Broke and Famous

by Elizabeth Gannon

  Alternate titles for the book:

  “Tales of the Almost Extraordinary”

  “The Melancholy Adventures of The Window Seat Tribe.”

  “Failure: a Love Story”

  Time it took me to write it? Umm… well, it’s been four or five years, probably. But almost all of that was just absently thinking up plot details every few months, while writing other things. I really focused on actually writing it about 6 months ago, with about two weeks of full-time writing spread out over that time.

  I wrote the book almost entirely in order, with only a few key scenes written out beforehand. Chapter 2 was the first written though, I originally intended to open the book there.

  I tend to write while listening to music. Specifically, one song on repeat, again and again. After a few days/weeks of writing, I need to pick another one because the song no longer inspires me. I no longer even hear it. Thus, each book has its own selection of songs which I listened to, usually which have absolutely nothing to do with the book but sometimes feature similar emotions. It’s a crapshoot, honestly, I never know what I’ll be able to write to. I usually just randomly look around on YouTube at various genres of music searching for something, but if I don’t find a suitable song, then I’m not going to write anything that day. Sometimes it’s gangsta rap, sometimes it’s showtunes, sometimes it’s Melanesian choir, whatever. I’m not picky. So, with that in mind, for no particular reason, here’s the main playlist I listened to while writing this book (don’t judge me):

  Cleopatra - The Lumineers

  Between the Bars – Elliot Smith

  She Used To Be Mine - Sara Bareilles

  New York Groove – KISS

  Walk Away Renee – Left Banke

  This Year - The Mountain Goats

  Burning Love - Elvis Presley

  Little Less Conversation – Elvis Presley

  Forever Young - Alphaville

  SOB - Nathaniel Rateliff & The Night Sweats

  Menage A Trois Reels – BeauSoleil

  I Want to Live and Love- The Maddox Brothers and Rose

  Fields of Gold- Sting

  Grand Ole Opry Song - Nitty Gritty Dirt Band

  Time to Change- The Brady Bunch

  Fireball Rolled a Seven - Dave Dudley

  This Ain't Exactly What I Had In Mind - Tom T. Hall

  Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress – The Hollies (the song for the car chase in Chapter 20)

  Fortunate Son - Creedence Clearwater Revival

  If you enjoyed this book, please leave a review on Amazon or anywhere else you feel like. The more reviews our books get, the more books we sell. The more books we sell, the more money we make, which means the more time we’ll have to write, rather than working depressing joyless jobs. So, if you want more books, faster, leave reviews. Seriously, leave reviews.

  Please feel free to email me if you have any questions or comments about the book, series, characters, life in general, or just feel like chatting about other Star Turtle books: starturtlepublishing@gmail.com.

  I actually do answer all of my email, eventually, so while I can’t guarantee my answer will make any sense, you will receive one. The same email can also be used to sign up for our mailing list, for news about our upcoming books.

  In any case, thanks so much for reading! Hope to see you again next time!

  Sneak Peek!

  As a special bonus, I present the first chapter of the first book in the Consortium of Chaos series:

  Yesterday’s Heroes!

  Prologue

  “There are heroes in evil as well as in good.”- François de La Rochefoucauld, Maxims

  Four years ago

  J. Wyatt Ferral sat behind his desk in the cell block of the Freedom Squad headquarters, and couldn’t help feeling like an idiot. It wasn’t the stupid costume or the idiotic cape he was wearing; he had long ago gotten used to those. It was the atmosphere here. It was… stifling. Smothering. The prisoners, who filled the cells he was supposed to be guarding, weren’t helping matters. But mainly he felt trapped because of his employer. He didn’t enjoy working for the Freedom Squad anymore. In fact, he was getting tired of the whole superhero thing.

  Of all the jobs the team saddled Wyatt with, guarding prisoners was the worst. He was stuck in the holding area at the Fortress of Liberty, all alone. As usual. It was so terribly boring and deserted down here in the bowels of the building. Alone and silent. Well, that wasn’t true. He wasn’t entirely by himself; that nutcase The Poacher was here too.

