concerned citizen, I can simply pick up the phone, dial the Crimestoppers number and report anyone who is involved in the production and sale of illegal drugs to the public. From what I've read, if you've only got two or three plants for your own use, then it's not a big deal for the cops and you might get off with a warning. But if you're growing thirty or more plants, that's a whole different ball game. Then you're looking at a big fine, or maybe even some jail time for a repeat offender. At the very least the cops will take away all of the plants and equipment, so a major hassle and expense. I think most of them will see sense and sign up.'

  'That is so cool, da. If they don't sign up, you'll grass them up. Get it, grass them up?' said Danny with a snigger.

  'Aye, very good. But the thing is, we win either way. The growers either agree to hand over their crop of weed, or the cops will pay good money for guaranteed information on the people who are growing locally. Then all they need to do is turn up to a list of addresses we give them, kick the doors in, and it's all there for them on a plate. A slam dunk drug bust. So the cops look good without breaking sweat, the lazy bastards.'

  'Right, so we put the growers who won't co-operate out of business and get paid by the cops for doing it. Pure genius dad.'

  'I thought so, son,' said Tommy modestly. 'I've looked at it from almost every angle, but I've come to the conclusion that there's almost no downside, if we switch to this business model.'

  'Last question, da. You know how you said before that I was to be the chief drone pilot?'

  'Yeah, what about it?'

  'Does that mean I'll get a fancy uniform and a hat? And will I be able to shag loads of hot air stewardesses?'

  'Only in your dreams, son.'

  Chapter 15

  That night Fazzo went to bed stone cold sober and, as a result, slept fitfully. But when he got up at half-past seven the next morning, the pay-off was that his head was clear and his mouth, for the first time since he’d left primary school, didn't taste like the bottom of a parrot's cage. His father was suitably impressed by this bright-eyed, bushy-tailed early start and had even nodded and said, 'morning son' instead of delivering the usual tirade of abuse. He'd then gone on to outline his bold vision of the future for the Duff criminal empire.

  'Trust me, this is a big day for the Duff family,' said Tommy. 'We're absolute pioneers on this one, son. Right at the cutting edge of technology and miles ahead of the pack, due to a combination of strategic thinking and forward planning. Think about it, this time next year we could be gearing up to make hash deliveries to every scheme in Glasgow, using a fleet of drones just like this one. It's obvious, isn't it? If Amazon is considering going down this route, why not Tommy Duff? As my right-hand man, you’ll be heavily involved in organising drone deliveries and managing retails sales, so you'll need to clean up your act and get your head round multitasking.'

  This was, to say the least, a major challenge for Fazzo because, up until that point in his life, even doing one thing at a time without messing up had proved almost impossible. It followed that multitasking of any kind wasn't really his forte. Unless, that is, you consider chugging from a bottle of Buckfast, while sharing a joint, or talking dirty on a sex chat line while having a leisurely wank, as multitasking.

  The high-tech quadcopter drone had just been delivered by courier and Fazzo was itching to get his hands on the device and put it through its paces, out in the back garden. However, his father, Tommy, insisted that everything was to be done properly. He thoroughly read the instruction booklet, put the small lithium polymer battery pack on charge and then carefully assembled the high-tech device, so that he could fully brief his son before the first test flight. This, he decreed, would take place in the nearby public park, where there was sufficient open space for a rookie drone pilot to learn the ropes in safety.

  'Okay, now pin back your lugs and pay attention. Reading between the lines in the instruction manual, the company claims that almost any idiot who regularly plays computer games can fly this little baby. I'm going to test that bold claim to the limit by handing it over to you for our first test flight. Remember I've spent a grand and a half on this thing, including spare parts and a couple of extra batteries, so be careful with it, right? Keep it down low to start with and don't go showing off, or trying any kind of daft shit, until you get the hang of it. Oh, and for fuck's sake, don't fly it out over the pond in the park, okay?'

  'Yeah, no worries da,’ said Fazzo confidently. I've just watched a YouTube video that shows how it's done. The controller looks exactly the same as the one for my Xbox, so it should be a total doddle. Trust me, I can handle this baby with ma eyes shut.'

  'Aye, that's what I'm worrying about. Look there's absolutely no pressure on you, son. But remember, if you do something stupid and come back here without the drone, I will chop you up into little bits and feed you to the fuckin' dog. Understood?'

  'Yes, da. Got it,' said Fazzo, with a nervous sidelong glance at Tyson, the pit bull, which licked its lips and fixed him with a cold unblinking stare.

  'Oh, and remember to phone me as soon as you've got it flying and I'll come straight over to the park for a quick demo.'

