Broke and Famous

by Elizabeth Gannon

  Sasha took the photo from Jaxx and looked down at it.

  Some people would be surprised at seeing a security camera image of an alien warlord, but Sasha had lived in Reichelt Park her entire life. The locals here were pretty casual and accepting about the existence of otherwise crazy things. It would be like someone somewhere else seeing a raccoon, for example. They don’t necessarily expect to see a raccoon, but it’s not out of the question or a surprise when one shows up.

  She held up the photo to show it to her brother.

  Kurtz glanced at it for a long moment, then shrugged, unable to argue with Jaxx’s assessment. “Yeah, she’s certainly a zaftig gal, isn’t she. I stand corrected.”

  Jaxx frowned at him in confusion.

  “Curvy, well-proportioned, large, buxom, stacked, ample, busty, curvaceous, ‘built like a brick shithouse’…” Kurtz refocused on his porn. “Fuck you, I got a perfect score on the SAT and I like precise words. Sue me.” He held up the image of a topless 1960s model in his magazine, and tapped on her breasts. “How about: ‘Like this, but bigger and much stronger,’ you understand that, ‘Rascal’? Or is that man bun leaching away everything that made you a man in the first place?”

  “Do you know who she is?” Sasha asked handing Jaxx back the photo, ignoring her brother.

  Jaxx nodded. “Information from the other Capes in the city indicates that she’s known as ‘Brutalikus the Hateful.’”

  Kurtz snorted in laughter and almost choked on his cigarette, finding that name delightful, despite the woman’s terrifying appearance. “This fucking town man…” He chuckled to himself again, crushing out his cigarette butt into one of the bright red mid-century mod ashtrays on the table next to him, then re-focusing on his magazine. “This fucking town.”

  “…She’s some kind of general from a planet I’ve never heard of, but by all appearances, she’s the real deal. She took part in the Buslatanian invasion years ago, before the Freedom Squad beat back her commanders and they were all forced to retreat from Earth.” Jaxx continued. “I’m pleased to see a woman in a position of power like that, obviously— I have a monthly vlog where I discuss the crisis of there being a lack of women in leadership positions in the Cape profession, which has over four million views— but I’m still troubled.”

  Kurtz just turned to stare at him in silent disgust for a long moment, shaking his head.

  Sasha squinted slightly, trying to wrap her mind around the idea of a show which stressed the need for women to have more power, being hosted by a man. “Wow, how… topical.” She finally got out, trying to sound positive.

  Jaxx ignored Kurtz and the inherent contradiction of his hosting the vlog. “We believe that she’s now acting as Thraex’s puppet, collecting the materials for the machine…”

  “One time, I dated this chick who was a ventriloquist.” Kurtz told no one in particular, lighting another cigarette. “Peyton. She claimed I was terrible in bed,” he flicked his lighter closed and blew out a cloud of smoke, “but that’s not what the puppet said.”

  Jaxx talked right over him. “…and once Thraex’s father is unleashed on this city…” He didn’t finish the thought, letting their imaginations fill in the picture for them. Or perhaps he’d simply trailed off so that he could check to see how many “likes” his picture of Sparko had gotten so far.

  Whatever he saw on his social media feed seemed to please him, and he nodded in satisfaction. His “brand” was apparently still being embraced by strangers. “663 likes. Fantastic.”

  Sasha knew exactly what would happen if Xerzinax came to earth though.

  There would be no survivors.

  Jaxx recognized that she knew how disastrous it would be, finally looking up from his phone. “Let’s be honest here: with the Freedom Squad gone, the Consortium of Chaos would be the lead Capes in charge of stopping a living god from a nightmare dimension.” He let out a bark of laughter, as always, his tone making it clear that he thought his job was to correct and educate everyone around him. “And I don’t know about you, but I don’t think that band of crazed maniacs is the kind of ‘protection’ this city needs. They’re basically an evil cult. They’re fanatically loyal to each other and homicidally inept at everything.” He threw up his hands in dismissal. “Just last week, the C of C was called out to save some hostages, and damn near blew a hole clean through to China!”

  “It takes 38 minutes to fall through the Earth.” Colby informed them distractedly, eyes still focused on the imaginary TV show she was watching. “Zoe and I tried it once. It’s fun for the first ten or so minutes, but then Zoe got bored and started questioning our choices.” She made a face. “And the airfare home was such a drag.”