  There were a lot of annoying super-villains. Wyatt should know, as he’d encountered almost all of them in his years as a superhero. But Poacher was among the MOST annoying; a loud, crude, violent, aggravating individual without any redeeming qualities or charm. The man had been arrested while trying to rob an art gallery, using a pride of lions as a weapon. It hadn’t gone well. He was finally subdued and taken into custody, and now he was in the Freedom Squad lockup awaiting transfer. As a result, Wyatt was stuck here as well. All. Day. With Poacher. The man was possibly the most annoying human being ever to walk the face of the Earth. In fact, that was probably selling him short, as there were sure to be entire galaxies he was more annoying than. Wyatt was going to ask for hazard pay for this assignment.

  The man in question looked down at the meal tray the guard had just given him. “What the hell is that supposed to be?”

  Wyatt rolled his eyes and sank lower into his chair. “It’s called salad.”

  Poacher shook his head defiantly, as if Wyatt was a German officer asking him to rat out his friends in the French Resistance or something. “Well, I’m not eating it.”

  Wyatt shrugged. “Whatever. Starve. I don’t care.”

  Behind him, the door to the cell bay flew open and his brother strolled in with his typical self-confidence, a wide grin on his face. “Hey Bro! How’s life?”

  Wyatt smiled. For some reason, the board kept scheduling them on different shifts, so Peter had escaped guard duty today. “Hey Pete.” He gestured towards the cell. “Just watching Poacher until the cops come pick him up and take him to SeaCastle Asylum.”

  “Yeah, yeah.” Peter nodded disinterestedly, sounding like he couldn’t possibly care less about that news. “We can only hope they get here soon. God help us all and all that.” He raised his voice. “Hey Poacher!”

  Poacher’s head whipped around. “What’s up, Continuum? Haven’t seen you since that zoo thing.”

  Peter nodded. “Well, I been busy. But that was a good plan, man! You almost had us with that one!” He grinned and refocused on Wyatt. “I like him. Tough exterior, but heart of gold. That one? Salt ‘o the Earth.”

  Wyatt made a disbelieving sound. “Yes, I’m sure his victims agree. So, was there a reason you’re down here?”

  Peter waved a dismissive hand. “Oh, that can wait.” He gestured towards the guard handing out meals. “Say… Who’s the new girl? She’s pretty, don’t you think?”

  Wyatt turned to look at the woman and then nodded. “Yeah, I guess.”

  Peter laughed. “You know I have a thing for the dark-haired ones.”

  Wyatt frowned. “Since when?”

  “Since I first saw that exquisite creature walking around this awful place.” Peter nodded and headed towards the door. “I find her attractiveness…totally distracting. Don’t you? You should talk to her. I bet she’s nice.” He looked over his shoulder. “Later, Poacher.”

  Poacher waved a hand. “Wait! Don’t leave me with these assholes, Continuum!”

  Peter left the room, his happy laughter echoing through the door. Wyatt sighed and continued absently watching the guard hand another prisoner a meal. The girl must be new, as he didn’t recognize her. She was a pretty little thing though, probably barely in her twenties. What was she doing here? What had happened in her short little life which had brought her to THIS hellhole? Stuck here in this sewer, surrounded by the scum of the Earth? The poor girl. She should really get out of here while she could. T
he Fortress of Liberty was bound to be attacked by at least a villain or two within the next couple of hours, and the security detail usually took the brunt of the damage. Wyatt was positive he could handle anyone the Consortium of Chaos threw at him, but adding an innocent into the mix was a complication.

  The Consortium of Chaos was a “coldblooded criminal coalition, committed to conquering creation,” and it wouldn’t let one innocent girl get in the way of its plans. She could get hurt. He made a mental note to watch out for her, just in case. If this went bad, which was bound to happen, he would have to make sure she made it through this okay. He didn’t want her falling into someone like Poacher’s hands. He’d probably rape her, then eat her. Or eat her, then rape her. Or do both concurrently. The man was a monster, a soulless villain through and through.

  Poacher tossed his meal into the aisle in front of his cell in protest. “Hey…Guard?” He whistled at her. “Move that sweet little ass back here a second, and let me get a good look at you.” His amused smile widened. “My, my… What a pretty little uniform you’re wearing, Guard. You kinda look like this one girl I used to know, before she got big ideas about an education and left us all behind.”