  'Roger and out,' said Fazzo, slipping seamlessly into drone pilot mode. However, just as was about to leave home for the park, he checked his mobile and was horrified to see that the battery was nearly dead. He cursed to himself, dreading the thought of telling his father that the test flight would have to be postponed. Then he remembered the stolen iPhone, lying on the bedside table in his room. It had been switched off for several days, so the battery should still be good. He'd actually been scared to use the phone, after all of his father’s dire warnings about Apple’s new inbuilt security measures. Attempts to sell it locally for a decent price had, so far, proved unsuccessful. So all things considered the windfall iPhone had been a major disappointment, and what really pissed Fazzo off was his father hoovering up the three hundred pounds he'd stolen from the blonde bitch at the bus station. But, assuming the device still hadn't been remotely disabled by the owner, it might actually prove to be of some use after all. What harm would it do to switch it on for ten minutes in the middle of a park, for the drone trial? Anyway, it was common knowledge that the Glasgow cops couldn't be arsed investigating mobile phone crime. So no worries Fazzo, go for it.

  He had a definite spring in his step as made his way towards the park, with Tyson trailing watchfully several yards behind. For the first time in his life, he'd taken one his father's lectures to heart and, even if he was being denied a cool pilot's uniform, he was super excited by the idea of being in charge of the family’s drone operations. He resolved to do better and, specifically, to sell more hash and generally clean up his act. Easy to say, but much harder to put into practice, with the many and varied illicit pleasures of the Gargummock scheme available to a young man with money in his pocket.

  Chapter 16

  After being discharged from hospital, Jamie Boyd was recovering at home and faithfully checking iCloud several times a day, in the hope of tracking down his stolen iPhone. His persistence was rewarded two days later, when he checked at lunch-time and saw for the first time that his iPhone was actually switched on, with the location clearly i
ndicated approximately four miles east of the city centre. He telephoned Annie immediately. 'It's me, Annie. I've just been checking on iCloud and I’ve got a hit for my iPhone. It’s actually switched on right now … in somewhere called Bogside Park, which appears to be next to the big Gargummock housing scheme. What should I do? Do I phone the police?'

  'Where are you right now?'

  'I'm still at home.'

  'Honestly, I think it's a waste of time contacting the cops. But don't even think about going out there on your own, okay? Listen to me, Jamie, you're not long out of hospital, so I don't want you trying any heroics. Give me a minute, while I check exactly where this place is on Google maps. Right, I can pick you up in about fifteen minutes and it's probably another ten minutes from your house to get to the park, depending on the traffic.'

  'That's way too long, Annie. How about if I phone for a taxi and meet you at the main entrance to the park?'

  'Okay, that'll save time, although whoever has the phone might have turned it off and disappeared by the time we get there. But it's worth a try and it might be the only chance you’ll ever get.'

  As Annie was parking her car near the entrance to Bogside Park, she saw Jamie arrive in a taxi. She waved and opened the passenger door for him to get in. 'Look, before we go rushing into something we can't handle, let's work out a plan. I've got my MacBook with me, so log on to iCloud again and check if your phone is still switched on.'

  Annie fired up her laptop and Jamie announced excitedly, 'It's still on, there look … it's showing up right in the middle of the park, Annie. Okay, quick let's go.'

  As they cautiously entered the park and looked around to get their bearings, they saw a lone figure a hundred yards away, kneeling down in the centre of a deserted football pitch. They headed towards a vandalised park bench, which had enough wooden slats left to allow them to sit down. Annie took a small pair of binoculars out of her bag and handed them to Jamie. 'Okay, check this guy out while he's looking the other way. Is that him?'

  'There's a good chance it could be, Annie, since there's no one else around. I'll need to see him up close and hear his voice to be absolutely sure, but I think that's the same guy who mugged me.'

  'What do you think he's doing over there?'

  'It looks like he's working on some kind of model plane. No wait, I think it’s a little quadcopter drone. He either doesn't know what he's doing, or perhaps there's some kind of problem with it.'

  'Is that horrible looking pit bull with him?'

  'Could be, but it looks like it's wandered off in the direction of the children’s play area. Probably going for a shit,' said Jamie.

  'Okay, I've got an idea. How about if you go over and start chatting to him. Obviously, if he recognises you, run like hell straight back towards me. But since he was completely pissed on the night he attacked you, I think there's a good chance he won't remember your face. But here … take this pepper spray with you and wear my Beanie hat pulled down, just in case. Oh, and slouch with your hands in your pockets, just like the locals.'

  'But what do I say to him? I mean he's not going to apologise for beating me up and then just hand over my iPhone, is he?'

  'We don't want any more violence. Just say hello and tell him you know a bit about drones, which is true, and ask if he needs a hand. I know it’s a long shot, but if you can somehow get the thing flying, send it over here and land it near me. I'll pick it up, quickly shoot back to the car and then drive off. He's absolutely guaranteed to come running after me, while you head off in the opposite direction with the controller. I'll drive round the block and pick you up at the West entrance to the park, which is just beyond those trees over there on the far side. It's got to be worth a try, okay?'

  'Yeah, but then what, Annie? Even if it all works out just like you say, I still won't have my iPhone back.'

  'Yes, but then we can set up another exchange,' said Annie with a sly smile. 'Only this time it'll be much more fun than the last one at the bus station. Because we'll be playing by my rules this time.'