  Kurtz made an understanding sound, unfolding his centerfold and admiring the topless woman again. “Should have stayed there. It’s nice. I spent a summer there with a chick from the Han Dynasty,” he looked over at Jaxx to offer a quick explanation, “we were trapped in ancient China this one time, long story— anyway…” He calmly poured himself another glass of gin, bigger this time. “We were great together. Everyone said. But then she left me for some A-hole nobody farmer named Liu Xiu. She said that I lacked ‘mianzi,’ which I guess is like… ‘dignity’ or ‘prestige.’ That kind of thing.” He rolled his eyes. “Women in ancient China are very into that destiny bullshit.” He took a large gulp of his drink. “But I don’t know what made her think her new man was something special. It’s not like he ever amounted to anything either, I bet.” He took another long drag from his cigarette. “…I miss Lihua sometimes.” He confided softly, taking on a faraway tone as if imagining the life he could have lived. “In my dreams, I still see her…”

  “Is there a point to this story?” Jaxx asked him in amazement.

  “There’s no point to anything,” Kurtz chuckled like Jaxx was an idiot to think otherwise, then refocused on his magazine, “where have you been?”

  Jaxx took another deep breath, almost audibly counting to ten in a bid for patience with her family. “My point,” he got out a little too sharply, “is that you would be a great asset to us in stopping Thraex. You could save the world while remaining true to the female experience.”

  Kurtz squinted over at him in confusion. “…The fuck?” He started laughing. “I don’t even know what that means.”

  Sasha’s throat felt dry and she took a sip of her water, uncomfortable with the topic of going against Thraex. It felt… wrong, somehow.

  “How so?” She’d never been able to stop Thraex. She’d tried in the past… but he was a difficult man to say no to. Particularly when everything in her told her to agree to anything he wanted.

  But that was stupid and she knew it.

  He was alluring and enticing, in a tawdry way, but everyone knew to steer clear of him. He’d given them countless reasons to avoid him over the years. Not that he typically went out looking for trouble, but you were only likely to find it with him once.

  She didn’t always consider him a friend, but the thought of him being an enemy was… almost painful. She didn’t believe that, and she wouldn’t. She wouldn’t believe it right up until the time he actually killed her.

  “Well, as I said on my vlog the other day, women are…”

  “No,” Sasha cut him off, uninterested in his idiocy, “I mean how is it that you think I can help stop Thraex’s supposed betrayal?”

  Jaxx leaned forward again. “We want your building.” He said flatly. “We believe that’s our last, best chance.”

  “The building.” Sasha repeated, not sure she heard that right. “That’s how I can help save the world? By being in a building?”

  She was rather insulted by the idea. She’d really expected to be somehow personally important to their efforts, not by merely being a resident here.

  She should have known better. You didn’t leave The Window Seat Tribe once you were in it. Not even if they needed you to save the world.

  Jaxx gestured to their surroundings. “This buildi
ng was built in the early 20th century, and its zoning gives the owners whatever powers they want. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get zoning clearance to launch ICBM missiles from inside a skyscraper in a major metropolitan area? I can tell you, this is the only spot in the world where that’s allowed, and it would be of great use to my company.” He gestured emphatically with his hands. “This city gave you the Doomsday Button, for goodness sake.”

  “Zoning.” She repeated. “You hope to stop Thraex—Thraex, the super powered only son of a demon-god— with overly permissive zoning regulation?” She tried to keep from laughing in Jaxx’s face, but was finding that very difficult. “Have you met my ex step-brother, Mr. Brixton?”

  “Without this building, Thraex would lose access to most of the materials he needs to launch his scheme.” Jaxx quickly explained. “Everything he needs is located right here and that’s why we want to take it away from him.”

  Sasha scratched her head, trying to follow along with this. “So… my contribution to that would be….?”

  “You will be more than fairly compensated, Miss Westgate. And let’s be honest here: none of you want to do this anymore. You’ve outgrown it.”

  “I’m told I’m ‘in the dust.’” Kurtz held up his hand and pointed down at his own head. “Here lies Kurtz Westgate, formally ‘the next big thing,’ currently washed-up and gin-soaked.” He raised his glass of liquor in a self-deprecating toast. “Press ‘F’ to pay respects.”