  Wyatt’s eyes narrowed. “Hey! Knock that off right now, Poacher! Leave the girl alone!”

  The female guard readjusted her cap and looked over at him. “Thank you, Fabricator. These villains…” She swallowed, a look of terror passing over her delicate face. “They scare me.”

  Poacher let out a bark of laughter. “Oh, give me a fucking break! Laying it on a bit thick aren’t we…” He leaned forward to read the nametag pinned above her breast, the curves of which Wyatt found himself staring at. The woman really did have an amazing body. “…Guard Malkin?” Poacher smiled. “Interesting name, by the way.” His smile widened. “What’s it mean?”

  Wyatt slammed a boot against the bars, making a loud banging sound. “What did I just say, huh!?! Leave the girl ALONE!”

  Poacher rolled his eyes.

  Guard Malkin beamed. “Thank you, Fabricator. I can take care of myself though.” She hesitantly walked over to him, her pretty face looking concerned and hopeful. “Would it be too unprofessional if I asked for your autograph?”

  He smiled. He hadn’t expected her to be a fan. “Not at all, not at all.” He pulled out a pen. “Who shall I make it out to?”

  She smiled. “My dad. His name’s Carl, but people always call him Harl… for some reason. Yeah. Can you put like: ‘To Harl, my number one fan’ or something? That’d be so cool!”

  He obediently started writing out her souvenir. He should have known that SHE wasn’t HIS fan. He never got the pretty fans. Captain Dauntless got the pretty fans; Wyatt just got the nerdy college guys and the eight year olds. It was cosmically unfair. The pretty ones always ignored him completely. Pity.

  He paused, trying to figure out some way to strike up an actual conversation with the girl, as he passed her the autograph. “So… How long have you worked here?”

  She gingerly took the sheet of paper from him, like it held life-altering atomic secrets or something. “Umm …about a month?” It came out sounding like a question.

  Wyatt nodded. “Funny, I don’t remember seeing you around before.”

  She laughed, her eyes twinkling. “Well, they don’t let me out much.”

  He shifted in his chair, suddenly feeling awkward. “So, you live in the city then?” If she lived in the city, then this could be her regular gig here. He could sign up for guard duty more often and see her all the time. Maybe ask her out at some point. He’d need some sort of “in” though. Hmmmm… Maybe he could offer to introduce her to Dauntless or The Honey Badger or one of the more popular heroes here? Women loved that. Or so Wyatt was guessing anyway. He’d never actually tried it before, but there was something about this girl. She was… special. He just met her a second ago and even he could already see that.

  Poacher’s eyes narrowed at Wyatt. “What? You plannin’ on asking her out on a date or something?” He grabbed the bars. “Maybe I should be the one warning YOU to stay away from the girl, you perv. Leave. Her. Alone. She’s just a kid!”

  Wyatt pointed a finger at him. “I’ve just about had it with you, Poacher. One more word, and I’m gagging you.”

  Guard Malkin sighed dreamily at him. “You’re so brave.”

  Poacher rolled his eyes. “Jesus Christ! Knock me out so I don’t have to hear this shit, or go get a fucking room!”

  Guard Malkin glared at Poacher, her eyes narrowing in anger. “I’m TRYING to talk to Fabricator here, Syd. Okay?” She pointed at Wyatt like he was something incredibly important that Poacher had somehow overlooked. “That’s FABRICATOR. THE Fabricator. So shut the hell up!”

  Wyatt frowned. “’Syd?’”

  She blinked at him, her beautiful lips pursing in thought. “It’s his name. It’s on… um… his booking form. Yeah. Booking form.” She brightened. “Hey, Fabricator? What’s he in for anyway? It must have been something big time if they have their best hero down here guarding him like this. World domination, planet in crisis stuff, I bet, right?”

  Wyatt leaned back in his chair, trying to sound casual. He cleared his throat. “You can call me ‘Wyatt.’”

  She beamed like he had just singlehandedly brought a puppy back to life. “Okay… Wyatt.”

  Poacher made retching sounds.

  Wyatt ignored him. “He was robbing an art gallery.”

  Surprisingly, the girl started laughing. “Him!?!” Her voice was filled with disbelief. “Poacher was robbing an art gallery?” She turned to look at the imprisoned man in amazement. “You an art fan all of a sudden, Syd?”