  Jamie took a deep breath and with a muttered, 'okay then, wish me luck.' He touched knuckles with Annie, got out of the car and wandered casually across the football pitch, where his nemesis, Fazzo, was bent over the drone, muttering and cursing to himself.

  'Hi there, having problems?' said Jamie, casually.

  Fazzo looked up and replied sullenly, 'yeah, I thought I had my drone set up ready to go and then the little fucker went and died on me.'

  'That is so weird. I had exactly the same problem with mine when I first got it,' said Jamie. 'I could take a look at it for you, if you like. I always carry a little tool kit around with me for these kind of emergencies.'

  'Sure, go ahead.'

  Jamie's heart then skipped a beat when Fazzo quickly stood up and grabbed his arm. Peering suspiciously into Jamie’s face he growled, 'wait a minute, do I know you from somewhere, pal? Your coupon looks really familiar.'

  'Don't think so,' said Jamie as casually as he could muster. Wiping the sweat from his palms, he knelt down on the grass and quickly removed a plastic cover from the underside of the drone. 'Okay, it looks like the problem is a loose lead just here, at the battery pack. I'm pretty sure that's why you lost power. I've got some Gorilla tape that should let me do a temporary fix.'

  Jamie tore off a short length of adhesive tape, secured the loose lead at the battery terminal and replaced the plastic cover to the battery compartment. 'Okay, if you give me the controller, I'll check if it's working properly.'

  Fazzo willingly handed over the drone controller, with attached iPhone, and Jamie pressed the power button on the controller. 'We've got a green light here, so it's looking good.'

  'Okay, great,' said Fazzo impatiently. 'Now give me it back.'

  'No wait … it's safer if I make sure the drone is properly paired with your controller and the iPhone. Then I'll get it flying and try a couple of fast turns, because that's the best way to test if everything's working properly. If we can do that and don't lose power again, then you’re good to go.'

  Jamie completed the pre-flight checks, silently prayed that his repair had been successful and watched with delight as the little drone lifted from the ground, then banked and soared effortlessly up into the clear blue sky above the park.

  'Ya fuckin' beauty,' yelled Fazzo, whooping with delight. 'Would ye look at that thing go. But keep it away from the pond for fuck's sake, will ye, or I'm a dead man.'

  'Oh no,' said Jamie, fiddling with both of the thumb operated joysticks on the controller.

  'What is it now?' said Fazzo, anxiously peering over Jamie’s shoulder.

  'I don't believe it. I'm really sorry mate, it's gone and cut out again,' said Jamie, as he carefully landed the drone ten metres from Annie's bench. 'It could be one of the electric motors that's faulty and causing an emergency power shut down, or maybe the GPS isn't communicating properly with the controller.'

  'Bastard! I don't believe it,' wailed Fazzo, reasoning, rightly, that whatever the problem was, his father would blame him for it and the consequences would be dire. As he was making a revised calculation on his life expectancy prospects, his jaw dropped when he saw Annie get up from the bench and casually walk over to the drone. She lifted it, made a thumbs up gesture towards him and started walking briskly towards the park gate.

  'Hey you … aye you, ya bastard. Wait, that's ma fuckin' drone you’ve picked up,' screamed Fazzo as he started running full pelt after Annie, shouting and swearing fit to burst. However, when he hurtled through the park gate and skidded to a halt on the pavement, desperately looking around for the female drone thief, he found the street was deserted.

  As his brain struggled to compute what had just happened, his confusion was compounded further when he staggered back into the park, just in time to see Jamie disappearing from sight behind a clump of trees, carrying the drone controller and attached iPhone.

  A broken man, Fazzo lurched towards the bench and sat down with his head
between his knees, muttering, 'no drone, no controller, no phone … I don't believe it. I've been fuckin' stitched up good and proper. I might as well jump in front of a bus, because ma da will fuckin' kill me when I tell him what's just happened. Please God, let it be quick.'

  Chapter 17

  Annie was waiting for Jamie at the West gate to Bogside Park. He jogged towards the car wearing a huge grin and jumped inside, where they celebrated together with a triumphant high five.

  'Look what I've got,' said Annie, reaching into the back seat to retrieve the drone.

  'And look what I've got,' said an even more delighted Jamie, holding up the drone controller with iPhone still attached.

  'Oh come on, please. Don't tell me that's your phone?' said Annie in astonishment. 'But let me get out of here first, before you tell me all about it.'

  As they drove off, Jamie said, 'I need to double check the home screen again … yes, this is definitely my phone. What a result, this is incredible.'

  'I don't believe it,' squealed Annie. 'I was sure we'd have to try and arrange a swap for the drone to have any chance of getting it back.'

  'I know, it's totally crazy. But on this type of drone, you can connect a smartphone to a clamp on the controller and actually see live point of view pictures, transmitted directly from the drone's camera. So you see exactly what the camera is recording in real time. For some unknown reason Fazzo was using my phone today for the first time. It was so lucky I checked iCloud.'