  “Brilliance doesn’t always lead to immediate success.” Sasha defended, trying to make her brother feel better. “The Red Baron crashed the first time he got behind the controls of a plane.”

  “Yeah, he crashed the last time too.” Kurtz snorted, lighting another cigarette with his lighter, which featured a lenticular pinup of a scantily dressed 60s space-girl on it. “Maybe God was trying to tell him to go into another profession.”

  Jaxx ignored them, still focused on his offer. “So why not pass the torch to a group who can come in and build on the legacy of your family name? Someone who can keep things going in this neighborhood, even if it’s in a new way?”

  “This building does not belong to me, it belongs to Thraex.” Sasha paused for a beat. “At the moment. And he loves it.”

  “Yes, I’m aware of that. We’ve made offers to him, obviously, but he refuses to sell it. I suspect it’s too important to his plans. That can be the only reason why anyone would want to live here, am I right?”

  Sasha felt her anger rise again at that, but tried to hide it.

  “But I believe that you can be far more reasonable.” Jaxx looked around the space, already imagining everything in jagged pieces, stuffed into a dumpster tomorrow morning. “We will employ over 200 people in the new facility we’ll construct on this spot.”

  “Won’t that be nice.” Kurtz agreed sardonically. “Happy to help strangers, even if it means we’re utterly homeless and on the shit-list of a pissed-off murderous god-man as a result.”

  “That’s 200 families which will have food on their table, thanks to this.” Jaxx pressed, ignoring Kurtz’s negativity. “Dozens and dozens of scientists new to the field, who will be given a chance to help people. To help me.” He added, like that was the most persuasive argument he could ever possibly make. “All those little girls who will have a shot in this field… because of you.”

  Sasha didn’t reply.

  “Personally, I worry about any man who’s that concerned about ‘little girls’ and how many he can lure around him…” Kurtz remarked to himself, turning the page of his magazine.

  Jaxx either didn’t hear that or chose to rise above the bait. He seemed to sense that she wasn’t sold on his idea though. “You’d give all that up just because you don’t want to piss off the man who stole your birthright from you to begin with?”

  Sasha looked down at her hands for a moment. “Regardless, I do not control the destiny of this building, Mr. Brixton. As you said, my father left it to Thraex and his mother, not to me.”

  “We can contest it.” Jaxx announced immediately. “We have the paperwork ready to file, it’s just awaiting your go-ahead.”

  Kurtz’s head whipped around, now fully focused on the private conversation she was having. He’d been anxious to get rid of Thraex since almost the moment the man arrived in this dimension, so if Jaxx could help with that, there was little doubt in her mind that her brother would agree to it. Immediately.

  “Our lawyers inform us that if we get you all to sign on, they can make a strong case.” Jaxx continued. “And if nothing else, we can bankrupt Thraex with court costs and buy it from the bank at foreclosure.”

  She shook her head. “I think that would be quite difficult.”

  Jaxx smiled. “What has he told you about his finances?”

  “Not much.” She hedged, deciding not to tell him about the money Thraex owed The Farm. She didn’t want Jaxx to know that Thraex was in that deep to supervillains.

  “A little birdy told me that he’s rather strapped for cash at the moment.” Jaxx teased, obviously eager to play the ‘I know something you don’t know’ game. “He’s been buying up rival labs, we believe to keep people from interfering with his plans. But if he can't pay by the end of the month, he’s going to be in very serious trouble with his creditors.”

  She looked sightlessly at the floor, considering that.

  He’d gone to retrieve her from Central City, after all these years… just because he needed her to help make him money.

  Even before the explosion, he’d intended to use her to pay off his other debts. That was the only reason he’d brought her home.

  The theory made her want to cry for some reason. Which was silly. It wasn’t like she’d thought he’d found her because he missed her or wanted to keep her safe, but… but it still hurt her on some level.

  “Rumor on the street has it that he’s trying to strong-arm Magnolia Lafayette-Dupree now, and get access to her money to pay off the debt.” Jaxx continued.

  Sasha had difficulty believing that Thraex would threaten an old woman and try to steal her money… but it wasn’t entirely out of the question.