  Poacher sank down on his cot in indignation. “For your information… Guard Malkin… I was shopping for a birthday gift for a college kid I know who’s into all that boring arty shit, okay?”

  She nodded and began cleaning up the salad he had tossed onto the floor. “Well, I’m sure she appreciates the effort, even if you did fail miserably at it. That was really…” She stopped and blinked over at the food cart. She pointed at it. “Oh my god! What is that!?!”

  Wyatt sprang from his chair in alarm and dashed over to the trolley. Sure enough, there was an object concealed under the top shelf, held on with duct tape. He pulled it free, his eyes widening. “Shit. It’s a bomb!”

  The girl frantically backpedaled away from it.

  Poacher shook his head sadly. “Don’t you just hate it when that happens? I ordered the burger, not the plastic explosive. Those fuckers in the kitchen fuck you every time, don’t they?”

  Wyatt opened a letter taped under the bomb and read the single line of text, clipped out of newspaper and magazine headlines: Beware the wrath of Harlot!

  He blinked at it for a second longer in disbelief. Wow. Someone watched too much TV. He looked up at the guard. “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to leave the area while I disarm this device. It could be dangerous.”

  Her beautiful face was still awash with fear, and she was obviously too panicked to listen. “Oh my god! Not Harlot! NOT HARLOT! She’s crazy! The worst of the worst! She’ll kill us all! Run! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!”

  Poacher nodded, his voice completely deadpan. “Yep. She is completely crazy alright. A real psycho nutcase, prone to overly dramatic stunts.”

  Wyatt held up his hands. “Now, try to calm down. I’ll handle this. You’ll be fine, Ma’am.”

  She stopped screaming. “I will? You swear?”

  He nodded, slowly backing towards the door with the bomb, trying not to jostle it. “Promise. I’ve been a hero my whole life and never once has a villain gotten the best of me. We’ll make it through this and then everything around here will be fine again. Okay?”

  She smiled widely. “Wow.” She looked over at Poacher. “You see this? Huh? TOTAL calm under pressure.” She pointed at him. “THAT’S a hero. Stop the criminal; save the damsel.” She nodded in approval. “I’m soooo impressed right now. Truly.”


  Poacher got up from the cot and disinterestedly strolled across his cell towards the bars. “Oh yeah, I may swoon. What a man.” He rolled his eyes. “I think you can do better… GUARD MALKIN.”

  She swatted at his hands with her baton. “Hey! You heard what Fabricator…” She looked over at him again and smiled shyly. “I mean what Wyatt said earlier: KEEP QUIET!”

  Wyatt carefully backed through the door into the hallway and rounded the corner, to deposit the bomb nearby on a table in one of the reinforced bomb-proof rooms. They were designed so that the building wouldn’t suffer any structural damage if a bomb went off in the room, just the person trying to defuse it. He gingerly removed the top panel on the device, careful not to dislodge any of the wires…

  Only to find that inside was simply what appeared to be the electronic mechanism from some sort of… toy? There was a spark and an electronic voice sounded from the circuit panel and echoed in the confines of the small room. “For FREEDOM!”

  Wyatt frowned. That voice sounded like…him? How very strange. What the hell was that about? He shrugged and strolled back towards the cell block. Lord knew what Poacher would do to the girl if Wyatt wasn’t there to protect her.

  He briefly considered what lies he could tell her to make it sound like he had managed to heroically defuse the bomb with one second left on the timer or something, thus saving them all. But, decided against it. Dishonesty wasn’t really his thing.

  Although…now that he thought about it, technically, even though it wasn’t actually a bomb, he HAD defused it before it exploded hadn’t he? It wouldn’t really be lying exactly…

  He opened the door to the holding cell bay. “Well ma’am, it turns out that the ‘bomb’ was actually…”

  He stopped speaking as he realized that the room was now completely empty. The cell door hung open and there was no sign of Guard Malkin or Poacher.

  Wyatt’s face fell in horror.

  Oh, God! Poacher had kidnapped her. This… this was a nightmare. That poor sweet girl. She didn’t deserve to be stuck with villains. She was so innocent. She was probably already dead!