  And Magnolia had seemed ill lately…

  “Naturally, Magnolia declined, because she isn’t afraid of riffraff like Thraex, no matter how much he threatens.” Jaxx sensed his opening and reached into his pocket, pulling out some paperwork. “We’ve already gotten your brother Nathaniel to agree to our deal. I recognize that he doesn’t currently live here…”

  “Dad left us to become an exotic dancer in Las Vegas.” Colby explained, completing the story for him. She took on a dreamy tone, holding up her giraffe to her face. “You have to follow your dreams, Zoe, you know? We should be so happy for him.”

  Zoe the giraffe did not look thrilled with Nathaniel’s choice to start a life on the stage without them, but then again, Zoe never really looked thrilled with anything. She was a giraffe. She mainly just looked like a giraffe.

  Jaxx ignored that, not missing a beat. “This neighborhood has been sullied long enough and it’s time to put it out to pasture.” He pressed, sliding the paperwork across the table towards her. “We need to get things back on track. We made this town.” He put his feet up on the coffee table in front of him, like it already belonged to him. “Not ‘people’ like Thraex. He’s not even human, for god’s sake. He’s just some monster dedicated to putting others down and insisting on being part of the problem.”

  She snapped back to reality, pushing her sense of betrayal from her mind. “If you’re interested in helping this community and young scientists, then why are you buying up so many businesses in the neighborhood and closing them down? How does that help ‘your brand’?”

  “And if the character of the neighborhood means so much to you, why are you selling so many of your new condos to idiot mainstreamers who follow you on social media?” Kurtz added. “They’re sure not opening up any ‘labs filled with scientifically minded little girls who never before had a ch
ance.’ They’re owned by rich yuppie douchebags who think the ‘Mandelbrot Set’ refers to a kind of sausage.”

  Jaxx cleared his throat. “If we don’t stay profitable, someone else will. Naturally, I want to make sure that the neighborhood thrives, but let’s be honest here: this community isn’t going to cut it with this generation. It needs to grow and change, and speak to them. Be edgy and modern! Gritty! Vibrant! We need to reimagine Reichelt Park for a new generation of scientists. It’ll be the same… just different. Better. A ‘reboot,’ if you will.” He spread his hands out, as if showing them the bold new vision. “’New Reichelt Park: City of Tomorrow.’”

  No one said anything for several beats, processing that.

  “It’s like when a developer tears out a forest to build houses and then they name the subdivision ‘Shady Oak Estates’ or something.” Kurtz thought aloud. “It somehow manages to be both predictable and yet also subvert expectations.”

  “Zoe thinks you’re full of shit, mister.” Colby added matter-of-factly. “Her words. I apologize. She’s a distinctive and sophisticated giraffe, so profanity of any kind is unusual for her, as I’m sure you realize.”

  Zoe the giraffe vacantly stared at the domed plastic ceiling of the room with her beady black eyes, either about to warn them all against trusting Jaxx… or more likely, was currently occupied by falling asleep on her feet.

  Jaxx didn’t look pleased by that accusation, or Zoe’s out-of-character vulgarity. “You’re not understanding me: this needs to happen.” He insisted, gesturing with his hands and opening them wide in indignation. “You know that Montgomery Welles is looking to expand his sphere of influence; do you want him to run everything from here to the river? Or Ross ‘The Boss of Loss’ Dross? Or for some mad scientist like Damascus Thornfield to take root here? Run it into the ground? Isn’t it better if we’re the ones building the future of our neighborhood? Shouldn’t Reichelt Park belong to us?”

  She cleared her throat, debating whether to follow her mother’s rules on ladylike conversation. Finally, she realized that she didn’t care. One of the benefits of being in The Window Seat Tribe was that you didn’t exactly need to worry about sinking any lower in the estimation of others. “If you’ll forgive me for sounding suspicious of your intentions, Mr. Brixton, I think it’s much more likely that your company is buying the other labs and turning them into condos, in an attempt to make obscene amounts of money. I believe you’ve given no thought to the community, its people, or the new residents you claim to want to help. To me, that sounds like a profitable pose you’ve cynically adopted as a marketing tool on social media, because you think people will be stupid enough to believe you. I think that’s now ‘your brand.’”